This Story is Going Nowhere Fast

"Um, that's great Uncle Stan..." You say nervously. Your uncle was always an odd one, but this was crazy, even for him. "But if that's all you wanted to tell me, I guess I'll just be going now-"
"No! You can't leave now!" Uncle Stan howls, and latches onto your arm. "I don't know if I made new self-warming pants for cold weather use, or if I've wet myself! I have to know!"
Do you...