Suzy’s Strange Saga

Your alarm goes off and you groggily wake up.

Way earlier than you’re used to actually. It’s morning and you haven’t been up this early in a long time. You’re surprised you didn’t just sleep through the alarm considering how emotionally drained you were yesterday. Even now, you still feel tired.

You’re also still pretty damn depressed. Depression combined with your type of ingrained apathy would normally make for a really bad combination of motivation, but against all odds, you actually get up out of bed to go wash up.

You spend an extra long time in the shower trying to motivate yourself for the first phase of your goals today which is heading over to Jake’s comic shop and getting a job.

Eventually you finish up and head back to your room where you start to get dressed, thinking about one of your other possible goals which is finding a new place to live because if this comic shop thing doesn’t work out, you doubt if you’re going to find anything else you’d be willing to do before the week is over.

Always one to seek the way of least resistance, you reluctantly call your sister Donna since she did say you could live with her and Julie. You didn’t really want to go live with her and Julie though because you know it’s going to be party central non-stop, but you don’t have many other options.

You ring up Donna several times and get no answer. You ring up Julie and also get no answer. They’re probably both passed out from whatever they were doing the night before. You give up attempting to contact them today, deciding that you’ll just show up on their doorstep with all your shit if you don’t get this job. It’s not much of a plan, but you do feel slightly better believing you have a safety net. Well you like to THINK you have a safety net anyway.

With that fear partially quelled, you absent-mindedly check to see if Bobby called…then you stop…

“Christ, that was stupid. Get your head straight Suzy…” you say to yourself, starting to feel bad again. You then remind yourself that you’ll have to break that habit.

You nearly delete his number entirely, but you can’t quite bring yourself to do it just yet.

Pushing through it all, you now move on to your next step of trying to convince your brother Peter to let you borrow his car so you drive over to the comic shop.

You head upstairs and bang on the door to the garage.

“Hey Peter, open up I need a favor!” you shout and after a few seconds the door opens up.
“What the fuck Suzy? Why the hell are you banging on my door like you’re the police?” Peter exclaims peeking his head out the door. He’s probably naked.
“Yeah, sorry to bother you with whatever currently doing at the moment, but I need to borrow your car. I’m trying to get a job.” You say.
“A job? I thought you were too much of a prude to be a stripper.”
“Ha ha, very funny. I’m not going to be a stripper, I’m going to try to get a job at a Jake’s comic shop.” You reply.
“A comic shop? Doing what? Getting all the virgin nerds excited?”
“I’m going to be moving boxes or working a register…look I don’t fucking know exactly, I haven’t gotten the job yet. I just know I NEED to get this fucking job or else Kelly’s gonna throw me out on my ass!” you reply getting increasingly exasperated.
“Alright, fine. Don’t fucking bite my goddamn head off because you got problems. I’ve got problems of my own. (Sigh) Wait a minute.”

Peter closes the door and then a few seconds later opens it up and then tosses some keys at you.

“Here. Don’t fuck it up, and I fully expect you to put gas in it.” He says and then slams the door shut.

Well that was easier than you expected, but then he probably just wanted you out of the way for whatever client he has coming over.

With that out of the way, you get in Peter’s car and pull out of the driveway.

A few minutes of driving to your destination and you now learn first hand what Bobby was talking about yesterday. The roads are a mess and the town is in fucking chaos. There are cops everywhere, as well as ambulances and fire trucks racing to their various destinations too. You’re also seeing small groups of people rioting. It’s like the whole town has lost its damn mind and you nearly get into an accident more than a few times. Fortunately Jake’s comic shop isn’t too far away, but given the town’s situation you’re hoping that everything there isn’t going to be as bad as what you’ve been seeing so far.

Eventually you do get to the shop and so far the place doesn’t look too bad, though given that you see a police barricade a few blocks up the street, you wonder if that could all change. Pulling into the parking lot, you exit the car and enter the building.

As soon as you walk in, you briefly scan the shop and find it completely empty save for a bearded middle-aged man with a ponytail at a counter staring at you. He couldn’t be more of a stereotype of a “comic book guy.”

“Well…hello. You lost or something? The beauty salon is down the street…though I believe there was a shooting or something there earlier.” He says.
“Um, no. I’m here about the job. Are you Jake?” you ask.
“That’s me. Now what job are you talking about exactly?” Jake asks while looking at you up and down. The guy is already probably thinking several dirty thoughts about you and at this point you’re really hoping this guy doesn’t turn the whole job thing into some stupid line about giving him a blowjob.

“The job openings I found on the internet for this place. It said you needed someone to move boxes or work the register.” You say.
“Oh yeah, I’m not even sure why I posted that. In this current economy I can barely afford to hire one employee and lately I’m wondering if I can even do that.” Jake says.
“Shit, does this mean you’re not hiring?”
“Well…considering you’re easy on the eyes, I’m not going to say I’m NOT hiring. Besides you’re the only one that’s even applied so far. You’d think with all the fanboy nerds that practically live at this place one of them would’ve offered to fucking help me out. (Sigh) Whatever, you got your resume?”
“Resume?” you ask.
“Yeah, when people tend to apply for jobs they usually have one. I mean not that any of the tasks here are brain surgery, but it’s nice to have some basic information.” Jake says.
“Oh. Well I don’t have one.” You reply.
“Seriously? You came in here for a job without a resume?”
“I didn’t think I’d need one.”
“You didn’t…alright can you give me any references then?”
“Um, no.”
“You can’t or you won’t?”
“I can’t because I don’t have any.”
“Jesus Christ…do you have ANY job experience whatsoever?”
“No.”
“Do you even want a fucking job here?” Jake asks getting exasperated.
“Not really, but I want to run around half naked swinging on a pole getting ogled, slobbered over and groped by horny guys for a living even less, so this place is currently my only option for my desperate situation.” You say.

Jake laughs at your comment.

“Well at least your honest, but if you think you’re not going to get ogled and slobbered over by guys here, you’re sadly mistaken. You do realize this is a comic shop right?”
“Oh come on, there has to be female customers that come in here.” You say.
“Sure, but they don’t look like you and you’ll probably get a couple of them awkwardly hitting on you as well. On the bright side, none of the nerds here are probably going to try to grope you. They’ll be far too shy to try that. No pole swinging either, but feel free to run around half naked. I guarantee something like that would really help out business.” Jake says with a smirk.
“Yeah, not happening.” You reply.
“Didn’t think I’d be that lucky. Well despite your total lack of skill, I suppose I’ll hire you, I do have to ask one thing first though…”

And here it comes; he’s going to ask you to do something sexual and you’ll be heading out the door…

“Do you even read comics?”

Well that was unexpected.

“Well, I used to when I was little, but my older sister Kelly just kept taking them from me and either hitting me with them or tearing them up, so I didn’t see the point anymore.” You reply.
“Jeez, that’s not fucking right. You should’ve kicked her ass.” Jake says.
“Yeah well that wasn’t possible, she’s ten times bigger than me. In fact that’s why I applied to this job, she’s threatening to kick me out of the house.” You say.
“Hmm, sounds like a similar situation that I had with my last assistant. His mom was threatening to kick him out of the house and he begged me to hire him. He was a pathetic little worm addicted to all that anime shit. Really he was a lousy helper, but given that the one I had before him just died in my bathroom, I figured I’d give the fat little anime addict a shot.”
“Wait someone died in the bathroom here?” you ask.
“Yeah my retarded assistant strangled himself in my bathroom while jacking off. Spent the damn day cleaning the bathroom because of it.”
“Uh, the other assistant didn’t die in the bathroom too did he?”
“Nah, he ended up marrying his crazy cousin and lives in the trailer park outside of town I think. Dunno what he does now since he never comes in anymore which is a shame since the pervert used to spend a fortune in this place.”

“That’s…interesting. So about the job.” You say steering the conversation back on track.
“Yeah, about the job. I’m guessing you’ll want to be working the register…what is your name anyway blondie?”
“Suzy, and why are you assuming I want to be working the register?”
“Because I doubt a little thing like you really wants to be lugging boxes around, I mean unless you’re trying to tell me you can’t do basic math.”
“Of course I know how to do basic fucking math!” you snap.
“Okay, sheesh. Calm down I didn’t mean to imply anything. So you’re working the register…”

Jake has still already made the decision for you about what job you’re going to be doing and while lugging boxes around really doesn’t appeal to you, you’re still a little insulted that the option has just been taken away from you.

Besides the sexist implications that you aren’t strong enough to do the other job because you’re female, you get the strong impression that Jake also just wants you at the register so you’ll be more visible to all the horny virgin nerds that come in this place.

And the more you’re thinking about the fact that you’ll have to interact with the public in general if you’re working the register you’re finding it about as appealing as lifting a bunch of heavy boxes around.

Then again if you antagonize Jake over this, he might just throw you out of the shop and then you’ll have no job.