Eternal
When you first got to Dendrin’s sanctuary (As it came to be called), you basically stayed in your underground paradise a lot, since Talia was still pre-occupied with the idea of you both having a baby during that time. It was actually fun shutting out the world completely for a while. Even the prayers to Dendrin you faked didn’t bother you.
As months went by, it was apparent nothing was happening and Talia began to get noticeably upset. She started blaming you, stating that because you had turned from Dendrin he was still punishing you and her by association. Naturally you argued back pointing out that you’ve been praying to Dendrin right along side her and the fact you traveled here should be proof that’s you’re trying to change. It doesn’t help and ultimately she just gets more upset. Weeks pass by where you don’t even speak to each other, and that’s when you tried something voluntarily that you never thought you’d do.
You genuinely prayed to Dendrin. Not for yourself, but for Talia. You even bargained with him stating that you’d actually become a true believer if he just granted her prayers. Predictably he never answered. All this caused you to do is get angry and curse him like you have so many times in the past. In the meantime, Talia wasn’t angry with you anymore so much as she had fallen into a depression.
With Talia in a depression, you found yourself getting angrier at the situation. At Talia, at Dendrin, at the shadows, at the Empire and at yourself. Naturally you had to get your mind off things and that’s when you remembered what the hell you were there for in the first place. To stir up shit for the Empire here in Delerg again.
You began leaving the sanctuary on a regular basis and ambushing Empire troops. Pretty soon you were back to a routine like you were in Rask during your isolated years. Talia never helps you during this time and mostly remains in her depression, but it hardly matters since you’re focused on Empire soldiers. This remains your routine for months.
But recently things take an odd turn, namely you feel your shadow magic getting stronger again. You don’t know if was due to the temple or the prayers or Dendrin being a whimsical asshole as usual, but you try to focus on the positive and hope that maybe this will snap Talia out her general sadness as well.
“Talia, I know you’ve been feeling down for the past year or so, but I think I’ve got some good news for you. My shadow magic is coming back.”
“Really?”
“Yes, so I imagine that this means Dendrin must be happy with me and if he’s happy with me, he’s gotta be happy with you right?”
You see Talia temporarily smile, but then this drops as quickly as it appears. In fact the expression on her face looks even sadder if that was possible.
“What the hell, I would’ve thought that this would’ve snapped you out of this long time depression you’ve been in.”
“I wish it did (sob) but instead it only confirms what I think the problem has been all along. (sob).” Talia weeps.
“I don’t understand.”
“I should’ve told you before…”
“What?! What should you have told me?”
“You were never the problem, it was me! (sob) I wasn’t good enough! (sob)”
“Talia, you need to calm yourself, and explain what you’re going on about.”
“Dendrin, he speaks to you. He always has, regardless of your thoughts and beliefs about him he obviously sees the greatness in you. You couldn’t have been problem.”
“Are…are you talking about getting pregnant? Talia, you don’t know that. I mean I probably have pissed off Dendrin on some level, and just because I got some of my magic back doesn’t mean he’s going to suddenly…”
Talia interrupts you.
“No! You don’t understand! I’ve tried this before and it didn’t work! I betrayed our vow! Our bond! And Dendrin is punishing me for not being patient with you!”
This revelation causes a dead silence from you. It certainly wasn’t something you were expecting. You feel like you should be angry and you are, but you’ve got more questions first.
“Wait so you had sex with someone else? When? It can’t have been recently unless you’ve been sneaking off to Sinkhole while I’ve been killing Empire soldiers.”
“No, not recently. It was during the five years we weren’t together. I don’t know what sort of emotions you went through while we were apart, but I went through a lot. Kept them bottled up for the most part, but they were still there. I loved you, but after you left I saw all our future plans disappear. It was devastating. For the first couple of years I held out hope that maybe somehow you’d return, but then I realized you wouldn’t. So I thought I had to move on in my life and alter my future plans with someone else.”
“So…what then? You fucked an entire barrack of shadows?”
“Please! This is hard enough for me without you being judgmental and hostile!”
“You know what Talia, I’m mad, but I guess I’m not really surprised. I mean you placed your faith in Dendrin over me, so why not someone else?”
“I did not! Yes it is true that my faith in Dendrin will always be stronger, but I didn’t place my love for you under anyone else. I’ve never loved any other person except you! (sob) And I wasn’t fucking an entire barrack of shadows! I picked ONE. One that seemed strong and fairly intelligent. One that looked like he’d sire a strong child. One I thought might prove to be a suitable father even if he was a poor substitute for you. And I only did that, because I wanted the shadows to start preparing strong stock for the next generation of Dendrin worshippers, because I knew Cyrus wasn’t going to be able to fucking do it!”
You rub your hand over your face. It always comes back to Dendrin. Why and how you fell in love with a religious fanatic is a mystery to you, but the fact is you are and despite this revelation, you really can’t stay mad at her. And really for all intents and purposes you weren’t a couple for those five years despite the fact that you might’ve pined over her a couple times. She probably did the same; she just did it in her own way.
You almost ask who guy was, but you don’t bother. You probably don’t know him or if you did, you probably don’t remember him since all the shadows you knew from the old days in Gloom are pretty much a blur to you now. Besides it’s not like you’re going to travel all the way to Rask just to satisfy some macho need to kick his teeth in. The poor bastard is still living under Cyrus’ rule anyway, not much more you could do to him, assuming he is still alive in the first place.
That just leaves you to deal with Talia, which you aren’t sure what to do. Her sadness and depression isn’t just a result of her perception of betraying you, it’s also her overall perception that she believes she isn’t worthy in Dendrin’s eyes. Personally, you think if Dendrin is even paying attention to this little drama at all he’s probably having a good laugh. Your own view here doesn’t matter, so you do what you’ve been doing. Fake it.
“Talia, have you ever considered that maybe Dendrin has decided that now is not the time for you to have children?” you ask.
“What do you mean?” she replies sniffling.
“Well I mean wartime isn’t exactly the best time to have children. The Empire is still out for our blood and we have to remain alert. Harder to fight if you’re carrying a baby in your belly. You said Dendrin was the one who started the seeds of this rebellion, maybe he wants you…us to help finish it before blessing us with children which we can raise a lot better when we don’t have arrows flying at our heads.”
This explanation, this rationale, this excuse causes Talia to reassess her thoughts. You watch her for a moment mentally thinking about how she’s going to fit this into her perception of the world.
“Do you really think that’s the reason?” she asks.
“I think it could be, but then I don’t presume to know Dendrin’s grand plan.”
“Oh no, nobody could… but still it makes sense. Yes, I can see the wisdom in that plan.”
“It is a wise plan. So, are you starting to feel a bit better?”
“Yes, I suppose so. I really shouldn’t have let myself get like this in the first place. I should’ve had more faith in Dendrin. If I had, I wouldn’t have become weak like this!”
“Don’t worry about it now, I’m sure this happened for a reason too. Everything is over and done with and whatever happened in the past is in the past.”
This statement seems to be the last one that gets her out of her dark mood. As she hugs you, you breathe a sigh of relief that you managed to convince her. Actually you aren’t really sure if you did convince her, so much as she took your offer of something to support her mental defenses on facing possible reality.
This problem might pop up again if you actually succeed in toppling the Empire, but given that you still have a lot to do before that’s a reality, you won’t have to worry about Talia’s self-doubt again.
As months went by, it was apparent nothing was happening and Talia began to get noticeably upset. She started blaming you, stating that because you had turned from Dendrin he was still punishing you and her by association. Naturally you argued back pointing out that you’ve been praying to Dendrin right along side her and the fact you traveled here should be proof that’s you’re trying to change. It doesn’t help and ultimately she just gets more upset. Weeks pass by where you don’t even speak to each other, and that’s when you tried something voluntarily that you never thought you’d do.
You genuinely prayed to Dendrin. Not for yourself, but for Talia. You even bargained with him stating that you’d actually become a true believer if he just granted her prayers. Predictably he never answered. All this caused you to do is get angry and curse him like you have so many times in the past. In the meantime, Talia wasn’t angry with you anymore so much as she had fallen into a depression.
With Talia in a depression, you found yourself getting angrier at the situation. At Talia, at Dendrin, at the shadows, at the Empire and at yourself. Naturally you had to get your mind off things and that’s when you remembered what the hell you were there for in the first place. To stir up shit for the Empire here in Delerg again.
You began leaving the sanctuary on a regular basis and ambushing Empire troops. Pretty soon you were back to a routine like you were in Rask during your isolated years. Talia never helps you during this time and mostly remains in her depression, but it hardly matters since you’re focused on Empire soldiers. This remains your routine for months.
But recently things take an odd turn, namely you feel your shadow magic getting stronger again. You don’t know if was due to the temple or the prayers or Dendrin being a whimsical asshole as usual, but you try to focus on the positive and hope that maybe this will snap Talia out her general sadness as well.
“Talia, I know you’ve been feeling down for the past year or so, but I think I’ve got some good news for you. My shadow magic is coming back.”
“Really?”
“Yes, so I imagine that this means Dendrin must be happy with me and if he’s happy with me, he’s gotta be happy with you right?”
You see Talia temporarily smile, but then this drops as quickly as it appears. In fact the expression on her face looks even sadder if that was possible.
“What the hell, I would’ve thought that this would’ve snapped you out of this long time depression you’ve been in.”
“I wish it did (sob) but instead it only confirms what I think the problem has been all along. (sob).” Talia weeps.
“I don’t understand.”
“I should’ve told you before…”
“What?! What should you have told me?”
“You were never the problem, it was me! (sob) I wasn’t good enough! (sob)”
“Talia, you need to calm yourself, and explain what you’re going on about.”
“Dendrin, he speaks to you. He always has, regardless of your thoughts and beliefs about him he obviously sees the greatness in you. You couldn’t have been problem.”
“Are…are you talking about getting pregnant? Talia, you don’t know that. I mean I probably have pissed off Dendrin on some level, and just because I got some of my magic back doesn’t mean he’s going to suddenly…”
Talia interrupts you.
“No! You don’t understand! I’ve tried this before and it didn’t work! I betrayed our vow! Our bond! And Dendrin is punishing me for not being patient with you!”
This revelation causes a dead silence from you. It certainly wasn’t something you were expecting. You feel like you should be angry and you are, but you’ve got more questions first.
“Wait so you had sex with someone else? When? It can’t have been recently unless you’ve been sneaking off to Sinkhole while I’ve been killing Empire soldiers.”
“No, not recently. It was during the five years we weren’t together. I don’t know what sort of emotions you went through while we were apart, but I went through a lot. Kept them bottled up for the most part, but they were still there. I loved you, but after you left I saw all our future plans disappear. It was devastating. For the first couple of years I held out hope that maybe somehow you’d return, but then I realized you wouldn’t. So I thought I had to move on in my life and alter my future plans with someone else.”
“So…what then? You fucked an entire barrack of shadows?”
“Please! This is hard enough for me without you being judgmental and hostile!”
“You know what Talia, I’m mad, but I guess I’m not really surprised. I mean you placed your faith in Dendrin over me, so why not someone else?”
“I did not! Yes it is true that my faith in Dendrin will always be stronger, but I didn’t place my love for you under anyone else. I’ve never loved any other person except you! (sob) And I wasn’t fucking an entire barrack of shadows! I picked ONE. One that seemed strong and fairly intelligent. One that looked like he’d sire a strong child. One I thought might prove to be a suitable father even if he was a poor substitute for you. And I only did that, because I wanted the shadows to start preparing strong stock for the next generation of Dendrin worshippers, because I knew Cyrus wasn’t going to be able to fucking do it!”
You rub your hand over your face. It always comes back to Dendrin. Why and how you fell in love with a religious fanatic is a mystery to you, but the fact is you are and despite this revelation, you really can’t stay mad at her. And really for all intents and purposes you weren’t a couple for those five years despite the fact that you might’ve pined over her a couple times. She probably did the same; she just did it in her own way.
You almost ask who guy was, but you don’t bother. You probably don’t know him or if you did, you probably don’t remember him since all the shadows you knew from the old days in Gloom are pretty much a blur to you now. Besides it’s not like you’re going to travel all the way to Rask just to satisfy some macho need to kick his teeth in. The poor bastard is still living under Cyrus’ rule anyway, not much more you could do to him, assuming he is still alive in the first place.
That just leaves you to deal with Talia, which you aren’t sure what to do. Her sadness and depression isn’t just a result of her perception of betraying you, it’s also her overall perception that she believes she isn’t worthy in Dendrin’s eyes. Personally, you think if Dendrin is even paying attention to this little drama at all he’s probably having a good laugh. Your own view here doesn’t matter, so you do what you’ve been doing. Fake it.
“Talia, have you ever considered that maybe Dendrin has decided that now is not the time for you to have children?” you ask.
“What do you mean?” she replies sniffling.
“Well I mean wartime isn’t exactly the best time to have children. The Empire is still out for our blood and we have to remain alert. Harder to fight if you’re carrying a baby in your belly. You said Dendrin was the one who started the seeds of this rebellion, maybe he wants you…us to help finish it before blessing us with children which we can raise a lot better when we don’t have arrows flying at our heads.”
This explanation, this rationale, this excuse causes Talia to reassess her thoughts. You watch her for a moment mentally thinking about how she’s going to fit this into her perception of the world.
“Do you really think that’s the reason?” she asks.
“I think it could be, but then I don’t presume to know Dendrin’s grand plan.”
“Oh no, nobody could… but still it makes sense. Yes, I can see the wisdom in that plan.”
“It is a wise plan. So, are you starting to feel a bit better?”
“Yes, I suppose so. I really shouldn’t have let myself get like this in the first place. I should’ve had more faith in Dendrin. If I had, I wouldn’t have become weak like this!”
“Don’t worry about it now, I’m sure this happened for a reason too. Everything is over and done with and whatever happened in the past is in the past.”
This statement seems to be the last one that gets her out of her dark mood. As she hugs you, you breathe a sigh of relief that you managed to convince her. Actually you aren’t really sure if you did convince her, so much as she took your offer of something to support her mental defenses on facing possible reality.
This problem might pop up again if you actually succeed in toppling the Empire, but given that you still have a lot to do before that’s a reality, you won’t have to worry about Talia’s self-doubt again.