The Middle Mary Sue
There are three in your scout group. All are tall, slim, voluptuous, beautiful. All are captivating and powerful. All are realityphobes.
The captain: Esmyralda Lavandar Xaemona, elven princess of Twinklestar Forest. Lofty and golden-blonde, with cobalt-blue eyes and pixielike features. She bears a katana, although she has no idea what one is, and is garbed in a diamante tiara and flowing blue gown, low-cut yet modest. The paradox hurts your eyes.
Your subordinate: Goldflower Tookbaggins. A hobbit, though she still manages somehow to appear tall and thin, which with materialistic Mary-Sues kind of defeats the object. She is clad in a richly embroidered crop top and hotpants of a rich, beautiful and utterly impractical material, and her weapon is a gold-hilted sword set with diamonds in a pretty floral pattern.
And finally, you: Selena Duskpetal, immortal human (somehow, or until someone runs a sword through you, but that was in the small print). Hair as dark as night, ivy-green eyes, and skin so pale that you look like a ghost and get really bad sunburn. Knee-high boots and a swishing black cloak, and knives and a longbow which never misses, even when the string is wet. The arrows are pink.
And there is a nagging doubt at the back of your mind.
Why are you here? How did you GET here? But the answers come smoothly: you are Selena Duskpetal, immortal human. You are part of a task force to Middle-Earth, scouting out the inhabitants' weak spots in a routine investigation. Just relax and go with it: the Author will take care of you.
But still the doubt remains.
A portal is opened, and you step through into gloomily lit woodland. Light is filtering through the tightly packed leaves, but the little that reaches the forest floor attempts in vain to illuminate any detail.
Something cracks above your head, and you leap aside swiftly, narrowly escaping a huge spider which had thrust its mandibles down to skewer you. You string your bow hurriedly and fire, and the giant spider squeals in pain and tumbles from the trees, pink arrow-barbs protruding from its eyes. But already more oversized arachnids have appeared in the trees, and you and your companions are outnumbered and surrounded.
What to do?
The captain: Esmyralda Lavandar Xaemona, elven princess of Twinklestar Forest. Lofty and golden-blonde, with cobalt-blue eyes and pixielike features. She bears a katana, although she has no idea what one is, and is garbed in a diamante tiara and flowing blue gown, low-cut yet modest. The paradox hurts your eyes.
Your subordinate: Goldflower Tookbaggins. A hobbit, though she still manages somehow to appear tall and thin, which with materialistic Mary-Sues kind of defeats the object. She is clad in a richly embroidered crop top and hotpants of a rich, beautiful and utterly impractical material, and her weapon is a gold-hilted sword set with diamonds in a pretty floral pattern.
And finally, you: Selena Duskpetal, immortal human (somehow, or until someone runs a sword through you, but that was in the small print). Hair as dark as night, ivy-green eyes, and skin so pale that you look like a ghost and get really bad sunburn. Knee-high boots and a swishing black cloak, and knives and a longbow which never misses, even when the string is wet. The arrows are pink.
And there is a nagging doubt at the back of your mind.
Why are you here? How did you GET here? But the answers come smoothly: you are Selena Duskpetal, immortal human. You are part of a task force to Middle-Earth, scouting out the inhabitants' weak spots in a routine investigation. Just relax and go with it: the Author will take care of you.
But still the doubt remains.
A portal is opened, and you step through into gloomily lit woodland. Light is filtering through the tightly packed leaves, but the little that reaches the forest floor attempts in vain to illuminate any detail.
Something cracks above your head, and you leap aside swiftly, narrowly escaping a huge spider which had thrust its mandibles down to skewer you. You string your bow hurriedly and fire, and the giant spider squeals in pain and tumbles from the trees, pink arrow-barbs protruding from its eyes. But already more oversized arachnids have appeared in the trees, and you and your companions are outnumbered and surrounded.
What to do?