Suzy’s Strange Saga

"And now Suzy, having beaten the chicken soup out of all her other opponents this week, will take this final challenge by herself! Will she be able to do it ladies and gentlemen? Will she be able to impress Misty at last? We’ll find out today! Let’s give our small town girl some encouragement for her task at hand!”

As the crowd claps, whistles and stomps their feet in support, you sit at a large table by yourself looking at…

A big bag of dicks.

It’s even labeled as such. BIG BAG OF DICKS in big black lettering so you can’t miss it.

You don’t even look inside the bag; you take their word for it and double face palm before exhaling and looking back up.

“Really?” you ask in disbelief.
“This is the last task Suzy…” the disembodied announcer’s voice whispers.
“I don’t give a shit, I’m not eating a goddamn bag of dicks! That’s just fucking disgusting for one thing and for another…

Suddenly Bobby’s grandmother appears as she has been doing in your dreams.

“See? Told you she wasn’t going to do it. Still, it was funny to see the reaction.” Bobby’s grandmother cackles and with a wave of her cane, you’re back in that blasted wasteland you were in last time.

“So what now? Am I going to meet this Misty, whoever the fuck that is?”
“Not quite yet. You’re still not married to my grandson. Misty has decided that she’ll meet you after that event…and sheesh you still haven’t figured out who Misty is yet? You suffer a head injury when Aaron was tossing grenades around?” Bobby’s grandmother asks and then taps you in the forehead with her hand.
“Ow! Stop!” you say and back away.
“I hope you aren’t this slow on the uptake today. Oh well, guess you can’t help being blonde. Anyway, congrats on your wedding and you’ve got my blessing. Good luck!”

Good luck? Somehow that doesn’t sound reassuring. You’re about to ask Bobby’s grandmother what she exactly means by that, but then she waves that damn cane again and you’re enveloped the blackness and then you wake up.

“Gah, fucking bitch.” You say groggily.
“Um, I’m sorry for waking you…but we really need to see if this fits.” a familiar female voice remarks.

You look around the room and see Helen coming in carrying some red clothing.

“Huh? No, not you…wait what are you doing in here anyway? Did Bobby spend all night working on the house?” you ask
“I’m bringing in your wedding dress and yes, Bobby has been working on the house for the most part. Trying to patch up the big hole in the house, cleaning up the dungeon, blocking the front gate. He had to bury our brother Jordan as well. I don’t believe he’s actually slept yet.”
“Oh yeah, forgot that that asshole killed one of your siblings. I didn’t know him that well, but sorry for your loss.” You remark.
“Thank you. Yes, it was very sad, but to be honest Jordan wasn’t the brightest. I remember numerous times when looking after him I had to stop him from eating something poisonous or doing something else life threatening so it’s actually amazing he lived as long as he did. Still, he had some very endearing qualities. He looked up to Bobby a lot, wanted to be just like him. He even had a small crush on me I think to partially emulate Bobby and Diana’s old relationship.” Helen says with a smile before her face goes back to normal.

“But we are all just puppets in Tiamat’s glorious chaos, so we all need to just move on right? Could you see if this fits?” Helen cheerfully asks holding up the red clothing which now looks a lot like lingerie.
“Wait, that’s the wedding dress? It looks like slutty underwear from Hot Secret.” You answer and get out of bed.

Helen’s face looks a bit offended by that statement.

“My grandmother wore this on her wedding day! She had this dress made of the finest silk, not whatever cheap material they use in North Tiwanaland or some place! THIS is a one of a kind article of clothing! It’s not something you’d find in some edgy teenager hang out!” Helen remarks.
“Okay! Geez. I’m not trying to insult the dress or your grandmother. It’s just…well I thought I’d be wearing something a little more… substantial. But seeing as your family isn’t exactly conventional and when in Rome…I guess I better try it on. Um, you washed it right?”
“Of course. Hand washed it myself. Can’t risk putting it in a machine.” Helen says and hands it to you.

You have to admit; it does feel rather nice in your hands.

“Oh, here’s the stockings and the shoes too.” Helen says and hands you what is apparently the rest of the outfit.

“Red fishnets…red high heels…” you say.
“Yes. Those shoes were also special made with the finest…”
“Leather. Yes, I can imagine. Let me guess the fishnets were made with the finest silk as well.”
“Well of course, what else would it be?”
“What else indeed. Okay, well I guess I’m going in the bathroom to change.”
“You don’t need to you know. I mean I won’t be offended if you change in front of me. We’re practically family now.” Helen says.
“Um…no that’s okay. Besides, I should wash up before changing anyway. I probably still smell of sweat from yesterday’s events.”
“Okay, well I guess I’ll just wait out here then and remember you can call if you need something.

You enter the bathroom and go through your usual routine of showering and such. Afterwards you finally get around putting on the “wedding dress”

The first thing you do is look at the dress before putting it on and wondering if it’s going to be bigger in the chest area. While you’re not lacking in that region, you’ve met Bobby’s grandmother (in dream form anyway) and she’s got at least another couple cup sizes on you. In fact her body type back in her prime was more of an old school 1950s pinup girl hourglass figure than your own “petite” size.

The funny thing is, as soon as you put it on, it seems to fit perfectly to your own body. The material isn’t any sort of spandex or stretchy material, it’s silk like Helen said, but given Bobby’s family’s strangeness, you have to wonder if it’s…magical?

“Magical underwear.” You scoff; shaking your head in half disbelief you’re even considering it. Not surprisingly the stockings AND the shoes fit you perfectly as well.

Yeah, Grandma Morningstar probably had all this stuff weaved by a giant magical spider voodoo priest or some shit because it doesn’t make sense that any of this stuff would fit you so well.

Regardless of its origins, you do feel pretty comfortable despite looking like a Hollywood streetwalker. The heels don’t even hurt your feet, though you’re still a little unsteady on them due to not being used to wearing such things. Let alone these being stilettos.

The last time you wore heels was when Uncle Ed made you wear stripperiffic clothing with the intent to lure Bobby and his dad into the woods where he could kill them. While everything turned out for the best because you met Bobby that fateful night, the part with Uncle Ed still gives you the shivers just thinking about it.

You look at yourself in the mirror one more time, before leaving the bathroom.

“Well Suzy, you might look like a whore in this thing, but at least you look like a high priced one.” You say to yourself.

When you exit the bathroom Helen stands up and looks at you.

“Oh my. You’re…you’re…so beautiful looking. I knew it would fit you perfectly.” Helen gushes.
“Yeah I am pretty hot looking in this get up. Shit, still can’t balance on these heels though.” You say.
“Oh we have to go show everyone now what you look like. Maybe take some pictures!” Helen says approaching you.
“What? I thought I was just putting it on as a test drive as it were. While I won’t deny this stuff feels pretty comfortable on my skin that I don’t mind wearing it, I sort of don’t want to be walking around the house with it on until show time. Besides everyone can see how awesomely sexy I am then.”
“I think they should see you now. It’ll raise the spirits around here seeing you dressed like this.” Helen remarks as she begins touching your arm.
“Well it’ll raise something with the males around here when they see me of course. Not sure about the ladies of this house, though you’re getting a little too close there Helen.”
“Oh please? At least go show Bobby. I know he’d like to see you.” Helen says ignoring your previous remark about invading your personal space.
“I’m sure he’s really busy right now, besides isn’t it bad luck for me to see him right before the wedding?”
“Oh you’re thinking of those silly traditions for other weddings. That’s not the case here. Come on I’ll take you to him.” Helen says and at this point is pulling on your hands almost causing you fall.
“Hey! I nearly fell! I told you already that you’re too damn close!”

Helen immediately backs away and looks down submissively.

“I’m sorry Suzy. I didn’t mean to violate your personal space. It’s just I thought…well it’s Bobby.”
“What about him?
“Well, as I said he hasn’t slept and he’s been working everyone like a task master trying to get the house as much in order as he can. And that’s his right of course. He is the head of this family. Still, during all the hustle and bustle when I was going to see him when he was cleaning up the dungeon. I caught him weeping and praying to Tiamat. Normally I wouldn’t have intruded, but he looked so…vulnerable and sad. He kept going on about he wasn’t even sure if this wedding was the right thing because he wasn’t confident that he’d be a strong enough husband for you and be a good provider. He was having doubts about even leading this family after all the mess that’s happened this week.”
“Oh geez. I’ve already told him several times that I loved him and that I was behind him no matter what.” You say.
“Well maybe that’s all he needs again. Sometimes a little boost is all that someone needs to feel better. Like I remember yesterday when I was with the children during Aaron’s rampage, I told them that they would be safe because Tiamat’s chaos was in their favor that day. They were so brave after that, they were perfectly fine when I left them alone to help you and Bobby.” Helen says.