Alpha Wolf
You shake your head and go back to Moreau's house. Moreau is fiddling with some large old looking radio that contains a small black and white screen in it.
"This is not going to work." You tell him.
"You're giving up already?!"
"Well I don't know what to do, maybe if I had more time I could do something, but shit Moreau, you bred all the damn fight out of them."
Just then a voice comes on the radio and an image appears on the screen, it looks like some deepsea diver oh geez it's Ro-Man. The bureaucratic joke of the galaxy. Its fitting that he should be working for a bunch of idiotic Martians.
"Dr. Moreau, the Martian colonist will be here soon! I hope you have made your evacuations of your island, or we shall WIPE you from it!" Ro-man says mechanically.
"Ro-Man, please can't we talk about this? I mean we're peaceful, we won't cause you any trouble!" Moreau says into his microphone.
"No! My orders are clear! We will WIPE you from the island!"
You snatch the mic from Moreau and address Ro-Man.
"Hey Ro-Man, you must be really scraping the bottom of the barrel if you're working for Martians now. What happened, all the other aliens realize what a fucking joke you are?"
"What!? Wolf?! What're you doing there? We're about to WIPE the island clean of all Earthlings and that includes you if you insist on staying there!" Ro-Man retorts.
"I know Martians were stupid, but fuck, didn't they realize what a goddamn joke you were when YOU attempted to take over the Earth?"
"Shut up Wolf! Hey isn't that island full of a bunch of pacifists? What's a self-proclaimed badass Alpha Wolf doing there? You turn pussy too or are YOU scraping the bottom of the barrel by working for them?"
"Fuck off Ro-Man! I got an idea, how about we settle this hand to hand combat? If I win you all go home, and if you win well you won't win, because you're fucking moron."
"I don't think so; we're intent on colonizing this island in accordance with the new Earth-Mars cooperation treaty. Your pitiful attempts to stall for time are useless."
"Who says I'm stalling for time? I'm just saying I could kick your ass! You think I give a shit about this island? I'm just here to see if I got one more fight left in me, I was hoping for more of a challenge, but you'll have to do. Of course if you're too scared "
"Aaargh! Alright! I'll play your little game you mangy Earth mammal! We'll do battle when we arrive and I'll take great pleasure in crushing your skull!"
Ro-man breaks communication, and Moreau is more than a little disturbed by your recent conversation.
"Wolf! You promised to help us! I knew you were a lot of things, but I thought you at least weren't a liar!"
"Calm the hell down Moreau! Despite what Ro-Man thinks, I have bough you guys some time. While me and Ro-Man are bashing each others heads in, the Martians will be gathered around watching and probably taking bets. Besides unsuccessful invasions and fucking human women, there's nothing they like better than watching a fight."
"Okay, but what good does that do us? I mean even if you win, the Martians will still kill all of us."
"Ah that's where you and the hippy freak coalition come in. I know you guys are fond of your drugs here, so when the Martians are watching I want you guys to act like hosts and serve drinks laced with LSD or whatever hallucinogenics you keep stashed here. By the time I finish kicking Ro-Man's ass, the Martians will be tripping so hard you can make quick work of them."
"That's not a bad plan, but I think we'll dispense with killing them as you're suggesting. We can just destroy their weapons."
"(Sigh) Alright suit yourselves. But unarmed Martians are still hostile, even if they aren't typically threatening."
"If I can make my citizens civilized, I can do the same with Martians, now let's get prepared. What do I serve them to drink though? Its not like we have whatever it is Martians like to drink here."
"Sure you do. You've got water. Mars isn't known for having a lot of it, so they can't get enough of the stuff. Its one of the reasons why they wanted Earth so damn bad."
A few days pass and Moreau prepares his citizens for the plan, while they build some risers and bleachers for the fight, meanwhile you get in some last minute training. Ro-Man might be an idiot, but you've got a pretty good idea that he's very strong, you'll have to be on the top of your game.
You watch the skies and finally the Martians arrive. They land and all come pouring out of their saucers firing their lasers in the air, and yelling about how they're going to see a good fight. Ro-Man appears and looks as goofy as he always has. A large crowd gathers and soon it's just you and Ro-Man in the center.
"This is going to be your biggest mistake since your infamous Plan 9 invasion attempt." You tell Ro-Man.
"This is not going to work." You tell him.
"You're giving up already?!"
"Well I don't know what to do, maybe if I had more time I could do something, but shit Moreau, you bred all the damn fight out of them."
Just then a voice comes on the radio and an image appears on the screen, it looks like some deepsea diver oh geez it's Ro-Man. The bureaucratic joke of the galaxy. Its fitting that he should be working for a bunch of idiotic Martians.
"Dr. Moreau, the Martian colonist will be here soon! I hope you have made your evacuations of your island, or we shall WIPE you from it!" Ro-man says mechanically.
"Ro-Man, please can't we talk about this? I mean we're peaceful, we won't cause you any trouble!" Moreau says into his microphone.
"No! My orders are clear! We will WIPE you from the island!"
You snatch the mic from Moreau and address Ro-Man.
"Hey Ro-Man, you must be really scraping the bottom of the barrel if you're working for Martians now. What happened, all the other aliens realize what a fucking joke you are?"
"What!? Wolf?! What're you doing there? We're about to WIPE the island clean of all Earthlings and that includes you if you insist on staying there!" Ro-Man retorts.
"I know Martians were stupid, but fuck, didn't they realize what a goddamn joke you were when YOU attempted to take over the Earth?"
"Shut up Wolf! Hey isn't that island full of a bunch of pacifists? What's a self-proclaimed badass Alpha Wolf doing there? You turn pussy too or are YOU scraping the bottom of the barrel by working for them?"
"Fuck off Ro-Man! I got an idea, how about we settle this hand to hand combat? If I win you all go home, and if you win well you won't win, because you're fucking moron."
"I don't think so; we're intent on colonizing this island in accordance with the new Earth-Mars cooperation treaty. Your pitiful attempts to stall for time are useless."
"Who says I'm stalling for time? I'm just saying I could kick your ass! You think I give a shit about this island? I'm just here to see if I got one more fight left in me, I was hoping for more of a challenge, but you'll have to do. Of course if you're too scared "
"Aaargh! Alright! I'll play your little game you mangy Earth mammal! We'll do battle when we arrive and I'll take great pleasure in crushing your skull!"
Ro-man breaks communication, and Moreau is more than a little disturbed by your recent conversation.
"Wolf! You promised to help us! I knew you were a lot of things, but I thought you at least weren't a liar!"
"Calm the hell down Moreau! Despite what Ro-Man thinks, I have bough you guys some time. While me and Ro-Man are bashing each others heads in, the Martians will be gathered around watching and probably taking bets. Besides unsuccessful invasions and fucking human women, there's nothing they like better than watching a fight."
"Okay, but what good does that do us? I mean even if you win, the Martians will still kill all of us."
"Ah that's where you and the hippy freak coalition come in. I know you guys are fond of your drugs here, so when the Martians are watching I want you guys to act like hosts and serve drinks laced with LSD or whatever hallucinogenics you keep stashed here. By the time I finish kicking Ro-Man's ass, the Martians will be tripping so hard you can make quick work of them."
"That's not a bad plan, but I think we'll dispense with killing them as you're suggesting. We can just destroy their weapons."
"(Sigh) Alright suit yourselves. But unarmed Martians are still hostile, even if they aren't typically threatening."
"If I can make my citizens civilized, I can do the same with Martians, now let's get prepared. What do I serve them to drink though? Its not like we have whatever it is Martians like to drink here."
"Sure you do. You've got water. Mars isn't known for having a lot of it, so they can't get enough of the stuff. Its one of the reasons why they wanted Earth so damn bad."
A few days pass and Moreau prepares his citizens for the plan, while they build some risers and bleachers for the fight, meanwhile you get in some last minute training. Ro-Man might be an idiot, but you've got a pretty good idea that he's very strong, you'll have to be on the top of your game.
You watch the skies and finally the Martians arrive. They land and all come pouring out of their saucers firing their lasers in the air, and yelling about how they're going to see a good fight. Ro-Man appears and looks as goofy as he always has. A large crowd gathers and soon it's just you and Ro-Man in the center.
"This is going to be your biggest mistake since your infamous Plan 9 invasion attempt." You tell Ro-Man.