☢️ Welc☢me t☢ Fabulici☢us New Vegas ☢️

Fallout: New Vegas takes place during the year #2222 within the region surrounding the former city of Nowhere, Nevada (now called Somewhere, Nevada), around four score and 200 years after the events of Fallout D.C., and roughly around four score and one more after the Great War of Sycamore. At the time the choose your own adventure begins, three major souperpowers seek control over New Vegas and his surroundings – the New Kommiefornia Republic (NKR), Lil Caesar's Pizza, and Mr. Louse. Since their last appearance in Fallout Dos, the NKR has become oversextended and manhandled, but their sexpansion eastwards has allowed them to gain control of the majority of territories in the Mojava Dessert, with the only threat to their sexpansion coming from the slave-riding, Mad Maxesque army-styled forces of Lil Caesar's Pizza, led by their notoriously delicious leader Pizza the Hutt, who have conquistadored and united 13 clans further to the east, and plan to conquer New Vegas. Five score and 10 years more before the start of the choose your own adventure, both sides came into conflict at the Rug Doctor Dam, a major landmark that supplies body pillows and Funko Pops to New Vegas, and which both sides seek control over. The battle resulted in a narrow victory for the NKR, but with Level City being leveled in the process. As both sides prepare for a second, inevitable conflict over the madam, Mr. Louse, a mysterious shell of a man who presides over New Vegas as its de facto leader with an army of congressional security robots, also seeks control of that damn dam while ensuring neither side gains control, and is moving towards the final stages of his villainous pinky-to-lip scheming.

Much of the choose your own adventure takes place in the Mojava Waistline, which encompasses parts of the former states of Kommiefornia, Nomapa, and Arizonatea. Along with the three main factions, the region has a number of minor factions. These include the 30-year old Boomers, an isolationist and zoomerphobic tribe of heavily sipped former lawn mowners who have taken shelter at Red Bull Air Force Base; the Soundcloud Gangbusters, a violent group of escaped nigga$ from the NKR Correctional Facility near Primm; the Great Khans, a tribe of MS-13 drug cartels and illegalz descended from the remnants of the Norteños in Fallout Dos; and the Brotherhood of Steel Toe Boots, synth-craving gorillas of the U.S.C. Army who are attempting to secure any synth sex robots that could cause substantial pleasure. Along with the Rug Doctor Dam and Red Bull Air Force Base, the region has additional landmarks, including its own swiss vaults and the HELIOS One solar energy marijuana plantation.

The protagonist is an Amazon courier working for the Mojava Sexpress, a postal service that serves New Vegas and the surrounding Mojava Dessert. The game begins as the Courier is ambushed by a Frank Sinatra impersonator named Benny Hill (voiced by the FRIENDS character no one remembers) en route to New Vegas to deliver a mysterious item known as the "Petition". Benny shoots the Courier in the groin with a polished shoe and leaves [your pronouns here] for dead by burying them in used real dolls discarded by the Brotherhood of Steel Toe Boots, taking the Petition for himself. The Courier is then dug out of a ditch and rescued by a congressman named R2-L2 (voiced by William Shatner) and rescued by Postal Dude (voiced by Rick Hunter) in Sedona Arizonatea who heals the courier by hitting [your pronouns here] with a shovel until they wake up. The Courier embarks on a journey across the Mojava Waistline to locate and rape Benny to retrieve the Petition which would make whiney congressmen in New Vegas play violent choose your own adventure games like the one you are about to embark on sweet child.

The choose your own adventure proceeds according to the Courier's poor decisions and involves many different live events, factions, and colourful characters. The main storyline follows the Courier's pursuit of Benny to both "settle the "score"" if you know what I mean and retrieve the Petition. Along the way, the Courier encounters many groups of people with various mental health issues (like a guy who thinks he's Elvis but is actually Gary Busey) that they can choose to assist with, ignore, or otherwise troll, resulting in positive or negative social credit points. Eventually, after finding Benny and the Petition, the Courier finds themselves in the middle of a conflict between three major factions: Lil Caesar's Pizza, a group of Mad Max-esque bootleg slavers who engage in intercourse on top of cars during destruction derbies—which is as kinky as it sounds, the New Kommiefornia Republic (NKR), an anarcho-communist movement founded by troons from UC Berkeley, and Mr. Louse (voiced by Gilbert Fontaine De la Tour D'Haute Rive (Dautrive)), the enigmatic de facto dictator of New Vegas, in command of an army of congressional robots that patrol the city. Each of the three sides aims to control Rug Doctor Dam, which is still operational and supplying the Southwest with water based lubricant and sanitized, non-irradiated synths; thus, control of the madame means effective control of the region. It is revealed that Mr. Louse, a human (if you could even call him that! am I right!?) from before the Great War of Sycamore and surviving via a contained life support chamber that feeds Mr. Louse intravenous adrenochrome while he hangs upside down like a vampire bat inside of a secret high tech batcave that he purchased when Bruce Wayne had to foreclose because he couldn't afford the mortgage after his company went bankrupt due to a scandal involving Alfred Pennyworth the disgraced magnate's butler, or should I say "maid" (trust me this isn't the weirdest thing rich people do), ordered the Petition's delivery the day of the war. The Petition is a data storage device with a program that can cripple the congressmen to a lower level of political correctness, and was stolen by Benny as part of a scheme to take over Louse's congress and claim New Vegas for his daughter's Instagram account with the help of a reprogrammed congressman named Yas Man (voiced by Microsoft Serious Sam), a scheme that the Courier can co-opt for themselves and continue, except that's not what happens because we all know the Courier rapes Benny with her big futa c__k she grew from swimming in irradiated water then becomes the lady president of New Vegas—at least if you buy the "Trap Card" perk.

The Courier is notified that Lil Caesar's Pizza is attacking Rug Doctor Dam to set up the HQ for their fast food pizza chain, and they must take part to decide the outcome (the Courier receives a coupon for a free 2-liter Nuka-Cola with an order of a Lil Caesar's Hot-n-Ready $5 Pizza if they side with Lil Caesar's faction, which is obviously a poor incentive but is leagues better than NKR's honorary pride vest with "COURIER" embroidered on it). As the popular pizza chain founded in 1959 strikes the Dam, led by the loathsome Pizza the Hutt, the NKR defends its position under General Sarkeesian with her loyal Lieutenant Zoe Quinn. Depending on the faction sided with up to the battle, the Courier will either conquer the Rug Doctor Dam for Lil Caesar's pizza chain, rebrand it for the NKR into Gayfest, a queer festival for communists, or connect the madam's systems to Louse's network so either he or Yas Man can take control and push both back into their corners. The game concludes with a low budget Powerpoint presentation with monotonous dialogue about the Courier's game save cheating at the casinos that resulted in the Courier being banned from everywhere in New Vegas except the Pawn Stars dealership because he/she still owes Rick Harrison a down payment on a robot dog, the battle for Rug Doctor Dam deciding the faction that comes to power over New Vegas and the Mojava Waistline, and the fates of the various other factions based on how the player mistreated them and which of the major factions emerged dom or domme.

Welcome to Fabulicious New Vegas, enjoy your stay, unless you're gangraped by a traveling band of deathclaws on your way there then idk lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You awaken from your coma inside of Postal Dude's trailer with a large Loony Toonsesque bump protruding from your skull. You rub it as your head lifts from a chewed up pillow covered in dog pee it was resting on, you then ask where are you are. Postal Dude answers by telling you that Benny stole his petition and that he needs it back before New Vegas is "DOOM!"ed.