Suzy’s Strange Saga
Considering you’d rather just sit on your ass and work the register than lift boxes anyway, there doesn’t seem to be much point in engaging in an argument that will lose you this job opportunity. Honestly you’re just lucky that Jake is willing to hire you and isn’t making advances on you (yet).
Jake proceeds to show you how to work the register and the credit card machine. After a few trial runs and examples, you think you got it. The funny thing is, nobody has actually come into the comic shop yet.
“See, not very difficult. So, you think you’re ready to officially take the responsibility of the register?” Jake asks.
“Yeah, I guess, but is it always this empty?” you ask.
“No, not usually. It’s about…what a little after noon now? Yesterday was slow as well, but I’m chalking it up to all the craziness going on in town, which I’m really hoping dies down soon. There is a group of regulars that should be arriving in few moments though. They usually just hang out here all fucking day, but they tend to buy a lot when they actually do decide to part with their money and not drive me up a fucking wall with their banter. However since you’re working the register, you’ll get to put up with them this time.”
“Great, can’t wait.” You say and sit at the register unenthusiastically.
Jake proceeds to tell you that if you need anything he’ll be in his office catching up on going over his financial books. He also warns you not to steal anything, which seems weird since if you were going to steal something, it’s not like you’d listen to his warning.
Without many more words Jake disappears into his office and you sit at the register waiting for customers to come in. While you wait you start looking at the various items near the counter and start reading through some of the comics.
As time passes you continue to hear the sounds of sirens and such in the distance. Through the windows you see a couple of police officers running in the direction where you saw those barricades.
A little more time passes and a short man who looks to be in his mid thirties enters. He’s dressed in casual clothing and just nods at you when he sees you at the register. In an attempt to be a friendly, you smile and wave hi before he goes off to look at comics.
Well either Jake was exaggerating about his customers being sex crazed assholes or this guy isn’t one of the “regulars” he was talking about. You watch him for a moment as he browses and takes various comics off the shelves. He looks like he’s really into comics with as many as he’s taking. Eventually he comes up to the counter with a stack of comic books.
“Can I just sit these here for now? I’m not really done looking yet, but I don’t want to lug around a bunch of comics and possibly dropping them all over the place.” The man asks.
“Oh yeah sure. I guess you really like comics huh?” you say.
“Heh, I suppose I look a little obsessed. I don’t really come in here that much since normally I tend to buy stuff online, but this is one of those times where I don’t have the luxury of waiting for stuff to arrive in the mail. So I’m loading up now that I’m here. Never seen you here before though.” The man says.
“I’m new. Just started today actually and you’re sort of my first customer. Nobody else has come in.” you reply.
“Oh. Well, this is sort of an interesting day to start a new job given what’s been going on in town lately. I’m betting that’s why there hasn’t been anyone else in here today.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. I wouldn’t have left the house if I had the choice.”
“Yeah, I hear you, I don’t like going out too much myself, but I’ve been getting better about it lately.”
“Same here and it still sucks, but bills aren’t going to pay themselves.”
“I sort of got around that by being able to work at home. I used to sell and buy shit on the Internet a lot.”
“What, like Ebay or something?”
“Yeah something like that. Buy low, sell high, that sort of thing.”
“I wish I could do something like that.”
“You can, it’s not really difficult.”
“Eh, I’m not really a wheeler and dealer type. Besides, if I had a job involving a computer, especially one involving self employment, I’d probably just goof off and never get any work accomplished.”
“Well that’s the beauty of working at home. You can sort of be as lazy as you want!” The man says with slight grin.
“Oh I don’t think you know exactly how lazy I can be.” You say returning the smile.
“You can’t be that lazy, you’re working here.”
“Well like I said, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have to be. (Sigh) Events however have conspired against me and here I am.”
“Yeah, always sucks when things out of your control put you in a bad situation. For what it’s worth, sorry you’re in such a bind.”
You didn’t expect sympathy for your minor “pity party” but you’ll definitely accept it. You usually aren’t one to hold long conversations with random strangers, but then it’s been a bit of an unusual week for you.
“Thanks, so selling and buying shit on the Internet works for you huh? I suppose maybe I could do it. There’s certainly already enough crap around the house that surely someone would be interested in. Obviously with as many comics as you intend on buying you’re making a good living at it.” You say.
“Well I probably would be if I wasn’t a bit of a hoarder and kept most of the shit I did buy. However, I made enough that I pulled my weight so my mom didn’t kick me out of the basement of the house. Yeah, I know I’m a walking stereotype, basement dweller in a comic shop. Big surprise right?” the man remarks.
You don’t reply immediately, you just briefly think about how odd it is you’ve got so much in common with a complete stranger.
“Oh, I dunno. I don’t tend to judge people.” You reply.
“Well that’s a rare trait these days. Though I suppose I’m more of a hermit than a basement dweller nowadays anyway. My mother died a few years ago and I’m not even going to be living here anymore soon. Hence another reason why I’m loading up on books now.”
“So wait you’re moving out of town?” you say a bit surprised.
“Yeah…I guess you could say that. I mean under normal circumstances I wouldn’t bother, but it’s getting really bad out there and it’s only going to get worse.”
“Worse? How do you know? You don’t think things will get back to normal in a few days?”
The man starts like he’s about to say more, but stops. Then he stumbles over some words a bit before continuing.
“Um…it’s just…well these things…you never can tell right? I guess I don’t really know. I think I’m just rambling at this point and not making any sense. I didn’t mean to talk your ear off. I guess I should get back to it and let you get back to doing your job.” The man says and then briskly walks to the back of the comic shop.
You nearly tell him to come back to talk to clarify what he meant and that he wasn’t really bothering you, but then you think that would be a bit strange and also you don’t really know this guy.
He’s probably a weirdo anyway; he just said he lived in his mom’s basement until she died after all. You don’t even know why you’re even still thinking about it or him.
“Christ Suzy, you’re taking the break up harder than you thought. You’re starting to latch on to minor conversations with complete fucking strangers. Get a grip already.” You say to yourself.
A sudden brick through one of the shop windows breaks up your introspective moment.
You duck down behind the counter and then Jake comes out running out of his office.
“What the fuck is going on out here?!” he exclaims.
“I don’t know! Someone just threw a brick through…”
Before you can complete that sentence you hear a bunch of laughter and the shop door opening up. You continue to stay hidden behind the counter.
“Did you see that shit? Told ya I could land the brick right in the middle of the O on the window!” a young male voice exclaims.
“Yeah, yeah, let’s just see what we got in here…” another remarks.
“What the fuck do you little shits think you’re doing? You just broke my fucking window! I hope you fuckers got some money to pay for that RIGHT NOW or else I’m going to be kicking all of your asses THEN I’m going to your parents’ houses and kicking their asses for not aborting you.” Jake exclaims.
“Oh fuck off Jake, with as much as you’ve ripped us off by overcharging, I’d say that more than covers the cost of your goddamn window. We’re going to be taking some free comics too.” You hear a voice shout back.
“Look, I dunno what the fuck has compelled you social rejects even THINK you can get away with this, but if you don’t fucking get out of my shop right fucking now, there are going to be consequences you aren’t going to walk away from.”
“Ohhh, so fucking scared Jake.” You hear one say who from the sound of the voice sounds like he’s getting closer.
“HEY! Step back from the counter!”
You hear someone hit the counter and then you look up to see a pimply teenager staring over at you.
“Holy shit guys! Jake’s got a fucking bitch hiding over here! She looks hot too, no wonder he’s fucking pissed! She was probably blowing him before we came in!” he exclaims and then tries to grab your hair at which point you slap his hand away and stand up and away from the counter so you can’t be molested.
It’s at this point you finally see the motley lot. Four teenage boys of all varying shapes and sizes. You don’t know who these guys are, but if they’re the “regulars” Jake mentioned, they’re certainly not acting like what you expected.
“Goddamn Jake how the hell you manage to pull this off? She looks way too fucking hot for you. She a whore or something?” The tallest boy asks.
“Hey, you know who she looks like? She looks like that cute zombie chick.” The fattest one says.
“Nah, she looks more like that chick who controls all the dragons.” The pimply one remarks.
“For fuck’s sake she’s blonde not a goddamn albino, she doesn’t look like either of them, the pair of you are idiots. She obviously looks like the blonde chick that fucks vampires.” The tallest one remarks.
“Which one, Trent?” the fat one asks.
“The one that’s mainly killing them too.” Trent says.
“I dunno guys, I thought she looked like that chick that was a private investigator…” another one begins to say before Jake interrupts their temporary distraction of comparing you to various female nerd culture figures.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SHOP! I’M NOT WARNING YOU AGAIN!” Jake shouts.
At which point Trent pulls a pistol out of his hoodie pocket. He doesn’t actually point it at Jake, but he’s definitely warning him by just showing it. Jake steps back a bit, but doesn’t lose his cool. You on the other hand are really worried, especially considering you got four hormone addled teenage guys staring at you.
“And I’m telling YOU we’re not fucking leaving without getting our comics! Don’t you know what today is? It’s fucking free comic book day Jake!”
“This is how you want to play this Trent?” Jake asks.
Now Trent points the pistol at Jake and gives a look of less playfulness and more deadly seriousness.
“I’m not fucking playing Jake, just like I wasn’t fucking playing with my mom when she told me to clean my room two days ago, just like I wasn’t playing with those assholes yesterday that used to give me wedgies back in sixth grade or that bitch who wouldn’t go out with me even though I did a whole bunch of nice shit for her. Things are changing around this town and if you ain’t changing with it, you’re gonna get rolled over.”
Trent looks over at his fellows and waves as if he’s telling them to take whatever they want. He continues to point the gun at Jake though he keeps an eye on you as well.
While you’re a little busy worrying about Trent and the rest, you realize you haven’t seen that guy you were talking to before. You can’t imagine he managed to slip out without anyone noticing. He might be hiding, but if he is, he’s doing a really good job, because with the way Trent’s pals are going through the store, it seems like they would have stumbled upon him by now.
While they do that, Trent gets closer to Jake still holding the gun to him.
“So what is the story with the blonde bitch anyway Jake? I know she can’t be your girlfriend. A fat old loser like you wouldn’t have one.” Trent sneers, but Jake is still keeping composure.
“I hired her to work the register today.” Jake remarks.
“Hm. I’d rather see her mouth work my dick.” Trent says looking you up and down. Jake starts laughing.
“What’s so fucking funny?”
“YOU! You’re fucking funny Trent. You’re calling me a loser and apparently you can’t even GET a woman without holding her at gunpoint. Pfft. I don’t give a shit what little emo angsty shooting spree trip you’re on, but I’m not playing. I still remember when you were in here as a little kid and your ugly ass mama beat the hell out of you for shitting your pants. How you cried and cried.” Jake chuckles.
Trent of course is not amused and points the gun closer to Jake.
“Shut the fuck up fat ass!” he exclaims.
“Make me lanky bitch!” Jake says and suddenly grabs Trent’s hand now that it’s close enough. The pair of them struggle with the weapon and Trent begins calling for his fellows to help.
While you’re certainly close enough to help Jake before Trent’s buddies get to him, you see the front door and wonder if you shouldn’t just jump over the counter and get the hell out of here.
Jake proceeds to show you how to work the register and the credit card machine. After a few trial runs and examples, you think you got it. The funny thing is, nobody has actually come into the comic shop yet.
“See, not very difficult. So, you think you’re ready to officially take the responsibility of the register?” Jake asks.
“Yeah, I guess, but is it always this empty?” you ask.
“No, not usually. It’s about…what a little after noon now? Yesterday was slow as well, but I’m chalking it up to all the craziness going on in town, which I’m really hoping dies down soon. There is a group of regulars that should be arriving in few moments though. They usually just hang out here all fucking day, but they tend to buy a lot when they actually do decide to part with their money and not drive me up a fucking wall with their banter. However since you’re working the register, you’ll get to put up with them this time.”
“Great, can’t wait.” You say and sit at the register unenthusiastically.
Jake proceeds to tell you that if you need anything he’ll be in his office catching up on going over his financial books. He also warns you not to steal anything, which seems weird since if you were going to steal something, it’s not like you’d listen to his warning.
Without many more words Jake disappears into his office and you sit at the register waiting for customers to come in. While you wait you start looking at the various items near the counter and start reading through some of the comics.
As time passes you continue to hear the sounds of sirens and such in the distance. Through the windows you see a couple of police officers running in the direction where you saw those barricades.
A little more time passes and a short man who looks to be in his mid thirties enters. He’s dressed in casual clothing and just nods at you when he sees you at the register. In an attempt to be a friendly, you smile and wave hi before he goes off to look at comics.
Well either Jake was exaggerating about his customers being sex crazed assholes or this guy isn’t one of the “regulars” he was talking about. You watch him for a moment as he browses and takes various comics off the shelves. He looks like he’s really into comics with as many as he’s taking. Eventually he comes up to the counter with a stack of comic books.
“Can I just sit these here for now? I’m not really done looking yet, but I don’t want to lug around a bunch of comics and possibly dropping them all over the place.” The man asks.
“Oh yeah sure. I guess you really like comics huh?” you say.
“Heh, I suppose I look a little obsessed. I don’t really come in here that much since normally I tend to buy stuff online, but this is one of those times where I don’t have the luxury of waiting for stuff to arrive in the mail. So I’m loading up now that I’m here. Never seen you here before though.” The man says.
“I’m new. Just started today actually and you’re sort of my first customer. Nobody else has come in.” you reply.
“Oh. Well, this is sort of an interesting day to start a new job given what’s been going on in town lately. I’m betting that’s why there hasn’t been anyone else in here today.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. I wouldn’t have left the house if I had the choice.”
“Yeah, I hear you, I don’t like going out too much myself, but I’ve been getting better about it lately.”
“Same here and it still sucks, but bills aren’t going to pay themselves.”
“I sort of got around that by being able to work at home. I used to sell and buy shit on the Internet a lot.”
“What, like Ebay or something?”
“Yeah something like that. Buy low, sell high, that sort of thing.”
“I wish I could do something like that.”
“You can, it’s not really difficult.”
“Eh, I’m not really a wheeler and dealer type. Besides, if I had a job involving a computer, especially one involving self employment, I’d probably just goof off and never get any work accomplished.”
“Well that’s the beauty of working at home. You can sort of be as lazy as you want!” The man says with slight grin.
“Oh I don’t think you know exactly how lazy I can be.” You say returning the smile.
“You can’t be that lazy, you’re working here.”
“Well like I said, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have to be. (Sigh) Events however have conspired against me and here I am.”
“Yeah, always sucks when things out of your control put you in a bad situation. For what it’s worth, sorry you’re in such a bind.”
You didn’t expect sympathy for your minor “pity party” but you’ll definitely accept it. You usually aren’t one to hold long conversations with random strangers, but then it’s been a bit of an unusual week for you.
“Thanks, so selling and buying shit on the Internet works for you huh? I suppose maybe I could do it. There’s certainly already enough crap around the house that surely someone would be interested in. Obviously with as many comics as you intend on buying you’re making a good living at it.” You say.
“Well I probably would be if I wasn’t a bit of a hoarder and kept most of the shit I did buy. However, I made enough that I pulled my weight so my mom didn’t kick me out of the basement of the house. Yeah, I know I’m a walking stereotype, basement dweller in a comic shop. Big surprise right?” the man remarks.
You don’t reply immediately, you just briefly think about how odd it is you’ve got so much in common with a complete stranger.
“Oh, I dunno. I don’t tend to judge people.” You reply.
“Well that’s a rare trait these days. Though I suppose I’m more of a hermit than a basement dweller nowadays anyway. My mother died a few years ago and I’m not even going to be living here anymore soon. Hence another reason why I’m loading up on books now.”
“So wait you’re moving out of town?” you say a bit surprised.
“Yeah…I guess you could say that. I mean under normal circumstances I wouldn’t bother, but it’s getting really bad out there and it’s only going to get worse.”
“Worse? How do you know? You don’t think things will get back to normal in a few days?”
The man starts like he’s about to say more, but stops. Then he stumbles over some words a bit before continuing.
“Um…it’s just…well these things…you never can tell right? I guess I don’t really know. I think I’m just rambling at this point and not making any sense. I didn’t mean to talk your ear off. I guess I should get back to it and let you get back to doing your job.” The man says and then briskly walks to the back of the comic shop.
You nearly tell him to come back to talk to clarify what he meant and that he wasn’t really bothering you, but then you think that would be a bit strange and also you don’t really know this guy.
He’s probably a weirdo anyway; he just said he lived in his mom’s basement until she died after all. You don’t even know why you’re even still thinking about it or him.
“Christ Suzy, you’re taking the break up harder than you thought. You’re starting to latch on to minor conversations with complete fucking strangers. Get a grip already.” You say to yourself.
A sudden brick through one of the shop windows breaks up your introspective moment.
You duck down behind the counter and then Jake comes out running out of his office.
“What the fuck is going on out here?!” he exclaims.
“I don’t know! Someone just threw a brick through…”
Before you can complete that sentence you hear a bunch of laughter and the shop door opening up. You continue to stay hidden behind the counter.
“Did you see that shit? Told ya I could land the brick right in the middle of the O on the window!” a young male voice exclaims.
“Yeah, yeah, let’s just see what we got in here…” another remarks.
“What the fuck do you little shits think you’re doing? You just broke my fucking window! I hope you fuckers got some money to pay for that RIGHT NOW or else I’m going to be kicking all of your asses THEN I’m going to your parents’ houses and kicking their asses for not aborting you.” Jake exclaims.
“Oh fuck off Jake, with as much as you’ve ripped us off by overcharging, I’d say that more than covers the cost of your goddamn window. We’re going to be taking some free comics too.” You hear a voice shout back.
“Look, I dunno what the fuck has compelled you social rejects even THINK you can get away with this, but if you don’t fucking get out of my shop right fucking now, there are going to be consequences you aren’t going to walk away from.”
“Ohhh, so fucking scared Jake.” You hear one say who from the sound of the voice sounds like he’s getting closer.
“HEY! Step back from the counter!”
You hear someone hit the counter and then you look up to see a pimply teenager staring over at you.
“Holy shit guys! Jake’s got a fucking bitch hiding over here! She looks hot too, no wonder he’s fucking pissed! She was probably blowing him before we came in!” he exclaims and then tries to grab your hair at which point you slap his hand away and stand up and away from the counter so you can’t be molested.
It’s at this point you finally see the motley lot. Four teenage boys of all varying shapes and sizes. You don’t know who these guys are, but if they’re the “regulars” Jake mentioned, they’re certainly not acting like what you expected.
“Goddamn Jake how the hell you manage to pull this off? She looks way too fucking hot for you. She a whore or something?” The tallest boy asks.
“Hey, you know who she looks like? She looks like that cute zombie chick.” The fattest one says.
“Nah, she looks more like that chick who controls all the dragons.” The pimply one remarks.
“For fuck’s sake she’s blonde not a goddamn albino, she doesn’t look like either of them, the pair of you are idiots. She obviously looks like the blonde chick that fucks vampires.” The tallest one remarks.
“Which one, Trent?” the fat one asks.
“The one that’s mainly killing them too.” Trent says.
“I dunno guys, I thought she looked like that chick that was a private investigator…” another one begins to say before Jake interrupts their temporary distraction of comparing you to various female nerd culture figures.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SHOP! I’M NOT WARNING YOU AGAIN!” Jake shouts.
At which point Trent pulls a pistol out of his hoodie pocket. He doesn’t actually point it at Jake, but he’s definitely warning him by just showing it. Jake steps back a bit, but doesn’t lose his cool. You on the other hand are really worried, especially considering you got four hormone addled teenage guys staring at you.
“And I’m telling YOU we’re not fucking leaving without getting our comics! Don’t you know what today is? It’s fucking free comic book day Jake!”
“This is how you want to play this Trent?” Jake asks.
Now Trent points the pistol at Jake and gives a look of less playfulness and more deadly seriousness.
“I’m not fucking playing Jake, just like I wasn’t fucking playing with my mom when she told me to clean my room two days ago, just like I wasn’t playing with those assholes yesterday that used to give me wedgies back in sixth grade or that bitch who wouldn’t go out with me even though I did a whole bunch of nice shit for her. Things are changing around this town and if you ain’t changing with it, you’re gonna get rolled over.”
Trent looks over at his fellows and waves as if he’s telling them to take whatever they want. He continues to point the gun at Jake though he keeps an eye on you as well.
While you’re a little busy worrying about Trent and the rest, you realize you haven’t seen that guy you were talking to before. You can’t imagine he managed to slip out without anyone noticing. He might be hiding, but if he is, he’s doing a really good job, because with the way Trent’s pals are going through the store, it seems like they would have stumbled upon him by now.
While they do that, Trent gets closer to Jake still holding the gun to him.
“So what is the story with the blonde bitch anyway Jake? I know she can’t be your girlfriend. A fat old loser like you wouldn’t have one.” Trent sneers, but Jake is still keeping composure.
“I hired her to work the register today.” Jake remarks.
“Hm. I’d rather see her mouth work my dick.” Trent says looking you up and down. Jake starts laughing.
“What’s so fucking funny?”
“YOU! You’re fucking funny Trent. You’re calling me a loser and apparently you can’t even GET a woman without holding her at gunpoint. Pfft. I don’t give a shit what little emo angsty shooting spree trip you’re on, but I’m not playing. I still remember when you were in here as a little kid and your ugly ass mama beat the hell out of you for shitting your pants. How you cried and cried.” Jake chuckles.
Trent of course is not amused and points the gun closer to Jake.
“Shut the fuck up fat ass!” he exclaims.
“Make me lanky bitch!” Jake says and suddenly grabs Trent’s hand now that it’s close enough. The pair of them struggle with the weapon and Trent begins calling for his fellows to help.
While you’re certainly close enough to help Jake before Trent’s buddies get to him, you see the front door and wonder if you shouldn’t just jump over the counter and get the hell out of here.