Ducky Park
Dastardly Dog
While the fish has always been the more popular of the three, the dog had more fun. You slide your arms into the sleeves and pick up the enormous Dastardly Dog head. There's no way he was this big in the cartoon, you think. "This is ridiculous," you say aloud.
You stare at the features of Dastardly Dogs' face; the long rounded snout, the big stupid eyes with the big angry glare, the bared pointed teeth, and the spiked collar. Shrug your shoulders and put the dog head atop your own.
The first thing you notice is the odor. It smells like a thousand sweaty heads have used this exact mask, and maybe someone threw up a little at some point. Breath and sweat have soaked into the fabric of the suit and are seemingly now a part of it.
Hanging your head, you walk out of the costume closet and through the big office to the door on the far end that leads you into the souvenir shop.
When you step into the gift shop, the young woman at the counter stops you. "Dastardly," She says; "Your zipper is down."
You immediately look down, expecting your cock to be dangling in the air and flopping around like a wind sock, but she comes around behind you and zips up your costume.
"Oh," You say; "That zipper. Thank you."
"Sure thing," She says. "If you need to go to the bathroom you have to get that unzipped. Except for this one girl who said she was a contortionist."
"Uh-huh," You say. “She drew cartoons?” You're not sure what a contortionist is. And anyway you don't know what to say to her as you're not exactly used to female attention.
“No, a contortionist. Should could, like, stretch weird.”
“Oh,” you say.
She smiles nervously. "OK... Well, good luck out there."
"Thanks," You wave a hand, realizing how ridiculous it must look only after you begin. You turn around and walk out of the gift shop, hoping somehow that she didn’t think you were a huge idiot.
On your way out, you bump your massive costume head on a pole and curse the narrow line of vision you have through the cartoon eye slits. You walk into the street to find some kindergarten age children laughing at your clumsiness.
What would Double D do at a time like this? Then you realize exactly what he would do. You shake your head and growl and chase the kids. The children scream in terror at your approach, and hide behind their parents. The parents laugh and smile and wave to you. A father pats you on the shoulder and tells you that you are a great Dastardly Dog. One of the kids looks up from tear rimmed eyes and throws up his middle finger at you as everyone else turns their back to you. You fake like you're going to chase him and he screams a little and hides behind his mother's leg again.
Being evil is cool, you decide as you walk on in search of more victims. You find and terrify several more groups of children in the next hour until you feel a tap on your shoulder. When you turn around three bikers dressed all in leather are standing behind you.
"Dastardly Dog," The lead biker says from beneath his shaggy full beard. "You've been my idol since I was a boy. And I swore to God that when I got down here I would buy you a beer."
He is a big man, over six feet tall with a barrel of a chest and a gut to match. Behind him are a skinny man with a black mohawk and a lazy eye; and a tough looking bald guy with a long drooping mustache and thick sideburns. "Come with us to the Beer Gardens and we'll each buy a round." The leader says to you.
You know you should turn them down, there are plenty of park goers who would enjoy your attention, but you worry what will happen if you don't go with them.
While the fish has always been the more popular of the three, the dog had more fun. You slide your arms into the sleeves and pick up the enormous Dastardly Dog head. There's no way he was this big in the cartoon, you think. "This is ridiculous," you say aloud.
You stare at the features of Dastardly Dogs' face; the long rounded snout, the big stupid eyes with the big angry glare, the bared pointed teeth, and the spiked collar. Shrug your shoulders and put the dog head atop your own.
The first thing you notice is the odor. It smells like a thousand sweaty heads have used this exact mask, and maybe someone threw up a little at some point. Breath and sweat have soaked into the fabric of the suit and are seemingly now a part of it.
Hanging your head, you walk out of the costume closet and through the big office to the door on the far end that leads you into the souvenir shop.
When you step into the gift shop, the young woman at the counter stops you. "Dastardly," She says; "Your zipper is down."
You immediately look down, expecting your cock to be dangling in the air and flopping around like a wind sock, but she comes around behind you and zips up your costume.
"Oh," You say; "That zipper. Thank you."
"Sure thing," She says. "If you need to go to the bathroom you have to get that unzipped. Except for this one girl who said she was a contortionist."
"Uh-huh," You say. “She drew cartoons?” You're not sure what a contortionist is. And anyway you don't know what to say to her as you're not exactly used to female attention.
“No, a contortionist. Should could, like, stretch weird.”
“Oh,” you say.
She smiles nervously. "OK... Well, good luck out there."
"Thanks," You wave a hand, realizing how ridiculous it must look only after you begin. You turn around and walk out of the gift shop, hoping somehow that she didn’t think you were a huge idiot.
On your way out, you bump your massive costume head on a pole and curse the narrow line of vision you have through the cartoon eye slits. You walk into the street to find some kindergarten age children laughing at your clumsiness.
What would Double D do at a time like this? Then you realize exactly what he would do. You shake your head and growl and chase the kids. The children scream in terror at your approach, and hide behind their parents. The parents laugh and smile and wave to you. A father pats you on the shoulder and tells you that you are a great Dastardly Dog. One of the kids looks up from tear rimmed eyes and throws up his middle finger at you as everyone else turns their back to you. You fake like you're going to chase him and he screams a little and hides behind his mother's leg again.
Being evil is cool, you decide as you walk on in search of more victims. You find and terrify several more groups of children in the next hour until you feel a tap on your shoulder. When you turn around three bikers dressed all in leather are standing behind you.
"Dastardly Dog," The lead biker says from beneath his shaggy full beard. "You've been my idol since I was a boy. And I swore to God that when I got down here I would buy you a beer."
He is a big man, over six feet tall with a barrel of a chest and a gut to match. Behind him are a skinny man with a black mohawk and a lazy eye; and a tough looking bald guy with a long drooping mustache and thick sideburns. "Come with us to the Beer Gardens and we'll each buy a round." The leader says to you.
You know you should turn them down, there are plenty of park goers who would enjoy your attention, but you worry what will happen if you don't go with them.