Comments & Ratings
|I really liked it I thought it was kinda short but it was nice having many choices.|
|is perfect enough??! Beautiful!!|
I'm new to this site and this is one of the few I have read that is ultimately delighful! I love it, and I'm at lost for words on how I could love it even more. It's rare to see a finished piece like this. Although I found it very short, I can also say I want more. More of these please? And I know it's such a chore to write multiple routes all at once (considering your number of chapters), it would also be great to make it longer, for the reader to really get to know the guy because it has such a fast pace.|
Other than that, it is brilliant. Thank you for the great read.
On the plus side, you've built the story to maximize the interactive function, with no visibly broken connections or false loops. It is fun and easy to read, with no gratuitous gore or rudeness, which is a rare treat. You struck a good balance between page length and description, both of which matched the tone and intentions of your story.|
Where this could use some more work is primarily in character and plot development. It was extremely predictable, with the bold, obvious choice invariably yielding the best, most decisive outcome. I really thought there would be some sort of plot twist with Malcolm, a bait-and-switch maybe, where Malcolm would prove to be inappropriate husband material (Gay? Already pledged to one of the two mysterious lovelies you saw with him in town?), but where acquaintance with him would lead directly to someone else. As it happens, these three suitors are only incidentally connected, which makes the story feel quite linear despite the effective use of CYOA. There are also many grammar mistakes and misspellings throughout.
The story is redeemed by being finished, fun and easy on the mind.