Hall of Infinite Doors
Scratchy old speakers mounted on the walls pop to life, filling the air with a perpetually replaying track of "It's a Small World After All". The orchestra pit lies dark and empty in front of the stage. The music gradually crescendos, ending with a dramatic clash of cymbals as the red curtains are thrown asunder to reveal a gigantic, rotund, grinning muffin. You rub your eyes in disbelief. The Marvelous Muffinman stands now behind the microphone, his starched white muffin cup gleaming in the spotlight, his little French chef's hat bent alluringly to one side like a beret. His spindly, polished black moustache curls upward in the same arc as his blood-red lips. His eyes, bottomless black dots in large white circles, move furtively back and forth, drinking in the audience. He is an altogether dreadful sight.
"Well!" he shouts hoarsely, "Tonight is the premiere of our new season here at Marvelous Muffinman Burlesque! I hope you all appreciate the free admission!" He pauses, but there is no response from the audience. "But you didn't not pay to see me!" he continues, snickering a little at his own joke. "Without further ado, I present to you Gingerbread Land's most exotic new import, dark and mysterious beauties from a faraway place, here to dance for you, sing for you, and just generally heh be at your disposal! The AMAZING CHOCOLATE BABIES!"
With surprising dexterity considering his girth, the Muffinman glides off the stage. The curtain opens, revealing a lush set of faux plants and brightly colored streamers. A low drumbeat fills the air as several figures emerge on stage, dressed in grass skirts, their backs to the audience. With a flourish, they turn around, exciting a gasp of amazement from the audience. Their features are so delicate as to almost not be there, their skin is a flawlessly smooth chocolate, and they sway sensuously back and forth. Images of liquid chocolate poured from a huge red-hot kettle fill your mind. You lick your lips, your eyes are glued to the stage. These dancers are just like the chocolate babies that mommy gave you as a treat when you were a child, yet so much better
Your trance is broken when the Muffinman slides back to center stage.
"I see you're all enjoying the show!" His eyes are glazed over, shining insanely out towards the crowd. He looks like he wants to devour all of you. "Now," he whispers conspiratorially. "I need a volunteer!"
A lump forms in your throat, as it always does when you're at some sort of a show and the performer says, "I need a volunteer!"
How brave are you feeling today?
"Well!" he shouts hoarsely, "Tonight is the premiere of our new season here at Marvelous Muffinman Burlesque! I hope you all appreciate the free admission!" He pauses, but there is no response from the audience. "But you didn't not pay to see me!" he continues, snickering a little at his own joke. "Without further ado, I present to you Gingerbread Land's most exotic new import, dark and mysterious beauties from a faraway place, here to dance for you, sing for you, and just generally heh be at your disposal! The AMAZING CHOCOLATE BABIES!"
With surprising dexterity considering his girth, the Muffinman glides off the stage. The curtain opens, revealing a lush set of faux plants and brightly colored streamers. A low drumbeat fills the air as several figures emerge on stage, dressed in grass skirts, their backs to the audience. With a flourish, they turn around, exciting a gasp of amazement from the audience. Their features are so delicate as to almost not be there, their skin is a flawlessly smooth chocolate, and they sway sensuously back and forth. Images of liquid chocolate poured from a huge red-hot kettle fill your mind. You lick your lips, your eyes are glued to the stage. These dancers are just like the chocolate babies that mommy gave you as a treat when you were a child, yet so much better
Your trance is broken when the Muffinman slides back to center stage.
"I see you're all enjoying the show!" His eyes are glazed over, shining insanely out towards the crowd. He looks like he wants to devour all of you. "Now," he whispers conspiratorially. "I need a volunteer!"
A lump forms in your throat, as it always does when you're at some sort of a show and the performer says, "I need a volunteer!"
How brave are you feeling today?