Alpha Wolf
The Invaders: Martians
Martians much like Human comes in many shapes, sizes and colors. They are a technologically advanced race which is amazing considering how stupid they actually are. It makes you wonder if natural selection even occurred on the dismal red planet.
The first Martian invasion was impressive since humans weren't prepared for it. Unfortunately for all their advanced weaponry their medical science was probably in the fucking toilet literally. They have to be the only galactic race of "conquerors" that lost a war because of dysentery. All the "War Machines" in the world couldn't protect them from all the air born germs that infest humanity (They really are filthy when you think about it). You'd think that they'd take this information and try to combat it with uh you know inventing fucking vaccinations and penicillin. But did they do that? Nope. They tried to invade again this time they figured if they never got out of their machines at all they'd be safe. Unfortunately in order to invade a planet you HAVE to have ground troops to do it. So while they blasted the shit out of the Earth again they couldn't properly conquer it. So these geniuses spent the rest of the time arguing about what they should do until all their flying saucers ran out of fucking fuel and started falling out of the sky, crashing into shit.
At this point you'd think they'd just give up, but they didn't. The next failed mission involved them stealing human women to breed with them. They figured two things:
One was that they could replenish all their soldiers again that they'd lost in the last two invasions. The second idea was they figured they could create a hybrid that was more resilient to human germs.
The plan was doomed to failure in its typical Martian idiocy and this was a particularly spectacular one that nearly wiped them out permanently as well as effectively destroying them as a potential threat.
First of all the Martians had to get OUT of their machines in order to kidnap these women. Sure they finally developed protective suits at this point, but they were made of a thin and easily ripped material. Many Martians died attempting to steal away feisty housewives. Second of all they would've had to steal a lot more housewives than they did in order to replenish their severely depleted military (And male population in general) to say nothing of the fact they had to put up with the human women for at least 9 LONG months before they got a return on their "investment". The third problem was for some reason it didn't occur to them that the germs would still be ON these human women! Many Martians died after mating with these kidnapped housewives, not to mention an "Earth" plague hit the entire planet now. More dead Martians and lots of them. The kicker of all this, was most of the "hybrid" Martians that grew up tended to be very interested in their human heritage and would go back to Earth. (With their moms of course)
The only good thing that occurred was the survivors were now finally resistant to human germs. Little good it did now since half the planet died, and was in no position to invade anyone. (Luckily for them, humans were too busy fighting each other, or they would've surely been defeated had humans invaded Mars).
The Martians tried a few more stupid invasions later, but they never were really serious and by that time humanity had caught up to them technologically. (Thanks to salvaging the technology from all those immobilized war machines and flying saucers that fell out of the sky) Nowadays Martians are considered the intergalactic equivalent of rude hillbilly neighbors with lots of guns.
They bring a whole new meaning to term "REDneck".
Martians much like Human comes in many shapes, sizes and colors. They are a technologically advanced race which is amazing considering how stupid they actually are. It makes you wonder if natural selection even occurred on the dismal red planet.
The first Martian invasion was impressive since humans weren't prepared for it. Unfortunately for all their advanced weaponry their medical science was probably in the fucking toilet literally. They have to be the only galactic race of "conquerors" that lost a war because of dysentery. All the "War Machines" in the world couldn't protect them from all the air born germs that infest humanity (They really are filthy when you think about it). You'd think that they'd take this information and try to combat it with uh you know inventing fucking vaccinations and penicillin. But did they do that? Nope. They tried to invade again this time they figured if they never got out of their machines at all they'd be safe. Unfortunately in order to invade a planet you HAVE to have ground troops to do it. So while they blasted the shit out of the Earth again they couldn't properly conquer it. So these geniuses spent the rest of the time arguing about what they should do until all their flying saucers ran out of fucking fuel and started falling out of the sky, crashing into shit.
At this point you'd think they'd just give up, but they didn't. The next failed mission involved them stealing human women to breed with them. They figured two things:
One was that they could replenish all their soldiers again that they'd lost in the last two invasions. The second idea was they figured they could create a hybrid that was more resilient to human germs.
The plan was doomed to failure in its typical Martian idiocy and this was a particularly spectacular one that nearly wiped them out permanently as well as effectively destroying them as a potential threat.
First of all the Martians had to get OUT of their machines in order to kidnap these women. Sure they finally developed protective suits at this point, but they were made of a thin and easily ripped material. Many Martians died attempting to steal away feisty housewives. Second of all they would've had to steal a lot more housewives than they did in order to replenish their severely depleted military (And male population in general) to say nothing of the fact they had to put up with the human women for at least 9 LONG months before they got a return on their "investment". The third problem was for some reason it didn't occur to them that the germs would still be ON these human women! Many Martians died after mating with these kidnapped housewives, not to mention an "Earth" plague hit the entire planet now. More dead Martians and lots of them. The kicker of all this, was most of the "hybrid" Martians that grew up tended to be very interested in their human heritage and would go back to Earth. (With their moms of course)
The only good thing that occurred was the survivors were now finally resistant to human germs. Little good it did now since half the planet died, and was in no position to invade anyone. (Luckily for them, humans were too busy fighting each other, or they would've surely been defeated had humans invaded Mars).
The Martians tried a few more stupid invasions later, but they never were really serious and by that time humanity had caught up to them technologically. (Thanks to salvaging the technology from all those immobilized war machines and flying saucers that fell out of the sky) Nowadays Martians are considered the intergalactic equivalent of rude hillbilly neighbors with lots of guns.
They bring a whole new meaning to term "REDneck".