World Domination

Everyone loves a big juicy royal scandal now don't they! You send out your best henchmen to write up any dirt that's doing the rounds.

"Charlie chokes on French mushroom"

"Fergie's painful body-wax ordeal"

"Royal Whisky Smuggling Exposed: Queen's Mum admits 'I've always liked the odd drop'"

The results look promising. You are impressed. You might be able to start a whole new paper with this stuff ... when you get the cash, that is. You consider using your dad's underground connections to start a underground ring of 'amateur photographers', trained to track the royals relentlessly until they do something rash. Interesting idea.

It'll have to wait though. Your staff are non-plussed. Three of your best writers say they will quit in protest if the articles are published. Doesn't matter. They were only writing the sections you were going to cut out anyway.

Amid widespread protest, you publish your dirt.

Paper sales skyrocket! Your three 'problem players' quit, and you immediately cut out their sections of the paper to save space. The rival papers attempt to shovel dirt on you.

"Merlock's shocking new sleaze campaign"

"Adelaide News throws it all away"

"Church leaders burn copy of Adelaide News"

Needless to say, you slander them in return. What should you do next?