The Adventures of George W. Bush
You choose July 1st, Canada Day, as the handover date. If Canada doesn't give up Terrance and Philli by then, you'll invade and rename July 1st "Freedom Day".
The American people eat this up, but you've had a busy day. Cheney comes in and helps you into your 'jamies, and you sit down on the floor in front of the TV to watch SpongeBob. You did such a good job today, you get to stay up past nine!
Just after you finish singing along with the theme, your Scooby Doo phone rings. It's former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien! He scares you because he talks like a pirate and his face looks like it's melting.
You put him on hold until the end of your show to let him know who's boss. Then you wait a little while longer for good measure. Eventually, you pick up the receiver.
"Hello?" you say.
"Uhh, bonjour, this is Jean. Is this Bush?" he says in his pirate voice.
"Yes. This had better be important, I'm sleepy."
"You want to invade, you think we have Terrance and Phillip? I want the proof!"
"I saw it on South Park. *Yawn* I'm not supposed to watch that show, but I did, and I saw it. What kind of proof do you need?" you ask.
"A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven."1
The pirate man is starting to scare you, what do you do?
1 This is an actual quote, I kid you not. When he's not busy strangling protesters with his bare hands (okay, so he only did this once) he spends most of his time talking in gibberish. And yes, like a pirate.
The American people eat this up, but you've had a busy day. Cheney comes in and helps you into your 'jamies, and you sit down on the floor in front of the TV to watch SpongeBob. You did such a good job today, you get to stay up past nine!
Just after you finish singing along with the theme, your Scooby Doo phone rings. It's former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien! He scares you because he talks like a pirate and his face looks like it's melting.
You put him on hold until the end of your show to let him know who's boss. Then you wait a little while longer for good measure. Eventually, you pick up the receiver.
"Hello?" you say.
"Uhh, bonjour, this is Jean. Is this Bush?" he says in his pirate voice.
"Yes. This had better be important, I'm sleepy."
"You want to invade, you think we have Terrance and Phillip? I want the proof!"
"I saw it on South Park. *Yawn* I'm not supposed to watch that show, but I did, and I saw it. What kind of proof do you need?" you ask.
"A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven."1
The pirate man is starting to scare you, what do you do?
1 This is an actual quote, I kid you not. When he's not busy strangling protesters with his bare hands (okay, so he only did this once) he spends most of his time talking in gibberish. And yes, like a pirate.
You have 3 choices:
- Get Cheney to help you. (He might be mad that you didn't go to bed right after SpongeBob).
- Threaten to bomb Quebec first.
- Read a random line from Rumsfeld's speech: "Reports that say something hasn't happened are interesting to me, because as we know, there are known unknowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns." (Also a real quote).