Gurl PowR!
Pretty girls shouldn't have to suffer at the mercy of their own bodies. Suffering should be saved for the ugly people. You are pondering this truth as you step into your bedroom, and remember some of the other things you have to do in the mortal world. With an exasperated sigh you reach for your cell before remembering its sad fate.
You think about going back out and asking Lily to borrow her phone, but her organic deodorant is still mingling in your nostrils, and it is an almost wholly unpleasant scent. Lord, why couldn't the girl grow up and use the good stuff? The life of a whale or dolphin or whatever is no more valuable than your ability to breathe and she should really have more respect for your nose.
Pulling out the shiny new laptop that hardly gets any lap time, you resolve yourself to writing in sick. The boss will surely appreciate the effort. You might even get a raise just for being so damn responsible about the whole matter. You smile through the pain as you flip open the cover thing and start tapping at the keys.
"Dear Boss,
2 sick 4 work. Went home. Cell's broke. Srry.
Gurl."
You start to review it, and then realize the worse it reads the more sick it makes you appear. Like a written form of the sick voice you would normally have used. Without a second thought you click send, and let it traipse off into the World Wide Web in search of the appropriate mailbox.
You consider shutting down immediately, but a glance at the clock reveals that it is still about 30 minutes till your show. You click open your buddy list, and then in another screen open the Gucci website. It's almost like you are working from home. You smile, and send a message to Gina. She's bored- you can feel it radiating through the special bond that you two share.
GurlZ_r00L: HEY GURLIEEEE!!!
ChiquitaBitchita: Hi! Y arent u at work?
GurlZ_r00L: omg I am soooo fat and bloated its not even funny i just emailed my stuopid boss
GurlZ_r00L: so what r u up to?
ChiquitaBitchita: Ugh. Im swimming in shitty piles of poopified manuscripts. I've been through 10 in the past five mins. Oh my god they suck so hard.
GurlZ_r00L: yah that sux
GurlZ_r00L: god I want som fucking choclate
ChiquitaBitchita: you deserve it. choclate makes the world a happy place.
ChiquitaBitchita: mmmm... OH! My. God. I almost forgot. I got a manuscript from some chap we used to know.
GurlZ_r00L: lol chap
GurlZ_r00L: who????
ChiquitaBitchita: Do you remember that stinky guuy from like... sophmore year? he totally used to follow you around wanting to sniff your crotch.
GurlZ_r00L: ewwwWWWwww!!! hahahaha lolz
GurlZ_r00L: no who
ChiquitaBitchita: Mikey the dikey.
GurlZ_r00L: ROFL
GurlZ_r00L: um...remind me...
ChiquitaBitchita: you remember... the RA caught him in the girl's bathroom that time, he was wanking this itty bitty dicky all over the place, and trying to spy on the girls.
GurlZ_r00L: oOOOOO ooo HIMMMMMM
GurlZ_r00L: omfg
GurlZ_r00L: HE emailed you??
GurlZ_r00L: EEEP!!
GurlZ_r00L: Tee hee!
lGurlZ_r00L: olololol
GurlZ_r00L: no fucking waaayyy!!
ChiquitaBitchita: he did! I thinnk hes like totally lost it.
GurlZ_r00L: what did he say?
ChiquitaBitchita: he sent me this manuscript about the place of a woman in his bed. and then at the end of the letter, he totally asked who was occupying mine.
ChiquitaBitchita: I was like oh fuck no!
GurlZ_r00L: omg! lol!
GurlZ_r00L: STFU
GurlZ_r00L: how did he FIind you?
ChiquitaBitchita: I wish I knew. he said he saw my name in the Writer's Market thing. I was like dammn. I didn't mean for HIS TYPE to look me up. I mean, lord it is so depressing to have ugly dumb fuckers writing you.
GurlZ_r00L: yah totally
ChiquitaBitchita: at least with strangers I can pretend they aren't heinous shits.
GurlZ_r00L: heinous?? uve been working at that place too long!!
GurlZ_r00L: so did you write back to him yet?
ChiquitaBitchita: LOL I know.
ChiquitaBitchita: Nopers, I mean, I have to. It's totally my job.
ChiquitaBitchita: I started drafting a letter, but it might be too mean, even for me.
ChiquitaBitchita: On the other hand I don't want him to keeeep writing me.
ChiquitaBitchita: It is my duty not to offer false hopess. don't you think?
GurlZ_r00L: todally
GurlZ_r00L: u totaly need to cut him down to size lol
GurlZ_r00L: u no wat
ChiquitaBitchita: Dear Little Microdick Mikey, your story sucked balls, just like you in college. And, just like it didn't get you into the fraternity, it won't get you published now. Eat shit, and die. And spare the paper of submitting another crappy manuscript. On behalf of readerz everywhere, and the trees whose lives are sacrificed to make said paper. Just stop writing.
GurlZ_r00L: u should be relly mean
ChiquitaBitchita: My boss would not think ti was cute.
GurlZ_r00L: HAHAHHA!! ur so mean I luvvvvv it!!!!
ChiquitaBitchita: [I mean, I have to be sortta professional.
GurlZ_r00L: ow fucking cramps maybe I should take pamprin or somethin
GurlZ_r00L: fuck professional
ChiquitaBitchita: I do fuck professional.
ChiquitaBitchita: I'm like a damn pornstar!!!
GurlZ_r00L: that guy was THE biggest sleazeee like EVER
ChiquitaBitchita: He totally was. Did you even heare what happened with his wife and kids?
GurlZ_r00L: omg no tell me
GurlZ_r00L: I love gossip!~!!!1
ChiquitaBitchita: I don't know if it is true or whatevs, but I heard he like got kicked out of his house for taking an interest in younger women. ANd the thing is, he liked them REAL young. So much so, that he might have even ben interested in his daughters. I mean, GOd, how desperate can he get?
ChiquitaBitchita: AND, I mean, like his wife had to take them across the country and shit, and he can't see them without supervision.
GurlZ_r00L: fer reaalll?
ChiquitaBitchita: And this story he wrote was all about buying some foreign bride, and I bet he does it too. I bet he can't help himself, and he buys some 12 year old Russian girl to boss around. He's the kind of asshole that would do that.
ChiquitaBitchita: Yeah.
GurlZ_r00L: omg I am soooo skeezed out!
GurlZ_r00L: like EWWW
ChiquitaBitchita: Like police had to get involved and shit.
GurlZ_r00L: My vomity feeling totally just got wrese!
ChiquitaBitchita: Damn. Sorry Gurl.
ChiquitaBitchita: Get your chocolate.
GurlZ_r00L: ok! brb
ChiquitaBitchita: In celebration of the one dick we never even considered lusting after.
ChiquitaBitchita: Ok
GurlZ_r00L: (AWAY MESSAGE: CHooooooocooOOOOOO)
You think about going back out and asking Lily to borrow her phone, but her organic deodorant is still mingling in your nostrils, and it is an almost wholly unpleasant scent. Lord, why couldn't the girl grow up and use the good stuff? The life of a whale or dolphin or whatever is no more valuable than your ability to breathe and she should really have more respect for your nose.
Pulling out the shiny new laptop that hardly gets any lap time, you resolve yourself to writing in sick. The boss will surely appreciate the effort. You might even get a raise just for being so damn responsible about the whole matter. You smile through the pain as you flip open the cover thing and start tapping at the keys.
"Dear Boss,
2 sick 4 work. Went home. Cell's broke. Srry.
Gurl."
You start to review it, and then realize the worse it reads the more sick it makes you appear. Like a written form of the sick voice you would normally have used. Without a second thought you click send, and let it traipse off into the World Wide Web in search of the appropriate mailbox.
You consider shutting down immediately, but a glance at the clock reveals that it is still about 30 minutes till your show. You click open your buddy list, and then in another screen open the Gucci website. It's almost like you are working from home. You smile, and send a message to Gina. She's bored- you can feel it radiating through the special bond that you two share.
GurlZ_r00L: HEY GURLIEEEE!!!
ChiquitaBitchita: Hi! Y arent u at work?
GurlZ_r00L: omg I am soooo fat and bloated its not even funny i just emailed my stuopid boss
GurlZ_r00L: so what r u up to?
ChiquitaBitchita: Ugh. Im swimming in shitty piles of poopified manuscripts. I've been through 10 in the past five mins. Oh my god they suck so hard.
GurlZ_r00L: yah that sux
GurlZ_r00L: god I want som fucking choclate
ChiquitaBitchita: you deserve it. choclate makes the world a happy place.
ChiquitaBitchita: mmmm... OH! My. God. I almost forgot. I got a manuscript from some chap we used to know.
GurlZ_r00L: lol chap
GurlZ_r00L: who????
ChiquitaBitchita: Do you remember that stinky guuy from like... sophmore year? he totally used to follow you around wanting to sniff your crotch.
GurlZ_r00L: ewwwWWWwww!!! hahahaha lolz
GurlZ_r00L: no who
ChiquitaBitchita: Mikey the dikey.
GurlZ_r00L: ROFL
GurlZ_r00L: um...remind me...
ChiquitaBitchita: you remember... the RA caught him in the girl's bathroom that time, he was wanking this itty bitty dicky all over the place, and trying to spy on the girls.
GurlZ_r00L: oOOOOO ooo HIMMMMMM
GurlZ_r00L: omfg
GurlZ_r00L: HE emailed you??
GurlZ_r00L: EEEP!!
GurlZ_r00L: Tee hee!
lGurlZ_r00L: olololol
GurlZ_r00L: no fucking waaayyy!!
ChiquitaBitchita: he did! I thinnk hes like totally lost it.
GurlZ_r00L: what did he say?
ChiquitaBitchita: he sent me this manuscript about the place of a woman in his bed. and then at the end of the letter, he totally asked who was occupying mine.
ChiquitaBitchita: I was like oh fuck no!
GurlZ_r00L: omg! lol!
GurlZ_r00L: STFU
GurlZ_r00L: how did he FIind you?
ChiquitaBitchita: I wish I knew. he said he saw my name in the Writer's Market thing. I was like dammn. I didn't mean for HIS TYPE to look me up. I mean, lord it is so depressing to have ugly dumb fuckers writing you.
GurlZ_r00L: yah totally
ChiquitaBitchita: at least with strangers I can pretend they aren't heinous shits.
GurlZ_r00L: heinous?? uve been working at that place too long!!
GurlZ_r00L: so did you write back to him yet?
ChiquitaBitchita: LOL I know.
ChiquitaBitchita: Nopers, I mean, I have to. It's totally my job.
ChiquitaBitchita: I started drafting a letter, but it might be too mean, even for me.
ChiquitaBitchita: On the other hand I don't want him to keeeep writing me.
ChiquitaBitchita: It is my duty not to offer false hopess. don't you think?
GurlZ_r00L: todally
GurlZ_r00L: u totaly need to cut him down to size lol
GurlZ_r00L: u no wat
ChiquitaBitchita: Dear Little Microdick Mikey, your story sucked balls, just like you in college. And, just like it didn't get you into the fraternity, it won't get you published now. Eat shit, and die. And spare the paper of submitting another crappy manuscript. On behalf of readerz everywhere, and the trees whose lives are sacrificed to make said paper. Just stop writing.
GurlZ_r00L: u should be relly mean
ChiquitaBitchita: My boss would not think ti was cute.
GurlZ_r00L: HAHAHHA!! ur so mean I luvvvvv it!!!!
ChiquitaBitchita: [I mean, I have to be sortta professional.
GurlZ_r00L: ow fucking cramps maybe I should take pamprin or somethin
GurlZ_r00L: fuck professional
ChiquitaBitchita: I do fuck professional.
ChiquitaBitchita: I'm like a damn pornstar!!!
GurlZ_r00L: that guy was THE biggest sleazeee like EVER
ChiquitaBitchita: He totally was. Did you even heare what happened with his wife and kids?
GurlZ_r00L: omg no tell me
GurlZ_r00L: I love gossip!~!!!1
ChiquitaBitchita: I don't know if it is true or whatevs, but I heard he like got kicked out of his house for taking an interest in younger women. ANd the thing is, he liked them REAL young. So much so, that he might have even ben interested in his daughters. I mean, GOd, how desperate can he get?
ChiquitaBitchita: AND, I mean, like his wife had to take them across the country and shit, and he can't see them without supervision.
GurlZ_r00L: fer reaalll?
ChiquitaBitchita: And this story he wrote was all about buying some foreign bride, and I bet he does it too. I bet he can't help himself, and he buys some 12 year old Russian girl to boss around. He's the kind of asshole that would do that.
ChiquitaBitchita: Yeah.
GurlZ_r00L: omg I am soooo skeezed out!
GurlZ_r00L: like EWWW
ChiquitaBitchita: Like police had to get involved and shit.
GurlZ_r00L: My vomity feeling totally just got wrese!
ChiquitaBitchita: Damn. Sorry Gurl.
ChiquitaBitchita: Get your chocolate.
GurlZ_r00L: ok! brb
ChiquitaBitchita: In celebration of the one dick we never even considered lusting after.
ChiquitaBitchita: Ok
GurlZ_r00L: (AWAY MESSAGE: CHooooooocooOOOOOO)