Paco Valdez
EK
You remain calm and collected. Close encounters with a rattler or two every now and then is nothing new to you. You're not some citified dandy from Boston, you're child of the rough and tumble west! Well, technically you were born in Chicago but... Ah hell, it's a long story.
As the rattler sizes you up with each flick of it's forked tongue, you slowly turn your head toward the vicinity of the menacing sound. And it's then that you spot it's lurking place; it's insidious form coiled underneath a piece of sandstone rock that juts out from underneath that gangly old pine tree that clings so fiercely to this rugged hilltop. It's about the biggest damn snake you've ever seen. Just your luck, right? You slow your thoughts and take a deep breath in a vain attempt to calm your nerves. This reptile must be at least 7 feet long, and damn is it plump and healthy. This fellow's lived a very happy life here on this lonely hilltop, it seems. The king of the mountain, if you will.
Dealing with this rascal is going to take every ounce of experience and backbone that you can muster, and you're more than a little unsure of how this one is going to react to your presence. Being unsure of something like that makes it difficult to prepare.
Luckily fate intervenes. A pinecone, one of the few dangling from the branches of that old tree above, falls between you and the snake. The snake, in defensive mode, instinctively strikes at the cone and gives you all the time you need to grab that little son of a bitch by the head and cut off that vital appendage with your handy skinning knife. Blood pools around the ground below your feet as you finish the deed.
A few minutes later, you can't help but feel a little cocky as you descend the hill with an arrogant swagger in your step, dangling the unfortunate snake in front of you as you trot along. Annie spots you first and nearly spews out a mouthful of bitter coffee. "Well God dammit all, shit head," she says, "what'n the hell've you got yerself into this time!" Gus, who has just finished his business in the bushes, nearly shits himself again when he sees what you're carrying. "Well God damn," he mutters in monotone.
A prideful smirk crosses your face. "Paco Valdez doesn't know who he's dealing with, does he?" you gloat. "Ah go soak your balls in the creek and cool 'em off down there, big man," Annie remarks sarcastically. "So you got yerself a little rattler snake. That and a penny will get you a blowjob at those dirty little whore-infested saloons you like to frequent!"
"Shit, Annie!" you reply incredulously. "You go to the same bars I do half the time! And that's beside the point! I know for a certain fact this is the largest rattler you ever seen in your whole damn miserable life." She shrugs. "I seen bigger."
You sigh. That's what they all say.
You remain calm and collected. Close encounters with a rattler or two every now and then is nothing new to you. You're not some citified dandy from Boston, you're child of the rough and tumble west! Well, technically you were born in Chicago but... Ah hell, it's a long story.
As the rattler sizes you up with each flick of it's forked tongue, you slowly turn your head toward the vicinity of the menacing sound. And it's then that you spot it's lurking place; it's insidious form coiled underneath a piece of sandstone rock that juts out from underneath that gangly old pine tree that clings so fiercely to this rugged hilltop. It's about the biggest damn snake you've ever seen. Just your luck, right? You slow your thoughts and take a deep breath in a vain attempt to calm your nerves. This reptile must be at least 7 feet long, and damn is it plump and healthy. This fellow's lived a very happy life here on this lonely hilltop, it seems. The king of the mountain, if you will.
Dealing with this rascal is going to take every ounce of experience and backbone that you can muster, and you're more than a little unsure of how this one is going to react to your presence. Being unsure of something like that makes it difficult to prepare.
Luckily fate intervenes. A pinecone, one of the few dangling from the branches of that old tree above, falls between you and the snake. The snake, in defensive mode, instinctively strikes at the cone and gives you all the time you need to grab that little son of a bitch by the head and cut off that vital appendage with your handy skinning knife. Blood pools around the ground below your feet as you finish the deed.
A few minutes later, you can't help but feel a little cocky as you descend the hill with an arrogant swagger in your step, dangling the unfortunate snake in front of you as you trot along. Annie spots you first and nearly spews out a mouthful of bitter coffee. "Well God dammit all, shit head," she says, "what'n the hell've you got yerself into this time!" Gus, who has just finished his business in the bushes, nearly shits himself again when he sees what you're carrying. "Well God damn," he mutters in monotone.
A prideful smirk crosses your face. "Paco Valdez doesn't know who he's dealing with, does he?" you gloat. "Ah go soak your balls in the creek and cool 'em off down there, big man," Annie remarks sarcastically. "So you got yerself a little rattler snake. That and a penny will get you a blowjob at those dirty little whore-infested saloons you like to frequent!"
"Shit, Annie!" you reply incredulously. "You go to the same bars I do half the time! And that's beside the point! I know for a certain fact this is the largest rattler you ever seen in your whole damn miserable life." She shrugs. "I seen bigger."
You sigh. That's what they all say.