Alpha Wolf
No, no, no, no! The movie sounds like it sucks and you're not going to deal with Mary after all the shit you got yourself into last time with her.
"Fuck that Erik, there's gotta be something else!"
"Well there's a comic convention that needs another guest speaker "
You slam the phone down. You need to get out of the house. You decide to go for a walk in the forest.
You wander around in the calmness of the forest and nature in general. Sometimes you wonder if you shouldn't just go back to living in the wild. Things were certainly simpler then. While you're thinking about the nostalgia of the old days, you see a very large hairy body lying prone in the distance.
"What the fuck how the hell " you mumble to yourself while going over to investigate. When you arrive, its exactly who you thought it was, though you don't understand how you couldn't have heard him lumbering through the forest given how big he is, let alone seen him.
"Hey Kong! You alive? Wake up!" you shout. Kong stirs a little and then sits up to yawn. He scratches his now silverback and looks over at you.
"Wolf? What're you doing here?"
"Me? I live just a few miles away! What're you doing here and how is it that I didn't see or hear you crashing through the forest?"
"Oh I can be pretty silent when I want to be."
"Okay, but what're you doing here?"
"Back to nature my friend. Nancy kicked me out of the house. For good this time, she said she can't put up with my chauvinism any more. All I told her was to get her ass back in the kitchen and make me a banana split and serve it to me naked."
"Sounds like a reasonable request, so what happened?"
"She went into the kitchen, came back out with a frying pan of hot grease, threw the shit on me and kicked me in the balls, before shoving me out the door and calling me a fucking backward primate."
You hold back some laughter, before speaking again.
"Tough break there Kong, but I guess you could look on the bright side, you're back to your roots with no more cares anymore. Living free in the wild and all."
"Are you on fucking crack Wolf? It sucks! You know when I lived on Skull Island I didn't know any better, but in the last few days I've come to realize living in a warm HOUSE and sleeping in a bed is way better than living in the cold wild and sleeping on the ground where bugs crawl all over you!"
Kong's remarks certainly have made you reconsider your previous nostalgia of the old days.
"Well, can't you just make up with Nancy? Surely if she's put up with you this long and if you apologized and did all that romantic crap she'd let you back in."
"Don't think so Wolf, I never was good at that, besides she's got a restraining order on me too."
"What else did you do to her?"
"Nothing! She's just being a crazy bitch, that's unwilling to listen to reason. Well unwilling to listen to me anyway. Hey Wolf, you've always been a smooth talker with ladies. Maybe you could talk some sense into her for me."
"Uh, I dunno Kong I don't really like getting into the middle of shit like this, don't you have someplace else to stay, hey what about your cousin Joe?"
"I'm not staying with him! He's a fucking fag!"
"Well, beggars can't be chooser Kong, besides he's your cousin it's not like you have worry about him trying any ass pirate shit on you. I'm sure he's got a nice house too."
"Yeah, I guess but I'd still prefer to go back to my own home, and I'm not sure if Joe would let me stay anyway. You gotta help me out Wolf, Nancy kicked me out with nothing, and I don't even have any money in the bank. I don't want to be living in the fucking wilderness again!"
You normally aren't one to help someone for no reason, but there's the fact that you don't want him living that close to you, you don't relish the idea of him taking big healthy dumps in a forest you live near, so to avoid wearing a clothespin on your nose for the rest of your time living here, you decide to help Kong.
"Fuck that Erik, there's gotta be something else!"
"Well there's a comic convention that needs another guest speaker "
You slam the phone down. You need to get out of the house. You decide to go for a walk in the forest.
You wander around in the calmness of the forest and nature in general. Sometimes you wonder if you shouldn't just go back to living in the wild. Things were certainly simpler then. While you're thinking about the nostalgia of the old days, you see a very large hairy body lying prone in the distance.
"What the fuck how the hell " you mumble to yourself while going over to investigate. When you arrive, its exactly who you thought it was, though you don't understand how you couldn't have heard him lumbering through the forest given how big he is, let alone seen him.
"Hey Kong! You alive? Wake up!" you shout. Kong stirs a little and then sits up to yawn. He scratches his now silverback and looks over at you.
"Wolf? What're you doing here?"
"Me? I live just a few miles away! What're you doing here and how is it that I didn't see or hear you crashing through the forest?"
"Oh I can be pretty silent when I want to be."
"Okay, but what're you doing here?"
"Back to nature my friend. Nancy kicked me out of the house. For good this time, she said she can't put up with my chauvinism any more. All I told her was to get her ass back in the kitchen and make me a banana split and serve it to me naked."
"Sounds like a reasonable request, so what happened?"
"She went into the kitchen, came back out with a frying pan of hot grease, threw the shit on me and kicked me in the balls, before shoving me out the door and calling me a fucking backward primate."
You hold back some laughter, before speaking again.
"Tough break there Kong, but I guess you could look on the bright side, you're back to your roots with no more cares anymore. Living free in the wild and all."
"Are you on fucking crack Wolf? It sucks! You know when I lived on Skull Island I didn't know any better, but in the last few days I've come to realize living in a warm HOUSE and sleeping in a bed is way better than living in the cold wild and sleeping on the ground where bugs crawl all over you!"
Kong's remarks certainly have made you reconsider your previous nostalgia of the old days.
"Well, can't you just make up with Nancy? Surely if she's put up with you this long and if you apologized and did all that romantic crap she'd let you back in."
"Don't think so Wolf, I never was good at that, besides she's got a restraining order on me too."
"What else did you do to her?"
"Nothing! She's just being a crazy bitch, that's unwilling to listen to reason. Well unwilling to listen to me anyway. Hey Wolf, you've always been a smooth talker with ladies. Maybe you could talk some sense into her for me."
"Uh, I dunno Kong I don't really like getting into the middle of shit like this, don't you have someplace else to stay, hey what about your cousin Joe?"
"I'm not staying with him! He's a fucking fag!"
"Well, beggars can't be chooser Kong, besides he's your cousin it's not like you have worry about him trying any ass pirate shit on you. I'm sure he's got a nice house too."
"Yeah, I guess but I'd still prefer to go back to my own home, and I'm not sure if Joe would let me stay anyway. You gotta help me out Wolf, Nancy kicked me out with nothing, and I don't even have any money in the bank. I don't want to be living in the fucking wilderness again!"
You normally aren't one to help someone for no reason, but there's the fact that you don't want him living that close to you, you don't relish the idea of him taking big healthy dumps in a forest you live near, so to avoid wearing a clothespin on your nose for the rest of your time living here, you decide to help Kong.