A Very Special Infinite Story
You go up to the mic and meekly start trying to "sing" over the deafening noise. It's clear you aren't loud enough and Zack and the others start shouting at you as they continue to play.
"SING INTO THE MOTHERFUCKER MAN!"
"YEAH, DON'T BE A GODDAMN PUSSY!"
This unique form of encouragement doesn't make you sing any better. In fact you're just pathetic all the way around considering that you can't even do better than a bunch of losers who can't play worth a shit in the first place. Finally Zack stops and begins to berate you in a more hostile manner.
"Get the fuck outta here! You ain't cool and you ain't no musician ya fuckin' dick!" he says pushing you.
"Yeah well you aren't either!" you imaginatively retort.
At this point Zack pushes you harder in the bass player's amp where a bunch of half drunk beer cans were sitting on top of.
"My beer!" he shouts as you knock all of it over and land on the floor where the deadly combination of wetness and electricity mix and electrocutes you in a spectacular fashion.
The band naturally just looks on in awe while you fry to death.
"Damn, that would've been cool if we were playing at a party!"
"Yeah, but now my amp is fucking trashed! Shit!"
"Well, just save your money for a new amp instead of using it to pay for fifteen minutes with Zack's mom."
"Goddamn it I told you to stop talking about my mom!"
The moral of the story?
If you aren't "cool" to begin with, joining a rock band isn't going to suddenly transform you to be cool. Fumbling around trying to be something you aren't just gets you killed in freak accidents. If you're a lame ass unhip square then excel at that. Sure you'll live a boring humdrum life filled with equally boring people who think the "email joke of the day" is the most hilarious thing ever, but at least when you eventually blow your brains out it will be AFTER you went on a killing spree from the tedious existence, rather than the over done rock n' roll suicide!
And now you know!
"SING INTO THE MOTHERFUCKER MAN!"
"YEAH, DON'T BE A GODDAMN PUSSY!"
This unique form of encouragement doesn't make you sing any better. In fact you're just pathetic all the way around considering that you can't even do better than a bunch of losers who can't play worth a shit in the first place. Finally Zack stops and begins to berate you in a more hostile manner.
"Get the fuck outta here! You ain't cool and you ain't no musician ya fuckin' dick!" he says pushing you.
"Yeah well you aren't either!" you imaginatively retort.
At this point Zack pushes you harder in the bass player's amp where a bunch of half drunk beer cans were sitting on top of.
"My beer!" he shouts as you knock all of it over and land on the floor where the deadly combination of wetness and electricity mix and electrocutes you in a spectacular fashion.
The band naturally just looks on in awe while you fry to death.
"Damn, that would've been cool if we were playing at a party!"
"Yeah, but now my amp is fucking trashed! Shit!"
"Well, just save your money for a new amp instead of using it to pay for fifteen minutes with Zack's mom."
"Goddamn it I told you to stop talking about my mom!"
The moral of the story?
If you aren't "cool" to begin with, joining a rock band isn't going to suddenly transform you to be cool. Fumbling around trying to be something you aren't just gets you killed in freak accidents. If you're a lame ass unhip square then excel at that. Sure you'll live a boring humdrum life filled with equally boring people who think the "email joke of the day" is the most hilarious thing ever, but at least when you eventually blow your brains out it will be AFTER you went on a killing spree from the tedious existence, rather than the over done rock n' roll suicide!
And now you know!
