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Ratings & Comments

A day by Leah1597 Apr 4, 2012
Yeah, this should be the last review I'll ever do on this site, might aswell make it last with something..Positive, me reviewing a story, when I'm somewhat unsuccessful myself might seem hypocritical, but you did ask for it, so hey.

You should keep in mind that some people out there are pretty intolerant of people that don't start their sentences with a capital letter. The story should be made up of paragraphs and be decriptive, (that being, EXPLAIN everything that your character notices, sees, smells, feels - -physically and emotionally).

So making a story made up of one or two sentences a page...It's a problem. You won't be very popular among people here if they don't see your potential.

Good luck in future writing. Hopefully if you haven't given up like [i]some[/i] people. Right?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Did all the reviews get moved on to another story or something? What the hell?
Repression by EndMaster Dec 24, 2011
Whoa. The incestual ending was NOT what I was expecting. But hey..If that's your thing, Ima have to accept it. :L
A few mistakes. But overall: the story was worth it. It was humorous, clever, and a real fun read.
Hilariously satisfying.
Why is it that the best stories are left to decay? I just realized that this began and hasn't continued since 2007! What a buzzkill.
Absolutely brilliant. As the events unfolded I became more and more turned off. I must read more.
The demon scam by Aki Oct 15, 2011
I was very impressed by what I just read. The letter system was a little off-putting but I think it was a nice idea, the plot wasn't exactly the best of ideas, but I enjoyed it nevertheless, though short. I encountered a few too many typos throughout the story, but that is forgiveable.

If I gave you an even lower rating I don't think I'd be able to sleep tonight, If I give you a higher rating, well, I'd be a little too easy to entertain.

Easy to read, nice and simple, coherent, but needs to be contstructed a little better. That is all.
The demon scam by Aki Oct 15, 2011
I was very impressed by what I just read. The letter system was a little off-putting but I think it was a nice idea, the plot wasn't exactly the best of ideas, but I enjoyed it nevertheless, though short.

If I gave you an even lower rating I don't think I'd be able to sleep tonight, If I give you a higher rating, well, I'd be a little too easy to entertain.

Easy to read, nice and simple, coherent, but needs to be contstructed a little better. That is all.
The Walk by messa Sep 28, 2011
Simple. This story is a chore to read, you were also ignoble enough to rate yourself...Great idea.
Need more be said? Or in your words: Nede mor be sed?
Night Drive by topitzman Sep 26, 2011
Lacks; nearly everything, though I am impressed by your grammar. I'm certain that the only reason that you don't have any 'loose ends' is due to the fact that every page holds a single sentence, so, extra points are completely unreasonable. The events are completely random, the plotline isn't even coherent, and it's as even more bland than oatmeal porridge.
dinner by popem Sep 24, 2011
Hmm...Well, it appears to lack in description, detail, and I'm not too fond of complete, and utter randomness. Unless you're in a conversation with someone, you never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever - ever...Ever...I mean, you just never start a sentence with the word 'Ok.' You got that?
Blood Lust by Serenade Sep 24, 2011
Not bad...A simple read, though lacking in description this could become something satisfying. I don't see how this could be in the Romance section, but then, nobody does, it's unfinished, undernourished, growth is a necessity.

I can't really say much because..Even after all this time, I haven't written anything. I'm nothing but a lost, bitter critic, striving to find something to contribute to, that or find someway to write my own little CYOA, countless (or not) times have I taken the time and effort to write my own, but they turn out completely useless. I have nothing to add to it and it turns out like the scum seen all over this site. Anyway, continue your little Vampire story!
Shadow of a Bloody Moon by mizal Sep 20, 2011
Thoroughly enjoyed this, I'm currently sat here, frustrated that your levels of writing skill rubs itself all over my face. I'm offering you another ten because my last rating lacked a proper, decent explanation. If I was any more pissed about your amazing efforts and my lack of what you possess - if that makes sense, I would have given you a lower rating. Spiteful, huh? Hey, well, the explanation is in your work. Your work proves to be something I can prove to be awesome. That in itself is provable.
Cops or Robbers? by Yaya1314 Sep 13, 2011
The problem is: you like to fill out the characteristics before even starting out the story, so it makes the story even more interactive, after writing all that, you've gotta fill them in yourself to actually start the story, which I can see, is a helluva lot to write. There's so much writing to be done that you give up on even trying. The worse thing is: You've done this with all five stories and haven't touched them since! Why begin something when you're not capable of finishing them?
Serial Rapist by xnull Sep 12, 2011
Very entertaining. Nearly flawless, even, the only problem I enountered was the fact that this is unfinished. This delay has cost you three points. I thoroughly enjoyed this.
Regardless of your age, you don't deserve to own a PC, or even be permitted to access a CYOA site again. This doesn't even deserve a rating.
Random death scenes are neither funny, nor necessary..It's just plain awful..
wwe manger by asheel Sep 6, 2011
I'm confused...What's does a manger have to do with Wrestling..? Some kind of prop used to attack the opponent?
Your Weird Life by coolguy Sep 5, 2011
Why is it, that, when there's a good, well polished story, Magic just has to give it a low rating...But when it's something as childish as her, she gives it a high rating, I mean, what the fuck?! It just lacks in everything, your grammar was fine, as was your spelling but it was pretty uninteresting.
Diablo by englishteacher Sep 4, 2011
What the fuck?!
The Ninja by hep0005 Sep 2, 2011
You've just ruined the whole point in being a Ninja. It would have been worse if you'd wrote the entire story. Shinobi don't just creep up in the night and kill random strangers you dumbass. Stereotypical Ninjas are seriously not cool dude...Not cool.
Whatever... by lizdnt4get Aug 31, 2011
I suppose it's about time to rate this story..This may be aboslute trash - but I can't give it any less...I lost control and wrote seventeen pages. It wouldn't seem right. Besides; the quantity of contributors is great. I just have to give you this for some reason...
Some parts I found hilarious, but I prefer realism in my stories, Grues are impervious to dangerous items - like for example Chuck Norris. Though they have a tendency to be afraid of the light, since they're that difficult to damage, fire should be no problem for them to endure. There are only a few ways of actually killing a Grue - unless by 'Grue' you meant Domo-Kun.

As said before, Grues are unsuitable for a story, unless you know how to kill one, and know what way to introduce the weaponrry to your story in a way that doesn't make the story too random, which will be complicated

This was hardly a story, yet had me grinning through a couple - or more pages, the rest of it wasn't suitable to a story site. You need more of a description, and further details, so I'll have to give this a five, as it is unfinished, and slightly too unrealistic. I'm talking about the way you produce the Grue here.
Death watch by ColtenBobo Aug 31, 2011
Changes by SeeScottSpaz Aug 30, 2011
What the fuck is wrong with you people?! This is worse than observing a piece of dog-shit! Clearly the people below me are friends of this guy. What the hell is this!? I couldn't make it past page two!
life story by lod506 Aug 30, 2011
This is...Beyond words - Well...It's close enough..In all honesty this can't even...Can't even be CLASSED as a story...
Couldn't keep my attention long enough to read through the pages. Clearly you were in your youth when you wrote this. I just dislike your writing style, I found it more of a chore to read - rather than for my enjoyment.
You possess great styles of writing. The only flaws was the actual storyline - not good. I should be able to empathise. Yet - I wouldn't even be bothered by the protagonist's death. I'm actually given the choice for the woman to pleasure herself, fantasising about her long lost lover. Yet - it lacks so much detail, so much description that could have been applied. You have a whole load of potential here, though.
the black hole by fl5enad Aug 29, 2011



Even the above words are more interesting than what you wrote...But wtf is this?!
Smart...Giving yourself points is a perfect way to gain respect. I got to page two and realized how much substance this lacked...Really I should push on through the story..But it only has fourteen pages - so what's the point? I'm giving you a one for your feisty doings! And for a discontinuing - or rather crappy story.
You have a whole load of improvement to work one. Yet, I found a new way to experiment with new ways of writing. It is also clear you have a good number of contributors. Including me - who has written more than the creator of this...'Story.' There's not much to it..Really, but then, that's what's given you these points, as there's nothing to it, there is nothing to rate. There's nothing that can be said about it..No constructive criticism, nothing...So...Here's a seven - Congratulations.
Hoosd Story by Getachan Aug 9, 2011
Unreadable...I don't understand Calen's comment though...O.o
Enjoyed it. Only flaws were the common typos which I always seem to encounter when you've written a page. But it's a mighty fine story.
Life's a beach by SirOwnU Aug 5, 2011
Err...apoth...? I'm not sure that's what happened...Either way this is hardly a story, poor quality and...Bad. But then I actually learnt something from this...Breaking wind can also solve many problems, such as...Maybe not. But hey.
Adventure omfg by strongbad Aug 5, 2011
Very terrible quality. I can't actually believe I made it through that crap. Seriously, though, I found it harder to read than play. I just have to add out of reluctant honest, that, this is probably worse than one of magic's...I'm not entirely sure, and I don't want to cause myself any more harm by returning to one of hers...I suppose I'll have to give this another point for actually finishing it, though, and adding that 'retry' button.
Batman 2 by don Aug 4, 2011
Blind Date by Lucid Aug 4, 2011
So hilarious, it kept my attention, it was amusing, entertaining, and nearly ingenious in some ways. I loved it. You should advance further in your writing, I mean, shyeah, Paradox Factor was incredible, but you should focus on doing more, developing, you've done two stories so far, how about making that three?

I approve of this.
I'm happy to note that there are people with great writing skills on this site. The story though, is unique, though unfinished. Which is why I'm giving it a seven. I know it's been three years..magic. But my opinion on here will never change: You're a little brat with terrible tastes, who can niether sing, write or rate, and your humor is just stupidity and moronic. I don't care if I sound harsh, you're completely trolling this site with your bullshit, no matter if magic's ever going to read this.

I'm going to give this a nine. Not because of the story, just to level things out a little. Personally as I said above, this deserves a seven/eight, if finished.


...Yeah. That is all.
Geek by EndMaster Aug 4, 2011
Simply outstanding work EndMaster, I found it entertaining, and it seemed to pull me in, I felt the tension as I read through the entire story, I'll be sure to return to see the other endings. Even though shorter than expected, I enjoyed it thoroughly, it's one of my favourites on this site. 10/10.
Pandemic by zaxoman Jul 31, 2011
Excellent. I enjoyed this, your writing style is to my satisfaction, but my problem was that you spelt a few words incorrectly, and you keep switching from past-tense to Present. Which is pretty distracting.

I also prefer realism in stories. If HS travels through liquids,if you drove a car, wouldn't the gasses which contains the bacteria be released into the atmosphere, thus, practically infecting everything that inhales it?

I'm giving this an eight because I enjoyed it, and your writing style is unique. It's not often that I enjoy reading something when pressing the 'random story' button.
uh by lookouth Jul 31, 2011
I also enjoy the delicacy of Peanut-Butter.
The End by Serede Jul 31, 2011

Perhaps not making so many damn choices would have given you the motivation to actually start the story. Hmph.

Nice start. Nice plot. Great grammar, yet there are a few spelling mistakes. But I needn't get into that. It's the story.

I enjoyed reading through it, but as you made so many choices, you cannot fill them all in. So why should I bother reading through all the choices only to find nothing...Hmm?

Six - It's average. It deserves more, but as you cannot finish this, it cannot go any higher. Can it?

Master and Slave by Syra Jul 31, 2011
Your lack of a story disturbs me...Jedi.
Kurt the Clerk by Adamented Jul 31, 2011
Not the best plotline ever if you were aiming for gaining contributors, but there are hardly any flaws..So...

Hey, why have I done more rooms than you anyway?!
Criminals by Shabti Jul 30, 2011
Not bad. You've got a good quantity of contributors, and a nicely written, coherent plotline...Not very often, when clicking the 'Random Story' button, do you come across something like this. The only problem is the fact that you deprive others of their free-will, I mean; you have to review the rooms now just to apply them to your story...I would understand this if you were busy completing it...But you're not.

Nice work. Though.







A True Horror by zaxoman Jul 28, 2011

Finish this...Before I finish you...

You've developed...But your 'stories' are still absolute trash.
An ordinary day by sunshine7 Jul 28, 2011
Oh, hell no. Whoever actually read the whole 'story' is in my books a total jackass. What the hell is this?! I don't care if you enjoy devouring French Toast and powdered sugar. This is just writing a few sentences per room about someone's day. You think this is why people write books these days? Yeah, sure if it's a Biography, but seriously, how you managed to keep my attention for two pages is incredible.

I would say that you lacked a plotline. But no. There isn't even a freakin' story.

The extra point is for 'effort.'

How will I sleep tonight knowing that I gave you an extra point?
Much of Nothing by donteatpoop Jul 27, 2011
Great writing DEP. But I was really expecting a little more of you, I mean, you only get one choice per room, but even that practically satisfied me, who doesn't want to fuck the extremely fuck-able?

But she goes to jail..?

But hey, we're reviewing the writing style, grammar and spelling here, are we not? Or am I mistaken? Either way, you made a few spelling mistakes, the grammar was perfect, and your writing technique is just amazing.

I enjoyed this thoroughly..Which is indeed, very new.
The girl next door by Storm Jul 27, 2011
Uninteresting. I dislike what I am attempting to read right now. I'm sorry, but this is just far from my tastes.

A two for effort..Though.

Why am I so generous? It's aberrant!
gangsta by travis123 Jul 27, 2011

Yeah you totally captured the essence of being a Thug.

You even managed to lack grammar and forget 'bout spelling, oh you is a mother-fuckin' G-- from the Ghetto nigger!

What makes you the best mother-fucker round here is that you don't even have a coherent plotline! Oh shit, you gots style bro'!
Ok, I must admit that even magic's stories are more developed and actually made more sense than this trash. Should anyone here really go into constructive-criticism over this?

An extra point for pissing me off.
Ok, so it has a coherent plotline, good grammar, spelling to my satisfaction. But I believe you should develop your vocabulary, and present some description. I have distaste..As apoth has said, for your writing style, as I said above. Develop, grow, and nurture your writing...Like a little seed in dry, undernourished soil.

You get mah drift?
Satin Blade by purplelotus Jul 27, 2011
There's one thing that I am now about to inevitably say..:

Where the fuck is the story?
The Pendant by purplelotus Jul 27, 2011
Sorry about that, I was developing as a reviewer and writer back then and I must say that this story is just...Not perfect. I'd give this a 5 for effort - However, it's just too...This story is just how you would write out the plot, this doesn't appear to even be a story. Even though you spelt correctly, and the grammar is pretty much to my satisfaction, there are no paragraphs to separate the story. I have nothing but distaste for this story. Forget my review.

Rebellion by CCRUNNR Jul 27, 2011
Just take it this way: Terrible.
There are so many words to describe this story it'll take over five minutes to type. It's just freaking even though I understand it, some of the time my brain can't interpret what the fuck it says. I hate reading internet-lingo-styled writing, I hear it in my head in a 4 year old's voice...Just..Don't write until you're at least mature enough to spell correctly, and be able to apply grammar to it.

And don't bother rip-off other people's stories. It pisses me off badly when people do that crap. Would you like me to lecture you on how to write a story? Really?
Hey is is possible for a single story to be so bad it's good? No? Well...This just isn't..Umm..This is fucking shit and you need to delete it, no matter how long it's been since you've placed it here, it needs to be taken down, pronto, a waste of complete space.

You're dead to me.
Valley Viper by bobbypkp Jul 26, 2011
Readable..The plotline was practically coherent..The grammar was good..Spelling...Not exactly perfect. But compared with the things I have spent torturous seconds dealing with, your spelling is great. So I suppose this is about average..Blah, blah, blah..There's yah point. Mmmkay?
Unlike the stories I have come across in the past. This possessed a coherent plotline, perfect Grammar and Spelling, and it actually made sense.


There are only 11 rooms in the entire story. That's what I call unfinished. So points must deplete, I would give it a four, but as this will never get any more reviews, I'll give it a 5, plus for the potential this story doesn't lack.
Hanson by resg Jul 26, 2011

Early years in new schools were routine for Katarina. Since little had changed schools many times, and his shyness caused her to be alone at first, while all his colleagues made ​​new friends. Now the first day of junior high school did not seem very different, but she cared less, had become accustomed. But in the Kingston High School was impossible not to be noticed on the first day of class: it was customary that every veteran "adopt" a freshman to guide you for a month, the maze that was the school building, and teach the whole operation, rules, the teachers have preferred.
In the large auditorium all freshmen seated while waiting for the veterans came in, one by one, and went to the stage where the director was holding a box. From inside the veterans took the name of his "pupil" in a draw. Leaving the auditorium, the pair was applauded with greater or lesser degree, depending on what the friends of the veterans would find the new duo: a popular guy with a pretty girl? A student with a hot nerd? Katarina did not care, but deep down was a little anxious, not knowing who would be your new friend. I had noticed some faces when they arrived and cataloged in his mind what he had found and which are not friendly. And suddenly, one of the faces of the second group entered his name and fortune.
- Katarina Persson!
She got up and headed for the stage.
- Taylor Hanson - the guy showed up with a handshake and a smile.
Not that he had not sympathized with, but the noisy wheel of friends where she had seen at the entrance of the auditorium made ​​it clear that he was one of the guys popular, and it is generally not popular with students involved. But there was no denying that he was a fine piece of bad way, and that made ​​her blush when they left the auditorium and friends of Taylor made ​​an infernal racket, apparently congratulating the boy for "good luck" in the draw. After all, Katrina could be a little shy but no one would play out.
- So let's get to know the school. It's great, but you're safe with me, I know every corner - he gave that smile again. - Do you want to start by the library or by the courts?

(All done with Google Translate..)

Ok after reading all that, I think I'll give this a 6. I can't read all of it, but I rather enjoyed reading this on Google Translate. Nicely flowing, seemingly no spelling mistakes, perfect.
wild night 2 by fenixboy Jul 26, 2011
Fun Day! by Leah1597 Jul 25, 2011
Rainforest Adventure by wwest Jul 25, 2011
This is err..Confusing...Errmm...?

Whatever Calen said is nearly my exact thoughts...
Firstly..The writing of this story wasn't exactly interesting. Rather it's what I'd expect from a 12 year old. It's rather dull and there are a few/couple of spelling mistakes, which I assume is the result of lacking effort. Now secondly, this is unfinished. One page. One point. I only gave this a 2 because it has potential to develop into something that flows well, despite the fact that your writing style doesn't exactly give me the impression that it could ever possibly become something that I'll even enjoy a little to read. I won't bother lecture you/anyone reading this on how to make a story look good. I mean; I know I'm not exactly the best writer on this site, but I'm certaintly not the worst.
Epic by Xego Jul 25, 2011
Indeed Epic.

In a bad way.

Excuse my rudeness..Rough day, miserable and all. But hey, this is shit.
OK, so the spelling and grammar isn't bad. But the writing style is just terrible and didn't interest me in any kind of way.

Do you also care to share why there are only two rooms? No?
Actually apoth..You wrote 48 words. But hey, apoth is right, this is err..Shit. Yes. That's right. I went there..<_<
The Item by jeffisthebest Jul 24, 2011
Incredible. The writing style is justp perfect for this kind of story. But then after the next few pages as the other writers below me have said, everything just happens too fast. But, great points have been made. This is one of the best of your stories, Jeff, despite the spelling mistakes, this deserves an eight.
Helot by jeffisthebest Jul 24, 2011
Short. But I like it. No flaws, nothing to complain about. An eight from me.
Droidzville by Sambob Jul 24, 2011
Uninteresting and uninteractive. But easy to read, and absolutely no grammatical mistakes whatsoever as far as I'm concerned. It's attractive in the beginning but the pace begins to go slow. Which is a good thing, but in other ways a bad thing because it appears rather boring. I liked it. But it's unfinished. Which is what I say way too often. I'll have to give you half.
The Bleeding Room by zaxoman Jul 24, 2011
Loving it..But it's unreadable. It has a great plotline..But on the first page I've read there are no paragraphs. No spaces..It's too messy. I'm sorry but my rating's going to have to be a little lower than it would have originally have been...
the sommoning by jabt123 Jul 24, 2011
Whoa did I reall rate this a 6? What the hell? Have I been hacked or something? This has terrible grammar, terrible spelling and no damn paragraphs. What the hell was I thinking? I would have given this a 5 or 4 for effort. But damn this is unreadable. I couldn't have possibly given this a 6..And said that this is good. Has somebody else used my computer lately...Hmm...


Starless Night by DarkElf Jul 24, 2011
Aww come on! I was looking foward to getting past the Prologue and actually reading the story itself..It has so much potential..
What apoth said. I was feeling hopeful as I read the first page, but the grammar was just terrible. I'm talking about the spelling here. Let's just stick with what apoth said. It has potential. Bad grammar. And only 12 rooms.
I don't usually say this often, I actually liked the pace of the story. I'm used to reading a whole few paragraphs until clicking on the next page, but I think I prefer a little space once in a while, instead of cramming so much freaking information into my brain at once. But of course...There's always going to be a possibility that..You get deep into the story and there's this little kid wanting to spoil it for you. Tj901 (and others) have ruined my opinion on this story, I'm gonna have to give this a 6. Besides, I wouldn't have thought of anything better in this theme.
The World by Ghizzard Jul 23, 2011
Seriously? Where's the back story? Nobody's going to really be motivated to contribute to this 'story' if you haven't even done one page, you could've at least done a paragraph, perhaps giving people the enthusiasm and motivation to contribute to this work. I'm gonna make an additional point for the attempt though. It may have been a useless one, but if you just put a little effort into it, this could become popular, this has had 504 hits. Imagine at least half, or a quarter of those people adding and adding to it. This would become amazing! Well..Nowhere near Athopeosis' contribution levels.

Is this thing a joke..Seriously? What the fuck is this? This is to the standards of an eight year old. What the hell were you attempting or even thinking here? "the dblack guy turnd white." Nice title dude, this is a really smooth, attractive 'story' right here.
This contains no coherent plotline, no grammar, shit spelling, and just one sentence on every page. Go try to get this published.

Then there's your Statistics:

mj is a fukin legand for hangin the baby out the window.. lol i love mj and his music and he died coz you dik heads made him like a peedo but hes just a sexuly fustrated mna who like little boys and girls.. no wait just boys If you're wondering why this is so weird/disturbing/filled with bad spelling and grammar, I wrote it with my friend and he did most of the work so yeah.

Just to be a little..Uh..Technical here, when you say MJ, it's obvious you mean Michael Jackson. I suppose that that message was readable. Yet, Michael Jackson was married twice. Sexually frustrated? Are you kidding me? He had two children. And nobody cares if you wrote this with your friend or not, you could've at least corrected the title. I suppose that this rating is directed at him...:

Forget about writing.
barney kill by DSDude999 Jul 23, 2011
My rating was completely off target..Sorry. 4 is one number less than average and I've rated good stories at the same level...This deserves at most..A 2.

For the first time ever..I completely agree with Magic, besides the first point she made. Usually I'd probably rip on her for her terrible immature rating, but she's correct. This is the definition of shit.

The title DOES (Or almost..) say this story isn't supposed to make 'seance.' But the author could've at least applied a little grammar, or at least more than one sentence and spell this crap correctly. If you get my drift?
I understand that this err...'Story' was created by a small child. But someone perhaps half his age, (argueably) could write to a better standard.

This doesn't even deserve a one..
Door Handle. by Crunchyfrog Jul 23, 2011
Despite the fact that this is unfinished, it's a great start. loving the writing style, I haven't read all of this yet, but I'm enjoying this.
Batman by don Jul 23, 2011
I am now currently laughing in disbelief at what I just read. Well I suppose everything is humorous to me.
One sentence, no back-story, and you've just ruined the whole idea of Batman. Batman doesn't go around in his armored suit, and advance technology to stop people from crying...
Magic..Seriously? You can't tell people that their stories suck, besides, I enjoyed this crap a lot more than Magic's. This may not actually possess a coherent, or even original plotline, yet, I didn't hate it. It was readable, even though it's pretty much a an immature piece of cheese that has recently been shoved up Magic's rectum.


Not nice.

So. Just to even this out. I'm giving you a 3.
I would be pleased to say that this could possibly be an entertaining story. However, it hasn't even started. So my friend.

You get a 1. Besides, where do I see any effort put into this?

Despite it isn't easy to upload a picture.

Yes. A 1.
Nice attempt. But It's pretty obvious that no one is interested in adding to it...Unfortunately.
You're so lucky my boredom levels are ground-zero right now, otherwise this would be a 1, the only reason I'm giving this a 5 is because I now realize that this could become a great story if more contributors contribute towards this story, like I have.

Don't count your Blessings too soon.
Yeah...For some strange reason I went on a rampage and wrote 10 rooms...It's an average story, with a good number of Contributors. It's also good to have a 'story,' considering that people can just screw around with it, and experiment, so, I suppose I might aswell give this a 5, for good measures, the plot isn't too bad, nor is the writing. Compared to Leah1597's writing skills..This is perhaps a Masterpiece haha.

I might've even given it a 6 if it had a little detail which is actually essential to creating a story, and perhaps a coherent plot. But hey. It's fine.
wwe title match 2 by adam1 Jun 23, 2011
That rating was kind of...Unnecessary, KingMalice, that guy didn't even leave a comment, 7?! I'm leaving a 1 for good measures, I'm sure everyone who even checks the comments understand why..
Well...How about you have a go at actually starting the story? Has a good coherent, fun plot though. Just for that and not even the story itself...I'm giving it a 4...
Best story ever by emily77 Jun 21, 2011
Bad. Need I say more?

Ok I will. This appears to lack much of the grammar that is essential to writing, added with the bad spelling, and the simply atrocious storyline. This. Is....


That terrible, that I'm requoting the lines from that film that I've never actually watched before...
rock star by generallee Jun 20, 2011
What Leblanc..? Anyway..Interesting story...
Shadows Of The Lost by Akira Jun 20, 2011
Incredible. It's been 5 years from now, yet..It still hasn't been finished. It appears you have abandoned it. Let's just say that was the end of this, I'll give you a 9.
Trapped! by zaxoman Jun 20, 2011
Yeah, I agree with Calen's review. And it did lack the description it perhaps should have had, so you look up at the glass roof, and now suddenly there's a rope that isn't even connected to anything? You should take off the 'Room Review' too, so other members have the ability to finish this off. Good work, has great potential, but your work could possibly be improved.
I was thinking of Hijacking this story, but..fuck it, too many freaking choices that are irrelevant, and make no freaking sense! It'll be a waste of time anyway, seeing as no one will really wanna read this. It's apparent that you were 12 when you wrote this?

That's no excuse.
What Ho! by AlphaDog Jun 16, 2011
I currently live in 'Britain' England..yet, I don't really get much of the humor in this...yet, you have the ability to write a story that others may find funny, and..who the hell says 'cor' (and the other weird words) nowadays?? I s'pose I don't live in the 'British' parts...I don't even have an accent. :O
The Stupid Story by magic Jun 14, 2011
I agree with what Yazzman said, if your intention was to make this a terrible story, you have succeeded, so perhaps this should have a higher rating...?
Hell, you took Calen's idea, so..perhaps a low rating?

Ok a low rating...
My New Bike by jlsterrett Jun 14, 2011
Hahaha. Thanks to the hijackers this story has become highly rated, best hijack I've ever seen on this site. This would be as vacuous and dull as ever without you guys. :D
Shadow of a Bloody Moon by mizal Jun 14, 2011
You wrote this in just a day? Incredible. I would give you a 9, but I'll give you a 10 for the effort, and actually for the whole story. Great work, inspirational.
I took pleasure in reading this. Mister Theosis.
English please... :S
I got to page two and...was forced to quit because I knew how bad this story was going to become. Yes. terrible.
INTERNETS by Cheezah Jun 9, 2011
This story is so bad it's good. If that makes any sense at all.
I enjoyed the start, something about this story seems to draw me into it, it's a nice flowingly wrote story, the only problem is the fact that you've abandoned it, to decay on this site. I was actually hoping for more rooms and you to further the story, your rating would be so much higher.
Good story, I demand that you finish it.
Cerberus Rising by TechnoGoth Jun 7, 2011
Seriously. I say this too often. Finish this off...!
Congratulations! Your second rating!
Voice in my head by KingMalice Jun 5, 2011
This would get a clear 10/10 if you would just finish it off. I loved it.
Jesus H. Christ by KingMalice Jun 5, 2011
Hahaha. What the hell is this? I enjoyed the beginning but the rest of it was quite dull and unnattractive, you could've at least specified what was going on and the plot. I'm sure you could do better Malice. This is too under your depth, it's unfinished too, and it makes absolutely no sense at all. It's clear you enjoy writing. :)
The Gladiator by LeihsDemuriel Jun 5, 2011
Hey..not bad. I can't exactly give you one flaw, except for the details of the environment, but that's fine because you can visualise it anyway. I can't think of anything bad to give you. Except of course, the fact that it isn't finished. You can't make a story with 93 rooms, only to leave it unfinished. That's one of the only likely problems with this story, I believe this deserves at most, a 7. Nice storywriting. Especially compared with the retarded kids that come onto this site.
The Paradox Factor by Lucid Jun 3, 2011
Wow..I've nearly managed to uncover what's happened. Truly amazing. There's this 'I need to know what's going on! Why was Bill pointing his gun at me?' Thought flooding my brain, forcing me to click through what I think I don't know and look through this guy's memories..
You have amazing lyrical talents. I'm inspired, your music amazes me in ways I cannot describe.
That. Was. Bad. But hey, you managed to spell OK throughout the story. Kind of..'U' is truly not acceptable in a story, you need some puntuation classes, or just ask your school teacher to help you with your writing. I'll cut you some slack since you're only a child and offer you a 4. Even I question my actions, but...who cares?
I would say the story at the moment is fine. You should progress through it, regardless. I like the flow of the story, the way you can just read though it and memorise it, because the explanation is rather easy, without too much description. But, there's hardly any, I have to create my own landscape, objects and the whole civilisation, which isn't a bad thing, nor is it a problem. I have no special 'favourite part.' It's pretty much a story you can read, which decreases your boredom, something to keep you occupied. I think you should just continue on Squishy, with your creativity, if you have any, you should write more stories of the genres you're comfortable with.

Get to the point! by mangofox Jun 2, 2011
I agree with umm..ChubbyTeletubby and Usoki, let's just say I'll give you a 2. I liked the beginning, which is, yeah, what Usoki said, it is in fact 1:29 in the morning as you claimed! How strange..that's why I'm gonna give you a 3.
I'm not going to bother explain what the fuck is wrong with this story. -_-
Ashes of Men by MikaelL Jun 2, 2011
Loving it. Unique writing style, it drew me in a held me close, but then I turned a page hopes were turned to nothing but a box to write in... D: I have no idea how long this story has been here but please, finish it off.
Hiei Part 2 by Venus2352 Jun 2, 2011
Great story. I love the plot, storyline and the writing altogether. No flaws, only the fact that there's no paragraph spaces. Damn it I had to skip a few pages because without paragraphs, no spaces to breath in, the writing is just a great big black and white mess!

I then became bored with this, but after the pages I had to skip, came the parts that I needed to read, and it was worth it.
When Zombies Attack by YazZMaN May 31, 2011
I loved it. You should've put it in the Miscelleneous (or however you spell it) section or the humor section, it was funny at occasional places. The only things that I found wasn't put to my satisfaction was the fact that it wasn't realistic enough. If a biologically infected zombie's blood has gone into your eye. You would be infected with the strain of the virus. That's my first complaint. lol. My final complaint is the fact that the detail isn't really there at all. The one thing that attracts me is when I'm able to visualise the events of the story, I can't in this one. But it's a good story. Nicely flowing and has a hint of humor in it. I mean, would anyone else here ask a zombie to politely come off your shoe, knowing that there's a large horrendous group of grotesque infected beings behind you?
Nah. It's Ok. But it's pretty boring, you could've made it much more funnier. I suppose you put some effort to create this story. This part is unfinished:

You should've put a lot more effort into this to make it a good humorous story. I liked it nevertheless.
Who Wants a Dollar?! by Morathi May 31, 2011
Hahaha. The beginning made me chuckle, this in itself is funny, I agree with what Yazzman said. I wonder how many people would actually anticipate in that gameshow.
What Lies Above by Morathi May 31, 2011
This is an honest opinion. It was a great story, but it lacked detail, that's all, except the fact that it's too short to my satisfaction. I was hoping for something more longer, you cut off the story too quickly. But it's a good thought story with great effort, that's why it deserves a good and proper 7. :)
Hahaha. I loved it thoroughly. I read every room even. It kept me entertained long enough. It was actually rather funny.
The Shadow Games by RioLevon May 30, 2011
I'm loving the storyline at the moment. A sad but greatly written story. The only put off is the laziness of refusing to put 'with' instead of internet talk into it such as, 'w/,' and 'thru.' If you edit this and get rid of that, then this story would be worthy of at least an 8, or even a 10.
*Your Crush* by dami5864697 May 30, 2011
Grammar was terrible. Spelling was terrible. Overall plot was terrible. The storyline was terrible. The dialogue is terrible. I would've given it a two if it had at least mentioned my name.

Simply effervescent, this story has luxuriated me in ways you wouldn't have thought possible.
Just simply not enjoyable. Some parts have terrible spelling or grammar, there's a lack of effort on the choices, and they're just too random. I hate the way some people think that this kind of randomness is funny. I'm giving you a 2 because you managed to write more than 3 rooms, and fortuantely you didn't have the worst put in effort.
This would make a great story if it were finished, hopefully.
HITMAN by secretscope May 28, 2011
Quite bad quality. The thing that annoyed me most is the fact that you believe that it's relevant and necessary to buy clothing just so you have that 'Hitman Look.' That's not funny, nor does it make any sense. You don't have to look like you mean business to kill people. It's not like if you shoot someone wearing a clown costume it doesn't harm the person you've just shot or something. Stupid. But at least you can write and spell correctly, the grammar isn't bad niether. So you've got a 4.
The Terrible Story by Calen May 27, 2011
Haha. I actually didn't find that annoying, rather, I found it pretty funny. Usually the randomness and grammar of other stories is quite stupid and unfunny, but you're a good writer I must say. This is supposed to be terrible, I suppose you achieved that in many ways, but at the same time, it's readable and fun, which is what I like about it. The things that piss me off is when people write good stories, but they're unfinished and left to rot and decay on this site. You however, have no will to do such a thing. Anyway, good story, no matter how terrible it may seem, smoking pig to get high is always awesome in my eyes. Especially when it involves your mother, you could call me sadistic but this is a story. This rating is another story that involves fiction, and non-fiction, you just have to figure out which is which. None of this is a lie. That in itself could possibly be a lie. But it isn't. <-- that could also possibly be a lie. <--- so could this!

Am I bored, or am I just stoned? Possibly both.
Well...think about it, how about not asking if you kept it a secret, and you should finish off this story, not other people, you should at least give the reader the details of the plot, I've helped with a few rooms, but really, you should do this, then give an idea of how to start the story so we've got a better idea, it's pointless if I write the rest of this story.
Terrible. Just terrible. Spending time on a computer for basically the whole of the story just isn't fun, and I keep fearing I'm going to click on the 'wrong' choice, for doing a certain thing. This is just a plain waste of time.
Bad grammar, there's no plot line in this story, terrible description, with nothing but one sentence and choices that go nowhere. I'll be generous by giving you a 3.
Haha, well said, shouldn't be kept for granted.

And now I know.
Sleeper Car by foxydwarf May 22, 2011
Aww..COME ON!! D: This story would be awesome if it were finished!

Your writing style is exceptional, if only this were finished. Your ratings would be maximum, I'm not satisfied, you must finish this.

10. I just think this story would be amazing, it has potential.
Survive a day in school by Calen May 22, 2011
I quarter agree with apotheosis, I mean, it's a fun story, quite entertaining in a way, but it's not anything really special, but at least you put in the effort to write this, at least you've actually released a story, unlike me, who is currently trying to decide whether to release mine or not, enough of me, we're looking at you. It's nothing special, but it's exceptional, it has it's thoughts. I think it deserves a 6/ I'll just give it a 6. I think that's fair, gawd I'm so indecisive.

A 6..





6. That's it. A 6.
TRASH by EndMaster May 22, 2011
I love it dude. So funny, I read every room, and now I'm completely satisfied. A great read. I found no flaws, except the lack of detail in which it doesn't actually even need anyway for this kind of story, so there you go, nothing wrong with it. A ten fah you. :D
Ducky Park by donteatpoop May 22, 2011
Haha I love the humour in this. Great story, I love it.
Infernal Gate by apotheosis May 21, 2011
Hahaha. Can't say I didn't enjoy that, and the credits were priceless. :D
The Pendant by purplelotus May 21, 2011
Really good. I can't find anything bad to say about it. Except the fact that it needs to be finished.
It's a good story, needs to be finished off though.
CRACK ATTACK! by ChubbyTeletubby May 21, 2011
Hahahaha. Awesome. It's like you've had experience or something with drugs and crap, it's a great story with well put effort and the humor is priceless, I love the plot, you've captured the point perfectly, the character being a crackhead and all, it's one of the only stories that can be random, but funny at the same time and not make you feel uncomfortable or awkward. Great story.
High School is a bitch by TheCat May 20, 2011
Well...the least you could have done is finished this story off...but it's a good plot nevertheless.
Sappers by HybridFlame May 20, 2011
Well...I suppose you have potential. At least your grammar isn't bad, and you can spell, and don't make nonsense. And as you can see if you come on this site anymore, I've made an attempt to help you in this story, but it seems it has to be reviewed by you to be put on here. Take that off and let people help you, you haven't even bothered to finish it off! !>_<
Z by Musicalbean May 20, 2011
Amazing. You captured the essence of storywriting completely, it's so complex and detailed, I love how you write your stories, you should become a writer or a novelist or something. You have such great taste it's exceptionally unbelieveable.
Summer Fling by kim19 May 20, 2011
TheCandyMan: Woops. Let me rephrase that: So...I basically had oven baked bread topped with tomatoes and pepperoni.
Summer Fling by kim19 May 20, 2011
I'm giving you a 3 generously. This has no plot, not detail, no information of any of the characters, not even any of their facial features, their characteristics or anything like it. This is supposed to be a 'Choose Your Own Adventure' site, you give choices but you can only pick 1.. -.-'

Plus as Yazzman said, you're given the choice to pick on your pizza, cheese. Or pepperoni.




Are you serious, child?

So...I basically had oven baked bread topped with cheese and pepperoni.


Now that's exceptionally unique, I guess that's why I'm giving you a 3.

The ending is giving Andrew a blowjob?!
Pete and Repete by charlie1der May 20, 2011
Oh ha-ha. I thought something was wrong with my computer lawl. You spelt the title wrong anyway, but whatever. Amazing story, this inspired me in ways nobody will ever understand, it's so sophisticated and complex, the situations are so detailed I feel like I'm going to explode. Such a long story too. 10/10 because this story is amazing.
Great but...this is a CYOA. Not a 'determine your genre quiz' site.
beast .vs. human by reedo123 May 20, 2011
Errmm...I'm not even going to bother to tell you what's wrong with this story.
Prison Escape by Bradenh02 May 20, 2011
This would be a great story if it were finished. This story lacks description, but that's not the reason I'm giving you a 5, the reason, is because of course, this is unfinished work that must be finished.
fight for the school by adam1 May 19, 2011
I third what Calen said. :D
Amazing. You managed to write at less than a preschool level. Incredible.
The Corporate Ladder by severenz May 19, 2011
It's quite realistic, but the fact that lying gets you everywhere is just so awesome. That's how the world works nowadays. There aren't many flaws I think need to be lectured on, so..great. I didn't want this to end to be honest.
[b]test story by severenz May 19, 2011
Amazing, it made so much sense to me, I loved it thoroughly! It was so intriguing! You should become a writer! :D
Your stories really would be uniquely incredible if you wouldn't write so much and finished them off! D: That's the problem here, you write so much it's harder to go on. Unless of course, you're copying this straight out of a book. But wow..
Hmm..half and half. I don't think it was the best writing you could do, and I found myself rather bored. This site isn't for these types of stories, the detail isn't all that great, and there are no choices, just plain old plain old one plot.
Forest Dweller by Calen May 18, 2011
Awesome work. I love how I can get so drawn to it. It's very uniquely done! I respectfully agree with Donteatpoop. You are most likely one of the best writers on here. Your efforts are applauded. Well done! :D
Special Ed by zaphod54 May 18, 2011
OH COME ON! I'm trying to help you here. I can't make a choice without my choice being reviewed. **** this!
Special Ed by zaphod54 May 18, 2011
What the hell is the point in making choices if you can't be bothered to finish them off? Bad grammar. Pointless choices. And no actual plot whatsoever.

Plus..Ed?! Are you kidding me?! -.-'
Surviving Praha by sarahwise May 15, 2011
was a thrilling page-turner for me from beginning to end. It was one of the few books I've read that I could not put down...the author creates a thirst for his readers and does not disappoint. If I were to compare it to a movie, (since I'm not a writer...), both The Bourne Identity and X-Men come to mind. I thoroughly enjoyed the author's fast-paced writing style, multiple story-lines woven throughout.

Haha I'm kidding. You people probably know why I'm giving it a 3.
Why are you writing a story? You can't write a story unless you have something called a PLOT line, and at least be matured enough to SPELL correctly. Needs better grammar, and it has to make sense. KHGQ dsgqkhrwe3 KREHBGKLJEB4;HVE UITRBN/HK5U9WGKHU53;4P TRANSLATION: you die. That just isn't acceptable. I'm gonna be generous, and give you a 3.
On the Run by zaxoman May 15, 2011
Not a bad story, should at least be finished off though, with a reveal of why they're trying to kill the character, or at least a glimpse of that information. I quite like it, but it doesn't give much direction or detail of the choices you make.
UR NAME IS KORO by Koroforo May 15, 2011
What apotheosis said..seriously though, if you want to make a story, it needs to be attractive and actually have a true plot, it's unique in its own ways, but could use a lot of work.
The Profession by Assassin May 13, 2011
Once again I have stalked your stories and have now given you a 10/10 because my intelligence levels are down to 100/1000
Hitman of the past by Assassin May 13, 2011
I guess it's an exceptional story that, if finished could become a great story. So in my stupid generosity, I proudly honor you with a 10/10. Raise yourself and finish this thing because I tell you so!
barney kill by DSDude999 May 13, 2011's a very err..unique story!
OK I'll cut the bullcrap, the grammar was poor, and the plot was completely random, but I suppose it's good for a kid. With my unique exceptional generosity, I'll give you a 4.
Pieces of a Dream by khfreak14 May 12, 2011
Wow... 0_0 that's a long story.. 0_0 shame it isn't finished, but I don't blame you, it's not easy to come up with storylines like that.. O.o someone likes their Manga huh?
Pieces of a Dream by khfreak14 May 12, 2011
Wow... 0_0 that's a long story.. 0_0 shame it isn't finished, but I don't blame you, it's not easy to come up with storylines like that.. O.o someone likes their Manga huh?
The Plate by shadowmist777 May 11, 2011
10/10 :D Hehehehe! :D
Dude...what the f***?! Kids aren't supposed to be on this site...?
Dogfight by AlphaDog May 11, 2011
7/10 because it was very well written, I don't understand planes though. Haha. And plus, the rooms kept looping over and over. Like if I go in for a dive, I basically start over again. :S But it's a great story. Short, but I understand why.
dinner by popem May 11, 2011
What the hell??
a normal thursday by aidino May 8, 2011
A compelling story, it had me on the end of my seat, I enjoyed it thoroughly, you should do more. (cough! Cough!)

No seriously. Don't ever do a story again until you've grown up.
The Guild by virulens May 8, 2011
Well..something tells me this'd make a great story so..10/10! :D
Something tells me this would make a great story if this even had a starting plot..
Youngstown Demon by donteatpoop May 8, 2011
Dude. I have to give you a 10 for that. You deserve credit for that, great story, greatly written, it's like you copied it out of a book or something. It's really good dude. :)
The Story by Fzerowii May 8, 2011, a random story, but to have a good random story you must have good grammar and the plot needs to have more sense and fun into it. :D
Hahaha, nice story, Must be finished. :)
Project Theta 27 by DarkArgen May 2, 2011
Nicely detailed, a very smart story with a good plot, careful loops and greatly written. Nothing bad at it, despite the fact as I got further and further into the story I became slightly bored. But this story is brilliant. I like how it loops smartly, and how you don't drift off into random detail that's extraneous. Nice story. :)
Oh how rude of me. My username is: TheCandyMan. And I don't usually talk this way.
An enthusiastically fun story, you should get it finished, I understand the delay, you should decrease the amount of choices so the story doesn't become TOO random and the plot goes in the wrong direction, thus, losing every idea possible, you'll gradually find yourself having no ideas left and forced to delete your story and start over. I myself have gone through this stage frustratedly, otherwise, this is a fun and well written story, despite the fact not much has been achieved yet, it has great potential. All this writing could have been for my own story, but I decided generously to give you a thumbs up and a well done. I would also give you a 6/10, but due to my stupid generosity ande kindness, I will give you a 9/10. Haha.
Michael Vazquez by messa May 2, 2011
A very compelling story, it had me gripped on the end of my seat, the way you write it is just..amazing! The best story on this site! :) it deserves a better rating, the way you can turn irrelavent extraneous material into something so relavently perfect!
Michael Vazquez by messa May 2, 2011
A very compelling story, it had me gripped on the end of my seat, the way you write it is just..amazing! The best story on this site! :) it deserves a better rating, the way you can turn irrelavent extraneous material into something so relavently perfect!
That was..weirdly satisfying! :D
The Phone Call by CoolerThanYou Apr 27, 2011
I enjoyed it much. :) But're father just leaves you to die? D: D: D:
The Phone Call by CoolerThanYou Apr 27, 2011
I enjoyed it much. :) But're father just leaves you to die? D:
A Technology Carol by TPCBoos Apr 26, 2011
A generous rating 7/10, a nicely wrote story that needs finishing. Pronto.
the sommoning by jabt123 Apr 26, 2011
It's a nice story, imaginative and nicely wrote, but you need to get your grammar and spellings correct. You need to think more about what you're writing, and get your ideas straight, then you'll have a proper story. Good luck with that. :)
the sommoning by jabt123 Apr 26, 2011
It's a nice story, imaginative and nicely wrote, but you need to get your grammar and spellings correct. You need to think more about what you're writing, and get your ideas straight, then you'll have a proper story. Good luck with that. :)
Lesbian Strike by Joebwoy Apr 25, 2011
You need to finish this shit off bro.
3.4? No way, It's a nicely wrote story. 6/10 :)
Mystic Elevator by donteatpoop Apr 25, 2011
I know I may seem like a bit of a stalker, viewing all your stories and messaging you, but fortunatly, I'm not. Anyway, 9/10, indeed, an epic story, it actually had some sort of effect on me, it was just so greatly described somewhat even though it was quite basic, you're a great writer, perhaps you could do a book or something blatantly good. Anyway, you deserve my praise, and I wish you well. lol.
Mystic Elevator by donteatpoop Apr 25, 2011
I know I may seem like a bit of a stalker, viewing all your stories and messaging you, but fortunatly, I'm not. Anyway, 9/10, indeed, an epic story, it actually had some sort of effect on me, it was just so greatly described somewhat even though it was quite basic, you're a great writer, perhaps you could do a book or something blatantly good. Anyway, you deserve my praise, and I wish you well. lol.
It's really well written, I like the storyline, and it's a fun read, (I've wrote a few pages, glad to help) usually the stories on here are short and boring, but you make the extraneous material become relavent, well done! :D

8/10 :)
Bob's Life by findluke Apr 16, 2011
I really enjoyed, it, it's well set and not one of those too-detailed stories, or misunderstood, it's clear, clever and deserves high ratings. :) 8/10
Criminal Minds by Jojje Apr 16, 2011
It's a good story, but I'm stuck at:

You sit down at your desk. You have a little red boxing ball suspended on a spring next to the computer monitor, for those hectic days at the office. ??

It doesn't go anywhere from there..? :L
I like it :) lawl
Cops and robbers by joe60 Apr 4, 2011
That wasI understand you must be pretty young, but that was a little too short.. and the description and grammar and blah isn't good enough for me! :|
This is unfinished and..not a great story lol

Well what else did I expect..?