A Very Special Infinite Story

Well you don't seem to have any other talent of any kind so being a musician might be the way to go.

You decide joining band in school is out though. You need to join a REAL band, if you want to be popular. You know there's a group of guys that THINK they're musicians, so lacking any better ideas you head to the garage where they play horribly in their spare time.

"Hey guys, I heard you need a fourth member for your band." You shout over the noise they're causing. The bald headed one with the sunglasses and guitar addresses you.

"What? Naw man, we've just decided to be a three piece and I'll be singing all the songs. It's a lot easier to keep track of that way." He says as he drinks a can of beer.
"Is that beer?" you ask.
"Huh? Yeah, you ain't never seen one before or something?"
"Don't your parents care?"
"Shit no! Zack's Mom is fuckin' cool! She let's us practice here and drink all the beer we like!" a rather hyper bass player exclaims.
"Yeah, and she's like fuckin' hot too! I'd seriously fuck the shit outta her!" the drummer adds.
"Hey fuck you Jake, I told you to stop talkin' about my Mom!"

"Come on gimme a chance, I really want to be in the band!" you whine.
"Shit, this guy sounds like that stupid bitch a month ago that blew all of us when we told her that in order to see if she could sing well, she needed to exercise her throat and tongue." The bass play says.
"Yeah, well we all know you're a secret fag Ed, but we won't be doing THAT. (Sigh) Ah fuck it, I don't really like singing anyway, here's our latest song lyrics let's see what you can do."

You've been given a chance to join something bigger than yourself! This is the biggest thing that's ever occurred to you in your whole insignificant life!

Now you just have to figure out a way to NOT fuck it up, which may be difficult since now you're all nervous to the point of being paralyzed. Good thing this isn't sex, knowing you, you probably would've fucking fainted when the girl unfastened her bra.
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