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The Meaning of Knife

R: Language, violence, sexuality, very rude humor

Warning: The content of this story will offend some people. I have censored words I think too offensive. This story is not created to reflect jeffisthebest's views, including the homosexual and racial slurs. All are welcome to add on; rooms won't be screened.

You wake up after a particularly exciting dream about obese women (as is the style of the day). You check the sundial for the time: 1:00 AM (yes it works on moonlight as well-you got the uprgraded version) and go back to bed. Another dream begins.

"Jonathan Christ! I have a mission for you!" booms a black man in a white suit.

"What mission?"

"In case you were wondering, Jon, I am G--. And the people of your land have been doing deeds unfitting humanity, the lowest beings I have ever created! You must punish them!"

"Yeah right," you scoff confidently. "You can't be G--. You're a nig-"

"Of course I'm black! What would you think? If I'm in the sky I'm pretty damn close to that Sun that revolves around the earth! It gets hot and blackens my skin. The only people who figured this out made Bruce Almighty.

"But back to your mission. You must punish humanity. Find the ChristKnife and start to kill people. Send them to my other half in hell."

"But if it is the ChristKnife then shouldn't it be good and heal people?"

"What are you talking about? Christ is another word for evil! That's why my so-called son was named after it. If you want to find it, I would suggest speaking with Pope Sapien III. He's an expert on ancient artifacts."