Exploitation Theater
It was a dark and stormy nightÂ…
And you have dragged your girlfriend kicking and screaming to an exploitation double feature. You both get out of the car as the rain pours down, but you aren't even paying attention to getting drenched; you're too busy admiring the theater's marquee sign in all its neon glory.
As you're appreciating the crooked and sometimes missing lettering on the marquee sign your girlfriend is urging you to move.
"Will you come on? I'm getting fucking soaked over here!"
You quickly run into the theater and nearly trip over a passed out bum lying near the doorway. Ah just like the old days.
You and your girlfriend attempt to dry yourselves off when you're in the lobby. One quick glance and it's very apparent that this place has seen better days. The ceiling is cracked, the walls are peeling with holes in them and the floor is stained with unidentifiable substances. The lobby is currently empty save for a lone worker at the ticket desk reading some sort of magazine. Your girlfriend jumps a little when a fairly large roach scuttles across the floor seemingly perturbed at humans walking all over its "territory".
You take all this in stride, but your girlfriend feels a lot differently.
"Christ, I know you like these movies, but why the hell do we have to come to some run down theater that should've been shut down by the health department years ago? Couldn't you have just rented the things?" your girlfriend asks.
"No, because the big screen is the best way to see these things and when I heard they were showing some here, I had to bring you so you could experience it too! I'm telling you when I was a kid, I used to love seeing these old exploitation movies!" you answer.
"Yeah, yeah I know. But you were watching these things as a kid? Aren't these things filled with a bunch of sex and violence?"
"Yeah, well Dad didn't make enough to take me to Disneyland so he took me to the movies on the weekends instead. He said it was better since these movies would teach me more about the real world and the facts of life."
"Didn't your Mom's stripper job already do that?"
"Well yeah, but this was different! When I was in the strip club, I could only watch these pathetic guys wasting their paychecks on whores that didn't really love them. But here in the movie theater I could see all these bad asses get the girls and kill their enemies! And sometimes I'd get so into the movie I could actually believe that I was in the movie doing all the same things! So it was a totally different experience!"
Your girlfriend shakes her head.
"It never ceases to amaze me how you can be so warped and be completely oblivious to it."
You ignore your girlfriend's comment and focus on getting the tickets. When you approach the ticket desk, the ticket guy looks up from reading the latest issue of "Beavers and Blowjobs" to address you.
"Yeah?"
"Two tickets please."
"Well, that's just dandy, but what the fuck do you wanna see? We got three movies showing in this shitholeÂ…"
"Three? I thought there was a double feature showing."
"Fuck no, we barely stay in business as it is thanks to the internet and DVDs and you want a free movie? You wanna see more than one movie you gotta pay for it."
"We are NOT paying to see more than one of these things! In fact I want to spend as little time as possible in this place." Your girlfriend interrupts before you can even say another word.
You're a little disappointed by this. You wanted to see a double feature just like in the old days, but it looks like you can't go home again. You wish your girlfriend was into this as much as you are.
Still, you're here now and you can see something. And maybe you can change her mind on things. At very least you can enjoy a movie and relive your misspent youth for a little while.
"Okay honey so what are you in the mood for?"
"You're asking me? I don't know, I'm guessing all these movies are going to be badly acted, have minimal plot and have crappy special effects so it's all the same to me." Your girlfriend glances over at the three nearby movie posters. "What the hell is White Devil Black Heart?"
"Oh that's a blaxplotation film."
Your girlfriend stops you before you can continue to explain the movie plot.
"Well we are NOT seeing that one. I'm in no mood to watch a bunch of pro-black shit in a theater with a bunch of hostile crackhead gangbangers and their ghetto ass baby's mamas."
Your girlfriend's culturally insensitive but completely accurate remark doesn't faze you since you don't care and more importantly you've seen that movie before and thought it wasn't nearly violent enough anyway. Besides you've already narrowed your choices down to the other two movies.
In the meantime the ticket guy wants to get back to his literature.
"Hey buddy, so what's it gonna be? I ain't got all fucking night."
And you have dragged your girlfriend kicking and screaming to an exploitation double feature. You both get out of the car as the rain pours down, but you aren't even paying attention to getting drenched; you're too busy admiring the theater's marquee sign in all its neon glory.
As you're appreciating the crooked and sometimes missing lettering on the marquee sign your girlfriend is urging you to move.
"Will you come on? I'm getting fucking soaked over here!"
You quickly run into the theater and nearly trip over a passed out bum lying near the doorway. Ah just like the old days.
You and your girlfriend attempt to dry yourselves off when you're in the lobby. One quick glance and it's very apparent that this place has seen better days. The ceiling is cracked, the walls are peeling with holes in them and the floor is stained with unidentifiable substances. The lobby is currently empty save for a lone worker at the ticket desk reading some sort of magazine. Your girlfriend jumps a little when a fairly large roach scuttles across the floor seemingly perturbed at humans walking all over its "territory".
You take all this in stride, but your girlfriend feels a lot differently.
"Christ, I know you like these movies, but why the hell do we have to come to some run down theater that should've been shut down by the health department years ago? Couldn't you have just rented the things?" your girlfriend asks.
"No, because the big screen is the best way to see these things and when I heard they were showing some here, I had to bring you so you could experience it too! I'm telling you when I was a kid, I used to love seeing these old exploitation movies!" you answer.
"Yeah, yeah I know. But you were watching these things as a kid? Aren't these things filled with a bunch of sex and violence?"
"Yeah, well Dad didn't make enough to take me to Disneyland so he took me to the movies on the weekends instead. He said it was better since these movies would teach me more about the real world and the facts of life."
"Didn't your Mom's stripper job already do that?"
"Well yeah, but this was different! When I was in the strip club, I could only watch these pathetic guys wasting their paychecks on whores that didn't really love them. But here in the movie theater I could see all these bad asses get the girls and kill their enemies! And sometimes I'd get so into the movie I could actually believe that I was in the movie doing all the same things! So it was a totally different experience!"
Your girlfriend shakes her head.
"It never ceases to amaze me how you can be so warped and be completely oblivious to it."
You ignore your girlfriend's comment and focus on getting the tickets. When you approach the ticket desk, the ticket guy looks up from reading the latest issue of "Beavers and Blowjobs" to address you.
"Yeah?"
"Two tickets please."
"Well, that's just dandy, but what the fuck do you wanna see? We got three movies showing in this shitholeÂ…"
"Three? I thought there was a double feature showing."
"Fuck no, we barely stay in business as it is thanks to the internet and DVDs and you want a free movie? You wanna see more than one movie you gotta pay for it."
"We are NOT paying to see more than one of these things! In fact I want to spend as little time as possible in this place." Your girlfriend interrupts before you can even say another word.
You're a little disappointed by this. You wanted to see a double feature just like in the old days, but it looks like you can't go home again. You wish your girlfriend was into this as much as you are.
Still, you're here now and you can see something. And maybe you can change her mind on things. At very least you can enjoy a movie and relive your misspent youth for a little while.
"Okay honey so what are you in the mood for?"
"You're asking me? I don't know, I'm guessing all these movies are going to be badly acted, have minimal plot and have crappy special effects so it's all the same to me." Your girlfriend glances over at the three nearby movie posters. "What the hell is White Devil Black Heart?"
"Oh that's a blaxplotation film."
Your girlfriend stops you before you can continue to explain the movie plot.
"Well we are NOT seeing that one. I'm in no mood to watch a bunch of pro-black shit in a theater with a bunch of hostile crackhead gangbangers and their ghetto ass baby's mamas."
Your girlfriend's culturally insensitive but completely accurate remark doesn't faze you since you don't care and more importantly you've seen that movie before and thought it wasn't nearly violent enough anyway. Besides you've already narrowed your choices down to the other two movies.
In the meantime the ticket guy wants to get back to his literature.
"Hey buddy, so what's it gonna be? I ain't got all fucking night."