apotheosis

"he tells you that barney is a gay pervert and he needs to be killed."

How old are you?

Good use of pictures, but there is no story here, just a summary of the opening of a video game.

I get the joke, but it doesn't deserve more than a 3.

I second what Calen said.

Alright, I'll start you off with a 10.

+1 because I'm a big fan of zombie fiction
+2 for using images throughout
-2 for having a very linear plot
-3 for writing on a 4th grade level
-3 for atrocious spelling and grammar, I 'm not a stickler for these sorts of things, but it was really bad and just a simple spell check could've fixed it. I

"THEY PUT YOU IN A COFFIN AND YOU SUFFOCATE

u lose"

A couple of things. First off, you capitalize proper nouns and and the first word of each sentence. Secondly "u" is actually spelled Y-O-U

Yazz is a softy. This blows.

I like the basic plot and idea, and you have a decent start. The writing quality on the other hand isn't great. "Get the crap out of your base" for example makes it look less like a piece of literature and more like a web chat between friends.

I'd normally give this a 6 or 7 but since you got an abusive rating from adamented I will give you a 9.

Trite and bromidic.

The fact that you repeatedly use "u" because you are so fucking lazy you can't type out the letters Y-O-U warrants a 1 rating.

Ultros is dead? So sad. RIP

Solid story. Creative, original, and well executed.

I'm not going to rate this yet, but I see that it has climbed in room count pretty quickly. Keep adding on! It would be nice for Hall of Infinite Doors to finally have some real competition for room count. Ever since we dethroned Another Monday Morning, we haven't faced another real contender. I like healthy competition, so you guys should keep going.

4 for word count.

Where to begin...

Spelling: Atrocious
Plot: Ever heard of those great classics with rich plots? This isn't one of them.
Character Development: None
Logical Progression Evident In Choices: No
Enjoyable: No
Repetitive: Yes
Just Like Other Stories Already Posted On This Site: Yes

I suggest you look at the highly rated stories for inspiration and to learn how to put together a good story.

A little effort and maybe some substance next time?

Terrible, grammar spelling and punctuation alone made this barely readable.

Fuck errors and typo's, this was an excellent story and you deserve nothing less than a ten for your efforts.

Sorry, too indolent to rate.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

There really isn't much to this story.

My suggestion: Delete the ratings, make it private and then work on it until there is much more substance to the story, then re-release it.

With how short your rooms are, you will probably want several hundred rooms... maybe even into the thousands.

This is an incoherent piece of garbage.

This rating is not because of facepunch, it has nothing to do with facepunch, I am purely rating this story based off its own merit.

The story had very little substance and it was apaprent that it took very little effort to make. If I did not give this story a low rating it would be doing an injustice to all of the other stories on the site. Many authors work hard at creating a compelling story and spend long hours editting, revising and trying to add depth and dimension to their plot. This story was linear... not particularly witty or original and therefore does not deserve a good rating.

I'm not bashing your stories or anything of the like, I'm simply saying compared to the highly rated pieces on this site this story is severely deficient.

+1 point for mentioning meatspin though, so you get a 3 instead of a 2 (which is what I think this deserves).

What is this even suppose to be?

It looks like...nothing.

The only reason this isn't a two or a one is because you had the disclaimer that it was your first story and I'm assuming you are very young.

Learn some basic spelling and grammar. Study what "plot" is and work on that a bit. Yeah, needs a lot of work. Next story, spend a lot more time and write it in a word processing program and run a spelling and grammar check... please.

This is not a story. You have no introduction, do not build up any characters... you didn't do anything. You have a couple of bits of poorly constructed fan-fiction plot thrown down onto a website. Also, did you spell legend wrong in the title? Any story with a misspelling IN THE TITLE deserves very low ratings.

To sum it up, this is bad.

The only reason this is not a 2 or a 1 is that it had a considerable number of words, and I have to give you some credit for that. It was not a well written piece... I felt my intelligence draining every moment I spent staring at it.

"You buy it, then get aids. y u get adis? cuas u did fget aids becuz u suk an thats y u got aids na htats y un r getin rdded ijgrlkjngvbogdfjvfgjlbvdf"

That is an excerpt from this story, and why I am not being as generous as DEP and am giving you a 1.

Lame with low quality throughout... though you did manage to get a good number of contributors.

Not much of a story, but very good action. Also, I liked that you finished it. Short and sweet.

A pretty decent start for a story... but not a ton of plot developed.

Very little to it and the constant use of the protagonists initials drove me mad.

Bad.

Had potential... but needs more... of everything.

This is pollution. I cannot classify it any other way.

This is to offset the 10 it got... otherwise the story would have recieved a 2 or 3. Poorly written, no substance... not enjoyable.

I think I could only enjoy this story if some substance was inhibiting my brain.

gsdjkjksdgjkdgsjksajksfajksafjk

I would have liked you to reveal what is going on more in the beginning, give more of an intro or at least add description as time goes on so the reader knows what the heck is happening.

Could definitely use more substance. I think you inadequately tackled the subject of religion... but you did use alliteration in your title which is freaking awesome.

If you intended to write something remotely creepy, I can tell you I've taken craps that I've been more afraid of.

This is just stupid. I'm not going to even bother with constructive criticism.

Utter crap, but 3 points for having pictures.

95 words worth of crap are contained within this story.

I "You stupidely gto" and I see a "nie girl" Do you even glance at what you are writing before you send it out into the world?

This really had potential... but it was abandon so I had to take off several points for that. Could've been good....

I own this story. DEP may have started it, but the story belongs to Apotheosis, the number 1 contributor.

-8 for having a retarded plot
+5 for awesomely bad paint images

Utterly unoriginal. I'm tired of the same "you wake up, do you want to go to work today?" crap. I've seen it over twenty times on this site alone. There is no point, it isn't interesting, there is no substance. If I want to experience something boring and mundane I can just live it rather than read it. The only reason I didn't give it a one is that it is coherent and there was some semblance of effort.

I was really stuck between giving this a 9 and a 10. It made me smile but the repetition of "you feel nothing" got just plain annoying after a while. Considering the quality of work you have demonstrated, this could have been polished a bit more. So I give it a 9.

This has less than 200 words. What is the point in writing something so short? You didn't develop... anything.

I think this rating is self explanatory.

Reminded me of Ozzy Osborne's career. Nice imagery in the beginning, but there is so little to it I cannot give it more than a four... I apologize but I need to see more effort and writing to give a better rating.

Needs more of a lot of things, primarily effort.

Awful. This isn't story, it is stupid, inane and unacceptably brief. It is not witty, clever, funny or meaningful.

Substance please! And no, I do not mean substance abuse, I mean stop abusing substances and give your story more substance!

This story is to an abandon shanty built from broken portapotties and rusted metal siding as a regular story is to a nice raised-ranch.

This could've been good, instead it was abandon. Shame on you.

Very enjoyable, I might come back to this one and add to it at some point.

It reminded me of the old sci-fi show "Sliders"

I hate to be the first one to break this to you, but this is awful!

Diminutive and lame.

It was alright, though it seems to have been abandon. It isn't nearly as good as many of the other stories of this genre on the site, kind of cliche. Writing style was simplistic, but not in a good way, more in an elementary school way. Also, it just seemed to be a rip off of all the other "fantasy/adventure" stories. Nothing new or original.

I love zombie media, movies, books ect. I am just in love with the whole genre. That being said, you could definitely use more description and details to enhance the plot.

Also, I took off several points because you torch a zombie using wine?! This really pissed me off. Wine is only 12-14% alcohol by content, you are not going to be able to get a zombie up in flames with it no matter how hard you try. I want realism in my zombie stories, and that just ruined it so I took off 3 points. Would've been an 8, but it is now a five.

Has a lot of potential... I was really enjoying it... was disappointed to see it was not finished though... or at the very least worked on more substantially. I

It had some potential, but looks pretty abandon...

For shame, for shame.

The story itself was decent but nothing special. This nine is because you guys pulled an awesome hijack.

More description, more information, a little proofreading, more coherency in the plot, motives, some action, more substance.

It needs all of these things.

First off, the random numerical descriptions added absolutely nothing to the story, not that there really was a story to begin with. It was not well put together. Pick up a book and read it. Then read this. You should quickly see where you went wrong.

This has the quality of the stories preschoolers make up and tell their friends on the playground when they are to tired to run around and play tag.

This story has some nice action, and I like your use of images but the grammar and writing structure could use some work. Overall it is a fairly decent story but it it could definitely use some editing.

Did you seriously abbreviate "your" as "yr" in one of the choices? Yes I believe you did. I hate you.

I love how you randomly capitalized words like "so" in the middle of the sentence!

There story has no point, it is just a waste of time.

77 words...

I've written many reviews of stories longer than this! You can't write something that short unless it is a deep profound poem or aphorism. This was definitely neither. In fact, I believe this message I have written is longer or as long as your entire story. That is quite pathetic!

I like the premise and the general plot, but the writing quality and grammar was atrocious. It switches between saying "you" and "I" as if they are one in the same and jumps tenses just about every sentence. It was bad enough to hamper readability.

I hate Inuyasha and this story is stupid.

You never developed any sort of a plot, there were several grammatical errors (such as writing "tentatevily") and basically very little to the story. You gave no reason for the reader to care as they read through it... it was just pointless...

Branches off way to quickly.. there isn't really much of a plot no matter what direction you go to... so I can't give this higher than a four...

Pretty crappy....

Kind of abandon... and I'm not sure where you were going with a lot of it.

You get a 6 for creating smut and further corrupting the interwebs...

Excellent story, well written and entertaining while still providing an insightful social commentary. Good job.

If I didn't rate this a ten I think it would make me a chauvinist pig.

Seriously though excellent job, very well written... though I felt like I was reading about the lifestyle of an entirely alien species.... wait I was.

I think DEP really nailed it. The story is put together well, but a lot of the sections meant to be funny ended up simply being annoying. Occasionally the comedy worked, but more often than not it didn't. Still, it is a solid piece of work and I'm going to reinforce its 8 rating.

Huh? Not really sure what is going on, not really sure if I want to. Still, you DID form sentences so I got to give you kudos for that. I'd work on it a bit though.

Right now this is the only unrated story with over 20 rooms on the site. So... I will rate it.

Very action heavy in certain parts, hard to follow in some areas. Still, you put in a good amount of effort and broke 10k word barrier.

I give it an 8

There really wasn't much of a point to this story and it wasn't at all enjoyable.

I honestly looked up "fictasious" to see if it was a real word. Now maybe you intended to write fictitious but you certainly did not do so.

Anyway, try actually following some of the rules of standard written english, like capitalization.

Also, work on writing a coherent and semienjoyable story.

First off, change the rating of this story from MA to PG or R because that way it will get seen my more people. Also, it does not have any "mature" content. Secondly, I found the idea of a fast approaching wave of tartar sauce very amusing though I wish you had done more with it. Please continue adding to the story and developing it more. What you do have is funny, creative and has proper grammar. Normally I'd give it a 7 but I'm giving it an 8 because of its potential.

Some effort is present, but you should work on the following:

Grammar
Sentence Structure
Tying Up Loose Ends
Compelling Plot
Imagery and Action
Length

I'll break it down, you start out with a 10.

Plot dances on the line of not existing to just being terrible -5

Very short, little effort went into making this -3

Unoriginal, just like many other bad stories -3

I did not encounter any loose ends, and this is rare +2

You used complete sentences +2

Hall of Infinite Doors is superior to this work in quality and length. Waste no more time on this poser story, go to the only true collaborative effort worth contributing to!

Utter Brilliance...but absolutely no effort went into it so I can't give higher than an 8 without feeling guilty.

FROGGY!

Rating Rubric: (start off with a 10)

-2 Originality, is just using storyline from Harry Potter, fan fiction isn't very creative

-1 Harry Potter is overrated

+1 Images

Decent but pales in comparison to some other stories of this genre.

Branches off way to quickly, doesn't develop a compelling plot, reads like an aim conversation. Try having less choices and working on the quality of only a few story paths.

Needs work. Look at the high rated stories on this site to see how it is done.

:(

This story branches off way to quickly so that it creates an overwhelming amount of loose ends that will never be filled. I suggest cutting down on the amount of choices and focusing on only a couple of primary story paths. Still, better than a lot of the other pokemon stories on this site.

I'm rating this a 1. I think this is reason enough to do so. You wrote:

"Spell everything Correctly, don't make up pokemon, and the story has to make since."

These are your directions to the reader. You tell them to spell everything correctly. Right after that, you say "the story has to make [b]since[/b]." Are you kidding me? Look over something before you make it go public. That is an embarrassing mistake.

You guys are knuckle heads, but I owe you for the posts to my forums and additions to my stories. Here is a ten... keep up the... errrr... stupid work?

Utter Brilliance.

I like maze stories but this was much to small and with much to little description. Next time try for A LOT more rooms. Use escape artist as a guidline. Also, either a lot more description or images, your choice.

I think this story wins for ratings...

LOL rated 1 LOL

This is a terrible copy of a flash game I have played before. It isn't even in the least bit original. Thumbs down, rotten tomatoes, what have you.

You succeeded in making a terrible story... but the idea is very cliche.

I haven't seen one this awful in a while.

I like Jawa's... and I like starwars... but very little effort went into making this...

The content was amusing but writing quality was awful.

A very good story but it never got finished...

Almost a ten but just not quite.

This has 7.4 words per room. That is really pathetic.

You know, if you hold down shift on your keyboard and then hit a letter, it capitalizes.

This tarnished the name of a great game.

I'll break it down. Started you off with a ten.

-1- I encountered a few loose ends.
-1- The letter system was a bit annoying at times.
-2- The plot didn't really grab me.

+1- Room count
+1- Word count
+1- Effort

10 - 4 + 3 = 9

I can do math.

What else could I rate this?

This is just a horrendous version of Cat2000's Hidden. No detail, lack of plot...no effort... yeah.

How about you actually try to write something?

The tone is so casual that it is grating, and aside from a few slightly comical pieces the story is without merit.

It is boring, plain and simple. Nothing is happening in this story.

Pure and utter crap. Simply awful. This isn't a story, it has no merit at all. It is a disgrace. You could still promote your forum and this so called "Gary" while trying to write something with some semblance of quality.

Here is how I broke it down.

Started you off with a 10.

-1 Grammar Errors
-1 Historical Inaccuracies
-1 Tried to make the Spartans seem heterosexual (they were known to promote homosexuality to increase companionship and therefore the will to fight on the battlefield)
-1 Slightly cliche'd with that movie coming out and all.

+1 Great first effort
+1 While I said there are historical inaccuracies you did label this as fantasy so I should give you a point back...

And it is an 8.

Pure crap. There is really nothing else to be said. I could give constructive criticism but what would be the point?

An even worse follow up to complete and total crap. This is a cancer of the site.

Cancer: any evil condition or thing that spreads destructively; blight.

That is the definition I'm using, but I think an uncontrolled malignant growth describes it pretty well to.

I found the story quite amusing but I cannot give it above a five to do the utter lack of detail and effort. There just isn't simply enough there to warrant a rating any higher.

You require much more detail in the story. Right now the entire piece is less than a page long and it really doesn't give the reader a good sense of what is going on. More effort and time could really improve this.

This story has potential but you need a lot more detail in your writing.

Why has the sight suddenly been bombarded with crap. Haven't any of you ever read a real book to understand what writing is about?

This seems like a pile of crappy inside jokes formed into a story. It was not entertaining, it had terrible grammar, it lacked any coherent plot, message, theme purpose and was basically bad.

This is awful. It is trash, it is is garbage. I would take the time to tear it apart but is there would not be a point. This is beyond saving.

Grammar and effort would be nice.

"Note from author: I just started the story yesterday, so don't expect this to be finnish in 2 days or less.
It will have at least 150 rooms(well that's my goal)"

I'm sorry to break the news but... this story is far from 150 rooms and you did not start it yesterday. I think you feel far short of your goal. If you ever do add onto the story feel free to delete this rating. Also, a plethora of grammatical mistakes.

Well done. I would give it a 9 but it reminds me so much of a The Great Conflict, a story I am currently working on (on and off). Especially the use of the Halo pictures and weapons. You should keep working on it and I should keep working on mine, this site needs more good sci-fi.

I can see you are trying to delve into the nightmare avante guard but this was grating.

I must agree with MRH on this. More effort please.

I think it took me longer to write this message than it did for you to create that one room.

It has real potential, and it deserves credit for being one of the only stories on this site if not the only story to tackle this topic maturely.

Still isn't very good.

I liked the ranking system in the story but the rest of it is nothing special.

It has potential but needs to be developed more.

Solid effort. I would've liked it to go on longer though. More detail and length to the plot and story overall would improve it.

I also found the story slightly confusing. I think you lose a lot of quality when you write in the style of

John: Blah blah blah
Mary: Blah
John Blah blah ect.

I think you would be better off trying a more formal writing style with more description. If you are having trouble read the higher rated stories on this site for ideas.

That is probably the most articulate, well organized and well written pornographic literature I have ever encountered. In fact, it is the only articulate, well organized and well written pornographic literature I have encountered. Well done.

I liked the story a lot, so I think I will break down how I rated it. I started it off with a 10.

-1 for a lot of spelling and grammatical mistakes
-2 For the fact that right when I was getting really pulled into a story line it showed the add on to this story page...
+2 For making a serious realistic story rather than the usual either comedy or complete fantasy on the site.

That totals it at a 9. Good work.

This is just a bad Another Monday Morning rip off. The site has about 10000000 stories just like this, we don't need another.

I give this story a B for Bad.

Excellent story. I think my favorite part was staying unemployed with your "master cockmanship"

That 1 was completely uncalled for. I liked the story.

Your writing style is grating, it is the mental equivalent of nails on a chalk board. Suffice to say, I am not impressed.

I enjoyed what you have done of the story so far very much. I did not notice any real errors, it wasn't to wordy but it wasn't skimpy either. A good balanced fun adventure. I would normally give it a 9, but I'm feeling generous today and it was a nice escape from schoolwork so I'll give it a 10. Please finish it!

I can see you were trying to go for something a bit unorthodox and I appreciate that but there wasn't enough to it to make it worth reading.

What can I say? Excellent job DEP

Now don't get me wrong, I love Zelda and Ocarina of Time is my favorite installment but I do not see the purpose of this store. You did not take the Zelda storyline in your own unique direction... you simply started summarizing the dungeon inside the Great Deku Tree. There is no creativity to it. Also, you lacked detail, grammar could've been a lot better and the action was choppy at best.

Here is how I broke down your grading starting off with a 10.

-5 No Creativity, simply a poor rip off of the game
-3 Very little detail
-1 Grammar Issues
+2 Pictures
+3 You picked an awesome video game to rip off.

That leaves you with a six. Had it been a lesser game I would've dropped it down to a 3.

The new name is better than the old one.

Your writing has good quality but I found the way you portrayed the dragons to be a bit boring. Also, the whole dragon concept I feel has been a bit overdone and the story ended way to quickly without much plot at all being developed. I wouldn't branch off so much.

Simply put, this is terrible.

Hall of Infinite Doors pwns this story hardcore. Over twice as many hits and over 1000 more rooms, many of which are very detailed and of much better writing quality. Just felt like I would brag about it. Though... you've done a decent job with quantity so kudos for having a minorly huge story.

Another excellent story End, but the style of writing bothered me. A lot of the language seemed casual... and I much prefer a stiff pretentious style of writing... damn AP English classes have me brainwashed. Anyway, great story, I just had to deduct a point due to the form the narration was delivered in... if that makes any sense...

Concept was alright, riddles weren't bad, fairly good room count but writing quality was nothing to brag about.

Being bored is your problem, don't make it ours.

This was very bad. 2 choices out it is over and it contained no real content. Try less choices but take each choice out to a further degree.

Rating this anything but a 1 would be a terrible crime.

I'll break it down. We will start you off with a 10.

-8 for being pointless, incoherent and not plot driven
+2 for pictures
+1 for comedy
+1 for room count

10 - 8 + 4 = 6

I really like it, especially all the violence but I can't give it higher than an 8 for topic material alone. You style is good and I find the story flows well, but paying a bit more attention to detail and adding substantially to the story couldn't hurt. See DEP's Paco to see how a 10 is done. Still, excellent start.

Alright, I'll break down the rating. We will start you off with a 10, perfect score.

-1 Lack of Detail
-1 Poor Writing Style
-1 Plot Uninteresting and 1 dimensional
-1 More effort required in rooms
+2 Pictures helped to enhance story
-3 I'm sorry but I despises Naruto to much, and the title alone seems like a cancer to the site. Plus, fan fiction is the absolute lowest form of writing (just below pornographic writing)

10 - 7 + 2 = 5

I can't rate this. But nice job.

You have polluted this website. If I could I would mark this for deletion.

Abandoning a story is like leaving trash on the side of a road...

You wake up and find yourself in a story that doesn't even constitute a complete coherent sentence.

How can anyone dislike a story such a profound ending as "you go home"

Seriously though, terrible.

I think a 1 is fitting for a 1 room story. I hate how the random function dredges up so much barely started muck...

You do good work End.

I enjoyed it very much, but it lacked the length to be a 10. A more involved intricate plot would have raised you a point but it was just to short... but still, well done. Very well written.

Horrible grammar is a -2 penalty but nice use of images is a +1 bonus and a fun interesting plot leaves you with a 9.

You said not to rate this yet because it was far from finished but it has been months and there still haven't been any major additions so I am going to.

In a nut shell, it was crappy. Yes you were able to string words together into sentences. No, it was not funny, it was not witty, it was not clever, it wasn't very much of anything. Try for example things like irony, character development, theme, mood, or even just a plot?

Stupid but I can't give it lower than this because it is coherent and shows some level of effort. Overall it was boring and drab.

I know this is a cop-out but I have to say DEP summed it up pretty well.

I really like what you have going here. I don't mind that there isn't much description, I can see that it is your style but I like the way the story flows. It moves at a quick pace and is very easy to follow, good if you do not want to do much thinking. But, if you really want to use this style throughout you need A LOT of rooms to compensate. This is why I cannot give it higher than a seven. Make some major additions and I will reconsider.

I could see there was a decent amount of effort put forth but I felt apathetic from the beginning about it... Just didn't really pull me in at all. Endmaster's Legend makes it look really bad by comparison.

I reached an unfinished choice way to quickly. Actually work on the story more instead of abandoning it. It is the equivalent of forcing a woman into labor when she is four months pregnant and calling it a story.

I think this will explain my rating of this story.

The following is an excerpt, an entire room actually from the story:

"................................"

Rename the story steaming pile of shit and I will give it a 9. At least it wouldn't try to fool anyone then

WHY DOES EVERY OTHER FREAKING STORY ON THIS SITE HAVE TO START OUT WITH AN ALARM CLOCK GOING OFF WAKING YOU UP? IT MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT. Sorry for that outburst, but unfortunately you have to be the one that made me reach boiling point. Come up with an original beginning.

This was really stupid. At least it was coherent though. Stupid... but coherent. I would give it a three but I really didn't like it at all... therefore it shall get a 2.

Words cannot describe how awesome this is. My favorite path is the school shooting one. Utterly hilarious. Brilliant, wonderful, 10/10 easy.

MRH you are a bitch and need to go get raped by an elephant. This was a hilarious story End. I would've given it an 8 but I loved your rank system which boosted it up to a 10. Nice job. Once again MRH, you suck balls. I hate when people rate good work poorly because they are jealous.

I only half play the game, cheating with a lot of the rolls and still found it to be my favorite on the site as far as enjoyability is concerned. To bad End is going to delete these ratings...

It is most certainly among the greatest. Definitely deserves a 10, and End, don't delete the ratings this time!

Funny but it wasn't a story. Sort of a like a series of silly half jokes strung together. Go for a coherent plot next time.

The most enjoyable part about this story is rating it a 1.

Very very well written, I enjoyed it a lot. I look foward to the next installment. A more detailed plot would have made it a 10.

Please change title to "Can you survive a poor excuse for a story."

I really really enjoyed it but it was not finished... I wish you had done more work on it.

I agree with the previous three ratings. Bad. That's it.

Poor grammar, linear plot, no character development, not enjoyable... not really much of anything. More effort please.

Drums, this was incredibly difficult to rate, but it looks like no one else is going to do it so I might as well leave the first review. First off I will start with the positives, as a way to lighten the mood and then I will hammer you with the negatives.

Positives:

-Relatively high room count. More is always better if a story is enjoyable. You definitely got this thing some length relatively quickly.
-Cool game-like concept. Your story seemed to me like an amalgamation of many different genre's of games which is a good thing.

Now for the negatives.

-The progression of the plot made little to no sense and was almost incoherent. Sometimes when I felt like I had a grasp of what was going on in the story a room would randomly link back to a earlier room that had nothing to do with the choice I picked. It seemed to jump from idea to idea almost like a twisted nightmare. If this was your goal, go all out but the item system was inherently flawed, sometimes you didn't have items you needed and other times you would get the same item several times. Basically, organize out your plot better and make sure it makes more sense. With what you are trying to do that is very ambitous. It may take many rooms to lay out the plot with the items the way you had it. Another way to tackle it is to say, "You now have the red key." and then in the next option make choices whether or not you had it. You seemed to try to do that at certain points but it just didn't work out.
-Description, very little was present, work a bit more on that if possible. Also the dialouge was elementary at best.

Overall, I can see there was effort but you got way to ahead of yourself. I would normally give it a four, but because it was your first attempt and I like this genre I will bump it up to a six.

The music, use of images and scenes that made me laugh lifted my initial rating from a six to an eight. Decent effort.

This wasn't very good...

Interesting story, good ideas contained within but never made it far off the ground. Also, see Chubby's comment about the u... that is simply careless. Save your internet lingo for the chatrooms.

First and foremost I must state a fatal flaw within your story: It branches off far to quickly and I think you will have a difficult time making it self contained.

You have the beginnings of a very good story but unless you start merging many plotlines together fast it is going to branch off to quickly for you to ever finish. That said, I thought your writing style was good, not to much description, not to little, it was a good light popcorn reading. It was semi-original, and I can tell that there was certainly effort put into it. Unfortunately, it looks like it hasn't been added to for a few weeks and may be one of those abandon projects. Overall, I rate it a 7, decent but lacks potential for a good finished product.

I love mazes, and text adventure mazes are no exception BUT there was absolutely no effort in this maze. It was small, pointless, had bad grammar and was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to easy to solve. Next time make it bigger or more detailed.

This was a very enjoyable story. I saw your post on the forum that you were bringing it back and adding on to it so I decided to give it a read. My complaints are that it borrowed to much from other time travel fiction (a lot from Timeline and Back to the Future) and it lacked that real originality. Still I think it deserves a 9. But, the fact that you are bringing it back to do more work I like, and I want to offset that low rating Chubby gave you so I will give you a 10. Please continue making additions!

I had intended to read this story after I read all of the rave reviews about it to see what all the fuss was about. I have to say it was excellent. I like your writing style and find it very easy to absorb. Your story was good and pulled me in without being to wordy or to brief. I normally don't like Westerns at all but this was compelling. My only criticism is that it is unfinished but it still definitely deserves a 10. If only I could rate it higher it would probably be an 11 or 12 (to offset the nines it was given)

And Jesta what the hell was with that 8?

More work and effort could've raised this stories rating substantially. It had 6-8 potential if you actually put in more work.

If you are going to go the route of 1 line rooms, either make it very clever or have a very large number of rooms and many different plot lines. If you don't have quality (which you apparently did not) at least have some bulk to back it up.

Do more work on this story, and I mean a lot more, or delete it.

This was not enjoyable.

Nice job. I liked how gruesome it was and the use of images. It was a 6-7 quality story but you got bonus points for the great topic.

This story is why 9/11 happened. The terrorists went into the future, read it, realized it was so horrible that they went back in time and took out the towers. While this may not actually be true it is symbolic of how much of an atrocity this story is.

I couldn't rate you any higher because it only has one room but it had really potential especially because you predicted the untimely demise of Steve Erwin.

I disagree, it is not a taint, it is more of a 50 year old woman's vagina that has bore 12 children and hosts over thirty sexually transmitted infections becoming a cavern of puss and nasty goo.

There is nothing to rate, therefore it gets the lowest rating possible.

I'm so pissed off because after using the random story function this is the twelfth story in a row that starts with you waking up. So I'm giving it a one. Plus it has a ten rating which pisses me off even more.

While this may not be bad enough to give a one it made me vomit several times and loose the ability to get an erection for almost 10 minutes.... so it gets a 1. If there were negative ratings you may have hit them.

I agree with Chubby almost exactly. Finish it.

Terrible. Nuff said.

Unoriginal and nothing to it.

This is horrible. Why did you write this? It is the worst story on the site by far. This review is longer than the entire story. I hate you.

The only reason you aren't getting a one is because you promoted contraception which is good because it means less people like you will be born.

I like the concept, not enough effort. If you are going to just go over a normal day, either add in a lot more rooms or choices (for something this simple and transparent at least 200-300) or go for better details and descriptions. Over all I'm not impressed. Just sort of like a bad little piece of AMM If you want to write like this but don't feel like writing hundreds of rooms just add on to Another Monday Morning or Hall of Infinite Doors.

It was a compelling story but I reached a loose end way to quickly on the several paths I took.

It was a decent story that was coherent and easy to understand. More effort could have been put into the writing and it was unfinished. Had you tied up the plot I probably would've given it an 8, maybe even a 9. Decent job.

Needs work, relatively uninteresting, descriptive. Use literary techniques. It seems that you had the story in your mind but you have difficulty translating to the story. Still there was some semblance of effort so I will give it a 3.

More effort! Better descriptions would make it more coherent, a smoother plot would be nice and more of a plot as well. Finishing it would also help. Needs work.

Yeah well... I liked your use of images, but the story itself was horrendous.

Absolutely wonderful. Hilarious, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Great story, definitely one for the kids. Absolutely brilliant, mangofox should get raped for rating you a 1. Nuff said.

More effort would be greatly appreciated. A couple of sentences, no description, barely any plot, and absolutely no literary merit does not make for a good story.

Really bad, deserved a three except for the fact that they way you used the characters names made it even more annoying. This is why I gave it a two. You cannot just start rattling off names without introducing the characters.

It's bad, but I don't think it deserves the 1.5 rating it has right now because there are many stories worse than it. Still not good, more effort please.

Decent premise but needs a lot of work. While I like the Deeds idea you need effort behind it.

To many lose ends.... wayyyy to many lose ends and not enough substance behind it. Needs more rooms, the plot barely starts to unfold before it ends.

Yes, I will concur with the other two and say you are a good writer but I had to detract two points because of the level of deja vu this story entailed. I feel like I have read the same story many times over, and while this is unique and individual in its own right it is comparable to many other works on this site and for this reason I gave it an 8.

Other than that nice job keep up the good work.

Needs more description, more rooms, more effort, better grammar, a plot, and much much more. For example, there is an ability to have rooms loop back, so you don't need to put a message that says "Go back" and have it set as an end to the story. Instead, have the choice loop you back to the room. Don't make the reader put in more effort. I think most importantly, try to avoid having about 10 words per room, unless you are going to have an inordinate amount of rooms to compensate. It was better than some... so I give it a 2 rather than a 1. If you put in some more effort and clear the ratings I will re-evaluate it.

I feel even better giving this a ten knowing that credit has now been given to the author. Great story, excellent, compelling and enjoyable. Not much else to say, except keep up the good work and make more!

Not good. End of story. No further description required.

It was funny but needs more effort/more work done. Not enough options, not enough text.. just not enough... though it was amusing.

You win!!! And by win I mean suck horribly.

There really isn't anything to it...

This is a difficult story to rate. Nothing really happens in the story, but that is part of its charm. It is a psychological thriller and all the horror is in your own head. This is a very classic way of looking at horror before graphic details and in the case of movies cheesy special effects took over. I miss this type of genre because the imagination is much better than anything that can be spoon fed to you.

Still, there are several problems. There isn't a terrible amount of effort, it is short and there really isn't much to it. It really isn't even a choose your own ending because it all funnels to the same choice anyway. Also, it lacks detail and plot. There is no character development and not much background. You are just sorta thrown in the middle of a sparsely described storyline.

Overall, I'd give the story a 4. BUT, you get two bonus points for the aformentioned (see first paragraph) and another point because it is actually finished. Therefore, I rate it a seven.

I love the parody, but I can't rate it high because I think that would defeat the purpose of what you were trying to accomplish. My only comment is you do not have enough rooms. If you really want to imitate the bad stories on this site you need to have well over 100 rooms (in reference to mega proto and doll face) Still, nice job making fun of them....

If you want to form a successful collaborative story effort you need to start out with a strong base. Simply adding a ton of nonsense rooms and then telling the readers to make the story good is not a very effective strategy. I suggest you work on a story yourself and once you think you have a very substantial plot to start it off then letting it go. I know stories like AMM and Knock at the Door were able to pull this off but this late in the sites development I found you should give a big chunk in the beginning. Once you have something to attract people then you can watch the story grow.

It isn't even coherent. I do like a good mobster story, but this is not one.

Rating this story was very difficult. It is apparent that an incredible amount of effort has gone in thusfar and it is well written. The subject material and plot itself is creative but just doesn't particularly appeal to me. This not your fault, just my particular opinion as a reader. I really wanted to give it a 9.5 but unfortunately that is not an option. I decided because there was no resolution in place to give it a 9. Excellent job and I look foward to more. You pay great attention to detail and have a skill at making a cohesive choose your own ending adventure.

Good effort, nice James Bond spoof.

Nice job.

I really liked it. It was well written and actually held my attention which very few of the stories on this site are able to do. I wish you had finished it or at least added on more but what you did have is gold so I'm going to give it a 10.

It is my belief that for a story to be good there are two factors that play a major role. One is quantity and the other is quality. You simply multiply the two together and you get the overall value of the story. Your quantity was lacking and your quality was approaching a limit of 0. Still I saw reference to murdering babies so I'll give a 2 instead of a 1.

It wasn't very good.... :/

The mere fact that you made a sequel already gives me a negative bias. And even though it is better... I don't like it and it sucks. So you get a one.

I liked it but I don't think it was offensive enough. If you are going for an offense piece you should really go all out. (That was not sarcasm)

I'm not going to bother giving constructive criticism. This is bad, plain and simple.

This was a very good story. I like the idea and the way in which you introduce elements of the plot. The only reason I did not give it a ten is it that you haven't taken the plot very far. It's an excellent start, but needs to be finished or at least have substantial work done on it.

First of all very nice job. Here are the positives and negatives of your work.

Positives: A very unique and original plotline. You have a interesting out of the box fantasy that I actually found interesting. Also, you used images which I think are not used nearly enough on infinite story. Your pages were long and had some real content to them. You also avoided branching off to much to quickly which is a mistake many novice writers make.

Negatives: It was unfinished : ( . I cannot take off for this mainly because most stories on this site are unfinished though I would like to see you continue with it and finish the story. There were a few small grammatical errors and some places where some story mechanics and structure could be improved upon.

Overall I really liked it and think it deserves either a 9 or a 10. Usoki mentioned that it seems like you were making it up as you go along, but I have to say that I think if you did do it this way you did it well enough so that it makes the story more interesting. You don't know where the plot is going next which is always cool. Also, you mentioned math being a nightmare and I can relate because I just drop AP calculus today to reduce stress. I think I'll give it a 10 because of all this. Keep up the good work.

I can see this was an attempt at a sort of unique abstract story concept but it lacked in content, grammar, and overall effort. Try a bit harder and add a bit more next time. Also, I completely agree with what Jeff said.

Do us all a favor and delete this and replace it with 20 rooms that say "Bad content deleted"

It is very warped which I like... but there was no effort, writing skill, detail, plot, dialouge, and many other things that I do not feel like listing. I like warped and twisted and unessecarily violent but not when it is done poorly. If your going to go for lack of detail and effort in rooms at least have a lot of them to make up for it.

It invovled lots of death which is always nice but I thought it was overall not a very well put together on story. It could have been put together a lot better with more description, better grammar, more rooms, a bit more original plot line thrown in and just a bit more meat to it all together.

Very well done. You put the story together very well and were consistent throughout. The different stories were very good, I particularly liked Where's Waldo... probably because I liked those books a lot as a child.

Not very good...

It was terrible but it involved a man killing a woman in a bathroom so you get three points for just the violence aspect. Without that it would've recieved a one but I like any attempt to spread violent media to young children.

A good story having to do with advanced theoretical quantum physics and a puzzle all in one! A 10 for sure.

Needs more effort and more content.

If this doesn't deserve a 10 I don't know what does.

I am having an awfully hard time rating this story. It is incredibly well done and I enjoyed what I read very much but I didn't get to far into it before it ended. Just as I became very wrapped up in the plot it was over. I am stuck between giving it a 9 and a 10. After reading all the possibilites and seeing that the quality is consistant throughout, and considering that you used music and images I will give it a 10.

There is a little thing we in the business like to call effort. It was apparent that you lacked this in your story.

Personally I did not find it boring at all, I really liked it. If you were to play out all the loose ends until they finished and develop the story more it would be 9 or 10 worthy.

Nicely done, though I would like to see it developed more and possibly completed, all loose ends tied up, you know.

Well done. Very refreshing after reading Pitch Black and a Knock at the Door...finally satisfied after being starved for plot.

I have to agree with jeff on this one.

Essentially like a crappy version of Another Monday Morning. There are a lot of choices but they lack any substance or effort. Not particularly funny or enjoyable.

I really like the idea of a story focused around battle field strategy, I would have liked to see more done with it though. Some longer descriptions and more rooms would have been nice.

Positives: Had some good vocabulary words and description.

Negatives: Was not finished, several loose ends, and I am also biased against the subject material. Further more I don't think some Christian dudes house is a good premise for an exciting piece of literature.

I am also not a big fan of fan fiction. It was alright... but nothing special. I think some proof reading and maybe some images would have helped make this story better. Also, wayyyy to many loose ends.

Well done, a very good idea and a decent execution. I would've perhaps liked to see it developed a bit more but it was still good.

I don't know which came first, this or your other story where you add on one word but I have to say the idea was unique and original the first time but made my pancreas hurt the second time. No description, way to many loose ends, it's a nightmare. It was a good experiment the first time but now actually write something.

Not a terribly original idea, lacked depth and the ability to draw its reader in. Still, it was decently written and enjoyable for a few minutes. I look foward to some more detailed pieces of work.

I would like to see more done with this story, it has great potential. I would normally give a story of this caliber a 7 but because it mentioned atomic theory it goes up 2 points automatically.

You should've been an abortion.

Completely deserves a 1, absolute crap, BUT...I think I see what you were trying to accomplish with it...maybe. So for trying to do something but failing I'll make it a 2 instead...though I may later lose sleep over the fact that I didn't give this a 1.

Get raped.

I agree with Usoki. It needs more effort essentially. The biggest issue is it branches off way to quickly to way to many possibilities. Perhaps that is what you are going for though, sort of an Another Monday Morning effect. A stronger beginning would probably have been helpful, it doesn't need to be text heavy but could use a few literary devices. I'll give it a six because it has potential.

Yeah... a little more description would be nice...definitely more details...if you had put in some pictures of Buffy I would've immediately jacked it up to an 8 at least... depending on how hot the pictures were. I <3 Sarah Michelle Gellar

Interesting ideas. A lot of complexity, and a very large story, which is nice. Some description was lacking in a lot of rooms, some of the crossroads seemed pointless, and some of the plot grew monotonous but due to the size and amount of work that looks like it was put in I'll give it an 8.

Wasn't completed, lots of loose ends. Decent story, though I do have to slightly agree with Jeff in that it was a tad bit boring. Still, not bad, better than most on this site.

I liked it, but would have liked to have seen more questions. The questions you had were good but more would have made it more enjoyable, for me anyway. With this in mind, 8/10.

No. Not whatever. Just... no.

I love it. I really do. Mainly because it is so true. Good guys finish last. In works of literature and movies the good guys win to frequently. In real life evil usually triumphs. You portrayed that very well and for that I commend you.

It is an example of bad looping, but, it isn't very realistic. I don't think most bad looping is THAT bad. I think a small example story and a few more rooms would have improved the example.

I'm kind of obligated because you gave yourself a ten. I would put it in the 4 range otherwise.

I didn't see a real point or purpose to it...and the plot needs some serious work.

If your going to give yourself a 10 at least write a decent story. I don't know how anyone could argue that this was worth more than a 4

Twas amusing...but not a work of literature by any means at all.

Could've been good had any effort been put forth. I give it a 3 because it is much better than some other stories *cough* dollface's random story *cough*

I like what I see so far and would like to see more. I will be sure to add on to it at some point, I just want to wait until I have time to produce some quality entries.

I would start it off with a score of 7 because it is a unique idea but lacks any real content. I'm taking off two additional points because you voted for yourself. That leaves it with a five.

This is even worse than Dollface's story... I didn't think that was possible. If I could give you a zero I would. You deserve to get AIDS, Cancer and Ebola.

If this were on newgrounds it would certainly win turd of the week.

Quite amusing. Think about a sequel putting in a very difficult to access but ultimately worthwhile three-way special ending between her and her twin sister.

Nicely done.

I enjoyed this story very much. The writing quality was nothing special but the use of images was very nice. It must have taken a lot of effort to get all of the images in to really bring your story to life and I commend you for that. The use of conditions was interesting to, it kept reminding me of visual basic programming langauge without a compiler.