ChubbyTeletubby
Ratings & Comments
The Country from Hell
Apr 22, 2016 
It may not be MY country from Hell, but once again you've created an elaborate world with a main character who has real emotions.
I don't know what your inspiration was for this story, but it seems...genuinely inspired. Custia and all.
My thread ended with a kiss from Szil in the cemetery at night. Teehee.
Seriously, though. I enjoyed the sweet ending to the thread I read.
I don't know what your inspiration was for this story, but it seems...genuinely inspired. Custia and all.
My thread ended with a kiss from Szil in the cemetery at night. Teehee.
Seriously, though. I enjoyed the sweet ending to the thread I read.
Todestrieb
Apr 15, 2016
This story is brilliant. Among life's many unanswered questions, one stands out - why didn't I read this and rate this sooner? I'm not rating this a ten because I worship the ground you walk on, although I do. I'm rating this a ten because it is a fucking exquisite piece of psycho-sexual brilliance. It wasn't just the sexual aspect of it, though. It was all the little moments tied together that paint the portrait of a main character I can identify with in many ways, even though the character is female.
The actual nuts and bolts writing was fluid and creative and awesome. I'm white...I can say awesome. The story hums along.
The little psychoanalytical moments are like morsels of truth PIERCING through all the bullshit I'm usually confronted with.
This story is a work of ART.
The actual nuts and bolts writing was fluid and creative and awesome. I'm white...I can say awesome. The story hums along.
The little psychoanalytical moments are like morsels of truth PIERCING through all the bullshit I'm usually confronted with.
This story is a work of ART.
Fun Day!
Jun 7, 2009 
The 'Dollar General' reference was brilliant. My roommate bought a digital clock radio there. Within a week it was 5 hours ahead of where it should be.
He couldn't bring himself to throw it away. Instead, he just leaves it running. I think once every two weeks it IS actually dead-on.
Anyway, you're twelve. Nicely done for twelve. Therefore, I give you a solid five.
Keep reading and writing! Oh, and stop rating DEP's stories so low. Or at least offer a coherent reason as to why you rated him so low.
Around here he is a respected writer, and for good cause.
He couldn't bring himself to throw it away. Instead, he just leaves it running. I think once every two weeks it IS actually dead-on.
Anyway, you're twelve. Nicely done for twelve. Therefore, I give you a solid five.
Keep reading and writing! Oh, and stop rating DEP's stories so low. Or at least offer a coherent reason as to why you rated him so low.
Around here he is a respected writer, and for good cause.
TRASH
Jun 7, 2009
TRASH!!!!
One of my favorites! I guess I never rated it because back in the day you didn't allow ratings!
Well here's your ten, my friend! This story had me laughing my ass off from beginning to end.
As with all your stories, it is well rounded and every branch of the story contains depth as well as well thought out humor.
Wow, that's a lot of 'wells'. Anyway, definitely a classic!
One of my favorites! I guess I never rated it because back in the day you didn't allow ratings!
Well here's your ten, my friend! This story had me laughing my ass off from beginning to end.
As with all your stories, it is well rounded and every branch of the story contains depth as well as well thought out humor.
Wow, that's a lot of 'wells'. Anyway, definitely a classic!
Hmmmm. Wasn't bad, wasn't great.
As much as I am a fan of random stories, this one just didn't do it for me.
Sorry. I'm sixin' ya, dude. You got sixed. Cause I'm a six, six bastard.
Oh, and I HATE McDonald's tartar sauce! That's not why I gave you a six though. I gave you a six because I could.
Got it? Ya, see? That's right. I do what I want, cause I got moxy, see?
That was supposed to be my impression of a 1930s gangster.
I messed up.
Blew it again!
As much as I am a fan of random stories, this one just didn't do it for me.
Sorry. I'm sixin' ya, dude. You got sixed. Cause I'm a six, six bastard.
Oh, and I HATE McDonald's tartar sauce! That's not why I gave you a six though. I gave you a six because I could.
Got it? Ya, see? That's right. I do what I want, cause I got moxy, see?
That was supposed to be my impression of a 1930s gangster.
I messed up.
Blew it again!
Paradise Violated
Jun 7, 2009
Another gem!
I like how you set up the option scheme. Very nice. You know, with the back stories being optional reading. You (the reader) can get as in depth as you want....or not. I'm sure you've done this with a few of your stories.
Sci-fi usually isn't my cup of tea, but you did a nice job here. All in all it was pretty original! And that's a hard thing to do with sci-fi.
Because it's pretty much all been said and done before. Anyway, great job!
You did it! Yay!!
Sorry.
Also, I've always liked the names of alien races and/or fantasy races you come up with.
Also, I think I'm falling in love with you. Shhhhh. Don't say a word.
Don't say a word.
I like how you set up the option scheme. Very nice. You know, with the back stories being optional reading. You (the reader) can get as in depth as you want....or not. I'm sure you've done this with a few of your stories.
Sci-fi usually isn't my cup of tea, but you did a nice job here. All in all it was pretty original! And that's a hard thing to do with sci-fi.
Because it's pretty much all been said and done before. Anyway, great job!
You did it! Yay!!
Sorry.
Also, I've always liked the names of alien races and/or fantasy races you come up with.
Also, I think I'm falling in love with you. Shhhhh. Don't say a word.
Don't say a word.
A Very Special Infinite Story
Jan 10, 2008
And now I know!
This should be required reading for all High Schoolers.
This should be required reading for all High Schoolers.
Dont Push The Red Button!
Dec 30, 2007 
This...made me laugh.
Actually I thought the concept was clever.
It was done in poor taste, wasn't really a story, and was obviously a lazy attempt.
That being said. It made me laugh.
Looking forward to part 2!
Actually I thought the concept was clever.
It was done in poor taste, wasn't really a story, and was obviously a lazy attempt.
That being said. It made me laugh.
Looking forward to part 2!
J. Cross, Manager
Nov 2, 2007 
What she said.
Pretty clever at times.
Pretty clever at times.
The Michael Ray Holt Qualification!
Nov 2, 2007 
Watermelon smirnoff.
'Nuff said.
(You know I love you, Michael!)
'Nuff said.
(You know I love you, Michael!)
Gurl PowR!
Sep 6, 2007
Wow. Disturbing.
Deeply.
I LOVED IT!
And on that note, where my ladies at? Locked in my basement, that's where!
Know idea why I brought that little morsel of useless information up. ANYWAY...
I enjoyed this story. The site definitely needs more like it. One mild critique, however:
I dunno, dude. It's just like, you know. I dunno, you know? Dude? It just felt like this story had a little more POTENTIAL than what was ultimately put forth. Kinda like Vanilla Ice (the man was a lyrical genius, not to mention a hardcore hoodlum with verifiable street cred - if only he had just stuck to his guns).
Somehow I feel you cut this one short in it's prime - kinda like how the papparazzi did to Princess D in that French Tunnel (the worst kind of tunnel there is).
So am I calling you a murderer?
Yes.
Am I also insinuating that you were somehow involved in the Diana murder?
I really don't know. Stop asking me strange questions.
No autographs either. Can't you people just let me be!? WHY AM I CURSED WITH SUCH POPULARITY!?!?!
I'm getting a new agent.
Deeply.
I LOVED IT!
And on that note, where my ladies at? Locked in my basement, that's where!
Know idea why I brought that little morsel of useless information up. ANYWAY...
I enjoyed this story. The site definitely needs more like it. One mild critique, however:
I dunno, dude. It's just like, you know. I dunno, you know? Dude? It just felt like this story had a little more POTENTIAL than what was ultimately put forth. Kinda like Vanilla Ice (the man was a lyrical genius, not to mention a hardcore hoodlum with verifiable street cred - if only he had just stuck to his guns).
Somehow I feel you cut this one short in it's prime - kinda like how the papparazzi did to Princess D in that French Tunnel (the worst kind of tunnel there is).
So am I calling you a murderer?
Yes.
Am I also insinuating that you were somehow involved in the Diana murder?
I really don't know. Stop asking me strange questions.
No autographs either. Can't you people just let me be!? WHY AM I CURSED WITH SUCH POPULARITY!?!?!
I'm getting a new agent.
Hall of Infinite Doors
Aug 16, 2006 
Needs more sass.
Steve 2, The Fall of Margaritavile
Aug 9, 2006 
Truth be told? I liked the first Steve adventure better.
However, I only gave you a 7 for that little gem - and I feel a little guilty. You definitely have a unique style.
Good job. Mormons. Leprechauns. Corollas. Ha. Good times.
However, I only gave you a 7 for that little gem - and I feel a little guilty. You definitely have a unique style.
Good job. Mormons. Leprechauns. Corollas. Ha. Good times.
Get to the point!
Jul 16, 2006 
Bitch you give CRACK ATTACK a 1!!!!
That's what we call, "fuckin' up", Bitch nigga faggot ass aid sucking semen swapper.
You didn't even bother to leave a comment.
Bitch die.
Bitch die slow.
Bicth die like a two-bit, mo' fuckin ho'...
Who spit prematurely, came up short with the dough.
Came up short and got *POP! POP*, with a .44!
Bitch die like Hezbollah!
Like Al'Qaeda!
Like them Iraqi "freedom Fighters"!
Die like Darth Vader!
Like everyone else!
Except so much sooner.
Die like your mom, bitch.
Her shit's like rotten tuna.
That's what we call, "fuckin' up", Bitch nigga faggot ass aid sucking semen swapper.
You didn't even bother to leave a comment.
Bitch die.
Bitch die slow.
Bicth die like a two-bit, mo' fuckin ho'...
Who spit prematurely, came up short with the dough.
Came up short and got *POP! POP*, with a .44!
Bitch die like Hezbollah!
Like Al'Qaeda!
Like them Iraqi "freedom Fighters"!
Die like Darth Vader!
Like everyone else!
Except so much sooner.
Die like your mom, bitch.
Her shit's like rotten tuna.
NM
Jun 18, 2006
Die.
Random Story
Jun 18, 2006
Why?
Random so yeahh
Jun 18, 2006
Please die.
Thank you.
Thank you.
My New Bike
Jun 11, 2006
I really wish I cared.
Much of Nothing
Jun 10, 2006
Exquisite.
This story has a special spot in my heart.
Nuff said.
This story has a special spot in my heart.
Nuff said.
The House On The Corner
Jun 6, 2006
You were a total bitch when I tried PMing you with some PRAISE and a TINY AMOUNT of CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
You's a bitch...BIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH.
*zips up pants* Now let us never speak of this again.
Bitch.
P.S. Yes I am crazy.
Thankssss for asssking!!!!
Bitch.
P.P.S. BITCH!!!!
You's a bitch...BIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH.
*zips up pants* Now let us never speak of this again.
Bitch.
P.S. Yes I am crazy.
Thankssss for asssking!!!!
Bitch.
P.P.S. BITCH!!!!
How To Pay For College
Jun 3, 2006
Looks good so far. Hope to see you finish it. Welcome to the site!
Really, my only criticism of this story is that you MAY have too many options, which can become daunting when you're trying to actually finish a project like this.
Stories in a CYOA format can start spawning threads faster than a fourteen year old mexican girl spawning kids in South Central LA if you aren't careful.
Did that make sense? Probably not. Other than that, however, I'd say this story was flawless.
Loved it.
Okay I'll quit ranting now. *goes off to play Russian roulette*
Really, my only criticism of this story is that you MAY have too many options, which can become daunting when you're trying to actually finish a project like this.
Stories in a CYOA format can start spawning threads faster than a fourteen year old mexican girl spawning kids in South Central LA if you aren't careful.
Did that make sense? Probably not. Other than that, however, I'd say this story was flawless.
Loved it.
Okay I'll quit ranting now. *goes off to play Russian roulette*
CRACK ATTACK!
May 23, 2006
"Under The Influence"
(feat. D-12)
[Eminem]
Translation
So you can suck my dick if you don't like, my shit
Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick - ha ha!
Two pills I pop, 'til my pupils swell up like two pennies
I'm Clint Eastwood in his mid-twenties
A young ass man with a trash can strapped to the back of his ass
so the rats can't chew through his last pants
I'm like a mummy at night, fightin with bright lightning
Frightened with five little white Vicadin pills bitin him
I'm like a fuckin wasp in the hospital lost
Stingin the fuck outta everything I come across in the halls
I light a candle and place it up on the mantle
Grab a knife at the blade and stab you with the fuckin handle
So when you find yourself wrapped up in the blinds, hurtin
[Swifty] Bitch it's too late
[Eminem] Cause once you're hung from the drapes, it's curtains
[Swifty]
I'm an instigator, .380 slug penetrator
Degradin, creatin murders to kill haters
Accused for every crime known through the equator
They knew I did it (uh-huh) for havin blood on my 'gators
My weed'll hit yo' chest like a double barrel gauge an'
I'm a black grenade that'll blow up in yo' face [*BLAM*]
With a fifth in me, when I guzzle Remi I do shit on purpose
You never hear me say, "Forgive me"
I'm snatchin every penny - it gotta be that way nigga, face it
That weed I sold to you, Brigade laced it
You hidin, I make the president get a facelift
Niggaz just afraid, handin me they bracelets
Chillin in the lab wasted
I'm the type that'll drink Kahlua and gin - throw up on the mic
Your life is ruined, you get socked right on site
And even at the Million Man March, we gon' fight
[Chorus: Eminem]
So you can suck my dick if you don't like, my shit
Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick
Cause I don't give a fuck if you don't like, my shit
Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick
[Bizarre]
I'm a compulsive liar, settin my preacher on fire
Slashin your tires, flyin down Fenkel and Meyers
Plates expired, soon as I'm hired, I'm fired
Jackin my dick off in a bed of barbed wire
(Hey, is Bizarre performing?) Bitch didn't you read the flyer?
Special invited guest will be, Richard Pryor
(Aren't you a male dancer?) Nah bitch, I'm retired
Fuckin your bitch in the ass with a tire iron
I'm ripped, I'm on an acid trip
My DJ's in a coma for lettin the record skip.. [*needle pops*]
Lettin the record skip.. [*needle pops*]
Lettin the record skip.. [*needle pops*] (Damn!)
[*DJ reverses the record and scratches it back on beat*]
I'm fuckin anything when I'm snortin
It's gonna cost 300 dollars to get my pit bull an abortion
[*dog whines*] Some bitch asked for my autograph
I called her a whore, spit beer in her face and laughed
I drop bombs like I was in Vietnam
All bitches is hoes, even my stinkin ass mom
[Proof]
Aiyyo flashback, two feets, two deep up in that ass crack
Weed laced with somethin [*gun cocks*] nigga pass that
In Amsterdam we only hang out with hash rats
At a 'Stop the Violence' rally, I blast gats
Be your mom on publishin, get your ASCAP-ped
The Kuniva, divide up your cash stack
Run your motherfuckin pockets, ASAP
I don't need a platinum chain, bitch I snatch Shaq's
Born loser, half theif and half black
Bring your boys and your guns and get laughed at
Bitch smacker, rich rappers get they Jag jacked
and found chopped up in a trash bag
[Kuniva]
We stranglin rappers until the point they can't yell
cause they crew is full of fags and sweeter than bake sales
Reckless, come from behind and snatch your necklace
Gruesome, and causin more violence than nine hoodlums
I grapple your adam's apple until it crackle
Run right past you, turn around, grab you and stab you
Get executed, cuz I'm a "Luni"
I got a "Yukmouth" and it's polluted
I cock it back then shoot it
I love snatchin up players thugs and young ballers
Shoot up the household, even the young toddlers
Brigade barricade to bring the noise
While the bullets break your bones up like Christmas toys
If I go solo, I'm doin a song with Bolo
A big Chinese nigga, screamin "Kuniva yo yo.."
I leave ya face leakin, run up in church
and smack the preacher while he's preachin
Take a swing at the deacon
[Kon Artis]
I used to tell cats I sold weed and weight
I was straight 'til I got caught sellin em shake
I'm ignorant, with the intent to snatch your rent
I got kicked out of summer camp for havin sex in my tent
with the superintendent's daughter, my brain's out of order
I've been a Kon Artis since I was swimmin in water
In cahoots with this nigga named Carlisle Von
who got fired from UPS for tryin to send you a bomb
(Special delivery!) I signed to a local label for fun
Say I got cancer, get dropped, take the advancement and run
Driveby you in the rain while you carry your son
Call your house and hang up on you for not givin me none
Born straight up out a pussy but a son of a gun
Got a reputation for havin niggaz runnin they funds
Used to be the type of nigga that was foldin some one's
'til I met your fat mama, now I'm rollin in dough
[Chorus]
[Eminem]
Haha.. suck my motherfuckin dick
D-12.. Dirty motherfuckin Dozen
Nasty like a stank slut bitch with thirty fuckin husbands
Bizarre kid
Swifty McVeigh
The Kon Artis
The Kuniva
Dirty Harry
Haha, and Slim Shady..
(feat. D-12)
[Eminem]
Translation
So you can suck my dick if you don't like, my shit
Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick - ha ha!
Two pills I pop, 'til my pupils swell up like two pennies
I'm Clint Eastwood in his mid-twenties
A young ass man with a trash can strapped to the back of his ass
so the rats can't chew through his last pants
I'm like a mummy at night, fightin with bright lightning
Frightened with five little white Vicadin pills bitin him
I'm like a fuckin wasp in the hospital lost
Stingin the fuck outta everything I come across in the halls
I light a candle and place it up on the mantle
Grab a knife at the blade and stab you with the fuckin handle
So when you find yourself wrapped up in the blinds, hurtin
[Swifty] Bitch it's too late
[Eminem] Cause once you're hung from the drapes, it's curtains
[Swifty]
I'm an instigator, .380 slug penetrator
Degradin, creatin murders to kill haters
Accused for every crime known through the equator
They knew I did it (uh-huh) for havin blood on my 'gators
My weed'll hit yo' chest like a double barrel gauge an'
I'm a black grenade that'll blow up in yo' face [*BLAM*]
With a fifth in me, when I guzzle Remi I do shit on purpose
You never hear me say, "Forgive me"
I'm snatchin every penny - it gotta be that way nigga, face it
That weed I sold to you, Brigade laced it
You hidin, I make the president get a facelift
Niggaz just afraid, handin me they bracelets
Chillin in the lab wasted
I'm the type that'll drink Kahlua and gin - throw up on the mic
Your life is ruined, you get socked right on site
And even at the Million Man March, we gon' fight
[Chorus: Eminem]
So you can suck my dick if you don't like, my shit
Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick
Cause I don't give a fuck if you don't like, my shit
Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick
[Bizarre]
I'm a compulsive liar, settin my preacher on fire
Slashin your tires, flyin down Fenkel and Meyers
Plates expired, soon as I'm hired, I'm fired
Jackin my dick off in a bed of barbed wire
(Hey, is Bizarre performing?) Bitch didn't you read the flyer?
Special invited guest will be, Richard Pryor
(Aren't you a male dancer?) Nah bitch, I'm retired
Fuckin your bitch in the ass with a tire iron
I'm ripped, I'm on an acid trip
My DJ's in a coma for lettin the record skip.. [*needle pops*]
Lettin the record skip.. [*needle pops*]
Lettin the record skip.. [*needle pops*] (Damn!)
[*DJ reverses the record and scratches it back on beat*]
I'm fuckin anything when I'm snortin
It's gonna cost 300 dollars to get my pit bull an abortion
[*dog whines*] Some bitch asked for my autograph
I called her a whore, spit beer in her face and laughed
I drop bombs like I was in Vietnam
All bitches is hoes, even my stinkin ass mom
[Proof]
Aiyyo flashback, two feets, two deep up in that ass crack
Weed laced with somethin [*gun cocks*] nigga pass that
In Amsterdam we only hang out with hash rats
At a 'Stop the Violence' rally, I blast gats
Be your mom on publishin, get your ASCAP-ped
The Kuniva, divide up your cash stack
Run your motherfuckin pockets, ASAP
I don't need a platinum chain, bitch I snatch Shaq's
Born loser, half theif and half black
Bring your boys and your guns and get laughed at
Bitch smacker, rich rappers get they Jag jacked
and found chopped up in a trash bag
[Kuniva]
We stranglin rappers until the point they can't yell
cause they crew is full of fags and sweeter than bake sales
Reckless, come from behind and snatch your necklace
Gruesome, and causin more violence than nine hoodlums
I grapple your adam's apple until it crackle
Run right past you, turn around, grab you and stab you
Get executed, cuz I'm a "Luni"
I got a "Yukmouth" and it's polluted
I cock it back then shoot it
I love snatchin up players thugs and young ballers
Shoot up the household, even the young toddlers
Brigade barricade to bring the noise
While the bullets break your bones up like Christmas toys
If I go solo, I'm doin a song with Bolo
A big Chinese nigga, screamin "Kuniva yo yo.."
I leave ya face leakin, run up in church
and smack the preacher while he's preachin
Take a swing at the deacon
[Kon Artis]
I used to tell cats I sold weed and weight
I was straight 'til I got caught sellin em shake
I'm ignorant, with the intent to snatch your rent
I got kicked out of summer camp for havin sex in my tent
with the superintendent's daughter, my brain's out of order
I've been a Kon Artis since I was swimmin in water
In cahoots with this nigga named Carlisle Von
who got fired from UPS for tryin to send you a bomb
(Special delivery!) I signed to a local label for fun
Say I got cancer, get dropped, take the advancement and run
Driveby you in the rain while you carry your son
Call your house and hang up on you for not givin me none
Born straight up out a pussy but a son of a gun
Got a reputation for havin niggaz runnin they funds
Used to be the type of nigga that was foldin some one's
'til I met your fat mama, now I'm rollin in dough
[Chorus]
[Eminem]
Haha.. suck my motherfuckin dick
D-12.. Dirty motherfuckin Dozen
Nasty like a stank slut bitch with thirty fuckin husbands
Bizarre kid
Swifty McVeigh
The Kon Artis
The Kuniva
Dirty Harry
Haha, and Slim Shady..
An Example Of Bad Looping
May 12, 2006
These are not my pants!!!!
Random story of random consequence
May 11, 2006 
Why?
The knights Lady
May 11, 2006
I'm giving you this 10 to offset the undeserved 6 that Jeff gave you.
Jeff, you are a glib, incompetent bastard sometimes - and I hate you! I HATE YOU!
Ahem! *adjusts his tie*
Anyway...
This story was great, especially for a first attempt. There were a few minor grammatical glitches, but they were just that: MINOR.
Truth be told, I'd probably give the story a 9 if not for Jeff's HORRIBLE rating, but only because Romance really isn't my cup of tea.
I love the attention to detail. You use mere filthy mortal words to weave a tapestry of brilliance. Whatever the Hell that means. I did not find myself 'speed reading' through the story, but rather basking in it's glory and savoring each and every word as if it is a morsel of prime filet mignon melting in my mouth.
Oh, and one more thing, why is this story rated MA? I think you might want to rate it 'R'.
Jeff, you are a glib, incompetent bastard sometimes - and I hate you! I HATE YOU!
Ahem! *adjusts his tie*
Anyway...
This story was great, especially for a first attempt. There were a few minor grammatical glitches, but they were just that: MINOR.
Truth be told, I'd probably give the story a 9 if not for Jeff's HORRIBLE rating, but only because Romance really isn't my cup of tea.
I love the attention to detail. You use mere filthy mortal words to weave a tapestry of brilliance. Whatever the Hell that means. I did not find myself 'speed reading' through the story, but rather basking in it's glory and savoring each and every word as if it is a morsel of prime filet mignon melting in my mouth.
Oh, and one more thing, why is this story rated MA? I think you might want to rate it 'R'.
rock star
May 9, 2006
Please just die.
Take about 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of humanity with you while you're at it.
Thanks.
Yours truly,
ChubbyT
P.S. I love you
Take about 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of humanity with you while you're at it.
Thanks.
Yours truly,
ChubbyT
P.S. I love you
Choose Your Own Chemical Adventure
May 4, 2006
What a promising start! This story is done in a very unique style and I think it would be great if you finished it.
Seeing as your giving this story a 'G' rating (at least early on), and we're currently engrossed in a tournament involving 'G' rated stories ('we' being a few of us who frequent this site) - I think THIS story here could be a likely candidate as a winner.
Sometimes physics can give you a migraine, but sometimes it's fun to delve into.
Seeing as your giving this story a 'G' rating (at least early on), and we're currently engrossed in a tournament involving 'G' rated stories ('we' being a few of us who frequent this site) - I think THIS story here could be a likely candidate as a winner.
Sometimes physics can give you a migraine, but sometimes it's fun to delve into.
Forgotten Hero
Apr 26, 2006
You are very naughty. Somebody should spank you.
CRACK ATTACK!
Apr 21, 2006
[Mr. Mackey] (Eric Cartman)
And everyone should get along..
Okay children quiet down, quiet down
Children I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day
His name is Mr. Shady
Children quiet down please
Brian don't throw that (SHUT UP!)
Mr. Shady will be your new substitute
while Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (HE'S GOT AIDS!)
Good luck Mr. Shady
[Eminem]
Hi there little boys and girls (FUCK YOU!)
Today we're gonna to learn how to poison squirrels
But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?)
Say hi Bob! ("Hi Bob") Bob's 30 and still lives with his mom
and he don't got a job, cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot
but his twelve-year old brother looks up to him an awful lot
And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
and wait in the parkin lot for waitresses off the clock
when it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog
Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (AHH!)
And even if they escaped and they got the cops
the ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge
'til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job
when she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
But Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it off
But Bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off his rocker
Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka
You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a "Dr."
He grabbed Stace' by the legs as chopped it off her
and dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander
they never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana,
and what it might do to you
So see if the squirrels want any - it's bad for you
[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]
See children, drugs are bahhhd (c'mon)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (ask him man)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (that's right)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (that's right)
So you don't act like everyone else does (uh-huh)
Then there's really nothin else to say (sing along)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?
[Eminem]
My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?
FUCK NO you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?)
Speakin of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
Ecstasy is the worst drug in the world
If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it
Kids two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid
and spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back
So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in your back
Meet Zach, twenty-one years old
After hangin out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold
and decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guys
and peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it
Suddenly, he starts to convulse and his pulse goes into hyperdrive
and his eyes roll back in his skull {*blblblblblb*}
His back starts tah - look like the McDonald's Arches
He's on Donald's carpet, layin horizontal barfin {*BLEH*}
And everyone in the apartment starts laughin at him
"Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!"
cause they took it too, so they think it's funny
So they're laughing at basically nothing except maybe wasting his money
Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over
and his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicin yoga
And that's the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniac
So don't even feed that to squirrels class, cause it's bad for you
[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]
See children, drugs are bahhhd (that's right)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (that's right)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (smoke crack)
So you don't act like everyone else does (that's right)
And there's really nothin else to say (but umm)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?
[Eminem]
And last but not least, one of the most humungous
problems among young people today, is fungus
It grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off,
bag it up, and you put it right in your mouth and chew it
Yum yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuff
And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em..
And sometimes you see things that aren't there (Like what?)
Like fat woman in G-strings with orange hair
(Mr. Shady what's a G-string?) It's yarn Claire
Women stick 'em up their behinds, go out and wear 'em (Huh?)
And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms
Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus
Ya tongue gets, all swoll up like a cow's tongue (How come?)
cause it comes from a cow's dung (Gross!!)
See drugs are bad, it's a common fact
But your mom and dad, know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!)
But don't be me, cause if you grow up and you go and O.D.
They're gonna come for me and I'ma have to grow a goatee
and get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault
So don't do drugs, and do exactly as I don't,
cause I'm bad for you
[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]
See children, drugs are bahhhd (uh-huh)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (put that down)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can ask)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (and she will)
So kids say no to drugs (say no)
So you don't act like everyone else does (like I do)
And there's really nothin else to say (that's right)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?
[Mr. Mackey] (Eric Cartman)
Come on children, clap along (SHUT UP!)
Sing along children (Suck my motherfuckin dick!)
Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!)
So don't do drugs (Suck my motherfuckin penis!)
so there'll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!)
(Mushrooms killed Kenny! *fart* Ewww, ahhh!)
(So, fucked up, right now..)
And everyone should get along..
Okay children quiet down, quiet down
Children I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day
His name is Mr. Shady
Children quiet down please
Brian don't throw that (SHUT UP!)
Mr. Shady will be your new substitute
while Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (HE'S GOT AIDS!)
Good luck Mr. Shady
[Eminem]
Hi there little boys and girls (FUCK YOU!)
Today we're gonna to learn how to poison squirrels
But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?)
Say hi Bob! ("Hi Bob") Bob's 30 and still lives with his mom
and he don't got a job, cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot
but his twelve-year old brother looks up to him an awful lot
And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
and wait in the parkin lot for waitresses off the clock
when it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog
Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (AHH!)
And even if they escaped and they got the cops
the ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge
'til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job
when she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
But Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it off
But Bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off his rocker
Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka
You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a "Dr."
He grabbed Stace' by the legs as chopped it off her
and dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander
they never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana,
and what it might do to you
So see if the squirrels want any - it's bad for you
[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]
See children, drugs are bahhhd (c'mon)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (ask him man)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (that's right)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (that's right)
So you don't act like everyone else does (uh-huh)
Then there's really nothin else to say (sing along)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?
[Eminem]
My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?
FUCK NO you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?)
Speakin of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
Ecstasy is the worst drug in the world
If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it
Kids two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid
and spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back
So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in your back
Meet Zach, twenty-one years old
After hangin out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold
and decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guys
and peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it
Suddenly, he starts to convulse and his pulse goes into hyperdrive
and his eyes roll back in his skull {*blblblblblb*}
His back starts tah - look like the McDonald's Arches
He's on Donald's carpet, layin horizontal barfin {*BLEH*}
And everyone in the apartment starts laughin at him
"Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!"
cause they took it too, so they think it's funny
So they're laughing at basically nothing except maybe wasting his money
Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over
and his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicin yoga
And that's the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniac
So don't even feed that to squirrels class, cause it's bad for you
[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]
See children, drugs are bahhhd (that's right)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (that's right)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (smoke crack)
So you don't act like everyone else does (that's right)
And there's really nothin else to say (but umm)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?
[Eminem]
And last but not least, one of the most humungous
problems among young people today, is fungus
It grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off,
bag it up, and you put it right in your mouth and chew it
Yum yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuff
And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em..
And sometimes you see things that aren't there (Like what?)
Like fat woman in G-strings with orange hair
(Mr. Shady what's a G-string?) It's yarn Claire
Women stick 'em up their behinds, go out and wear 'em (Huh?)
And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms
Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus
Ya tongue gets, all swoll up like a cow's tongue (How come?)
cause it comes from a cow's dung (Gross!!)
See drugs are bad, it's a common fact
But your mom and dad, know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!)
But don't be me, cause if you grow up and you go and O.D.
They're gonna come for me and I'ma have to grow a goatee
and get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault
So don't do drugs, and do exactly as I don't,
cause I'm bad for you
[Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)]
See children, drugs are bahhhd (uh-huh)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (put that down)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can ask)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (and she will)
So kids say no to drugs (say no)
So you don't act like everyone else does (like I do)
And there's really nothin else to say (that's right)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?
[Mr. Mackey] (Eric Cartman)
Come on children, clap along (SHUT UP!)
Sing along children (Suck my motherfuckin dick!)
Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!)
So don't do drugs (Suck my motherfuckin penis!)
so there'll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!)
(Mushrooms killed Kenny! *fart* Ewww, ahhh!)
(So, fucked up, right now..)
The Third Eye
Apr 19, 2006
Can't believe I never read this one.
I also can't believe this story got such harsh reviews. I, for one, loved it. The story did not progress slowly in my opinion, the room weren't 'too long'.
I have to give it a 10.
Another brilliant achievement. Well done.
I also can't believe this story got such harsh reviews. I, for one, loved it. The story did not progress slowly in my opinion, the room weren't 'too long'.
I have to give it a 10.
Another brilliant achievement. Well done.
My New Bike
Apr 15, 2006
MWUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
"The Dragon's Last Breath"
Apr 11, 2006
Great story, for what it is. Great blend of pictures and yes, even actual WORDS.
Masterful use of the English language, even. My two favorite lines in the story?
"Mmmmmm....Zavier, I want to feel every inch of your muscularity."
And...
"Thrust your hardness deep into me Zavier. I want to feel you."
HA! Oh, man. Classic. Absolutely classic. Love it.
Great job.
Masterful use of the English language, even. My two favorite lines in the story?
"Mmmmmm....Zavier, I want to feel every inch of your muscularity."
And...
"Thrust your hardness deep into me Zavier. I want to feel you."
HA! Oh, man. Classic. Absolutely classic. Love it.
Great job.
The new Grand Testing Tale
Apr 11, 2006
Someone mentioned you needing to be lobotomized.
Ya. Let's go with that.
Ya. Let's go with that.
Everyday Life- A Sailor Moon Story
Apr 11, 2006
This story is almost as bad as actual episode of Sailor Moon.
Puppetmaster
Apr 11, 2006
Well done!
You're obviously no novice. This story kept me intrigued from the moment I started reading until point I came to an option that hadn't yet been extended, which was honestly VERY disappointing.
Please finish this masterfully crafted story! It would be a TRAVESTY if it met the fate of so many other stories on this site and was not finished.
Anyway, well done!
You're obviously no novice. This story kept me intrigued from the moment I started reading until point I came to an option that hadn't yet been extended, which was honestly VERY disappointing.
Please finish this masterfully crafted story! It would be a TRAVESTY if it met the fate of so many other stories on this site and was not finished.
Anyway, well done!
The Darkness
Apr 10, 2006
Wow, I must strongly voice my disagreement with my esteemed peers.
This story was awful, even for a first attempt.
Don't get me wrong, I am not, by any means, the best writer on this site. And neither are you, quite obviously. At least not with this piece of drivel you call a 'story'. The options are lame, the story itself is lame and lacks substance, and I am still shocked and appalled that DEP, Yazzman, and Jeff gave you anything higher than a six.
They all tend to be kind to new faces around here, I suppose. Take my advice, delete this story and start over.
And do me a favor: TRY this time, mmkay?. You DO have some talent, you just got lazy with this one.
This story was awful, even for a first attempt.
Don't get me wrong, I am not, by any means, the best writer on this site. And neither are you, quite obviously. At least not with this piece of drivel you call a 'story'. The options are lame, the story itself is lame and lacks substance, and I am still shocked and appalled that DEP, Yazzman, and Jeff gave you anything higher than a six.
They all tend to be kind to new faces around here, I suppose. Take my advice, delete this story and start over.
And do me a favor: TRY this time, mmkay?. You DO have some talent, you just got lazy with this one.
Ducky Park
Apr 10, 2006
Oops. Forgot to rate this. Gets a 10 because I feel like giving it a 10.
Actually I think it's more worthy of a 9, but hey.
Actually I think it's more worthy of a 9, but hey.
Wild West Adventure
Apr 9, 2006 
It aint no 'Paco Valdez' that's for sure.
Still, it wasn't HORRIBLE. Just mediocre. Lacked inspiration. Generic.
Bla.
Still, it wasn't HORRIBLE. Just mediocre. Lacked inspiration. Generic.
Bla.
In Serch of Eden
Apr 9, 2006
Huh. An interesting story, to say the least.
Rife with spelling errors, riddled with completely unlikely happenings, and...ever heard of PARAGRAPHS?
I mean, you didn't even spell the title right. Come on.
Still, underneath all of this, there was a story that was pretty enjoyable. I've heard the theories you put forward in this story before, they are nothing new, but it's still fun to see other points of views besides evolution all the time.
And you have some writing ability, if you would only run a quick SPELL CHECK and BREAK UP your pages.
SHEESH!
Rife with spelling errors, riddled with completely unlikely happenings, and...ever heard of PARAGRAPHS?
I mean, you didn't even spell the title right. Come on.
Still, underneath all of this, there was a story that was pretty enjoyable. I've heard the theories you put forward in this story before, they are nothing new, but it's still fun to see other points of views besides evolution all the time.
And you have some writing ability, if you would only run a quick SPELL CHECK and BREAK UP your pages.
SHEESH!
Prophecies of Dunbar: The Last Saints
Apr 9, 2006
The first room is weak and does not grab the reader's attnetion. That being said.
I loved it, homer...er, I mean Jeff. It was great! I'm glad I kept going past that first room. The rest of the rooms are short, but well-worded and fun.
I love all of the mini-quests. I can't believe I never read this one before. Perhaps it was because most of the stories classified under 'Fantasy' usually bore me to death.
Not this one. Nicely done. MORE PEOPLE NEED TO READ THIS AND RATE IT!
The reason I give it a 10 is because it took me by surprise (how superb a job you did) and also for the fact that more people haven't read or rated it.
A 10 may be a little high, but so am I. Haha, just kidding.
I loved it, homer...er, I mean Jeff. It was great! I'm glad I kept going past that first room. The rest of the rooms are short, but well-worded and fun.
I love all of the mini-quests. I can't believe I never read this one before. Perhaps it was because most of the stories classified under 'Fantasy' usually bore me to death.
Not this one. Nicely done. MORE PEOPLE NEED TO READ THIS AND RATE IT!
The reason I give it a 10 is because it took me by surprise (how superb a job you did) and also for the fact that more people haven't read or rated it.
A 10 may be a little high, but so am I. Haha, just kidding.
The Teatime Of Infinity
Apr 6, 2006
1st story? Hands down, 10.
Were this a 2nd or 3rd story? Mmm, might be a 9 or an 8.
Still, very well written, even for only six rooms.
Please forgive my humble addition. What you must understand is that...
I am Will, Will is I, and we are eternity.
HIPPIES RULE!!!
Were this a 2nd or 3rd story? Mmm, might be a 9 or an 8.
Still, very well written, even for only six rooms.
Please forgive my humble addition. What you must understand is that...
I am Will, Will is I, and we are eternity.
HIPPIES RULE!!!
Adventure omfg
Apr 3, 2006
First of all - Yazzman, homer, and DEP should all be summarily executed for their complete and utter incompetance when it comes to rating this 'story'.
Have you people lost your minds?
Or were you just fucking retarded to begin with, and I was too fucking drunk/depressed/insane to realize it? Maybe you guys are like Dustin Hoffman in 'Rainman'.
Well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.
By anything. Hey 'strongbad', do us all a favor and...
I won't say it. Do what I wish everyone else would do, okay? Do what I wish everyone else would do.
Do what I wish I would do this very second.
Die.
Or at the very least, do not not write.
Okay?
In the very least, do not right. And if you're feel in a chipper mood, go ahead and die for me.
Have you people lost your minds?
Or were you just fucking retarded to begin with, and I was too fucking drunk/depressed/insane to realize it? Maybe you guys are like Dustin Hoffman in 'Rainman'.
Well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.
By anything. Hey 'strongbad', do us all a favor and...
I won't say it. Do what I wish everyone else would do, okay? Do what I wish everyone else would do.
Do what I wish I would do this very second.
Die.
Or at the very least, do not not write.
Okay?
In the very least, do not right. And if you're feel in a chipper mood, go ahead and die for me.
A Man's Change
Mar 24, 2006
Pretty hot story, if you'd just finish it.
Who HASN'T wanted to become a young school girl, get accosted by a strange man, and star in a porn flick?
Brilliant!
Who HASN'T wanted to become a young school girl, get accosted by a strange man, and star in a porn flick?
Brilliant!
There once was a girl named...
Mar 21, 2006
Marshmello was abused as a child.
This explains a lot.
This explains a lot.
The One Word Story!
Mar 21, 2006
Don't be so modest, Yazz. This fucking idiot couldn't write a coherent sentence if his/her life depended on it.
Hey, EndMaster - Maybe posting that link on the Wiki wasn't such a good idea afterall.
Hey, EndMaster - Maybe posting that link on the Wiki wasn't such a good idea afterall.
There once was a girl named...
Mar 21, 2006
Marshmello, do us all a favor and try READING.
The One Word Story!
Mar 21, 2006
I've got one word to say about this story: STUPID.
Just like the author.
Just like the author.
Revenge
Mar 21, 2006
The writing is flawless and full of emotion.
I must once again beg the differ with my esteemed peer homer and give you a well-deserved 10, cat.
I must once again beg the differ with my esteemed peer homer and give you a well-deserved 10, cat.
The Terminator Final Battle
Mar 21, 2006
You've been Terminated.
Sev, how come this guy gets away with this shit and yet I can't even get basic forum privledges back? Why the double standard?
Sev, how come this guy gets away with this shit and yet I can't even get basic forum privledges back? Why the double standard?
Ghosts
Mar 14, 2006
Not bad. I'm giving you an 8 because I think you have potential.
Try and finish this one, though.
Try and finish this one, though.
Visual Epic
Mar 3, 2006
DEP, I felt like you did at first. I don't usually like these types of stories.
That being said, I didn't follow the story's 'rules'. I just explored.
And I actually, the further I got, the more fun I had. The story is actually quite funny and clever.
DEP, you need to re-read this one. Shame on you for giving it a 5, you non-poop eating bastard!
That being said, I didn't follow the story's 'rules'. I just explored.
And I actually, the further I got, the more fun I had. The story is actually quite funny and clever.
DEP, you need to re-read this one. Shame on you for giving it a 5, you non-poop eating bastard!
The demon scam
Mar 3, 2006
A little nagging voice in my head (the same one that tells me to hurt small animals) is saying that I should give you a 7.
But I'm going to give you an 8. This story has a lot of potential if you polish it up a bit. As it stands now I'd say it's worthy of a 7, however.
But I have faith in you, and I have a feeling by the time you're finished with your work here it will be worth an 8 or higher.
But I'm going to give you an 8. This story has a lot of potential if you polish it up a bit. As it stands now I'd say it's worthy of a 7, however.
But I have faith in you, and I have a feeling by the time you're finished with your work here it will be worth an 8 or higher.
I'm Bored
Feb 28, 2006
Dude. You're capable of much better stuff.
I'm bored as well.
I'm bored as well.
Paco Valdez
Feb 26, 2006
How's it going, Bill? Huh?
New Orleans: A Choose Your Own Adventure
Feb 16, 2006
Crack? Hos? WalMart? What story does this remind me of? Hmm....
Anyway, good story. And I'm afraid I must disagree with homer - drugs and severed baby limbs ARE funny.
Not as good as your other story, but pretty enjoyable. You WOULD get a 9, but...well...what story does this remind me of?
That's right.
Anyway, good story. And I'm afraid I must disagree with homer - drugs and severed baby limbs ARE funny.
Not as good as your other story, but pretty enjoyable. You WOULD get a 9, but...well...what story does this remind me of?
That's right.
The Yakuza Diaries: Choose Your Own Adventure
Feb 4, 2006
WOW! Ano sutorippaa wa ore no me no mammae de suitichi o irete yagatta!
Seriously, though, EXCELLENT work. I am in awe of your talent, sir. This one definitely gives 'Paco Valdez' by donteatpoop a run for it's money.
Raw, action-packed, and engaging!
You definitely know a thing or two about the fascinating Japanese culture!
Reading this story was more fun than the act of gansha suru or even shiko shiko suru!
Seriously, though, EXCELLENT work. I am in awe of your talent, sir. This one definitely gives 'Paco Valdez' by donteatpoop a run for it's money.
Raw, action-packed, and engaging!
You definitely know a thing or two about the fascinating Japanese culture!
Reading this story was more fun than the act of gansha suru or even shiko shiko suru!
Killer in the school
Jan 26, 2006
Hmmmm. Like DEP said, it had it's moments. I didn't really like the riddles, thought you could have done better there.
AT least it's not full of loose ends, though. Good effort!
AT least it's not full of loose ends, though. Good effort!
An army of clay aiken clones. Scary.
I don't like NarfySnape land very much.
A mediocre story, all in all. But, like homer said, I expected much worse.
I don't like NarfySnape land very much.
A mediocre story, all in all. But, like homer said, I expected much worse.
Blind Date
Jan 17, 2006
Actuall, Michael, I'm stone cold sober, and I gave it a ten.
Thanks for reminding me that I don't have any pot and my dealer isn't returning my calls, though.
Appreciate it.
Thanks for reminding me that I don't have any pot and my dealer isn't returning my calls, though.
Appreciate it.
Blind Date
Jan 17, 2006
Can't believe I never checked this one out, Lucid! I really like your work, and this one especially. Very funny. I'm tempted to give it a 9, but you made me laugh too hard NOT to give you a 10.
Oh, and Michael, take a chill pill, brother. Not every story has to be serious. There is a place for puerile humor, and Lucid did a good job here.
I thought my collaborative effort with DEP, 'CRACK ATTACK!', was the funniest story on the site when it hit, but this story definitely gives it a run for it's money.
I only wish I hadn't deleted it, as I do with all of my stories.
*sigh*
Oh, and Michael, take a chill pill, brother. Not every story has to be serious. There is a place for puerile humor, and Lucid did a good job here.
I thought my collaborative effort with DEP, 'CRACK ATTACK!', was the funniest story on the site when it hit, but this story definitely gives it a run for it's money.
I only wish I hadn't deleted it, as I do with all of my stories.
*sigh*
Escape From Hell Asylum
Jan 17, 2006
Much better than that 'Behind the Shield' crap, NCPolice. You did a very good job here. The story flowed pretty good and kept me interested throughout.
I still have to dock you points for basic spelling and grammatical errors, though.
I still have to dock you points for basic spelling and grammatical errors, though.
Crazy Dream
Jan 16, 2006
Seriously, though. What drugs were you taking?
The Adventures of George W. Bush
Jan 14, 2006
While the story is fun, it definitely is the workings of a 'whiney liberal'.
It's funny though...even if it's wrong in some ways.
It's funny though...even if it's wrong in some ways.
uh
Jan 13, 2006
I like peanut butter.
Shadows Of The Lost
Jan 13, 2006
So far so good. Keep up the good work.
Hunter II - The Huntening
Jan 12, 2006
Don't do that, Zackt.
Behind The Shield
Jan 6, 2006 
Dude, I don't understand why everyone else is showering you with praise.
This story was TERRIBLE.
I guess one of the prerequisites to become a Cop is that you have to write at a 7th grade level?
I'm not insulting your intelligence here, but either you're VERY lazy or you REALLY need to take some basic classes on composition.
Yikes, man.
This story was TERRIBLE.
I guess one of the prerequisites to become a Cop is that you have to write at a 7th grade level?
I'm not insulting your intelligence here, but either you're VERY lazy or you REALLY need to take some basic classes on composition.
Yikes, man.
Cavernous Hell
Jan 6, 2006
I don't know where you were trying to go with this one...but you never got there.
The Man
Jan 6, 2006
Interesting tale. Needs work, though.
Something Strange...
Jan 5, 2006
It wasn't quite believable. It was okay, though. It just didn't strike me as anything special.
I'm not trying to be mean.
I'm not trying to be mean.
Doctor Who
Dec 22, 2005
They're right. The potential is there, but you definitely got lazy with this one.
Augustine
Dec 22, 2005
Hey not bad overall. You do need to work on your general style, but you were still able to draw me in nonetheless.
SMThomas' Adventure
Dec 22, 2005
If you're five, this deserves a 10. Otherwise...
Whatever...
Dec 22, 2005
Whatever's right. That's all I have to say about this story.
Whatever, dude.
Whatever.
Whatever, dude.
Whatever.
The Heist
Dec 19, 2005
Seriously, dude. I couldn't get past the first room.
Hollywood or Bust
Dec 11, 2005
You gave yourself a 10.
Why?
Do you actually think it's good?
Are you that fucking stupid?
I mean, if you were DEP and your story was actually worthy of a 10 you might be able to get away with it. Couple THAT fact with the fact that this story is an inarticulate piece of shit...
And, well, I think you might come to understand why I gave you this 1.
Had it not been for you rating yourself a 10, I might have given you a 4.
Shame on you, sir.
Shame on you.
Why?
Do you actually think it's good?
Are you that fucking stupid?
I mean, if you were DEP and your story was actually worthy of a 10 you might be able to get away with it. Couple THAT fact with the fact that this story is an inarticulate piece of shit...
And, well, I think you might come to understand why I gave you this 1.
Had it not been for you rating yourself a 10, I might have given you a 4.
Shame on you, sir.
Shame on you.
The Walk
Dec 7, 2005
What they said. You got potential if you actually try. Don't be so lazy.
Stewie's Sexy Party!
Dec 5, 2005
I know that if you tried, you could do much better than this.
This Story is Going Nowhere Fast
Nov 28, 2005
<IMG SRC="http://www.weirdspot.com/images/uploads/starved.jpg" WIDTH=960 HEIGHT=490 BORDER=0 USEMAP="#LOGO-1x1"></DIV>I'm giving you a one. You shouldn't be allowed to touch a keyboard OR a pencil. What you need is a spatula and a McDonald's uniform.
Reunion
Oct 10, 2005
Very funny!!! What else can I say? Don't be too hard on yourself, this story was a good read.
Breathe your last Breath
Oct 9, 2005
These story is pretty poor is stupid is alwase have every single time I read it...
X + Z
Oct 5, 2005
You don't even get a nod for effort.
From Darkness It Comes
Oct 2, 2005
What can I say. I like it, but something kept me from giving it a ten. Great story, though. It's put together very vividly. Whatever that means.
I'm going to drink beer now. Cheerio.
I'm going to drink beer now. Cheerio.
A very unique story! It was a refreshing change to see things through the eyes of a female character. Finish it sometime.
The Octagonal Pavillion
Oct 1, 2005
A shame you haven't finished this. Intriguing start, though.
Knock At The Door
Aug 27, 2005
Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Do not write. Please, spare humanity of THAT.
Spaced
Aug 6, 2005
The title is fitting. Life in England must be very boring.
Christian's Castle
Jul 21, 2005
"As you cross to the door to your left, you are dumbfounded by the black marble flooring beneath you with blood-red veins running through it, the likes of which you've never seen before. The door you arrive at is much wider than the other, though hardly any taller. It is labeled "Reason" in gold engraving "
A quote from your story.
Michael, Michael, Michael. What message are you trying to get across here? Look, my only problem with Christianity is the same problem I have with ANY religion - all it is is a cop out. A crutch. Who needs to use your mind when you have a book that tells what to think and when to think it. No matter how absurd and just plain stupid some of it's teachings are.
I'm no stranger to the intricacies of the Faith. My parents were missionaries, my dad later went on to become a pastor. I know the Bible in and out - and that's what confounds me. Are you folks REALLY that blind and stupid to assume that EVERY word written in that book is true?
Don't get me wrong, most of the moral principles the Bible preaches are the building blocks of our country. But to blindly...ah forget it, I've made my point.
Thing is I agree with you folks on many issues: abortion, ect. But I feel you're all brainwashed. Open your mind and think for yourself. Morality is a seed planted within every man from God. You don't need to base your life off a book written by mere MEN.
The story gets a 7.
A quote from your story.
Michael, Michael, Michael. What message are you trying to get across here? Look, my only problem with Christianity is the same problem I have with ANY religion - all it is is a cop out. A crutch. Who needs to use your mind when you have a book that tells what to think and when to think it. No matter how absurd and just plain stupid some of it's teachings are.
I'm no stranger to the intricacies of the Faith. My parents were missionaries, my dad later went on to become a pastor. I know the Bible in and out - and that's what confounds me. Are you folks REALLY that blind and stupid to assume that EVERY word written in that book is true?
Don't get me wrong, most of the moral principles the Bible preaches are the building blocks of our country. But to blindly...ah forget it, I've made my point.
Thing is I agree with you folks on many issues: abortion, ect. But I feel you're all brainwashed. Open your mind and think for yourself. Morality is a seed planted within every man from God. You don't need to base your life off a book written by mere MEN.
The story gets a 7.
Time Traveller
Jul 21, 2005
Sorry. I know everyone else has given this story rave reviews, and in truth this story does a better job portraying time-travel than many movies concerning this complicated subject.
There were just too many flaws. I could go on and on. As far as writing style goes, it was pretty much flawless. You're a good writer, you just picked the wrong subject matter this time around.
There were just too many flaws. I could go on and on. As far as writing style goes, it was pretty much flawless. You're a good writer, you just picked the wrong subject matter this time around.
World War II
Jul 21, 2005
I'm gonna have to go with homer on this one. Pretty lame premise, my friend. WW2 is a rich enough backdrop for a story, why base it off a stupid game? I mean, maybe the game's not stupid - but this story sure is.
Old Western Tale
Jul 21, 2005
This is the anti-Paco Valdez. Check out DEP's western tale to see how it's REALLY done.
Revenge of the Ronin
Jul 21, 2005
You guys did your homework. I'm tempted to dock you a point for some minor grammatical errors on NCPolice's part, but that would be petty.
The action and suspense that keep the reader interested far outweigh the discrepancies. Well done!
It's too bad it's met the fate of so many other stories and hasn't been finished, though. ):
The action and suspense that keep the reader interested far outweigh the discrepancies. Well done!
It's too bad it's met the fate of so many other stories and hasn't been finished, though. ):
Dark Secrets
Jul 21, 2005
I must have taken a different path than DEP or Homer, because I thought this was a very entertaining story. And as far as formatting goes, I think you did find.
A couple parts even made me chuckle. Look forward to seeing it finished. Maybe you should keep throwing in some of those 'comic-relief' moments, which helps offset all the action - which this story doesn't lack! All in all, well done!
A couple parts even made me chuckle. Look forward to seeing it finished. Maybe you should keep throwing in some of those 'comic-relief' moments, which helps offset all the action - which this story doesn't lack! All in all, well done!
The battle of two sites
Jul 20, 2005
We don't take kindly to outsiders round these parts, uh huh. *spits some tobacco and wipes away the orange phlegm from his beard* Mmmhmmm, you shore do got some purty lips, boy! We gonna have some fun with you! Mmmhmm...
The Thing Revisited
Jul 20, 2005
A Tale of Two Choices
Jul 20, 2005
Starts off promising but needs to be finished.
The Quest For The Angel Sword 5
Jul 20, 2005
Why are Samwise and Frodo in this story?
College
Jul 19, 2005
Only DEP is allowed to give his stories 10s. I actually didn't even read the story, but given the ratings - I don't think I need to. I like to fit in with the cool crowd. Giving you a 1 makes me feel cool. Or wait....maybe that's just the chills from my marijuana withdrawals making me feel cool...now I feel hot, wait...now I'm cool again...does anyone have a joint!?!?!?!
A Crappy Story
Jul 18, 2005
Brilliant. A true work of genius. Bravo, this is by far one of the best stories to grace this sight!!! I like poo too!!!!!
Leave All Your Hate At The Door
Jul 18, 2005
Why is someone in love with a car? I mean, Subarus are okay, but I'm more of a Toyota man myself.
C-047
Jul 18, 2005
One of your best. Not ENTIRELY believable, but almost. China is indeed a looming threat, with the fastest growing economy. It has also become the world's largest consumer of oil, and is producing more engineers and educated workers than the US. It's time we wake up to this new threat.
I find it funny, though, that you think George W. is our worst president ever. Very naive of you. Bill Clinton was in bed with the Chinese, and sold away valuable technology. You may hate the war in Iraq (and no war should ever be LOVED), but your Democrat friends in Washington are a far bigger threat than ol' George.
I find it funny, though, that you think George W. is our worst president ever. Very naive of you. Bill Clinton was in bed with the Chinese, and sold away valuable technology. You may hate the war in Iraq (and no war should ever be LOVED), but your Democrat friends in Washington are a far bigger threat than ol' George.
Score
Jul 18, 2005
I'm going to go ahead and give this story a 5. There are way worse story on this site, but then again...there's better ones. Not your best work, homer.
Heroes in a Half Shell
Jul 13, 2005
Funny concept. I'm surprised you remember all this Ninja Turtle crap! They used to be like one of my favorite cartoons.
If I were you I'd make this one short and sweet.
If I were you I'd make this one short and sweet.
Bond, James Bond
Jul 13, 2005
I don't even know what to say...
The Virus
Jul 13, 2005
I got past page one and couldn't bring myself to read any further. Go take some 7th grade-level English classes and come back when you can spell and use proper grammar.
Nuke Land
Jul 13, 2005
A mediocre attempt at whatever it is you were attempting to attempt, at best.
Lucid
Jul 13, 2005
A beautifully crafted story that at times very closely mirrored some of my own dreams. Glad to know I'm not the only one who dreams of such 'beautiful' things. I know that sounds corny, but oh well. If anyone has a problem with they can take it up with me personally, here where I reside in the hood grippin' my automatic 9mm.
That being said, it lacks much depth and the fact you're going to a 'fun mall' really doesn't make much sense to me.
That being said, it lacks much depth and the fact you're going to a 'fun mall' really doesn't make much sense to me.
You are a Cockroach
Jul 11, 2005
Decent premise, but the story fails to deliver completely. Still, you have some writing talent. Keep at it.
Death by: ______
Jul 11, 2005
Amusing.
"Arrgh, me pirate gold. I lose me golden teef"
Jul 11, 2005
I wont even attempt to read a story as lazily put together as this. I got to the first episode and quit. If you can't even spell out the word 'you' then go back to the stupid AOL-chat room you crawled out of and stay there.
A Stoner Life
Jul 11, 2005
Wow. You are an excellent example of someone who SHOULDN'T smoke weed. At least not while writing, as Donteatpoop has already stated.
People like you give stoners a bad name, which only further perpetuates the negative attitude towards pot.
And if you're going to cheat and give your story 16,000 hits make it READABLE you stupid asshole.
People like you give stoners a bad name, which only further perpetuates the negative attitude towards pot.
And if you're going to cheat and give your story 16,000 hits make it READABLE you stupid asshole.
The Paradox Factor
Jul 10, 2005
I don't know how I missed this story before. Very original. A little TOO fragmented, in my opinion, but I can't bring myself to dock you a point for that.
Bank Heist
Jul 10, 2005
What can I say. Like all of your stories to date, it's excellent. I don't know that I would have chosen a bank heist as a theme, given how complicated it can become. You're brave.
I guess the only negative thing I can say is that Paco Valdez is a similar story, but a better one, in my opinion. Not that this one is bad by any means, I'm just trying to give you some constructive criticism.
I guess the only negative thing I can say is that Paco Valdez is a similar story, but a better one, in my opinion. Not that this one is bad by any means, I'm just trying to give you some constructive criticism.
Paco Valdez
Jul 10, 2005
Dude, you HAVE to finish this story. It's beautiful. I feel any words I have can't do it justice. The options are thought out, the plot is GREAT, and every room is loaded with descriptive narration.
And, unlike me, you really have a way with metaphors. One of your great strengths.
This one of the BEST stories to grace this sight. Keep it up.
And, unlike me, you really have a way with metaphors. One of your great strengths.
This one of the BEST stories to grace this sight. Keep it up.
When Zombies Attack
Jul 9, 2005
An engaging and VERY funny story. And actually there's one part where it was almost scary. Then again, I'm one of those folks who thinks ALL horror movies/stories have an element of humor to them.
Wild Night
Jul 9, 2005
Actually, the only gay people I've ever known all turned out to be creeps. I'm convinced every gay man has been molested as a child.
One guy ended up screwing me out of $100 (not literally) the other one ended up hitting on me. Actually they both did, and they both admired my ass - which did flatter me, I must admit. It got to the point where one of them was trying to convince me that I'm 'lying to myself, and that I really loved him and I'm really gay'
That's when I told him to go to Hell. I thought I was an open-minded man of the 21st century, but gay people creep me out.
Anyway, this is turning into a tangent. This story is pretty horrible. Pixielaughs is it's only redeeming value.
One guy ended up screwing me out of $100 (not literally) the other one ended up hitting on me. Actually they both did, and they both admired my ass - which did flatter me, I must admit. It got to the point where one of them was trying to convince me that I'm 'lying to myself, and that I really loved him and I'm really gay'
That's when I told him to go to Hell. I thought I was an open-minded man of the 21st century, but gay people creep me out.
Anyway, this is turning into a tangent. This story is pretty horrible. Pixielaughs is it's only redeeming value.
Pick Your Poison 2 (Drugs)
Jul 7, 2005
I wish I had frineds in high school that would have given me free cocaine. All the a-holes I hung out with charged my ass. It's an alright story, but you need to learn how to do some simple html formating.
Oh, and I guess it's a good message. Or whatever. Although for some reason now I want a couple bumps. Hmm, go figure.
Oh, and I guess it's a good message. Or whatever. Although for some reason now I want a couple bumps. Hmm, go figure.
Hero of Asuras
Jul 5, 2005
A mediocre story. Try and be a little more original and descriptive, and you'll have yourself a nice peice of work.
UR NAME IS KORO
Jul 5, 2005
If you're too damn lazy to even spell the word 'You're' in the title, then go fall in a ditch and die. Well, maybe you don't need to die - but fall in a ditch! And stay there for awhile.
New Year's Eve
Jul 5, 2005
If you're not going to finish it, delete it.
Sunday
Jul 4, 2005
Do you, perhaps, watch Jack Van Impe? This is a well-written story, just a little played out. I don't think the EU is the menace many fundamentalist Christians think it is.
But don't get me wrong, I'm no fan of Europe or it's social trends. Keep adding on to the story, you've got a good start. I'm an open-minded guy. The future could bring anything. I just think way too many Christians in this day and age think they got it all figured out.
But don't get me wrong, I'm no fan of Europe or it's social trends. Keep adding on to the story, you've got a good start. I'm an open-minded guy. The future could bring anything. I just think way too many Christians in this day and age think they got it all figured out.
Escape
Jul 4, 2005
I must very strongly disagree with homerpython. This is a very compelling story, and I was disappointed when I came to an option that hadn't been extended yet.
You capture the feelings of melancholy and pure anguish as clearly and vividly as the polaroid pictures the grief-stricken character takes of the roadkill and other sights along his trip.
"Maybe you'll be blessed with the ability to rest for a few hours. Sometimes you can get that thing between conciousness and sleep where you're niether one or the other. That happens sometimes. You almost prefer that to waking up to dreams which you thought were real during the night."
I liked that line alot. This story gets a well-deserved 9.
You capture the feelings of melancholy and pure anguish as clearly and vividly as the polaroid pictures the grief-stricken character takes of the roadkill and other sights along his trip.
"Maybe you'll be blessed with the ability to rest for a few hours. Sometimes you can get that thing between conciousness and sleep where you're niether one or the other. That happens sometimes. You almost prefer that to waking up to dreams which you thought were real during the night."
I liked that line alot. This story gets a well-deserved 9.
On My Way To School
Jul 4, 2005
This story is amazing. For instance, it's amazing I was able to read through an entire paragraph of it.
13-Death (lets party)
Jul 4, 2005
This story is tired and uninspired. And by the way, you'd die from your stomach Hemorrhaging before you'd ever O.D. on shrooms. Also, the common myth that the caps are more potent than the stems is just taboo. Trust me.
A Kids Life
Jul 4, 2005
This story was about as fun as a frontal lobotomy.
The Untimely Gift
Jul 4, 2005
I liked it, but it needs to be finished.
The Ninja Epidemic
May 23, 2005
Well done. Needs a little refining, but it was, for the most part, very amusing.
Quiz Show of......Death
May 19, 2005
Even with the multiple choice I still got some wrong. I'm such an IDIOT! (:
5050
May 19, 2005
Very well-written. I'm not a big fan of Sci-Fi, however. Otherwise I'd give you a 10.
THE DAY
May 18, 2005
A little monotonous. Could be better. Parts of it are funny, though. If you polished up the story a little more and made it a little less boring you'd have yourself a real dandy piece of candy.
Valley Viper
May 18, 2005
It's a little rough around the edges. Has the potential to be better. Still, it's readable - which is saying alot for around here. Nice job.
The life of a man named Mike
May 9, 2005
And it's kinda lame to rate your own story. And by the way, Korn sucks!
The Slasher is comming for YOU
Apr 27, 2005
It could almost be the funniest story on the site, but there's some stiff competition. Still, I like it alot. It's inspiring. You see, I'm inspired to take a nap now. Haha, just joking.
Wait. I said 'stiff'. *childish snicker*
Wait. I said 'stiff'. *childish snicker*
Verisimilivirate
Apr 19, 2005
I liked the beginning the best. Toward the middle my interest started tapering off. The dialogue with Fred is a little long. Still, it was imaginative. "Super Number One Fun Supreme Adventure Cool Extreme Fight - GO! ^^!" as they would say in Japan.
Also, needs more mustard. Less catsup next time and just hold the onions. There are children present.
Also, needs more mustard. Less catsup next time and just hold the onions. There are children present.
InuYasha
Mar 24, 2005
So original.
Inuyasha-Starring as Miroku
Mar 24, 2005
The Meaning of Knife
Mar 20, 2005
Funniest stuff you've written in my opinion. Reminds me of an episode of South Park. Nicely done. Very offensive, but nicely done.
I'm not who think I am
Mar 11, 2005
You didn't even get the title right. Keep trying. Read a book or two and come back.
The Adventures of George W. Bush
Mar 11, 2005
And I voted for Bush! HA!
When Angels Cry
Mar 10, 2005
Weak plot, lame characters, horrible dialogue. People like you really make me question whether humanity is even worth saving.
Why don't you go throw yourself off a cliff and do ALL of us a favor!!!
And nobody cares about Charles!! He's not scary, he's not funny, he's not even original!
Okay, I'm done now. Seriously though, jump off a cliff.
Thank you.
Why don't you go throw yourself off a cliff and do ALL of us a favor!!!
And nobody cares about Charles!! He's not scary, he's not funny, he's not even original!
Okay, I'm done now. Seriously though, jump off a cliff.
Thank you.
The Dark One Cometh
Mar 10, 2005
Not bad. Not great.
Pokemon Adventure!
Mar 10, 2005
The Pokemon craze is something I like to pretend never happened. Kinda like how some people say there was no holocaust.
Mystical Dreams
Mar 10, 2005
I like it. I don't love it.
The Jenn Frank SuperMegaAdventureFun Tour
Mar 10, 2005
Bad stuff.
HITMAN
Mar 10, 2005
I actually got one chuckle out of this story. But it leaves no lasting impressions.
The #Digiworld Adventure
Mar 10, 2005
One is the highest rating I could bring myself to give this cesspool of stupidity you call a story. If there was a -10 rating, I'd give you it.
Nothing personal.
Oh...wait. Ya it is.
Nothing personal.
Oh...wait. Ya it is.
~*articulate what forever smoulders*~
Mar 10, 2005
You selt the title wrong and when I saw the first option says 'u' instead of 'you' I couldn't bring myself to go on any further.
I like the actual one parapgraph of what I did read, though.
I like the actual one parapgraph of what I did read, though.
A Day in the Life of Messenger Hello Kitty
Mar 10, 2005
Wow. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love me some good Hello Kitty action once in awhile. But....THIS was like the most horrible thing I've ever seen. I don't even know what it is. Is it trying to be a story?
Wow, this story really sucked. Good title, though. Some of it was funny...sorta. Actually, no it wasn't.
Good title, though.
Good title, though.
The Hunter mission 1
Mar 6, 2005
Not bad. Not great. I think you could do better if you put a little more time into it. Try using quotation marks, too.
Steve-The Text Adventure
Mar 2, 2005
I'm giving you a solid seven. If anything this story is poignant reminder of why Yoga is a dangerous art to practice. And yes, "Ashlee Simpson sucks". Totally.
The Mysterious Object
Feb 28, 2005
I really hope no children ever read this. Ever.
The Mysterious Object
Feb 28, 2005
I haven't read a word of this story but the artwork is great. What version of 'Paint' are you running?
a JUggALO day
Feb 26, 2005
ICP's last 'good' album was the Great Milenko. And that was for OUR generation. Not YOURS. Fucktard. The phase has passed. Move on.
The Door
Feb 26, 2005
The Aftermath
Feb 26, 2005
#Digiworld Adventure 2
Feb 24, 2005
What Ho!
Feb 24, 2005
The Item
Feb 24, 2005
The Curse of the Towne Motel
Feb 24, 2005
Helot
Feb 20, 2005
Mr. Wiggles Big Adventures (Not a Childrens Story)
Feb 16, 2005
YOU save the entire Universe!
Feb 13, 2005
Quick Trip To Hell
Feb 13, 2005
HA!
The story itself was awesome, the world was fully developed in a way that could be published in a book. Not like my juvenile endeavors. I know some of the shit I write is funny and at times moving, but it is never really fully developed. You have a way of really making your worlds REAL. My worlds are cartoons.
I liked the concept of the witches eyes. I've seen them recently, upon awakening from a nightmare I would wish on no one. I really did see a pair of eyes...beyond description.
Great story. I'm sorry it never got finished. But these kind of stories are hard to finish.