Gurl PowR!
The caller ID reads "ChiquitaBanana". That means it's your best friend, Gina! You don't remember what possessed you to ID her as ChiquitaBanana, but oh well it doesn't matter now, you're still standing there with your pants halfway up your legs and in danger of bleeding all over your Victoria's Secret undies and you still haven't answered the phone so you finally flip it open and gasp,
"Hey girl! Wassup?"
"Oh my god," Gina says in her perpetually flat voice. "Are you having sex right now?"
"No, why?"
"You're all out of breath."
"Hold on a minute, I'm taking you back to the bathroom with me."
"Are you taking a poo?"
"No, even better. I got my period today."
"Wait, isn't Garrett in town this weekend?"
"Yeah, I know, it sucks."
"Just tell him to deal with it and don't look."
"He's a baby when it comes to that stuff."
"All guys are."
"Tell me about it."
"Are you still using those non-applicator tampons?"
"Yeah, they're the best kind. They don't take up so much room in my purse."
At this point, you have waddled your way back to the bathroom and have unwrapped the plastic from your trusty little friend, O.B. Super Absorbency. You unravel the string and pull it a little in each direction to widen the end of the tampon. Then, crooking the phone between your ear and your shoulder, you bend over, put your pointer finger on the end of your tampon and slide it in as far as you can. The trouble with no-applicator tampons is that you always get a little bit of blood on your finger, but this hardly matters since you always wash your hands after being in the bathroom anyway. I mean, really, you're not a GUY or anything. As you're running the water, Gina starts singing a song to the tune of "I'm a Little Teapot". You and Gina always have weird coincidences like this, which is what makes you think you're either long-lost twins (despite the fact that your ages are more than a year apart and you're of different ethnicities) or star-crossed lovers (though both of you think vaginas are gross). Anyway, she singsĀ
"I'm a little tampon, hear me sing. Here is my applicator, here is my string. When I get all gooey, then I shout, bend yourself over and YANK ME OUT!"
"Ewwww!! Hahahahaha!" You're laughing so hard, you almost forget to flush the toilet. You are in the middle of washing your hands when you hear a beep beep and see that Garrett is trying to get through to you. God! Could this day GET any more stressful?
What should you do?
"Hey girl! Wassup?"
"Oh my god," Gina says in her perpetually flat voice. "Are you having sex right now?"
"No, why?"
"You're all out of breath."
"Hold on a minute, I'm taking you back to the bathroom with me."
"Are you taking a poo?"
"No, even better. I got my period today."
"Wait, isn't Garrett in town this weekend?"
"Yeah, I know, it sucks."
"Just tell him to deal with it and don't look."
"He's a baby when it comes to that stuff."
"All guys are."
"Tell me about it."
"Are you still using those non-applicator tampons?"
"Yeah, they're the best kind. They don't take up so much room in my purse."
At this point, you have waddled your way back to the bathroom and have unwrapped the plastic from your trusty little friend, O.B. Super Absorbency. You unravel the string and pull it a little in each direction to widen the end of the tampon. Then, crooking the phone between your ear and your shoulder, you bend over, put your pointer finger on the end of your tampon and slide it in as far as you can. The trouble with no-applicator tampons is that you always get a little bit of blood on your finger, but this hardly matters since you always wash your hands after being in the bathroom anyway. I mean, really, you're not a GUY or anything. As you're running the water, Gina starts singing a song to the tune of "I'm a Little Teapot". You and Gina always have weird coincidences like this, which is what makes you think you're either long-lost twins (despite the fact that your ages are more than a year apart and you're of different ethnicities) or star-crossed lovers (though both of you think vaginas are gross). Anyway, she singsĀ
"I'm a little tampon, hear me sing. Here is my applicator, here is my string. When I get all gooey, then I shout, bend yourself over and YANK ME OUT!"
"Ewwww!! Hahahahaha!" You're laughing so hard, you almost forget to flush the toilet. You are in the middle of washing your hands when you hear a beep beep and see that Garrett is trying to get through to you. God! Could this day GET any more stressful?
What should you do?