The Great Sael Adventure 1
Pierre (the Toastmaster), Guillermo (the quarterdeck swabber), San Juan (the literal saint), Francisco Weatherby (the chief biscuit dunker), Ignacio Uriel de la Inocencia (the well-known castrato), Cor de León de la Tour de la Coeur (the ship's chief ethics officer), William the Obstinate of Glastonbury Circle (the very local psychic (he can only tell the future of Glastonbury Circle, and his presence aboard the ship is confounding)), Vladimir Tchaikovromanovsky (the part-time tsar), Rutherford B. Hayes (the forensic plumber), and Blake Anderson (the marketing director) all lock eyes and nod, except for Ignacio the castrato who makes an intense and piercing personal connection with his gaze.
Weatherby the biscuit dunker retires belowdecks to the ship's galley*, where he whispers in the ear of Comisar Carl Kapustin the Commis Chef who whispers in the ears of Petey Potter Emerson the Potager and Larry Lucas Emerson the Legumier† who whisper in the ear of Butch "Bud" Basselonious the Boucher who whispers in the ear of Char Charlson the Charcuterie who whispers in the ear of Goulliard Giuseppe the Grillardin who whispers in the ear of Freddy F. French the Friturier who whispers in the ear of Putrid Peter the Poissonier who whispers in the ear of Elliot Elatorre Ecklesburg the Écailler who whispers in the ear of Conrad Carlsbad the Confiseur who whispers in the ear of Bulio Badio the Boulanger who whispers in the ear of Pat "Pat-Pat" Patterson the Pâtissier who whispers in the ear of Silas Samuel Salazar the Saucier who whispers in the ear of Ron Ronely Ronaldson the Rôtisseur who whispers in the ear of GM the Garde de Manger who whispers in the ear of the Entremetier Emilio Emerson‡ who whispers in the ear of Shawn du Trout the Chef de Tournant who whispers in the ear of Colonel Conway Kapibara the Communard who whispers in the ear of C.C. Cannellini the Chef de Cuisine who whispers in the ear of Executive Chef Cookie.
Executive Chef Cookie gasps and—in a panic—runs to get a dolly which he maneuvers under a disused refrigerator. Taking advantage of the absolutely gobsmackingly enormous ship's dumbwaiter, Cookie climbs inside with the refrigerator and dolly in tow, and hoists up the entire load all on his own with gusto in his eyes and heroism in the air. Upon reaching the upper deck, Executive Chef Cookie hauls the dolly and refrigerator combo out of the dumbwaiter and rolls it directly in front of Jesse, our beplaided friend. The crewmen's eyes widen and William the Obstinate blushes. Jesse's aforementioned side-eye intensifies.
With great care, caution yet haste, and a fearful, toe-curling reverence, Cookie grips the refrigerator handle and, with great resolve, flings open the refrigerator door. Inside is a robust woman wearing a freshly ironed black chef's jacket with a monogrammed lapel and a red leather cowboy hat. She opens her bright, violet eyes and gazes directly into the eyes of the eel. The Commodore's voice rings out, "Famed Sous Chef, the Invincible, Indestructible, Indiscriminate Donna Slamma," he proclaims as he motions toward the woman in the refrigerator. Bobby (the bell ringer) makes a *ding-ding* noise with a special bell labeled "for use in Donna Slamma emergencies only."
Donna leaps from the refrigerator, the recoil of her jump knocking it over with a resounding thud. She lands heavily on Jesse's giant eel back. She yells "Yee haw!" as she absolutely wails on him, landing hit after hit against the hapless sea creature (who had no arms to defend himself). Taking out her riding crop (which is exactly the right size for a gigantic eel), she whips the eel into submission until he lets out a cry, totally defeated. Donna immediately takes charge of Jesse, tying a lasso around him, riding him into the water, and tying a knot connecting him to the Mariposa, as a horse is tied to a troika. She takes out the riding crop once more and cracks it next to Jesse's ear, spurring him forward. The crew are on their way to one fancy dinner, and they even got out of paying the cover charge.
As the eel rides forward, an island comes into view. As the ship draws near the sandy oasis, a sign of flashing lights comes into focus, spelling out the words COUNTRY 9. The crew disembarks as Donna Slamma pulls Jesse onto shore. The blinking sign stands next to a saloon.
You prepare to go into the saloon, the presumable site of the family meal, when you notice Donna has not yet gotten off of the eel.
* The portes de cuisine, plongeurs, and escueleries stand aghast while this whole thing plays out.
† By the way, they're brothers.
‡ By the way, he's their dad.
Weatherby the biscuit dunker retires belowdecks to the ship's galley*, where he whispers in the ear of Comisar Carl Kapustin the Commis Chef who whispers in the ears of Petey Potter Emerson the Potager and Larry Lucas Emerson the Legumier† who whisper in the ear of Butch "Bud" Basselonious the Boucher who whispers in the ear of Char Charlson the Charcuterie who whispers in the ear of Goulliard Giuseppe the Grillardin who whispers in the ear of Freddy F. French the Friturier who whispers in the ear of Putrid Peter the Poissonier who whispers in the ear of Elliot Elatorre Ecklesburg the Écailler who whispers in the ear of Conrad Carlsbad the Confiseur who whispers in the ear of Bulio Badio the Boulanger who whispers in the ear of Pat "Pat-Pat" Patterson the Pâtissier who whispers in the ear of Silas Samuel Salazar the Saucier who whispers in the ear of Ron Ronely Ronaldson the Rôtisseur who whispers in the ear of GM the Garde de Manger who whispers in the ear of the Entremetier Emilio Emerson‡ who whispers in the ear of Shawn du Trout the Chef de Tournant who whispers in the ear of Colonel Conway Kapibara the Communard who whispers in the ear of C.C. Cannellini the Chef de Cuisine who whispers in the ear of Executive Chef Cookie.
Executive Chef Cookie gasps and—in a panic—runs to get a dolly which he maneuvers under a disused refrigerator. Taking advantage of the absolutely gobsmackingly enormous ship's dumbwaiter, Cookie climbs inside with the refrigerator and dolly in tow, and hoists up the entire load all on his own with gusto in his eyes and heroism in the air. Upon reaching the upper deck, Executive Chef Cookie hauls the dolly and refrigerator combo out of the dumbwaiter and rolls it directly in front of Jesse, our beplaided friend. The crewmen's eyes widen and William the Obstinate blushes. Jesse's aforementioned side-eye intensifies.
With great care, caution yet haste, and a fearful, toe-curling reverence, Cookie grips the refrigerator handle and, with great resolve, flings open the refrigerator door. Inside is a robust woman wearing a freshly ironed black chef's jacket with a monogrammed lapel and a red leather cowboy hat. She opens her bright, violet eyes and gazes directly into the eyes of the eel. The Commodore's voice rings out, "Famed Sous Chef, the Invincible, Indestructible, Indiscriminate Donna Slamma," he proclaims as he motions toward the woman in the refrigerator. Bobby (the bell ringer) makes a *ding-ding* noise with a special bell labeled "for use in Donna Slamma emergencies only."
Donna leaps from the refrigerator, the recoil of her jump knocking it over with a resounding thud. She lands heavily on Jesse's giant eel back. She yells "Yee haw!" as she absolutely wails on him, landing hit after hit against the hapless sea creature (who had no arms to defend himself). Taking out her riding crop (which is exactly the right size for a gigantic eel), she whips the eel into submission until he lets out a cry, totally defeated. Donna immediately takes charge of Jesse, tying a lasso around him, riding him into the water, and tying a knot connecting him to the Mariposa, as a horse is tied to a troika. She takes out the riding crop once more and cracks it next to Jesse's ear, spurring him forward. The crew are on their way to one fancy dinner, and they even got out of paying the cover charge.
As the eel rides forward, an island comes into view. As the ship draws near the sandy oasis, a sign of flashing lights comes into focus, spelling out the words COUNTRY 9. The crew disembarks as Donna Slamma pulls Jesse onto shore. The blinking sign stands next to a saloon.
You prepare to go into the saloon, the presumable site of the family meal, when you notice Donna has not yet gotten off of the eel.
* The portes de cuisine, plongeurs, and escueleries stand aghast while this whole thing plays out.
† By the way, they're brothers.
‡ By the way, he's their dad.