Gurl PowR!
You figure you might as well get some more wear out of your bejeweled platforms before the shiny-little-rhinestone look goes out of style. After all, it's already been riding high for a full two and a half seasons. You can't remember the last time a style lasted that long. Maybe pencil pants. Those were going strong for a few years. You seriously regret your origins in the 80's and the many, many pairs of pencil pants you made your mom buy you. You shudder a little just at the thought.
Feeling cute and perfectly put together, you strut out of your apartment and into the elevator. As the door opens on the first floor, you lock eyes with Yuri, the doorman.
"Well, hello to you, beautiful girl," he says loudly in his amusing English.
"Yuri," you say, giving him a short, snobby nod without really looking at him.
"Your shoes, so shiny!" he exclaims. You can't help but feel pleased, but just as when any man compliments your footwear, you begin to seriously question his sexuality.
You honor him with a smile and look down at your feet to admire them anew. Yuri gallantly holds the door open for you, bursting at the seams with delight, and you are again assured that the poor little FOB is desperately in love with you. Oh, Yuri. Someday you'll get your girl. Her name will probably be Svetlana and she'll have uneven teeth but a heart of gold, and she'll cook borscht for you every night.
Feeling rather generous towards the world and nearly blinded by the rhinestone-reflected sunshine in your eyes, you make your way towards Pepe's Grocery on the corner. So high are your spirits, you don't even remember to smirk at Cyclops, the VFW bum habitually slumped against your building.
It is a bitchin' hot day and you can actually see the haze hanging over the sidewalks. You direct yourself to the familiar green neon awning at the end of your block. Pepe's Grocery is just another one of the many fruitstand-cum-cigarette-and-porn-shops that litter the city, but it's special to you because of Pepe.
"Ay, coño!" Pepe exclaims as you sashay in, enjoying the light mist spraying around the oranges. "You are one hot mamacita!"
"Don't I know it," you sigh. "Pepe," you whisper, running the tip of your tongue coyly over your upper lip. "Pepe, I need batteries."
"Not again!" he exclaims. "So soon? You are a bad, bad girl." He turns around and your eye is naturally drawn to his round little butt stuffed into his tight blue jeans. You take this opportunity to give him a firm pinch.
"Ay, coño!" he giggles. "Behave yourself!"
As Pepe is busy finding your double-A's behind the counter, you notice a new issue of Blahsmo on the magazine stand. Seven Secrets of the Male Psyche: Part 2. Oh my god! Oh my god! Your heart begins to beat a little faster. You learned so much from the first one. Who knows what amazing things are in store for you now? The only problem is that you only brought enough money to cover the batteries and even though you have five credit cards, Pepe's is a cash-only kind of place. Life is so unfair!
What should you do?
Feeling cute and perfectly put together, you strut out of your apartment and into the elevator. As the door opens on the first floor, you lock eyes with Yuri, the doorman.
"Well, hello to you, beautiful girl," he says loudly in his amusing English.
"Yuri," you say, giving him a short, snobby nod without really looking at him.
"Your shoes, so shiny!" he exclaims. You can't help but feel pleased, but just as when any man compliments your footwear, you begin to seriously question his sexuality.
You honor him with a smile and look down at your feet to admire them anew. Yuri gallantly holds the door open for you, bursting at the seams with delight, and you are again assured that the poor little FOB is desperately in love with you. Oh, Yuri. Someday you'll get your girl. Her name will probably be Svetlana and she'll have uneven teeth but a heart of gold, and she'll cook borscht for you every night.
Feeling rather generous towards the world and nearly blinded by the rhinestone-reflected sunshine in your eyes, you make your way towards Pepe's Grocery on the corner. So high are your spirits, you don't even remember to smirk at Cyclops, the VFW bum habitually slumped against your building.
It is a bitchin' hot day and you can actually see the haze hanging over the sidewalks. You direct yourself to the familiar green neon awning at the end of your block. Pepe's Grocery is just another one of the many fruitstand-cum-cigarette-and-porn-shops that litter the city, but it's special to you because of Pepe.
"Ay, coño!" Pepe exclaims as you sashay in, enjoying the light mist spraying around the oranges. "You are one hot mamacita!"
"Don't I know it," you sigh. "Pepe," you whisper, running the tip of your tongue coyly over your upper lip. "Pepe, I need batteries."
"Not again!" he exclaims. "So soon? You are a bad, bad girl." He turns around and your eye is naturally drawn to his round little butt stuffed into his tight blue jeans. You take this opportunity to give him a firm pinch.
"Ay, coño!" he giggles. "Behave yourself!"
As Pepe is busy finding your double-A's behind the counter, you notice a new issue of Blahsmo on the magazine stand. Seven Secrets of the Male Psyche: Part 2. Oh my god! Oh my god! Your heart begins to beat a little faster. You learned so much from the first one. Who knows what amazing things are in store for you now? The only problem is that you only brought enough money to cover the batteries and even though you have five credit cards, Pepe's is a cash-only kind of place. Life is so unfair!
What should you do?