The Ballad of Crud and Horgus v1.1

You grab a pair of Leon's jreans off the floor and book it to the door. The denim is soft and firm at the same time. It feels amazing in your hands. You put your hand on the doorknob when you hear a thunderous bellow from behind you. You turn, horrified at what you see. Leon dashes at you with inhuman speed. His body is covered in denim. My god.
Leon slams you to the floor. Before you black out you hear, "No one messes with my jreans."