Comments & Ratings
||Jun 25, 2013|
||Jan 24, 2008|
||Jun 19, 2007||
I have read this story at least ten times, and I'm not sure why I never got around to rating it. Perhaps because it always left me sort of perplexed in a drugged out sort of way and I just sort of forgot what dimension I was in...|
What I like best about this story is its really unique narrative style. I like how Will can "punch the fourth wall" and talk to the narrator, and I like how the narrator often corrects himself or apologizes for digressing. It gives the story the feel of an old piece of folklore passed down (and mangled) through the generations. The choices in each room were also quite varied, ranging from the reasonable to the very random and thus catering to many different tastes.
Usoki, I wish you had put even more of your own effort into this one. It's nice to see many contributors, but I liked the quirkiness of your style and wanted to see it continued further.
I've been writing really long reviews these days, so I'll just fill up some more space now blah blah blah blah blahblahblah. Sorry, I'm a twit.
Oh, and your grammar is downright sexy.
||Jan 3, 2007|
||Dec 30, 2006||You've got mad grammar skills, originality, great characterization. The story flows even at slower points when it seems to loose momentum you bring it back to a steady pace. Nicely done chap, nicely done.|
||Sep 17, 2006||Yay. I like this, it reminds me of Dirk somthing or other.|
||Jul 10, 2006||I like what I see so far and would like to see more. I will be sure to add on to it at some point, I just want to wait until I have time to produce some quality entries.|
||May 6, 2006||
Wow! Great work Usoki! Much better than expected!|
I love the style of your writing. Just like reading a light-hearted novel. Your descriptions are as good as EndMaster's.
I loved this story. And it was...
A first story!
||Apr 24, 2006||
Oh... my... God,... Usoki.|
DAMN FINE WORK! (I probably wouldn't have noticed the one mistake I caught if you hadn't have drawn attention to the fact that you shifted back to past tense in a sentence that began in present tense. Well, that, and the choice about the teachers leaving the students alone had a superfluous comma. So two mistakes. Oh well.)
I don't hand out 10's lightly, but this was superb work! Thank God your writing style is NOTHING like mine, or you'd be SERIOUS competition!
I swear, this was funnier than "E-bay" and about as random as Chubby's drug-induced ramblings! Pure wow, that's all I can say.
If you don't get this story up to 20 rooms and post it, it'll be a travesty. Hell, I'll even try to help you. (Forgive me if my comedy seems far more subtle.)
You know what? I looked back, and those mistakes I mentioned were actually made in the room ChubbyT made! You are, without a doubt, (with the exception of myself - you KNEW I'd go there) UNPARALLELED on this site!
If there were an 11, I'd be ashamed of myself not to award it here. Good work should be recognized, and THIS was extraordinary!
||Apr 12, 2006||
Well Chubby, after some deep thinking I decided you're right: donteatpoop, homerpython/jeffisthebest, and especially myself, tend to rate new stories high, reguardless of their content, just to encourage them to stay and continue writing. |
However, I did a little thinking during one of my nightly walks recently and decided that I'm going to put a halt to adding any extra rating points for first stories and give them what they deserve. I'm now indifferent to whether it was a first story or a last.
The reasoning is mainly because I feel that stories shouldn't be judged by what conditions a person wrote something under, but rather, the content of what they wrote.
This story had great content indeed. Excellent job Usoki. As I said in my comment, I'm not really into the overall plot, but the description was great.
The whole "complete-control" choices didn't bother me as they did donteatpoop. I see where he's coming from though. Since it's in the third-person perspective, I think it really brings down the annoyance level.
||Apr 10, 2006||
So...responding to comments / reviews...|
The error that DEP noticed has been corrected, and I may now have the delusion that it never existed in the first place.
Actually...this story was made up very late in the morning because I was in a rather odd mood. In fact, the entire idea of the story is based off of <A href="http://www.missmab.com/Comics/Vol_321.php">this</A>. It's supposed to be random. I just wanted to <I>start</I> something, y'know? It's more of a practice story...even though I do like it a lot.
Comment on the amount of people who add to stories duely noted. I shall have to come back to this every now and then when I'm in that random sort of mood.
Chubby...the Pink Floyd was frikkin' awesome.
||Apr 8, 2006||
Jumping Jimini! Smooth like a smooth thing that is very smooth-like without rough or jagged edges!|
Fantastic first story. Loved it. I deducted one point because of a combination of things: Room 35563 has a repeated phrase in the first sentence, and I'm generally put off when the reader is choosing the actions of outside forces (like when Will eats the crumpet; the reader basically has to figure out what powers the crumpet instills in him.) It is my opinion that that type of thing should not be reader controlled, it adds a sense of uncontrolled storyline for the reader. That's my opinion on this anyway.
More good stuff: Your writing is subperb. Your delivery was excellent. My God, I can't wait to see what else you write.
||Apr 6, 2006||
1st story? Hands down, 10.|
Were this a 2nd or 3rd story? Mmm, might be a 9 or an 8.
Still, very well written, even for only six rooms.
Please forgive my humble addition. What you must understand is that...
I am Will, Will is I, and we are eternity.
||Apr 5, 2006||
It's amazing for a first story.|
Your description was almost effortlessly perfect, and your storytelling skills showed throughout.
The only things I didn't much care for were:
1.)The plot itself (I'm not saying the plot was <i>bad</i> since it's mainly a matter of opinion... the God's tea party just didn't catch my eye).
2.) The narrarative intervention (I do this in my stories sometimes too, but something about it didn't flow well with me in this story. This is also pretty much a matter of opinion and so, I really have nothing to criticize).
I'm not going to rate the story yet because only 6 rooms are done, and I'd like to get a more accurate idea of what I'm really looking at here.
I know you said you had hoped a lot of people would add to this story. Unfortunately, all can say is that I hope you don't expect to much. When the site first came out, adding to stories was very common, but nowadays we just tend to write our own thing and leave it be. I'll try to add a room or two, once I finish Chapter 1 of my novel. Good luck with this story.
||Apr 5, 2006||I hope the framework is broad enough to have a few different plotlines running along the same premise. Because that's the intent. Gimme feedback, and then start adding on to the story, yah?|