The Ninja Epidemic
You decide to call your cousin. You don't realy know what a bunch of hick cops could do against ninjas anyway. But your cousin is crazy. You're sure he can kill a few of them at least.
The phone rings ttwice before he picks up. His voice is hoarse and he answers caughing. You tell him about last night, and the attack of the ninjas today. You tell him you need his help and his weaponry to defend yourself and your friends from the ninjas.
"I did meth for a while, too. But you can't just go around killing what you precieve to be ninjas. Wait for the buzz to wear off and you'll see things in a whole nother light." He tells you.
"No, I'm not on anything. A clan of ninjas is really after me." You explain.
"Listen, I know it seems very real to you right now. But you have to understand that is all the meth. There aren't any ninjas after you, you're just a little high." He is speaking to y ou slowly and calmly, very unlike him.
"Listen," You start to explain, trying hard not to lose your temper, "I am not on anything. Will you just come down with a few guns and see it for yourself? See the ninjas for yourself and tell me what you think then."
The phone is silent for a short while. "Are you trying to offer me some meth?"
"No, damn it! Just come down here, would you?!?" You are practicaly screaming.
"Uh... Okay. I'll be at your house in about an hour." He says.
"Fine. Hurry up." You tell him.
"Bye."
"Bye."
You hang up the phone. What the hell are you going to do now? You decide to look around the house for something that can be used as a weapon, just in case a ninja stops by before your cousin shows up. Time passes as you ponder what would be more effective, a sledgehammer or a baseball bat. The sledgehammer is more powerful, but the bat would be easier to manuever.
Just then you hear the familiar pop of your cousin's truck backfiring as it rambles down your street. You glance at your watch. Damn! That was quick! He got here in just twenty minutes! You sure hope he's brought enough guns!! You drop the potential weapons.
You feel a refreshing rush of adrenaline coursing through your body as you bolt out the door to greet him in the driveway. Billy Bo Bob Bubba (or just 'Bo', for short) - your cousin - has been considered by many esteemed scientific minds to be the ever-elusive 'missing link' between modern man and his ancient predecessors. But that's beside the point.
Bo jumps out of the old, rusty pick-up and eyes you warily. "That shit still messin' with yer mind?" he prompts you.
"Dammit, Bo!" you rage. "I fucking told you I'm not on anything! THERE'S NINJAS AFTER ME! Do you want me to take you to my friend James' house!? HE"S FUCKING DEAD, BO! THE COCKSUCKING NINJAS DID IT!"
Bo's eyes widen in shock. "Now calm down there, youngen'," he advises you.
You nearly choke on your own saliva "YOUNGEN!?" you gasp. "Bo, I'm three months and four days older than you, you stupid inbred honky! Look..." You take a deep breath to relax yourself. "Did you bring the guns? 'Cause that's all that really matters. As long as you brought the guns we'll be alright."
Bo smiles that toothless smile of his and gives a quick nod. "And I brought you something to help you cool off that meth, too." He opens his right palm and displays three little blue pills. They seem to be calling your name with little blue voices of silky blue delight.
But you're still suspicious. "What are those?" you ask him.
Bo shrugs. "I'dunno wha'tha'fuck they're," he slurs. "But they shore do make me all happy-like."
Tough choice. Well, what will it be, bub?
The phone rings ttwice before he picks up. His voice is hoarse and he answers caughing. You tell him about last night, and the attack of the ninjas today. You tell him you need his help and his weaponry to defend yourself and your friends from the ninjas.
"I did meth for a while, too. But you can't just go around killing what you precieve to be ninjas. Wait for the buzz to wear off and you'll see things in a whole nother light." He tells you.
"No, I'm not on anything. A clan of ninjas is really after me." You explain.
"Listen, I know it seems very real to you right now. But you have to understand that is all the meth. There aren't any ninjas after you, you're just a little high." He is speaking to y ou slowly and calmly, very unlike him.
"Listen," You start to explain, trying hard not to lose your temper, "I am not on anything. Will you just come down with a few guns and see it for yourself? See the ninjas for yourself and tell me what you think then."
The phone is silent for a short while. "Are you trying to offer me some meth?"
"No, damn it! Just come down here, would you?!?" You are practicaly screaming.
"Uh... Okay. I'll be at your house in about an hour." He says.
"Fine. Hurry up." You tell him.
"Bye."
"Bye."
You hang up the phone. What the hell are you going to do now? You decide to look around the house for something that can be used as a weapon, just in case a ninja stops by before your cousin shows up. Time passes as you ponder what would be more effective, a sledgehammer or a baseball bat. The sledgehammer is more powerful, but the bat would be easier to manuever.
Just then you hear the familiar pop of your cousin's truck backfiring as it rambles down your street. You glance at your watch. Damn! That was quick! He got here in just twenty minutes! You sure hope he's brought enough guns!! You drop the potential weapons.
You feel a refreshing rush of adrenaline coursing through your body as you bolt out the door to greet him in the driveway. Billy Bo Bob Bubba (or just 'Bo', for short) - your cousin - has been considered by many esteemed scientific minds to be the ever-elusive 'missing link' between modern man and his ancient predecessors. But that's beside the point.
Bo jumps out of the old, rusty pick-up and eyes you warily. "That shit still messin' with yer mind?" he prompts you.
"Dammit, Bo!" you rage. "I fucking told you I'm not on anything! THERE'S NINJAS AFTER ME! Do you want me to take you to my friend James' house!? HE"S FUCKING DEAD, BO! THE COCKSUCKING NINJAS DID IT!"
Bo's eyes widen in shock. "Now calm down there, youngen'," he advises you.
You nearly choke on your own saliva "YOUNGEN!?" you gasp. "Bo, I'm three months and four days older than you, you stupid inbred honky! Look..." You take a deep breath to relax yourself. "Did you bring the guns? 'Cause that's all that really matters. As long as you brought the guns we'll be alright."
Bo smiles that toothless smile of his and gives a quick nod. "And I brought you something to help you cool off that meth, too." He opens his right palm and displays three little blue pills. They seem to be calling your name with little blue voices of silky blue delight.
But you're still suspicious. "What are those?" you ask him.
Bo shrugs. "I'dunno wha'tha'fuck they're," he slurs. "But they shore do make me all happy-like."
Tough choice. Well, what will it be, bub?