The Teatime Of Infinity
"Will. I have decided to give you what you want."
"Infinite power! Yes!" Will practically jumps for joy.
"Well, not exactly. You're getting a name change."
"What?!" Will exclaims, flabbergasted. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm naming you Capra Hircus, for your past reincarnation as a goat."
"You more replaced me than reincarnated me."
"I know. But now you're Capra Hircus." You fashion a name card that says, "Hi, My Name is Capra Hircus" and give it to Will (don't ask how you delivered the name tag to him, it's a complicated process involving many quasi-oxymorons. He affixes it to his shirt and suddenly understands.
"I am Capra Hircus. I am not...whoever I was before."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day Capra wakes up. He glances down at his shirt. Capra Hircus? What does that mean? Oh yeah, that's his name...or is it?
Capra goes into school and sits down. As the teacher goes over role call he stops under H. "Hircus, Capra? Where are you? Are a new student?"
Capra stands up. "Um, sir, I think that's me."
The teacher laughs. "Haha! Very funny, Will. Changing my book to make you seem like some old Roman guy."
"No, sir, Capra Hircus is my name. My nametag says so," Capra gestures to the name on his shirt.
"No, you're name is Will F. Giez."
Will F. Giez...those words strike a cord in Capra, or Will, or whatever he is. Talk about an identity crisis!
Our protagonist keels over and dies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Will Capra Giez Hircus stands before the pearly gates. A small man looks him over. "You don't have a name."
"What?"
"You don't have a name. In order to go to heavan you need a name. That's why 50 Cent will go to hell. Or wait, is it because he dealt so many drugs and killed so many people...I just don't know. Either way, you're going down."
Will goes to hell.
Let this be a lesson: A name is a powerful thing.
"Infinite power! Yes!" Will practically jumps for joy.
"Well, not exactly. You're getting a name change."
"What?!" Will exclaims, flabbergasted. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm naming you Capra Hircus, for your past reincarnation as a goat."
"You more replaced me than reincarnated me."
"I know. But now you're Capra Hircus." You fashion a name card that says, "Hi, My Name is Capra Hircus" and give it to Will (don't ask how you delivered the name tag to him, it's a complicated process involving many quasi-oxymorons. He affixes it to his shirt and suddenly understands.
"I am Capra Hircus. I am not...whoever I was before."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day Capra wakes up. He glances down at his shirt. Capra Hircus? What does that mean? Oh yeah, that's his name...or is it?
Capra goes into school and sits down. As the teacher goes over role call he stops under H. "Hircus, Capra? Where are you? Are a new student?"
Capra stands up. "Um, sir, I think that's me."
The teacher laughs. "Haha! Very funny, Will. Changing my book to make you seem like some old Roman guy."
"No, sir, Capra Hircus is my name. My nametag says so," Capra gestures to the name on his shirt.
"No, you're name is Will F. Giez."
Will F. Giez...those words strike a cord in Capra, or Will, or whatever he is. Talk about an identity crisis!
Our protagonist keels over and dies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Will Capra Giez Hircus stands before the pearly gates. A small man looks him over. "You don't have a name."
"What?"
"You don't have a name. In order to go to heavan you need a name. That's why 50 Cent will go to hell. Or wait, is it because he dealt so many drugs and killed so many people...I just don't know. Either way, you're going down."
Will goes to hell.
Let this be a lesson: A name is a powerful thing.
