Gurl PowR!
In the next eighth of a second before impact, you make up your mind to fall straight down. If you're especially skilled at it, maybe no one will even notice. The bottom of your right stiletto hits the floor and for a glorious second you think that maybe you'll even be able to stick the landing, like one of those cute little Romanian gymnasts vaulted ten stories into the airÂ…
Snaaaap!
Your stiletto breaks on impact, twisting your right leg underneath you as you end up landing sideways, half on the floor and half on the step. To add insult to injury, your jeans have ripped right up the ass crack. Yes, right up the ass crack. Yuri is staring at you with eyes popped out like ping-pong balls. He looks even uglier than usual.
"What?!" you shriek at him, trying very hard not to cry. If you had just been disciplined and stayed on that diet, then you wouldn't have gained those five pounds and ripped your jeans and destroyed your heels. You fat, disgusting heifer!
It's at this moment, collecting your purse and the remnants of your dignity, that you realize you can't get up. That's right, you've fallen and you can't get up. A pain so sharp shoots up your lower leg that you can't help but yelp. Yuri jumps to his feet.
"I help you!" he shouts heroically, running to your side and attempting to slide his slimy little arm around your waist.
"Don't touch me! Just call the fucking hospital! Can't you see I've broken my fucking leg?!"
Yuri looks astonished, then hurries back to his little desk where he picks up a black phone receiver and promptly dials 9-1-1.
This is officially the worst day of your life. Through the searing pain, you picture yourself on crutches, wearing a big fat cast. Of course, as the saying goes, guys don't make passes at girls who wear castses. And worst of all, you're gonna have to start purging again because you're not gonna be getting any exercise for months! God, you hate purging. It's all gross and nasty and people totally judge you for it. And worst of all, you will now be going to the hospital in ripped jeans. That is fashion no-no numero uno! Jesus fucking Christmas!
Life has totally taken a big fat crap on you, and you don't even have extra lip balm in your purse for when the EMT's arrive!
Snaaaap!
Your stiletto breaks on impact, twisting your right leg underneath you as you end up landing sideways, half on the floor and half on the step. To add insult to injury, your jeans have ripped right up the ass crack. Yes, right up the ass crack. Yuri is staring at you with eyes popped out like ping-pong balls. He looks even uglier than usual.
"What?!" you shriek at him, trying very hard not to cry. If you had just been disciplined and stayed on that diet, then you wouldn't have gained those five pounds and ripped your jeans and destroyed your heels. You fat, disgusting heifer!
It's at this moment, collecting your purse and the remnants of your dignity, that you realize you can't get up. That's right, you've fallen and you can't get up. A pain so sharp shoots up your lower leg that you can't help but yelp. Yuri jumps to his feet.
"I help you!" he shouts heroically, running to your side and attempting to slide his slimy little arm around your waist.
"Don't touch me! Just call the fucking hospital! Can't you see I've broken my fucking leg?!"
Yuri looks astonished, then hurries back to his little desk where he picks up a black phone receiver and promptly dials 9-1-1.
This is officially the worst day of your life. Through the searing pain, you picture yourself on crutches, wearing a big fat cast. Of course, as the saying goes, guys don't make passes at girls who wear castses. And worst of all, you're gonna have to start purging again because you're not gonna be getting any exercise for months! God, you hate purging. It's all gross and nasty and people totally judge you for it. And worst of all, you will now be going to the hospital in ripped jeans. That is fashion no-no numero uno! Jesus fucking Christmas!
Life has totally taken a big fat crap on you, and you don't even have extra lip balm in your purse for when the EMT's arrive!
