Highway Star

Act 5 scene 2


We now return to that night at the barn when the first gunshot sounded. We are with Eddy, crouched down among the herd. Eddy has a voice over here.)

Eddy: As I watched you guys scamper off to freedom, I realized there was no escape for me. Eventually the cops found me crouched behind a cow. (We see him as he hides, there is a flashlight coming in his direction. Voice over is finished.)
Cop:

Come out from behind the cow with your hands up. (Eddy hesitates. Doesn't move for a while.) Don't act like you're not back there, I can see your legs beneath the cow. (Eddy looks down beneath the cow. We see Cop on the other side.)
Cop:

That's right. (Waves a little. Eddy and the cop stand at the same time. Cop waves him along.)
Cop:

Come on, right this way. (Cop leads Eddy back to the farm house where Farmer and one other police officer. The second police officer holds two juveniles in his hand, their arms bound behind their backs. Rain begins to plummet down. Cop stands Eddy over across from him, beside the young men. The young men and Eddy exchange odd glances.)
Cop:

You all know each other? (Eddy shakes his head "no", as do the boys. Cop looks at the farmer.) So what seems to be the problem, sir?
Farmer:

These young hooligans were pushing over my live stock! (Cop and Police Officer chuckle for a split second. Cop clears his throat.)
Cop:

I see. Is any of it damaged?
Farmer: They pushed one down the hill in my back yard. Slid all the way down, it did. (Cop laughs for a while, Police Officer chuckles a bit. Then Cop holds a hand up apologetically.)
Cop:

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Farmer:

I reckon the cow is dead.
Punk Kid:

You're damn right it is!
Other Punk:

You shot it in the head a few times you dumb son of a bitch!
Cop:

Will you be pressing charges, sir? (Talking to Farmer, of course.)
Farmer:

You're damn right I will. (Cop looks at Police Officer.) Get the paper work will you? And some hand cuffs. (Police Officer nods, and walks to the cruiser. Cop takes the pair of cuffs he has and walks over to Eddy.)
Cop:

And what were you doing out here? (Grabs Eddys arm and puts the cuff on it.)
Eddy:

I was just-
Cop:

My God! Your arm smells like so much ass.
Eddy:

Yeah. Well, I was just out walking and I slipped in the mud. I reached out to stop myself from falling and my arm went right up it's ass.
Cop:

That's disgusting.
Punk Kid:

Hey officer! Officer?! (Cop looks at Farmer.)
Cop:

Deal with him as you like. (Follow Cop as he walks over to the punks.)
Other Punk:

We'll pay you twenty bucks not to call our parents.
Cop:

It'll cost you fifty.
Punk Kid:

We'll come up with it.
Cop:

I don't know if I should trust you. You're just a punk kid.
Other Punk:

Honest. You're a cop, we can't double cross you.
Cop:

All right, but the twenty comes up front. (The boys did in their pockets, each producing a ten. They hand the cash over.) Stay here. (Cop pockets the money and walks back over to Eddy and Farmer.)
Cop:

So what's going on over here?
Farmer:

We talked about it, officer. And we decided that he wasn't really harming the animal, persay... In fact, I reckon think the beast enjoyed it. He's welcome back anytime.
Cop:

So you won't be pressing charges?
Farmer:

Not on him, no. (Shakes his head.)
Cop:

And what about these boys?
Farmer: I don't want to ever see them again in my life.
Cop:

Let's say I give you permission to shoot them the next time they're out here... Would you drop the charges?
Farmer:

I can shoot them?
Cop:

That's right. (Police Officer returns with the cuffs and paper work. Farmer nods.)
Farmer:

That sounds fair.
Cop:

All right. We won't need the cuffs or the paper work now.
Police Officer:

You what?
Cop: I said we won't need the paper work or the hand cuffs.
Police Officer:

You do this every fucking time! (Walks back to the cruiser cursing.)
Eddy:

Can you uncuff me? (Cop uncuffs Eddy. Eddy disappears into the herd.)
Cop:

I guess he's back to pleasing the herd. (Exit all as we fade into the interior of a large, three-bedded hotel room. Lori, Tim, and Phill sit and listen to Eddys story, as he is just finishing it up.)
Eddy:

When I got to the free way. No one was there.
Phill:

That's because a cop came along and offered us a ride. We heard on his radio that they found a guy whose arm smelled like ass. We figured that was you.
Eddy:

And as a matter of fact it was.
Lori:

That is fucked up. You're arm still smells.
Eddy:

Yeah, I've been scrubbing at it every chance I get. But still it lingers on.
Tim:

So take a fucking shower! Quit polluting out air.
Lori:

Yeah, really! It's over whelming.
Eddy:

Fuck you guys. Before we part company, I am laying claim to the bed closest to the door.
Lori:

I call the one farthest from his stanky ass arm.
Phill:

I'll take the other one.
Tim:

I- No! Fuck! No. I am not sleeping on the floor again!
Phill:

You lost, man. (Lori shrugs.)
Lori:

What can you do?
Tim:

This is bull shit! Absolute bull shit! I can't fucking believe this shit.
Eddy:

Quit your bitching, Tim.
Tim:

I always have to sleep on the floor, man.
Lori:

Yeah? Well... That's a damn shame.
Tim:

You know, what? Fuck you guys. I'm taking the shower first, and condemning you to inhale the aroma of Eddy's cow, butt fucking arm. (Grabs his duffel bag from the bed and exits into the bathroom, closing the door shut behind him.)
Phill:

Damn, Eddy. You really stink.
Eddy:

I know. How much longer do you think it'll be until we reach the coast?
Phill:

I'd say two days.
Eddy:

Huh?
Lori:

I don't think that's likely. The trucker took us as far as he was going, and now the four of us are trying to get a ride. Can you imagine four people hitch hiking? Most people won't even have the room! And who would stop anyway? They'd more likely expect us to rob them blindly than truly need a ride. (Phill smiles at this, and chuckles a bit.)
Eddy:

Plus we have the desert ahead of us. That long stretch of highway where no one travels. We'll die out there, man. Your plan is definitely flawed.
Phill:

Settle down, you two. You're both over dramatizing the situation. Everything is in order. We'll be fine.
Eddy:

How do you figure. (Bathroom door opens. Tim walks in, wearing only his boxers, carrying four zip lock baggies of cocaine.)
Tim:

What the fuck is this shit doing in my bag, and where are my clothes?
Phill: I... You see... (Eddy laughs and claps his hands together once.)
Eddy:

Break out the straws, my friends.
Lori:

Is this your plan?
Phill:

It is.
Lori:

Where the hell did you get that?
Phill:

In a crate, in the far corner of the truck. Most of your clothes are in there, Tim. Most of mine too.
Eddy:

No shit?! The trucker is a dealer?
Phill: Hey. I don't know. I just know he had a crate filled with these baggies in his truck.
Tim:

Hold on. Quit your gloating. You stole the coke?
Phill: Yeah.
Tim:

You stole the coke?
Phill:

That's what I'm saying, Tim.
Lori:

Won't the trucker be pissed?
Phill:

I would imagine so.
Eddy:

You are a dead man, Phill. That trucker was quite the red neck. He'll hunt you down and shoot you point bank with a sawed off shotgun.
Tim:

Okay. So you stole the coke?
Phill:

Very good, Tim. We're moving you to the special classes where you can obtain the special care attention you deserve.
Tim:

You are a moralless bastard.
Lori:

Moralless? I'm surprised you didn't come up with the idea!
Tim:

I did!
Eddy:

Then quit your bitching.
Tim:

That little terd chewed me out for even mentioning this idea. I could have, and would have done this long, long ago. But now... (Gestures his arm toward Phill, indicating that he is speaking of him.) This cock head gets all the credit for saving us! (Bows down mockingly a few times.) You're an asshole, Phill. I hope you die. (Silence.)
Lori:

That was cold.
Eddy:

I can't believe you said that! I want to shake your hand. (Tim shakes Eddys hand then recoils in disgust.)
Tim:

Oh man! That wasn't the arm, was it?! (Eddy doesn't answer. Only smiles. Tim's jaw drops. He hurries into the bathroom, door closing behind him.)
Eddy:

Hey Phill...
Phill:

Yes Eddy?
Eddy:

Why don't we call up room service and have them bring up four straws and a hand mirror?
Phill:

No one is snorting any of this coke.
Eddy:

It'll just go bad sitting in our duffel bags. Do you know much about coke?
Phill:

No.
Eddy:

Well allot of people don't know this, but it'll go bad if no one does a line from it.
Lori:

Ha!
Eddy:

Yeah. It'll turn all brown and shit. No one will buy brown coke off of you.
Phill:

I've never done it, Eddy. I'm not stupid.
Eddy:

I'm telling you, you're going to ruin that coke. I'm only looking out for your best interests here.
Phill:

Screw you, you're not having any of the coke. It's bad for you.
Eddy:

All right, man. But when that shit goes bad, don't come crying to me.
Phill:

Nice try, man.
Lori:

Want to smoke a joint? (Pulls out a joint from her pocket and lights it up, passing it to Phill. The smoke rotation begins.)
Phill:

I have a feeling Tim isn't going to appreciate this.
Eddy:

Fuck him. Can you at least sell me some of the coke?
Phill:

Cut yourself a line, hit it. But that's all you're getting, understand?
Eddy:

Hell yeah.
Lori:

Save it for the bathroom. I can't stand to see that shit done any more.
Eddy:

All right. Fine. Whatever you wish, oh mighty one. I am but a humble peon in your awe inspiring presence.
Lori:

I'm sorry. But I've seen too much coke done in my lifetime.
Eddy:

Like I said, I am but your humble servant. Whatever requests or commands you have will be acted upon.
Lori:

Well you don't have to be an asshole about it. (Cut to: Bathroom door swings open. Tim walks out wearing an "I'm (insert nationality), Suck My Dick" T-shirt and a beat up pair of blue jeans. Lori and Phill lay on their backs, in opposing directions upon the bed. They stare at the ceiling. Eddys is staring at a bag of cocaine hungrily as he sits on the table.)
Tim:

You fucking pot heads couldn't wait for me?! (Eddy breaks his concentration from the coke to concentrate on Tom. Lori and Phill sit upright, to meet Tim.)
Eddy:

Are done in there yet? (Tim smells the air.)
Tim:

I am very displeased with you three. Very displeased.
Eddy:

Are you fucking done in the bathroom?
Tim:

Yeah. (Eddy walks past Tim on his way to the bathroom.) What's the big hurry, man? (Eddy stops to explain.)
Eddy:

Phill gave me permission to do a line.
Phill:

But only one!
Eddy:

Right. Only one. (Tim turns to face Phill.)
Tim:

One for me too.
Phill:

No.
Tim:

Man, that ain't even fair!
Phill:

I plan on selling that shit and buying things we need with it.
Tim:

Well you're not losing money here, Phill. You stole the coke, remember? You can't rightfully be stingy with shit that ain't even yours. It's just wrong. (Eddy nods.)
Eddy:

Ethically.
Lori:

And morally, really.
Phill:

But morally, we shouldn't have even stolen it. There for it's consumption is both morally and ethically wrong.
Lori:

Good counter.
Tim:

From that perspective, though, selling it for profit is just as wrong as consuming it. If not, then more so. You're making money off of anothers misfortune, while we're simply putting the substance to use.
Phill:

Don't get me started on profiting from others misfortunes, Tim. (Cold silence.) All right. You can have a line too. But only one each.
Tim:

That's fan-fucking-tastic.
Eddy:

But we have to do it up in the bathroom.
Tim:

Hey, fine. Whatever. (Tim and Eddy walk into the bathroom together, Eddy carrying the bag of dust.)
Lori

: Do you think we should smoke another one when Eddy takes his shower?
Phill:

Yeah. Just wait for Tim.
Lori:

Oh yeah. I already planned on that.
Phill:

I really need some alcohol.
Lori:

It's too bad you gave the last of the BV to that trucker.
Phill:

I felt I should give him something, considering...
Lori:

But the last of our alcohol?
Phill:

We can buy more.
Lori:

True. But I'm actually pretty thirsty for it now.
Phill:

You're welcome to run for it.
Lori:

I am aware of that. But I don't much feel like moving. (Tim exits the bathroom with the bag of coke in one hand, the other hand rubbing his nose.)
Tim:

Here's the coke. (Hands coke to Phill.)
Phill:

Eddy's taking a shower now? (Absently tosses the coke onto the floor.)
Tim:

That's what he said. (Tim sits down upon the floor, back to the bed.)
Lori:

You want to smoke a jay, Tim? (Tims eyes light up.)
Tim:

Hell yeah I do. Light some shit up, girl. (Lori pulls another joint from her pocket. She lights the joint and the rotation again begins.)
Lori:

I hope Eddy hurries up in there. I need to take a shower too.
Tim:

So you stole the cocaine, Phill?
Phill: Yeah. Sure did.
Tim:

You're going to hell for that, you know?
Phill:

For stealing coke?
Tim:

"Thou shalt not steal." I'm pretty sure that made the top ten.
Lori:

Yeah it did.
Phill:

Then shit. I'll never amount to anything. (Tim stands and paces around near his companions.)
Tim:

We're going to make it to Cali. Man, I am so pumped up over it. I just... I don't know. I feel like breaking something.
Lori:

Please don't.
Tim:

I don't know. That lamp looks like it'll shatter nicely. (Walks over to a desk on which a lamp sits. he lifts the lamp up from the desk top and holds it over his head.)
Phill:

Come on, Tim. Don't do it.
Tim:

I'm fucking doing it, Phill.
Phill:

Then you're paying for it.
Tim:

No I'm not. I signed in under a phony name. If they should notice anything, they'll be looking for Hubert G Rection.
Phill:

Hugh G Rection? (Smirks, as does Lori.)
Tim:

Yeah. (He laughs a little and then lets out a ferocious scream. The lamp comes crashing to the ground, thrown down by Tim in his rage. Lamp breaks apart.)
Lori:

You're cleaning it up.
Tim:

Cleaning it up?! That's what room service is for!
Lori:

I don't feel like stepping on shards of ceramic.
Tim:

Fine. Just let me admire the beauty of it for a moment. (Breathes in a deep breath then lets it out. He exits the hotel room via the door. Eddy rushes out of the bathroom, hair wet, towel around his waist.)
Eddy:

What the hell was that?!
Lori:

Fucking Tim.
Phill:

He felt he needed to break something.
Eddy:

Oh. Do I get a crack at this?
Lori & Phill:

No.
Eddy:

Can I at least do another line?
Phill:

You're not getting any more coke, Eddy.
Eddy:

Man, you suck.
Lori:

Get dressed, would you Eddy? I didn't intend on ever seeing this much of you. (Eddy flushes a bit with embarrassment and exits back into the bathroom. Tim returns with a Powervac 2000. He unplugs the broken lamp, and plugs the vacuum cleaner in it's stead.)
Phill:

What are you doing with the bigger chunks?
Tim:

I figure I'll just stuff them into the desk drawers.
Lori:

Where the hell did you get a vacuum cleaner? (Tim flips the Powervac on and begins to sweep up the ceramic dust. All sounds are drowned out. Fade.)
End Scene