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The Wizard of Oz

Written by tlflameboy / MA: Mature Audiences - Adult /

(11)

Comments & Ratings

Author	Rating	Date	Comment
Assassin2010		Oct 30, 2009	by Assassin2010 on Oct 30, 2009
Loverfli		Nov 21, 2008	by Loverfli on Nov 21, 2008
Leblanc4prez		Jun 17, 2007	Aroooooooooh! by Leblanc4prez on Jun 17, 2007
ZavuSilverlight		Nov 9, 2006	Reading this was painful. by ZavuSilverlight on Nov 9, 2006
apotheosis		Sep 14, 2006	It is very warped which I like... but there was no effort, writing skill, detail, plot, dialouge, and many other things that I do not feel like listing. I like warped and twisted and unessecarily violent but not when it is done poorly. If your going to go for lack of detail and effort in rooms at least have a lot of them to make up for it. by apotheosis on Sep 14, 2006
Nalan		May 9, 2006	What a depressing story... kinda funny, though morbid. by Nalan on May 9, 2006
jeffisthebest		May 6, 2006	Your story lacks such necessary parts as plot, setting, and character development. What you have is words. by jeffisthebest on May 6, 2006
dragavan		Apr 27, 2006	I have to agree with the other two ratings already given (not counting the author) on just about everything they said. This story really needs to have actual story to it. Putting one line of text (or amazingly two on some pages) does not really constitute telling a story. Also, the numerous sudden deaths are more of an annoyance along the way of a linear story than a true choose your own adventure story. I would suggest you allow a couple of the side paths continue on to tell alternate stories for a while, even getting to different ending places than the main story perhaps. The main thing I have to say is just tell a story. Beef up your rooms, flesh out the characters, add more threads to your story, and then reset your ratings so we can all vote again on the new and improved version of the story. Although right now I have to give you a 3 (would be a 2 except I found what little was there to be quite creative). by dragavan on Apr 27, 2006
Novelist1982		Apr 21, 2006	The rooms were too vague, there were too many deaths (my favorite was the matrix), and the ending was not satifying enough to justify all the times I had to click 'back' to re-choose and continue the story. by Novelist1982 on Apr 21, 2006
tlflameboy		Apr 19, 2006	by tlflameboy on Apr 19, 2006
donteatpoop		Apr 18, 2006	I think your Oz spoof idea is a good one, but your room have little to no description, which is a huge drawback. The other major problem I encountered while reading your story was the sudden Endings, the reader should get at least three or four rooms deep before they reach an ending. My advice for you is to go through and edit in some detail to each of your rooms. Also, this story does not need to be rated MA. MA is pretty much for pornography. I understand why you thought MA, because of munchkin violence and scarecrow crackheads, but R would cover this. It king of follows the movie rating guidelines that you would run into at the cinemas. And by the way, I agree one hundred percent that if anyone in that movie was gonna be a crackhead, it would have to be the scarecrow. :D by donteatpoop on Apr 18, 2006