Gurl PowR!

"This is a motherfucking stickup, you motherfucking mofos!"

A what? You moved into this neighborhood expressly for the low crime rate and small percentage of dangerous minorities. How dare you now be stuck in this shitty situation with some delusional white guy holding up Walgreens, of all places. How embarrassing!

"EVERYBODY ON THE FUCKING FLOOR OR I'LL BLAST YOUR FUCKING HEADS OFF!" he screams, his voice breaking a little bit with the effort.

It is precisely at this moment that he takes out what looks very much like a real gun and starts waving it insanely at the stunned people in the store. The nerdy girl is actually drooling a little bit out of the side of her mouth, clenching her maxi-pads in her dough-white fist. You are so grossed out looking at her that you kind of forget about the bad guy for a second.

"That means you too, bitch!" he shouts directly in your ear, and before you know it, you are flat on your stomach with your hands over your head. You would be scared, but you realize suddenly how completely unsanitary this floor is. All the Lysol in the world couldn't help it, not with all the bums and bagladies and frumpmonkeys that regularly traverse it. And to think you're lying on it, you, in your stylish, painstakingly ironed (by that Chinese guy), perfect clothing. This situation is simply unacceptable. Hoping the robber won't notice, you raise yourself into a pushup position. Sure, it might look a little butch, but priorities are priorities.

You glance up with curiosity and notice that the man has now laid his gun on the counter while he greedily stuffs the contents of the third register into a dirty white trash bag. He curses as he struggles to free a wad of bills that seems to have jammed up in the machine.

It is at this moment that you get a crazy idea. Maybe, just maybe, you could spring up on your feet, grab the gun, and save the day! It would make you famous. Your picture would be everywhere. Beautiful men would appear out of the blue to beg for your attention. The mayor would give you the key to the city. You'd get rich with all sorts of advertising campaigns. The modeling agencies would call, one after the otherÂ…

Or, you might just end up dead.

Decide quickly, before this idiot succeeds in emptying the register!
« Go Back