Verisimilivirate
You rub your eyes, half expecting to see that little devil chewing on some extremity, but all you see is white...
As the whiteness gradually fades into distinct shapes and forms, you see that you are standing, clean, and dressed in a white robe. All around you is a large rolling landscape, with trees and hills and grass and flowers, but all WHITE. The few shadows are all you can use to distinguish one thing from another. You look down at your sandaled feet and then at the rest of yourself to find that you are the only thing that has ANY kind of color. Looking down at your feet once more, you see the white grass you were standing on has changed (in about a foot radius around you) into the lushest green circle of grass you have ever seen! The green then begins to stretch like a carpeted pathway in the direction of a forest glade. Every now and then the green brushes against flowers to the left or right that explode in brilliantly beautiful hues. You instinctively follow the white-turning-green pathway as it stretches toward the glade. As you reach the edge of the glade, the green touches on a throne of gold and precious jewels that immediately shine forth with a glorious radiance that set the entire COUNTRYSIDE ablaze with gorgeous color! The startling change makes you squint at first, and then you look around you at some of the most truly breath-taking scenery you've ever laid eyes on... trees and grass of the richest greens, flowers of the most beautiful purples and reds and pinks and yellows, and a horizon with billowy white clouds set against the bluest sky you've ever seen! Majesty like this being as rare as it is, you are quite distracted when you hear the booming voice behind you say, "HELLO."
You spin sharply to face the form of an aged man sitting on what once was an empty throne. The look of utter shock and amazement must read as plain as day on your face, for he says: "Hi, I'm Fred."
Flabbergasted, the most you can manage is "Uh...?" With a knowing smile, he answers before you ask - "Am I God? Is this Heaven? No, no. I'm afraid not. This is more like Heaven, Jr. And quite honestly, I only have the POWER of THE God, but I am not, in fact, Him."
Again, he reads your quizzical and utterly confused expression... "Have a seat, young man." He gestures toward what looks to be a particularly lush pillow of grass, comparatively speaking. You have a seat and prepare for what will probably be the most intriguing story you've ever heard...
"No, like I said before, my name is Fred. Has been for more than 8,000 years now. I am the only human that God ever granted a wish to. Why don't you read about me in the Bible, you might ask? Well, because of my wish, of course!" At this he lets out a guffaw that seems to shake the landscape. Worried, you brace yourself with your arms against the grass beneath you. Fred, noticing your alarm, stops laughing and clears his throat, "Ahem. Sorry. Where was I? Oh yes..."
"You see, I had long studied the Mosaic Law in early Israel and I guess you could say I was one of the first real theologians. During my studies, I would often ponder different things and question God in prayer. One day, He appeared to me and granted me a wish, almost daring me to "do better", if you will. Well, knowing I couldn't POSSIBLY "do better" than GOD (but having thought of what I WOULD wish for, should the situation ever arise), I still impudently wished for the power and wisdom and immortality of God, with the stipulation that I could have my OWN Universe (which I also named Fred, but nobody knows that) and that He would never interfere with it, or any of my creations. WELL, needless to say, He was a little surprised (it seemed) at my presumption, so He allowed me my wish, exiling me to my own universe, which as you now know, is named Fred." At this Fred begins to chuckle, "But you see - God never goes back on His Word, so since He never made the stipulation that I couldn't mess with HIS creation, and since I'm a bit too lazy to bother creating my OWN people, I've been "borrowing" people from Him ever since." Again, Fred chuckles to himself, as he holds his forehead in amusement.
"I think He allows it because if anyone ever dies in my universe, they just go back to where they left off in HIS universe, sans memory of the whole ordeal in Fred, of course. This whole borrowing concept started getting a little old (as you can IMAGINE after about 6,000 years), so about the time that people like you starting crossing over talking about Jesus the Saviour of the world and all, I just decided to leave what keys and clues there already WERE in that Universe THERE and let people get to Fred only if they wanted to."
At this, Fred points at you - "But YOU, on the other hand, seem to have just "stumbled into" Fred here. It's quite unusual. I was watching your whole interchange with little Frenesie on Earth. It was quite amusing," Fred smiles.
"I take it Frenesie isn't a student at Gotchamoney U," you venture.
"Ha HA, no. No, Frenesie is one of Diable's underlings that happened to get his claws stuck in a Returner (someone from Earth that was dying and going back) when he killed him. It was most unusual. He was then transported back to Earth with the Returner, who immediately had NO IDEA who this little pudgy guy was with his hand on his shoulder! HA! Frenesie just took off out of there running around Earth like a chicken with its head cut off, looking for a key or clue to get back to Fred, and of course, his master Diable."
"The scroll!" you exclaim.
"Exactly!" Fred replies.
"But why didn't Frenesie just read the scroll right where he found it? Why run all around the U.S. like a crazy-legged dwarf?" you query. "Good question," Fred answers. "Well, as he was leaving, I put it into his mind that the only way BACK to Fred was if he activated his key from the EXACT spot that he ARRIVED on Earth. I was hoping he might accidentally bring someone back when he DID activate the key, as the Returner was headed back to Earth to the busy dorm lobby that had replaced the knotty tree trunk where he had ORIGINALLY found the key that brought HIM to Fred more than forty YEARS ago." Fred looks up at you, mid-explanation, seeing your head spinning from all this new information. "Yeah, I know all this is tough to grasp..."
"No, no. I'm following it, for the most part," you say, not entirely lying. "Good, good," Fred says, as he continues: "So basically, I was retired as of about 2,000 years ago, but I still like watching both universes - they make me laugh. And although Fred is similar to your Universe in that there is only one inhabitable planet..."
"Let me guess, named Fred?"
"No, Blue. After my dog I had in Israel. Oh, and because it's mostly blue, you know. Ahem." You think perhaps Fred didn't put much thought into the naming of "Blue".
"That reminds me, Fred. Fred doesn't seem to be too much of a Hebrew name," you blurt out, getting probably a bit too comfortable in the presence of someone with the power of God. Lucky for you, Fred's an easy-going deity.
"Yeah, God didn't like it much either. I still can't decide whether he was just weeding me out from the populace or what. Oh, well," Fred shrugs it off.
"So anyway, getting back to Blue, once I started populating it, I decided that I didn't want to personally oversee it, because while I may have the POWER of God, I don't have His patience... and I'm a trifle lazy. So I created two "deities", as it were, to battle it out from behind the scenes for control of Blue and its inhabitants. There was to be a "good" Lord (Michael), and a "bad" Lord (Damien). Of course, those knucklehead Blueites are always getting everything wrong and interpreting everything how THEY want to (God was right - free will stinks!), so they named Michael "Theos" and Damien "Diable". Basically, they're the God and Devil of Blue. Obviously, you've already met Damien's servant Frenesie, and I have no idea when HE'LL be back. There are others on both sides, but rarely do they make themselves known like Frenesie. They mostly just grant gifts and curses and powers and plagues to humans."
"Wait a second! You mean these dieties and demi-dieties actually give people POWERS and magic and stuff?" you ask, excitedly.
"Yes... I didn't SAY magic, but that's a good word for it. It's pretty much a literal translation of what you might call an "RPG" down on Earth."
"NO WAY!!"
"Yes way! Of course, you're the only Human I've ever encountered that even THOUGHT of it that way. Most are boring business types who've let their passions die with their youth. You, though, are different. I might not have to..."
"Have to what?" the look of concern is visible to all.
"Well, normally when Humans arrive here in Heaven, Jr., I have this talk with them, then erase their Earthly memories even up to the point where they've been told I was "the god" here, and then I set them to work on a medieval farm or smithy or fletcher with just enough memories for them to think they've been there all their lives. It's not until they die here that they remember and become Returners. Anyway, they mostly plod on through life here in Fred as they did on Earth. It's sad, really. The really astute ones end up serving Theos or Diable one and getting super-human powers."
At this, Fred notices your eyes are as big as saucers with eager anticipation, wondering what might be in store for you. "You know what, though? I like the cut of your giblets. I've never had a servant on Blue, and you could never be allowed to mention my name, but I would give you astonishing super-Super-human powers. What do you say... will you?"
"WILL I EVER!!!" you shout, taking Fred a bit by surprise with your enthusiasm. "Okay," he laughs. "All you have to do now is choose what two things you will be the Master of and I'll make you my undercover Human Archangel..." Fred gestures toward four Onyx tablets behind you that you'd never noticed before, each engraved in Gold lettering and symbols. "Be forewarned, friend, that when you touch one of those tablets, the two powers listed thereon will be yours to have for as long as you are on Blue."
He then leaves the choices up to you. Going from left to right, the tablets picture: an Angel impervious to all harm, that speaks every Blue tongue; an Angel that controls the elements and can turn invisible; an Angel that can control Blueite emotions and can read their minds; and an Angel that is a master of all forms of battling and weaponry that can shape-shift.
Decisions, decisions...
As the whiteness gradually fades into distinct shapes and forms, you see that you are standing, clean, and dressed in a white robe. All around you is a large rolling landscape, with trees and hills and grass and flowers, but all WHITE. The few shadows are all you can use to distinguish one thing from another. You look down at your sandaled feet and then at the rest of yourself to find that you are the only thing that has ANY kind of color. Looking down at your feet once more, you see the white grass you were standing on has changed (in about a foot radius around you) into the lushest green circle of grass you have ever seen! The green then begins to stretch like a carpeted pathway in the direction of a forest glade. Every now and then the green brushes against flowers to the left or right that explode in brilliantly beautiful hues. You instinctively follow the white-turning-green pathway as it stretches toward the glade. As you reach the edge of the glade, the green touches on a throne of gold and precious jewels that immediately shine forth with a glorious radiance that set the entire COUNTRYSIDE ablaze with gorgeous color! The startling change makes you squint at first, and then you look around you at some of the most truly breath-taking scenery you've ever laid eyes on... trees and grass of the richest greens, flowers of the most beautiful purples and reds and pinks and yellows, and a horizon with billowy white clouds set against the bluest sky you've ever seen! Majesty like this being as rare as it is, you are quite distracted when you hear the booming voice behind you say, "HELLO."
You spin sharply to face the form of an aged man sitting on what once was an empty throne. The look of utter shock and amazement must read as plain as day on your face, for he says: "Hi, I'm Fred."
Flabbergasted, the most you can manage is "Uh...?" With a knowing smile, he answers before you ask - "Am I God? Is this Heaven? No, no. I'm afraid not. This is more like Heaven, Jr. And quite honestly, I only have the POWER of THE God, but I am not, in fact, Him."
Again, he reads your quizzical and utterly confused expression... "Have a seat, young man." He gestures toward what looks to be a particularly lush pillow of grass, comparatively speaking. You have a seat and prepare for what will probably be the most intriguing story you've ever heard...
"No, like I said before, my name is Fred. Has been for more than 8,000 years now. I am the only human that God ever granted a wish to. Why don't you read about me in the Bible, you might ask? Well, because of my wish, of course!" At this he lets out a guffaw that seems to shake the landscape. Worried, you brace yourself with your arms against the grass beneath you. Fred, noticing your alarm, stops laughing and clears his throat, "Ahem. Sorry. Where was I? Oh yes..."
"You see, I had long studied the Mosaic Law in early Israel and I guess you could say I was one of the first real theologians. During my studies, I would often ponder different things and question God in prayer. One day, He appeared to me and granted me a wish, almost daring me to "do better", if you will. Well, knowing I couldn't POSSIBLY "do better" than GOD (but having thought of what I WOULD wish for, should the situation ever arise), I still impudently wished for the power and wisdom and immortality of God, with the stipulation that I could have my OWN Universe (which I also named Fred, but nobody knows that) and that He would never interfere with it, or any of my creations. WELL, needless to say, He was a little surprised (it seemed) at my presumption, so He allowed me my wish, exiling me to my own universe, which as you now know, is named Fred." At this Fred begins to chuckle, "But you see - God never goes back on His Word, so since He never made the stipulation that I couldn't mess with HIS creation, and since I'm a bit too lazy to bother creating my OWN people, I've been "borrowing" people from Him ever since." Again, Fred chuckles to himself, as he holds his forehead in amusement.
"I think He allows it because if anyone ever dies in my universe, they just go back to where they left off in HIS universe, sans memory of the whole ordeal in Fred, of course. This whole borrowing concept started getting a little old (as you can IMAGINE after about 6,000 years), so about the time that people like you starting crossing over talking about Jesus the Saviour of the world and all, I just decided to leave what keys and clues there already WERE in that Universe THERE and let people get to Fred only if they wanted to."
At this, Fred points at you - "But YOU, on the other hand, seem to have just "stumbled into" Fred here. It's quite unusual. I was watching your whole interchange with little Frenesie on Earth. It was quite amusing," Fred smiles.
"I take it Frenesie isn't a student at Gotchamoney U," you venture.
"Ha HA, no. No, Frenesie is one of Diable's underlings that happened to get his claws stuck in a Returner (someone from Earth that was dying and going back) when he killed him. It was most unusual. He was then transported back to Earth with the Returner, who immediately had NO IDEA who this little pudgy guy was with his hand on his shoulder! HA! Frenesie just took off out of there running around Earth like a chicken with its head cut off, looking for a key or clue to get back to Fred, and of course, his master Diable."
"The scroll!" you exclaim.
"Exactly!" Fred replies.
"But why didn't Frenesie just read the scroll right where he found it? Why run all around the U.S. like a crazy-legged dwarf?" you query. "Good question," Fred answers. "Well, as he was leaving, I put it into his mind that the only way BACK to Fred was if he activated his key from the EXACT spot that he ARRIVED on Earth. I was hoping he might accidentally bring someone back when he DID activate the key, as the Returner was headed back to Earth to the busy dorm lobby that had replaced the knotty tree trunk where he had ORIGINALLY found the key that brought HIM to Fred more than forty YEARS ago." Fred looks up at you, mid-explanation, seeing your head spinning from all this new information. "Yeah, I know all this is tough to grasp..."
"No, no. I'm following it, for the most part," you say, not entirely lying. "Good, good," Fred says, as he continues: "So basically, I was retired as of about 2,000 years ago, but I still like watching both universes - they make me laugh. And although Fred is similar to your Universe in that there is only one inhabitable planet..."
"Let me guess, named Fred?"
"No, Blue. After my dog I had in Israel. Oh, and because it's mostly blue, you know. Ahem." You think perhaps Fred didn't put much thought into the naming of "Blue".
"That reminds me, Fred. Fred doesn't seem to be too much of a Hebrew name," you blurt out, getting probably a bit too comfortable in the presence of someone with the power of God. Lucky for you, Fred's an easy-going deity.
"Yeah, God didn't like it much either. I still can't decide whether he was just weeding me out from the populace or what. Oh, well," Fred shrugs it off.
"So anyway, getting back to Blue, once I started populating it, I decided that I didn't want to personally oversee it, because while I may have the POWER of God, I don't have His patience... and I'm a trifle lazy. So I created two "deities", as it were, to battle it out from behind the scenes for control of Blue and its inhabitants. There was to be a "good" Lord (Michael), and a "bad" Lord (Damien). Of course, those knucklehead Blueites are always getting everything wrong and interpreting everything how THEY want to (God was right - free will stinks!), so they named Michael "Theos" and Damien "Diable". Basically, they're the God and Devil of Blue. Obviously, you've already met Damien's servant Frenesie, and I have no idea when HE'LL be back. There are others on both sides, but rarely do they make themselves known like Frenesie. They mostly just grant gifts and curses and powers and plagues to humans."
"Wait a second! You mean these dieties and demi-dieties actually give people POWERS and magic and stuff?" you ask, excitedly.
"Yes... I didn't SAY magic, but that's a good word for it. It's pretty much a literal translation of what you might call an "RPG" down on Earth."
"NO WAY!!"
"Yes way! Of course, you're the only Human I've ever encountered that even THOUGHT of it that way. Most are boring business types who've let their passions die with their youth. You, though, are different. I might not have to..."
"Have to what?" the look of concern is visible to all.
"Well, normally when Humans arrive here in Heaven, Jr., I have this talk with them, then erase their Earthly memories even up to the point where they've been told I was "the god" here, and then I set them to work on a medieval farm or smithy or fletcher with just enough memories for them to think they've been there all their lives. It's not until they die here that they remember and become Returners. Anyway, they mostly plod on through life here in Fred as they did on Earth. It's sad, really. The really astute ones end up serving Theos or Diable one and getting super-human powers."
At this, Fred notices your eyes are as big as saucers with eager anticipation, wondering what might be in store for you. "You know what, though? I like the cut of your giblets. I've never had a servant on Blue, and you could never be allowed to mention my name, but I would give you astonishing super-Super-human powers. What do you say... will you?"
"WILL I EVER!!!" you shout, taking Fred a bit by surprise with your enthusiasm. "Okay," he laughs. "All you have to do now is choose what two things you will be the Master of and I'll make you my undercover Human Archangel..." Fred gestures toward four Onyx tablets behind you that you'd never noticed before, each engraved in Gold lettering and symbols. "Be forewarned, friend, that when you touch one of those tablets, the two powers listed thereon will be yours to have for as long as you are on Blue."
He then leaves the choices up to you. Going from left to right, the tablets picture: an Angel impervious to all harm, that speaks every Blue tongue; an Angel that controls the elements and can turn invisible; an Angel that can control Blueite emotions and can read their minds; and an Angel that is a master of all forms of battling and weaponry that can shape-shift.
Decisions, decisions...