Brothers

"I'm not ready for a baby," you tell her.

"Neither am I," she says, sniffling.

"Maybe we should get an abortion."

She sobs at your suggestion. You are unsure what to do at first, but eventually wrap an arm around her and hold her as she cries. The date pretty much ends there, neither of you has an appetite and neither of you wants to see a movie. You drive her home in silence.

Weeks pass as you save your money for the operation. A month later you have the money, and the two of you go to the clinic to have the deed done.

As Gwen goes into the operation room you sit in the lobby and wait. Regrets fill your head; thoughts of what might have been. You see a child running free, smiling and happy. You wonder if you have made the right decision. The fetus that they are killing is a spawn of your loins. It would have grown to be your son or daughter.

Eventually Gwen comes out, she is tired and weak. She says she needs to sleep. You take her back to her apartment and sit with her as she falls in and out of sleep. The whole time you cannot help but think that you have made a mistake.

When her roommate arrives later that night, she takes over the watch. You leave the apartment complex and drive home, parking the car on the side of the road.

There is a long period of time where you just sit there thinking about all of it. The decision you madeĀ… Was it the right one? Have you really done what was best?

You just killed something that was meant to be yours; something beautiful and alive. Something that could have someday had dreams of his or her own. The child could have one day grown up to be something.

You sit in the car a while more, tears flowing from your eyes as you cry to yourself and try not to feel ashamed at the selfishness of your decision.

Once you are finished you get out of the car and walk to the house. The world feels as empty and desolate as your soul.

You have some trouble sleeping for the next several nights.

The relationship between Gwen and you becomes strained. It seems the both of you regret the decision that was made, though the two of you will neither admit nor talk about it. Eventually the two of you decide that it would be best not to see each other anymore. It was inevitable anyway, the two of you are dead inside as it is.

You continue working at the call center, trudging through it all pretending that nothing is wrong. The months pass you by until you find yourself sitting down with a supervisor for your two year review. He tells you that your attitude has really changed for the worse since you started, and that your raise reflects that. Your pay rate increases by a few coins an hour.

So much for any hope of promotion for a while.

You are twenty years old. You've worked at the same job for two years and have yet to be promoted. You still live with your parents. You are emotionaly dead.

You decide that you need to change something in your life.