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The Adventures of George W. Bush

"Pull over, John," you say to the bus driver. "I'll defuse the situation with my formidable charm and cunning. I'm a uniter, John...not a divider." And you get that far and distant look in your wandering eyes as you gaze out over the horizon.

The bus driver, John, just rolls his eyes and stops the bus as per your command, jolting you a little in the process. As the doors swings open and you make ready to face the frenzied mob of peace-mongers, one of the secret service agents stops you. "Sir," he says, laying a hand on your shoulder. "What you're doing is extremely foolish and dangerous. I highly advise you stay inside this bus."

"Your not my daddy," comes your retort. "You can't tell me what to do. I'm George Bush and I'm from Texas. Plus, I mean, I'm in top physical and mental condition for a man my age." And you proceed to shove the agent aside. Once outside, you find yourself amidst an angry mob of citizens that are definitely not pleased to see you. Nevertheless, you're here to do whatever it is Presidents do when they're not playing golf or doing chores on the ranch. Ya. That makes sense.

"Fellow Amuricans!" you say to the crowd with a charismatic sweep of your arms. "Ever heard of deodorant? Hehehehehehe. Just kidding there. No, but seriously. My fellow Amuricans..." You better come up with something good, and fast!