Reunion
"I accept your challenge, vampire." You say, standing up.
"Very good," he says to you, "prepare to be defeated." He also stands and the two of you walk over to the dart board.
"I don't see any darts." You say.
"Dammit," says Dracula, "I vill have to get the darts from the bartender."
"All right," you say. "I'll just drink my beer and wait for you."
He nods once and departs your company, headed for the bar. You sip at the dark brew, taking the foam from the top. You roll the liquid around delicately in your mouth as though tasting a fine wine. It is good. You have never been disappointed in a New Castles.
Moments later, Dracula returns with six darts and a tall long island iced tea. "I have the darts." He says to you, setting them down on the table beside you. "You're still here aren't you?"
"Yeah. Behind the floating beer glass." You reply.
"Ah, ah, ah." He laughs. "You go first."
He stands back and kicks back at his drink, taking half of it down in three enormous gulps. He lowers the glass as you throw the first dart, which lands on the outer ring of the bull's-eye. The next you throw lands double 15, and the third dart hits the one. The one always fucks you over.
As you walk to the board to get your darts, you realize that you aren't sure if Dracula plays by the "Bull's-eye is worth 100, outer ring is 50" rule, or the "Bull's-eye is worth 50, outer ring is 25" rule. Most people don't realize that the bull's-eye is supposed to be 50, not 100, and there have been huge factions of enthusiasts playing both versions of the game.
You turn around to question the vampire about his preferred variation of the rule when you see him glassy eyed and staggering, letting go of a dart which flies right at you.
You try to duck, but are not fast enough and the dart hits you right in the forehead. "Vhat the fuck?," you hear Dracula say. You fall to the ground, off balance more than anything, and pull the dart from your forehead.
"You are one stupid shit eating prick, Dracula!!" You say, throwing the dart on the ground with as much force as you can muster. You rub at invisible blood that wells up on your forehead. "I seriously fucking hate you!"
"Vhat?" He says, shrugging his shoulders and looking in your general direction. "Vhat did I do?"
"Fuck you, you stupid drunken vampire!!" You say.
"I smell blood. Are you bleeding?" He asks.
"You just stuck a fucking dart in my forehead, Drac!! Of course I'm fucking bleeding! For crying out loud, man, if I hadn't moved when I did, you would have got me right in the fucking eye!!"
You grab your beer and drink the rest of it.
"Okay, okay." He says to you, "I am sorry..." He stares at you like he can see you, licking at his lips. "Are, ummmm..."
It's been so long since anyone has actually stared at you, it's almost creepy. He continues, salivating a bit. "Are you going to eat that?"
You push down the urge to strangle him and reply with a voice that reaches your very limits of control. "I do not want to play darts with you anymore."
He stares at where he thinks you are stupidly, not understanding your anger. "But Vhy not?"
"You hit me with a fucking dart in the fucking head, asshole!! That's why!! You stupid vampyric son of a bitch!!"
"But I am sorry!" He replies.
"You owe me a fucking beer, dick. Make it New Castle Brown, draft." Having said that, you storm off to return to the table with the other monsters, mumbling bitter curses to yourself.
The Creature from the Black Lagoon has a tray full of shots for everyone and is waiting for you and Dracula to return.
"Where are they now?" Wolfman says, staring in the direction of the dart board. "They're not playing darts anymore, that's for damn sure."
The Creature from the Black Lagoon shrugs his shoulders. "I will allow them another five minutes before we consume their shots in their stead."
"I'm already here." You say.
The other monsters look around, attempting to locate the source of your comments. "Sitting at the table." You say. They nod their heads in understanding.
"Where then, pray tell, is Dracula?" Creature from the black lagoon asks.
"Getting me a beer." You reply. They nod in understanding. "Fucker hit me with a dart."
"You can't really blame him for that." Wolfman says. "You're invisible, Invisible."
"I was getting my darts off of the board when he started throwing. Those fucking darts aren't invisible!!" You say. Wolfman is such a dick.
Dracula returns a few moments later and everyone grabs a shot glass, yourself included. The Creature from the Black Lagoon does the toast.
"To friends reunited after a long absence. To The Mummy, for organizing it all, yet passing before everyone showed. And, perhaps most importantly, to Dr. Jekyll, for hooking us up with the dank before his evil counterpart Mr. Hyde could take over and smoke it all up."
You all take down the shot. It's whiskey. Jim Beam. You hate Jim Beam. It has an after taste like butter.
Frankenstein says something to everyone. "Nnnnnnnng."
Your fellow monsters look baffled. "What the fuck did he just say?" Wolfman asks of Frankenstein's' wife.
"How the hell am I supposed to know? He does this shit all day long. Unnng! Hnnng! I have no idea what the fuck he's saying. It drives me up the damn wall sometimes!" She replies.
"Then why did you marry him?" You ask her.
"You see a lot of guys lined up and waiting to marry a reanimated corpse?" She asks you. "I didn't think so."
She leans closer to your position, bumping heads with you momentarily. "And just between you and me, the good Doctor Frankenstein must have found the biggest cock in the graveyard for my man."
You fight back the urge to vomit and nearly fall out of your seat, appalled by her statement.
"Unnnnnng!" Frankenstein says. The blunt is hanging out of his mouth.
"It appears that our dear friend, Frankenstein, is ready to smoke down." says the Creature form the Black Lagoon.
Frank nods and stands up, his wife standing beside him. Creature from the Black Lagoon and the Wolfman stand as well.
"You coming Dracula?" The Wolfman asks.
"Nah," He replies, "I don't fuck vith that shit no more."
They turn to your general direction. "What about you, Invisible?" The Wolfman asks.
Well? What about you.
"Very good," he says to you, "prepare to be defeated." He also stands and the two of you walk over to the dart board.
"I don't see any darts." You say.
"Dammit," says Dracula, "I vill have to get the darts from the bartender."
"All right," you say. "I'll just drink my beer and wait for you."
He nods once and departs your company, headed for the bar. You sip at the dark brew, taking the foam from the top. You roll the liquid around delicately in your mouth as though tasting a fine wine. It is good. You have never been disappointed in a New Castles.
Moments later, Dracula returns with six darts and a tall long island iced tea. "I have the darts." He says to you, setting them down on the table beside you. "You're still here aren't you?"
"Yeah. Behind the floating beer glass." You reply.
"Ah, ah, ah." He laughs. "You go first."
He stands back and kicks back at his drink, taking half of it down in three enormous gulps. He lowers the glass as you throw the first dart, which lands on the outer ring of the bull's-eye. The next you throw lands double 15, and the third dart hits the one. The one always fucks you over.
As you walk to the board to get your darts, you realize that you aren't sure if Dracula plays by the "Bull's-eye is worth 100, outer ring is 50" rule, or the "Bull's-eye is worth 50, outer ring is 25" rule. Most people don't realize that the bull's-eye is supposed to be 50, not 100, and there have been huge factions of enthusiasts playing both versions of the game.
You turn around to question the vampire about his preferred variation of the rule when you see him glassy eyed and staggering, letting go of a dart which flies right at you.
You try to duck, but are not fast enough and the dart hits you right in the forehead. "Vhat the fuck?," you hear Dracula say. You fall to the ground, off balance more than anything, and pull the dart from your forehead.
"You are one stupid shit eating prick, Dracula!!" You say, throwing the dart on the ground with as much force as you can muster. You rub at invisible blood that wells up on your forehead. "I seriously fucking hate you!"
"Vhat?" He says, shrugging his shoulders and looking in your general direction. "Vhat did I do?"
"Fuck you, you stupid drunken vampire!!" You say.
"I smell blood. Are you bleeding?" He asks.
"You just stuck a fucking dart in my forehead, Drac!! Of course I'm fucking bleeding! For crying out loud, man, if I hadn't moved when I did, you would have got me right in the fucking eye!!"
You grab your beer and drink the rest of it.
"Okay, okay." He says to you, "I am sorry..." He stares at you like he can see you, licking at his lips. "Are, ummmm..."
It's been so long since anyone has actually stared at you, it's almost creepy. He continues, salivating a bit. "Are you going to eat that?"
You push down the urge to strangle him and reply with a voice that reaches your very limits of control. "I do not want to play darts with you anymore."
He stares at where he thinks you are stupidly, not understanding your anger. "But Vhy not?"
"You hit me with a fucking dart in the fucking head, asshole!! That's why!! You stupid vampyric son of a bitch!!"
"But I am sorry!" He replies.
"You owe me a fucking beer, dick. Make it New Castle Brown, draft." Having said that, you storm off to return to the table with the other monsters, mumbling bitter curses to yourself.
The Creature from the Black Lagoon has a tray full of shots for everyone and is waiting for you and Dracula to return.
"Where are they now?" Wolfman says, staring in the direction of the dart board. "They're not playing darts anymore, that's for damn sure."
The Creature from the Black Lagoon shrugs his shoulders. "I will allow them another five minutes before we consume their shots in their stead."
"I'm already here." You say.
The other monsters look around, attempting to locate the source of your comments. "Sitting at the table." You say. They nod their heads in understanding.
"Where then, pray tell, is Dracula?" Creature from the black lagoon asks.
"Getting me a beer." You reply. They nod in understanding. "Fucker hit me with a dart."
"You can't really blame him for that." Wolfman says. "You're invisible, Invisible."
"I was getting my darts off of the board when he started throwing. Those fucking darts aren't invisible!!" You say. Wolfman is such a dick.
Dracula returns a few moments later and everyone grabs a shot glass, yourself included. The Creature from the Black Lagoon does the toast.
"To friends reunited after a long absence. To The Mummy, for organizing it all, yet passing before everyone showed. And, perhaps most importantly, to Dr. Jekyll, for hooking us up with the dank before his evil counterpart Mr. Hyde could take over and smoke it all up."
You all take down the shot. It's whiskey. Jim Beam. You hate Jim Beam. It has an after taste like butter.
Frankenstein says something to everyone. "Nnnnnnnng."
Your fellow monsters look baffled. "What the fuck did he just say?" Wolfman asks of Frankenstein's' wife.
"How the hell am I supposed to know? He does this shit all day long. Unnng! Hnnng! I have no idea what the fuck he's saying. It drives me up the damn wall sometimes!" She replies.
"Then why did you marry him?" You ask her.
"You see a lot of guys lined up and waiting to marry a reanimated corpse?" She asks you. "I didn't think so."
She leans closer to your position, bumping heads with you momentarily. "And just between you and me, the good Doctor Frankenstein must have found the biggest cock in the graveyard for my man."
You fight back the urge to vomit and nearly fall out of your seat, appalled by her statement.
"Unnnnnng!" Frankenstein says. The blunt is hanging out of his mouth.
"It appears that our dear friend, Frankenstein, is ready to smoke down." says the Creature form the Black Lagoon.
Frank nods and stands up, his wife standing beside him. Creature from the Black Lagoon and the Wolfman stand as well.
"You coming Dracula?" The Wolfman asks.
"Nah," He replies, "I don't fuck vith that shit no more."
They turn to your general direction. "What about you, Invisible?" The Wolfman asks.
Well? What about you.