Location: Nowhere
Act 3 scene 2
It is night. We are still behind the restaurant. Gary sits atop his car, music blasting from the speakers. Tommy leans up against the trunk of Garys car, Vicky stands, facing him. Frank is sitting on the trunk just chilling, and Mikey is filling up a cup from the ponie keg. Everyone has a beer in hand. Mikey picks up the ponie and sets it down.
Mikey: Steve had better fuckin' show up soon with his ponie. I'm running out of beer.
Vicky: We are running out of beer.
Mikey: You too? Damn! What is the world coming to?
Tommy: It's a cruel, harsh world in which we live.
Mikey: What the fuck is taking his ass so long?
Tommy: He's probably burning a cross in someones yard or some shit.
Gary: I'll tell you one thing, though.
Tommy: What's that?
Gary: That mother fucker better not start some shit tonight.
Frank: You think he will?
Gary: I don't know.
Frank: Is he that stupid?
Gary: I don't know.
Mikey: He's definitely stupid, Frank. But no one knows the depth of his stupidity.
Frank: So we'll just have to sit back and watch, eh?
Mikey: Yeah, I guess. Or participate.
Vicky: Would you guys just leave the walking schwastika alone for the night?
Mikey: What's the fun in that?
Vicky: I just don't want to see more violence, that's all.
Tommy: Who said anything about violence?
Vicky: Think about it... You're going to fuck with the guy whose pissed off at everyone.
Frank: We are kind of prodding a rabid dog with a stick here, aren't we?
Vicky: That's what I'm talking about. (A car pulls in. Parks a little bit away from everyone else. The driver gets out. It is Steve. He gets into his back seat and pulls out the ice bucket containing his ponie keg. He walks towards them, after closing the door with his foot.)
Vicky: Speaking of... (Gary gets out of his seated position and greets Steve.)
Gary: What's up Steve?
Steve: Hey Gary. (Sets ponie bucket down.) You got a cigarette?
Gary: Man, fuck you I ain't got no cigarette for you. What the hell is wrong with you?!
Steve: What's your deal?
Gary: What's my deal? You fucking told Lisa that I cheated on her!
Steve: Well didn't you?
Gary: Fuck no I didn't cheat on her.
Steve: That's not what I heard.
Gary: We went up there and we talked. That's all. Nothing else.
Steve: That's your aliby? (shakes head)
Gary: Dude, nothing fucking happened.
Steve: Alright man. Look, I'm sorry. I was told something happened, you were gone for a while... It made sense. So I told my friend, about it. I was just looking out for Lisa's best interest.
Gary: Fuck. I see where you're coming from, man. But you should have at least asked me or something before taking a rumor as fact.
Steve: You're right. I'm sorry. Can I have a cigarette now?
Gary: Yeah. (Pulls two cigarettes out of his box in his shirt pocket, gives one to Steve and puts the other in his mouth. He gives a lighter to Steve, who lights his smoke and hands it back to Gary.)
Gary: Hey, I don't want any trouble with you and Squige tonight-
Steve: No? Then tell Squige to keep his yapping trap shut. Cause I'll fucking shut it up for him. (Gary lights his cigarette.)
Gary: As I recall though, you were the one who threw the punch.
Steve: Hey, he had that shit coming. (Mikey walks over to stand to the side of the two.)
Gary: Regardless... No punches are being thrown tonight, all right?
Steve: Who the fuck's in charge here anyway?
Gary: Are you going to be a dick like this all night, or are you just going to chill the fuck out and be cool?
Steve: Who the fuck do you think you're talking to, Gary?
Gary: You. You fucking fuck head. I ought to stomp the snot out of you right now for what you did to me and Lisa-
Steve: What I did?!
Gary: Yeah. What you fucking did!
Steve: I'm not the one who bagged Heather in his girlfriends bed room.
Gary: I did not sleep with Heather! I thought we went through this already!
Steve: Who said anything about sleeping?
Gary: We went up there to talk you fuckin' fuck!!
Steve: Well that ain't the way I heard it! (Shrugs and takes a drag from the cigarette. Gary surges forward in fury, taking two steps before Mikey jumps in the way and holds Gary back.)
Mikey: Whoa there big fella.
Steve: Weren't you the one who was just taking a stance against violence?
Gary: You're gonna be shitting teeth! You here me, Steve?! Shitting teeth! (Mikey pushes Gary away from Steve.)
Mikey: Chill out, Gary.. Save it for another day.
Gary: That fuck head.
Steve: You're such a chump Gary!
Gary: Fuck you, you cum guzzling bastard!
Steve: What ever, dick. (Takes a step forward and addresses everyone.) Now that the excitement is over with, I feel I should address a new issue. Yes. It's true. I brought my beer. And you can drink all you want... provided you give me five bucks!
Frank: Five bucks!?!
Steve: That's right. Five bucks. Drink for the night from my keg for five bucks.
Mikey & Tommy: What the fuck?
Vicky: And you can rent the tap off of me for fifty bucks, Steve.
Steve: Fuck that. I'll go in the restaurant and borrow one from there.
Gary: You better lock the fucking door behind you when you go in there mother fucker! (Frank walks casually over to stand beside Steve.)
Steve: Screw you, Gary.
Frank: Man. What is it with you lately, Steve?
Steve: Frank. Why don't you go mingle with the African? (Says 'African' with great disgust.)
Frank: When did you become suck a prick, anyway?
(Squige and Lisa can be seen walking into the drive from off the street and joining the party as Frank departs company from Steve. Squige has not yet noticed his nemesis. Lisa and Squige are talking.)
Lisa: You swear you're not lying?
Squige: For the last time, Lisa. Yes. I swear that I speak the truth. Act like you don't know, though. Cause you're not supposed to.
Lisa: All right. But that's really fucked up. (Gary stands before them.)
Gary: You look good, Lisa. Real good. You're just wearing a T-shirt and jeans, but you look fantastic.
Lisa: Gary, I-
Squige: This is my cue to part company. Don't think I forgot about my ten bucks either, Gary. (Squige walks away from the two of them, we stay with them.)
Lisa: I'm real sorry about all this... It's just that-
Gary: Relax, babe. It's okay.
Lisa: I just thought-
Gary: Hey. I know what it looked like. But we just talked. That's all.
Lisa: I know.
Gary: Good. (They embrace.) I owe you a slap in the face, you know. (Cut to Squige filling a cup at the keg. Mikey walks up to him and pats him on the back.)
Mikey: Squige! My man. How is it going?
Squige: It definitely is going. (Finishes filling the cup, raises it to his lips and drinks the cup in one continuous gulp.)
Mikey: Damn, man. That's impressive. (Squige is already filling another cup.)
Squige: You want to smoke a joint? (Finishes filling his cup.)
Mikey: Yeah, sure. You know I'm always down for that. (Squige again chugs his cups contents in a remarkably expedient fashion. Squige belches upon completion, and returns to filling up his cup yet again.)
Squige: Then we'll go after this beer. (His cup is full. He looks around as he converses.)
Mikey: Maybe you should slow down a little.
Squige: Mikey. I have had a very bad day. Mostly I'm still pissed about- (Drops his cup as he notices that Steve is here.)
Mikey: Woh! Watch it Squige! That's a party foul.
Squige: What the fuck is he doing here?!
Mikey: Who?
Squige: Who the fuck do you think? (He begins walking over toward Steve.)
Mikey: Wait a minute, Squige. There's no need for violence.
Squige: The hell there isn't. (He reaches Steve, Mikey behind him)
Mikey: He brought beer, man. (Squige nods to himself.)
Squige: Steve. You fucking cock sucker.
Steve: Well! If it isn't the stumbling, drunken fool himself. (Squige throws his arms out to his sides.)
Squige: In the flesh. (Drops his arms.)
Steve: Is there something I can do for you?
Squige: Yeah, you dirty fucker. You can let me in on what the fuck your fucking problem is!
Steve: My problem?! My problem is being forced to associate with the Negroes. My problem is you calling me one. My problem is you fucking assholes acting like you're so much better than me. That's what my fucking problem is.
Squige: You are such a cock.
Steve: I think some of Tommy's black rubbed off on you, you coon loving son of a bitch.
Squige: You know... It's not that I don't have a witty retort to that, I just feel that this is more appropriate. (Squige lands a solid left hook into Steves chin, dropping the man to the ground. The entire party gathers around the two.)
Squige: If I only owed you for a punch, Steve, it would be over by now! (Kicks Steve, who is on his side, in the stomach.) You stupid fuck! (Again and again he plants his foot heavily into Steves stomach, while the fallen man protects his head. Frank pulls Squige away.)
Frank: Chill out, man. He's not worth breaking all this sweat over. (Steve is on one knee, his mouth the source of a flow of blood. He wipes the excess blood from his mouth.)
Squige: Stupid fuck!
Steve: Come on back over here, Squige. Let's take care of this shit once and for all. (Stands) Come back and hit me now that I'm ready. (Frank still holds Squige back while the other party members watch form a safe distance.)
Squige: Frank. Step aside.
Frank: No way.
Squige: Move.
Frank: Steve. Get the fuck out of here. Go on home.
Steve: I can't believe you people are taking his side again!
Frank: No one is taking sides. Just get out of here.
Steve: This party sucks anyway. You're lucky all your friends are here to keep us separated, Squige. Else I'd beat the living shit out of you. (Walks over to the bucket containing the ponie and the ice and lifts it.)
Frank (to Squige): Let's get you a drink, man. (Steve walks his ponie bucket over to his car.)
Squige (calmly): You can let go now, Frankie. I'm cool.
Frank: You're sure? (Looks Squige in the eyes.)
Squige: Yeah. I'm cool. I'm calm. I'm collected. (Frank hold him steady for a moment longer, staring scrutinizingly at him)
Frank: All right then. (He lets Squige go. Frank and Squige both take a step toward the keg. Frank continues walking, but Squige turns quickly and effectively fakes out Frank, walking towards Steve who has just finished putting his ponie in his back seat. Squige reaches Steve, and slams the racist assholes' head into the hood of the car.)
Squige: Pull your keg back out, dickhead!
Steve: What?
Squige: You heard me, you fuck! Pull it back out!
Steve: What? (Squige slams Steves face into the hood once more. Steve looks up, his face bloody.)
Squige: Take the keg back out mother fucker, or you can kiss the hood again! (Squige backs off a step as Steve gets the keg bucket out of his back seat. He sets it down on the ground.)
Steve: It's out.
Squige: Good. Now leave.
Steve: Oh no. I paid for the keg. If you want it, you can fight me for it.
Squige: All right. (Gary and Frank step up, standing between the two. Gary pulls out ten bucks, as does Frank.)
Gary: Here's ten bucks from me, and ten from Frank. That's more than you paid for the beer. Take it and leave. (Steve takes the money.)
Steve: You people are assholes. You always take his side!
Frank: He's not the racist, bigoted asshole who starts trouble every time he's around.
Steve: You fucking-
Gary: You can leave now, Steve. (Steve lets out a breath of frustration before getting in his car. He starts it up and drives away. Tommy stands near Squige.)
Tommy: What was all that about?
Squige: Revenge.
Tommy: Seemed a little harsh for revenge.
Squige: Payback is a mother fucking bitch, man.
Tommy: You don't thing you went overboard just a bit?
Squige: So I got caught up in the moment. Who cares? The guy is an asshole, and we have inherited his beer. I don't see the problem.
Tommy: Fill us in, Squige. What exactly led to this battle. We have the basic gist of it. But what happened exactly.
Squige: Yesterday I called him a nigger. He punched me for it. Today I destroyed him. (Silence.)
Frank: And...
Squige: And what? That's it. That's all there is to it. I clobbered him in vengeance. It's over. The end.
Tommy: So you, of all people, called someone a nigger?
Squige: Yeah. I kind of used it as a quote though.
Frank: Oh yeah? Who'd you quote?
Squige: Webster.
Frank: Who?
Squige: The dictionary, man. (Heather enters, walking over form the street.)
Mikey: Look who decided to show up. (All eyes turn to Heather as she reaches the group.)
Frank: Heather. Welcome to the party.
Heather: Thank you, Frank. (Everyone else wishes their welcomes almost simultaneously.)
Mikey: So what's up with you two? Are you the next hot item? (He refers to Gary and Heather)
Gary: Damn it, Mikey!
Mikey: What? What'd I say?
Lisa: It's all right. It's all cleared up now.
Mikey: What is?
Lisa: They weren't doing anything. They were up there talking.
Mikey: Talking? Yeah right! What could they possibly have talked about for that long?!
Squige: Stop talking, Mikey. You're making yourself seem stupider by the minute.
Lisa: Heather, I'm sorry I thought that you two were...
Heather: It's okay. I know it probably kind of looked suspicious.
Lisa: Squige told me everything.
Heather: He did? (face goes red)
Lisa: Yeah, and it's okay.
Heather: This is so embarassing.
Lisa: It's okay, Heather. No one else knows.
(a bit of silence)
Tommy: So when are we tapping into that keg you swiped off of Steve?
Squige: I don't know. Whenever we polish off this one, I guess.
Tommy: Oh. (Chugs his cup.) Then lets work on this one. (Walks over to the keg and pumps it several times, then fills the cup.)
Mikey: Hey Squige, didn't you say you brought some bud?
Squige: Oh, yeah.
Mikey: So are we gonna?
Squige: But of course.
Mikey: Shall I announce it?
Squige: Let Tommy. He seems to enjoy it so much.
Mikey: Tommy, tell the crowd about the pot.
Tommy: Roll call!!
Mikey: How much did you roll, Squige? (Squige downs his beer.)
Squige: Three. And they're fatter than your mom after dinner. (Squige refills his cup. It fills half way before running out.)
Gary: When are we going?
Squige: Now. (All save Heather exit with Squige into the nearby wood, leaving Heather alone. Heather speaks to the camera.)
Heather: So you're not going either? They're all insane with that stuff. (She walks over to the keg and gets a cup, pumping the pump and filling the cup before returning to her conversation with the audience.)
Heather: The stuff they're doing right now is far too dangerous for me to even consider trying. (Sips a bit from her beer.) You smoke some of that shit and try driving, and it's "crash!" "boom!" "smash!". It's all over, y'know? (drinks more of her beer.) But this whole Gary and me sleeping together is just ridiculous. I've been friends with Gary since third grade. Sleeping with him would be like sleeping with my cousin. And this is not West Virginia. I went upstairs with him to talk about this crush I have. Actually its more of a fantasy because I know that it will probably never happen. But I'm hoping Gary can somehow hook me up. (Drinks from her cup.) I'll tell you who it is if you promise that this is just between you and me. No one else can know about this. Not a living soul, you understand? (pause) You swear? Good. The person I like is... How should I say this?.. The crush I have is of the same gender as myself... which may come as a shock to you. Most people don't know what my sexual preference is. And I prefer to keep it that way. I live in a small town, and would undoubtedly be ostracized if this were to get out in the public. So don't tell anyone. (Looks to the left and right.) The person I like is... (Again looks around to make sure she is alone. She almost whispers who it is.) Lisa's' Mom. (She drinks the rest of her beer and goes to the keg to refill it. Red and blue lights flash. A car door closes.)
Heather: Oh shit.
Mikey (Off stage): Shit man! It's the fuzz!!
Truman: Good evening, ma'am. How old are you?
Heather: Twenty-three.
Truman: Mind if I see your ID?
Heather: Uh... Yeah, sure. (She hands her ID from her pocket and hands it to Truman, who looks it over then hands it back to her.)
Truman: Thank you, Heather. Who else is here?
Heather: No one. I'm alone.
Truman: You plan on drinking all of that yourself?
Heather: Oh yeah... I drink pretty heavy.
Truman: Uh-huh. And I take it you drove all of those cars there? (Gestures)
Heather: Well... (Frank and Vicky can be seen entering from the woods.)
Truman: Are these friends of yours coming to join us from the wood?
(Heather looks behind her.)
Heather: Yeah. (Vicky and Frank reach the scene.)
Frank: Good evening, officer.
Truman: Frank. How are you? (Frank shrugs.)
Frank: I'm all right.
Truman: You're staying out of trouble?
Frank: Yeah. Pretty much.
Truman: Can I see some IDs? (Vicky and Frank get out their Licensees and give them to the cop. Truman reviews them and hands them back.) What were the two of you doing in the woods?
Frank: I had to take a leak.
Vicky: I watched.
Truman: Oh? (Laughs a little.) Do you know why I came down here?
Frank: Violation of noise?
Truman: In part. Are you not trespassing here?
Frank: No. Mr. Riley gave us permission to party here.
Vicky: So we were told, anyway.
Truman: Well keep the noise down and I'll let you slide.
Vicky: Thank you, officer.
Truman: You're all lucky that I'm in a good mood tonight. I'm getting married.
Heather: Whose the lucky lady?
Truman: Do you know Lisa Portier?
Heather: Yeah.
Vicky: Don't you think she's a little young for you?
Truman: Not her. Her mother. (Heather looks to the ground.)
Frank: No way! Does Lisa know yet?
Truman: I sincerely doubt it. Laurie only said yes a few hours ago.
Heather(Bitterly): So you're Mark?
Truman: I am. And one day soon, that lovely Laurie Portier will be a Truman. Goodnight kids. Have fun, and be responsible. (Turns and walks back to his cruiser a bit light on foot)
Frank: See you later Officer Truman. (Truman gives a little wave and gets into the cruiser and drives off.)
Heatheri](almost to herself)[/i]:I didn't even know her first name.
Frank: Whose?
Heather: Mrs. Portiers.
Frank: No shit. That's funny having known her all this time, don't you think?
Heather: I guess so. (Frank puts his arms around both of the ladies and leads them to the wood, talking as they walk.)
Frank: Come now, ladies. There is much to experience in this wooded land. Let us set off to join pleasant company. (Fade to black as the three make their way into the wood.)
End Scene
It is night. We are still behind the restaurant. Gary sits atop his car, music blasting from the speakers. Tommy leans up against the trunk of Garys car, Vicky stands, facing him. Frank is sitting on the trunk just chilling, and Mikey is filling up a cup from the ponie keg. Everyone has a beer in hand. Mikey picks up the ponie and sets it down.
Mikey: Steve had better fuckin' show up soon with his ponie. I'm running out of beer.
Vicky: We are running out of beer.
Mikey: You too? Damn! What is the world coming to?
Tommy: It's a cruel, harsh world in which we live.
Mikey: What the fuck is taking his ass so long?
Tommy: He's probably burning a cross in someones yard or some shit.
Gary: I'll tell you one thing, though.
Tommy: What's that?
Gary: That mother fucker better not start some shit tonight.
Frank: You think he will?
Gary: I don't know.
Frank: Is he that stupid?
Gary: I don't know.
Mikey: He's definitely stupid, Frank. But no one knows the depth of his stupidity.
Frank: So we'll just have to sit back and watch, eh?
Mikey: Yeah, I guess. Or participate.
Vicky: Would you guys just leave the walking schwastika alone for the night?
Mikey: What's the fun in that?
Vicky: I just don't want to see more violence, that's all.
Tommy: Who said anything about violence?
Vicky: Think about it... You're going to fuck with the guy whose pissed off at everyone.
Frank: We are kind of prodding a rabid dog with a stick here, aren't we?
Vicky: That's what I'm talking about. (A car pulls in. Parks a little bit away from everyone else. The driver gets out. It is Steve. He gets into his back seat and pulls out the ice bucket containing his ponie keg. He walks towards them, after closing the door with his foot.)
Vicky: Speaking of... (Gary gets out of his seated position and greets Steve.)
Gary: What's up Steve?
Steve: Hey Gary. (Sets ponie bucket down.) You got a cigarette?
Gary: Man, fuck you I ain't got no cigarette for you. What the hell is wrong with you?!
Steve: What's your deal?
Gary: What's my deal? You fucking told Lisa that I cheated on her!
Steve: Well didn't you?
Gary: Fuck no I didn't cheat on her.
Steve: That's not what I heard.
Gary: We went up there and we talked. That's all. Nothing else.
Steve: That's your aliby? (shakes head)
Gary: Dude, nothing fucking happened.
Steve: Alright man. Look, I'm sorry. I was told something happened, you were gone for a while... It made sense. So I told my friend, about it. I was just looking out for Lisa's best interest.
Gary: Fuck. I see where you're coming from, man. But you should have at least asked me or something before taking a rumor as fact.
Steve: You're right. I'm sorry. Can I have a cigarette now?
Gary: Yeah. (Pulls two cigarettes out of his box in his shirt pocket, gives one to Steve and puts the other in his mouth. He gives a lighter to Steve, who lights his smoke and hands it back to Gary.)
Gary: Hey, I don't want any trouble with you and Squige tonight-
Steve: No? Then tell Squige to keep his yapping trap shut. Cause I'll fucking shut it up for him. (Gary lights his cigarette.)
Gary: As I recall though, you were the one who threw the punch.
Steve: Hey, he had that shit coming. (Mikey walks over to stand to the side of the two.)
Gary: Regardless... No punches are being thrown tonight, all right?
Steve: Who the fuck's in charge here anyway?
Gary: Are you going to be a dick like this all night, or are you just going to chill the fuck out and be cool?
Steve: Who the fuck do you think you're talking to, Gary?
Gary: You. You fucking fuck head. I ought to stomp the snot out of you right now for what you did to me and Lisa-
Steve: What I did?!
Gary: Yeah. What you fucking did!
Steve: I'm not the one who bagged Heather in his girlfriends bed room.
Gary: I did not sleep with Heather! I thought we went through this already!
Steve: Who said anything about sleeping?
Gary: We went up there to talk you fuckin' fuck!!
Steve: Well that ain't the way I heard it! (Shrugs and takes a drag from the cigarette. Gary surges forward in fury, taking two steps before Mikey jumps in the way and holds Gary back.)
Mikey: Whoa there big fella.
Steve: Weren't you the one who was just taking a stance against violence?
Gary: You're gonna be shitting teeth! You here me, Steve?! Shitting teeth! (Mikey pushes Gary away from Steve.)
Mikey: Chill out, Gary.. Save it for another day.
Gary: That fuck head.
Steve: You're such a chump Gary!
Gary: Fuck you, you cum guzzling bastard!
Steve: What ever, dick. (Takes a step forward and addresses everyone.) Now that the excitement is over with, I feel I should address a new issue. Yes. It's true. I brought my beer. And you can drink all you want... provided you give me five bucks!
Frank: Five bucks!?!
Steve: That's right. Five bucks. Drink for the night from my keg for five bucks.
Mikey & Tommy: What the fuck?
Vicky: And you can rent the tap off of me for fifty bucks, Steve.
Steve: Fuck that. I'll go in the restaurant and borrow one from there.
Gary: You better lock the fucking door behind you when you go in there mother fucker! (Frank walks casually over to stand beside Steve.)
Steve: Screw you, Gary.
Frank: Man. What is it with you lately, Steve?
Steve: Frank. Why don't you go mingle with the African? (Says 'African' with great disgust.)
Frank: When did you become suck a prick, anyway?
(Squige and Lisa can be seen walking into the drive from off the street and joining the party as Frank departs company from Steve. Squige has not yet noticed his nemesis. Lisa and Squige are talking.)
Lisa: You swear you're not lying?
Squige: For the last time, Lisa. Yes. I swear that I speak the truth. Act like you don't know, though. Cause you're not supposed to.
Lisa: All right. But that's really fucked up. (Gary stands before them.)
Gary: You look good, Lisa. Real good. You're just wearing a T-shirt and jeans, but you look fantastic.
Lisa: Gary, I-
Squige: This is my cue to part company. Don't think I forgot about my ten bucks either, Gary. (Squige walks away from the two of them, we stay with them.)
Lisa: I'm real sorry about all this... It's just that-
Gary: Relax, babe. It's okay.
Lisa: I just thought-
Gary: Hey. I know what it looked like. But we just talked. That's all.
Lisa: I know.
Gary: Good. (They embrace.) I owe you a slap in the face, you know. (Cut to Squige filling a cup at the keg. Mikey walks up to him and pats him on the back.)
Mikey: Squige! My man. How is it going?
Squige: It definitely is going. (Finishes filling the cup, raises it to his lips and drinks the cup in one continuous gulp.)
Mikey: Damn, man. That's impressive. (Squige is already filling another cup.)
Squige: You want to smoke a joint? (Finishes filling his cup.)
Mikey: Yeah, sure. You know I'm always down for that. (Squige again chugs his cups contents in a remarkably expedient fashion. Squige belches upon completion, and returns to filling up his cup yet again.)
Squige: Then we'll go after this beer. (His cup is full. He looks around as he converses.)
Mikey: Maybe you should slow down a little.
Squige: Mikey. I have had a very bad day. Mostly I'm still pissed about- (Drops his cup as he notices that Steve is here.)
Mikey: Woh! Watch it Squige! That's a party foul.
Squige: What the fuck is he doing here?!
Mikey: Who?
Squige: Who the fuck do you think? (He begins walking over toward Steve.)
Mikey: Wait a minute, Squige. There's no need for violence.
Squige: The hell there isn't. (He reaches Steve, Mikey behind him)
Mikey: He brought beer, man. (Squige nods to himself.)
Squige: Steve. You fucking cock sucker.
Steve: Well! If it isn't the stumbling, drunken fool himself. (Squige throws his arms out to his sides.)
Squige: In the flesh. (Drops his arms.)
Steve: Is there something I can do for you?
Squige: Yeah, you dirty fucker. You can let me in on what the fuck your fucking problem is!
Steve: My problem?! My problem is being forced to associate with the Negroes. My problem is you calling me one. My problem is you fucking assholes acting like you're so much better than me. That's what my fucking problem is.
Squige: You are such a cock.
Steve: I think some of Tommy's black rubbed off on you, you coon loving son of a bitch.
Squige: You know... It's not that I don't have a witty retort to that, I just feel that this is more appropriate. (Squige lands a solid left hook into Steves chin, dropping the man to the ground. The entire party gathers around the two.)
Squige: If I only owed you for a punch, Steve, it would be over by now! (Kicks Steve, who is on his side, in the stomach.) You stupid fuck! (Again and again he plants his foot heavily into Steves stomach, while the fallen man protects his head. Frank pulls Squige away.)
Frank: Chill out, man. He's not worth breaking all this sweat over. (Steve is on one knee, his mouth the source of a flow of blood. He wipes the excess blood from his mouth.)
Squige: Stupid fuck!
Steve: Come on back over here, Squige. Let's take care of this shit once and for all. (Stands) Come back and hit me now that I'm ready. (Frank still holds Squige back while the other party members watch form a safe distance.)
Squige: Frank. Step aside.
Frank: No way.
Squige: Move.
Frank: Steve. Get the fuck out of here. Go on home.
Steve: I can't believe you people are taking his side again!
Frank: No one is taking sides. Just get out of here.
Steve: This party sucks anyway. You're lucky all your friends are here to keep us separated, Squige. Else I'd beat the living shit out of you. (Walks over to the bucket containing the ponie and the ice and lifts it.)
Frank (to Squige): Let's get you a drink, man. (Steve walks his ponie bucket over to his car.)
Squige (calmly): You can let go now, Frankie. I'm cool.
Frank: You're sure? (Looks Squige in the eyes.)
Squige: Yeah. I'm cool. I'm calm. I'm collected. (Frank hold him steady for a moment longer, staring scrutinizingly at him)
Frank: All right then. (He lets Squige go. Frank and Squige both take a step toward the keg. Frank continues walking, but Squige turns quickly and effectively fakes out Frank, walking towards Steve who has just finished putting his ponie in his back seat. Squige reaches Steve, and slams the racist assholes' head into the hood of the car.)
Squige: Pull your keg back out, dickhead!
Steve: What?
Squige: You heard me, you fuck! Pull it back out!
Steve: What? (Squige slams Steves face into the hood once more. Steve looks up, his face bloody.)
Squige: Take the keg back out mother fucker, or you can kiss the hood again! (Squige backs off a step as Steve gets the keg bucket out of his back seat. He sets it down on the ground.)
Steve: It's out.
Squige: Good. Now leave.
Steve: Oh no. I paid for the keg. If you want it, you can fight me for it.
Squige: All right. (Gary and Frank step up, standing between the two. Gary pulls out ten bucks, as does Frank.)
Gary: Here's ten bucks from me, and ten from Frank. That's more than you paid for the beer. Take it and leave. (Steve takes the money.)
Steve: You people are assholes. You always take his side!
Frank: He's not the racist, bigoted asshole who starts trouble every time he's around.
Steve: You fucking-
Gary: You can leave now, Steve. (Steve lets out a breath of frustration before getting in his car. He starts it up and drives away. Tommy stands near Squige.)
Tommy: What was all that about?
Squige: Revenge.
Tommy: Seemed a little harsh for revenge.
Squige: Payback is a mother fucking bitch, man.
Tommy: You don't thing you went overboard just a bit?
Squige: So I got caught up in the moment. Who cares? The guy is an asshole, and we have inherited his beer. I don't see the problem.
Tommy: Fill us in, Squige. What exactly led to this battle. We have the basic gist of it. But what happened exactly.
Squige: Yesterday I called him a nigger. He punched me for it. Today I destroyed him. (Silence.)
Frank: And...
Squige: And what? That's it. That's all there is to it. I clobbered him in vengeance. It's over. The end.
Tommy: So you, of all people, called someone a nigger?
Squige: Yeah. I kind of used it as a quote though.
Frank: Oh yeah? Who'd you quote?
Squige: Webster.
Frank: Who?
Squige: The dictionary, man. (Heather enters, walking over form the street.)
Mikey: Look who decided to show up. (All eyes turn to Heather as she reaches the group.)
Frank: Heather. Welcome to the party.
Heather: Thank you, Frank. (Everyone else wishes their welcomes almost simultaneously.)
Mikey: So what's up with you two? Are you the next hot item? (He refers to Gary and Heather)
Gary: Damn it, Mikey!
Mikey: What? What'd I say?
Lisa: It's all right. It's all cleared up now.
Mikey: What is?
Lisa: They weren't doing anything. They were up there talking.
Mikey: Talking? Yeah right! What could they possibly have talked about for that long?!
Squige: Stop talking, Mikey. You're making yourself seem stupider by the minute.
Lisa: Heather, I'm sorry I thought that you two were...
Heather: It's okay. I know it probably kind of looked suspicious.
Lisa: Squige told me everything.
Heather: He did? (face goes red)
Lisa: Yeah, and it's okay.
Heather: This is so embarassing.
Lisa: It's okay, Heather. No one else knows.
(a bit of silence)
Tommy: So when are we tapping into that keg you swiped off of Steve?
Squige: I don't know. Whenever we polish off this one, I guess.
Tommy: Oh. (Chugs his cup.) Then lets work on this one. (Walks over to the keg and pumps it several times, then fills the cup.)
Mikey: Hey Squige, didn't you say you brought some bud?
Squige: Oh, yeah.
Mikey: So are we gonna?
Squige: But of course.
Mikey: Shall I announce it?
Squige: Let Tommy. He seems to enjoy it so much.
Mikey: Tommy, tell the crowd about the pot.
Tommy: Roll call!!
Mikey: How much did you roll, Squige? (Squige downs his beer.)
Squige: Three. And they're fatter than your mom after dinner. (Squige refills his cup. It fills half way before running out.)
Gary: When are we going?
Squige: Now. (All save Heather exit with Squige into the nearby wood, leaving Heather alone. Heather speaks to the camera.)
Heather: So you're not going either? They're all insane with that stuff. (She walks over to the keg and gets a cup, pumping the pump and filling the cup before returning to her conversation with the audience.)
Heather: The stuff they're doing right now is far too dangerous for me to even consider trying. (Sips a bit from her beer.) You smoke some of that shit and try driving, and it's "crash!" "boom!" "smash!". It's all over, y'know? (drinks more of her beer.) But this whole Gary and me sleeping together is just ridiculous. I've been friends with Gary since third grade. Sleeping with him would be like sleeping with my cousin. And this is not West Virginia. I went upstairs with him to talk about this crush I have. Actually its more of a fantasy because I know that it will probably never happen. But I'm hoping Gary can somehow hook me up. (Drinks from her cup.) I'll tell you who it is if you promise that this is just between you and me. No one else can know about this. Not a living soul, you understand? (pause) You swear? Good. The person I like is... How should I say this?.. The crush I have is of the same gender as myself... which may come as a shock to you. Most people don't know what my sexual preference is. And I prefer to keep it that way. I live in a small town, and would undoubtedly be ostracized if this were to get out in the public. So don't tell anyone. (Looks to the left and right.) The person I like is... (Again looks around to make sure she is alone. She almost whispers who it is.) Lisa's' Mom. (She drinks the rest of her beer and goes to the keg to refill it. Red and blue lights flash. A car door closes.)
Heather: Oh shit.
Mikey (Off stage): Shit man! It's the fuzz!!
Truman: Good evening, ma'am. How old are you?
Heather: Twenty-three.
Truman: Mind if I see your ID?
Heather: Uh... Yeah, sure. (She hands her ID from her pocket and hands it to Truman, who looks it over then hands it back to her.)
Truman: Thank you, Heather. Who else is here?
Heather: No one. I'm alone.
Truman: You plan on drinking all of that yourself?
Heather: Oh yeah... I drink pretty heavy.
Truman: Uh-huh. And I take it you drove all of those cars there? (Gestures)
Heather: Well... (Frank and Vicky can be seen entering from the woods.)
Truman: Are these friends of yours coming to join us from the wood?
(Heather looks behind her.)
Heather: Yeah. (Vicky and Frank reach the scene.)
Frank: Good evening, officer.
Truman: Frank. How are you? (Frank shrugs.)
Frank: I'm all right.
Truman: You're staying out of trouble?
Frank: Yeah. Pretty much.
Truman: Can I see some IDs? (Vicky and Frank get out their Licensees and give them to the cop. Truman reviews them and hands them back.) What were the two of you doing in the woods?
Frank: I had to take a leak.
Vicky: I watched.
Truman: Oh? (Laughs a little.) Do you know why I came down here?
Frank: Violation of noise?
Truman: In part. Are you not trespassing here?
Frank: No. Mr. Riley gave us permission to party here.
Vicky: So we were told, anyway.
Truman: Well keep the noise down and I'll let you slide.
Vicky: Thank you, officer.
Truman: You're all lucky that I'm in a good mood tonight. I'm getting married.
Heather: Whose the lucky lady?
Truman: Do you know Lisa Portier?
Heather: Yeah.
Vicky: Don't you think she's a little young for you?
Truman: Not her. Her mother. (Heather looks to the ground.)
Frank: No way! Does Lisa know yet?
Truman: I sincerely doubt it. Laurie only said yes a few hours ago.
Heather(Bitterly): So you're Mark?
Truman: I am. And one day soon, that lovely Laurie Portier will be a Truman. Goodnight kids. Have fun, and be responsible. (Turns and walks back to his cruiser a bit light on foot)
Frank: See you later Officer Truman. (Truman gives a little wave and gets into the cruiser and drives off.)
Heatheri](almost to herself)[/i]:I didn't even know her first name.
Frank: Whose?
Heather: Mrs. Portiers.
Frank: No shit. That's funny having known her all this time, don't you think?
Heather: I guess so. (Frank puts his arms around both of the ladies and leads them to the wood, talking as they walk.)
Frank: Come now, ladies. There is much to experience in this wooded land. Let us set off to join pleasant company. (Fade to black as the three make their way into the wood.)
End Scene