Gurl PowR!
The elevator door opens on the lobby to reveal your pissy yet undeniably ravishing figure. Yuri, the imported doorman, stares at you with big googly fisheyes, waiting for you to step out and grace him with your presence. You do no such thing, however, as you realize that Aunt Flo is the kind of guest who needs constant attention. Sometimes she likes tea, sometimes she likes yoga. She is always conspiring to make you fat on chocolates. The elevator door begins to shut as you pout dramatically in Yuri's direction and he stares longingly back with a look of kicked-puppy disappointment.
You have just pressed the button to go back to your floor when a freckled, suntanned hand with fingers ending in stubby, broken nails, reaches into the elevator.
"Ow!" a voice exclaims as the door shuts on the hand before opening back up to reveal your roommate, Lily. There is not much more to say about Lily except that she is, tragically, a hippie.
"Hi," you manage to greet her, trying to resist the waves of nausea as your poor eyes take in her tattered men's shorts, army surplus top and completely unforgivable dreadlocks, all wrapped up in a red bandana. Lily is luckily one of the few hippies who actually showers on a regular basis; if she were one of those earthworms-in-the-nose and slugs-in-the-hair kind of hippies, you'd never be able to share a living space with her. She works in the campaign office of a superhippie mayoral candidate who wants to turn the city into a collective farm dealing in pigpoop and solar power. Though you grudgingly have to admit that she's a sweet girl, you live with her primarily because the split rent allows you to splurge a little every season on a totally new and fabulous wardrobe. Such are the sacrifices one must make in life.
"Decided not to go to work, huh? You're a badass!"
"Yeah, well, my period is really killing me and I just don't feel like dealing with work today."
"That sucks, dude. Hey, I got some herbal remedies that would totally help!"
The elevator door opening onto your floor gives you the perfect excuse not to have to answer her. The two of you reach your apartment door and you wait with a sigh for Lily to unlock it.
"Hey," she says, smiling up at you. "I've got the day off as well. I'm gonna go with some friends out of the city. You're welcome to join us if you want! We're just gonna hang out and chill."
"Um, I dunno," you say, clawing frenetically at the pantsuit that feels like it's about to explode right off of you.
"It'll be fun!" Lily calls to you as she disappears into her own room. "I'm leaving in half an hour if you decide to come along."
You totally didn't need this complication today. You would have been perfectly happy to just sit on the couch in your red satin pajamas watching Oprah while pretending not to inhale twelve metric tons of chocolate. Any good girl knows that hippies are hairy and unpredictable creatures. But, of course, they do always seem really relaxed. Maybe that's just what you need on this God-awful day. And no one has to know!
You have just pressed the button to go back to your floor when a freckled, suntanned hand with fingers ending in stubby, broken nails, reaches into the elevator.
"Ow!" a voice exclaims as the door shuts on the hand before opening back up to reveal your roommate, Lily. There is not much more to say about Lily except that she is, tragically, a hippie.
"Hi," you manage to greet her, trying to resist the waves of nausea as your poor eyes take in her tattered men's shorts, army surplus top and completely unforgivable dreadlocks, all wrapped up in a red bandana. Lily is luckily one of the few hippies who actually showers on a regular basis; if she were one of those earthworms-in-the-nose and slugs-in-the-hair kind of hippies, you'd never be able to share a living space with her. She works in the campaign office of a superhippie mayoral candidate who wants to turn the city into a collective farm dealing in pigpoop and solar power. Though you grudgingly have to admit that she's a sweet girl, you live with her primarily because the split rent allows you to splurge a little every season on a totally new and fabulous wardrobe. Such are the sacrifices one must make in life.
"Decided not to go to work, huh? You're a badass!"
"Yeah, well, my period is really killing me and I just don't feel like dealing with work today."
"That sucks, dude. Hey, I got some herbal remedies that would totally help!"
The elevator door opening onto your floor gives you the perfect excuse not to have to answer her. The two of you reach your apartment door and you wait with a sigh for Lily to unlock it.
"Hey," she says, smiling up at you. "I've got the day off as well. I'm gonna go with some friends out of the city. You're welcome to join us if you want! We're just gonna hang out and chill."
"Um, I dunno," you say, clawing frenetically at the pantsuit that feels like it's about to explode right off of you.
"It'll be fun!" Lily calls to you as she disappears into her own room. "I'm leaving in half an hour if you decide to come along."
You totally didn't need this complication today. You would have been perfectly happy to just sit on the couch in your red satin pajamas watching Oprah while pretending not to inhale twelve metric tons of chocolate. Any good girl knows that hippies are hairy and unpredictable creatures. But, of course, they do always seem really relaxed. Maybe that's just what you need on this God-awful day. And no one has to know!