Highway Star
Act 3 scene 3
Interior of Loris car. The sun is setting for the evening. The vehicle is empty. The doors open. Lori gets in and sits behind the wheel, Phill gets in beside her, sitting front passenger. Tim gets in behind Lori, and Eddy sits behind Phill. They each have twenty ounce bottles of various pops. The doors close. Lori starts the car. They begin driving.
Eddy:
I'm telling you Phill, the attendant was completely checking out your ass.
Phill:
No he wasn't, Eddy.
Tim:
Yeah he was, man. (They get onto a freeway onramp.) He was hard-core looking at your ass, all rubbing on his stuff and shit.
Phill:
Shut the fuck up.
Tim:
Dude his eyes were on your ass like flies on horse shit.
Phill:
Which one was it?
Eddy:
The one with the beard.
Lori:
Oh, was that the one asking me about the hunk of man meat I walked in with?
Phill: Fuck you guys. You all suck.
Lori:
And so would you if Gus the gay gas man had his way.
Phill:
The guy was not gay.
Eddy:
Phill-
Phill:
And even if he was, he was not checking out my ass.
Lori:
While I'll admit it's not much to look at, I also have to admit that he was indeed all over your behind.
Tim:
You probably shouldn't have been reaching for the candy bars on the bottom shelf.
Lori:
I guess you are kind of cute in a queer sort of way.
Phill:
Fuck you all. (Silence.)
Eddy:
Is someone's window down?
Tim:
It is hind of windy back here.
Phill:
My window's up.
Tim:
So is mine.
Lori:
It's not my window. (Eddy looks at his own window and then the door.)
Eddy:
I see what the problem is.
Lori:
What's that?
Eddy: My seat belt is stuck in the door.
Tim:
So get it out.
Eddy:
All right. (Opens door to get the seat belt out but falls out as he is pulled out by the vacuum.)
Eddy:
Oh fuck. (He hits the ground on his side, rolling along the highway in a vicious tumble. The car screeches to a halt at about the same time Eddy stops moving. Eddy lays very still. Everyone from the car gets out and runs over to him.)
Lori:
Oh my God. Is he okay. (Phill kneels down beside Eddy.)
Phill:
He's breathing.
Tim:
What a fucking idiot.
Phill:
Are you okay, Eddy? (No reply.)
Tim:
Slap his face. (Phill slaps Eddy in the face. No response issues forth.)
Phill:
Nothing. We're going to have to try splashing him with water.
Tim:
No. You didn't do it right. (Bends over and wails a slap across Eddy's face.)
Eddy:
Unghhh. (Tim slaps him again, harder still.)
Lori:
My God, Tim. Be careful.
Tim:
Please, Lori, I know what I'm doing. (SLAP!!)
Eddy:
Ow! (Eyes open. Again Tims open hand slaps his face.) Fuck! Ow! Dick head, I'm up!
Tim:
I was just making sure. (Tim backs up a few steps while Phill helps Eddy up.)
Phill:
What the hell did you open the door for?
Eddy:
I was getting the seat belt out of the door.
Tim:
That was a dumb idea, Eddy.
Eddy:
It was your fucking idea, Tim!
Tim:
I was joking.
Eddy:
Don't joke like that when I'm tripping. I ate allot of mushrooms and I'm not thinking straight. Fortunately I'm not feeling any pain either.
Phill:
Well you better eat some more, cause you'll be in allot of pain soon.
Eddy:
Good idea. (Fumbles around in his pocket.)
Lori:
Can we get back in the car now? Its still running.
Eddy:
What's the rush?
Lori: It's low on gas. We got five miles to the next exit, and I was sweating over whether we'd make it or not before you fell out of the car.
Phill:
Why didn't you fill the tank up at the station we were at?
Lori:
I didn't think about it.
Eddy:
We stopped at a (Insert name of a gas station). We should have filled the tank up.
Lori:
That's been established. But I didn't think about it.
Tim:
Well what the hell were you thinking about?
Lori: Peeing, getting a drink, and getting back on the road. (They have reached the car and get into their respected places.)
Tim:
You should have thought about gasoline.
Lori:
I know! Damn it!
Phill:
Make sure you stop at the next exit for gas, then.
Lori:
Fuck! I thought we already discussed this!
Eddy:
We did. (Silence.)
Lori:
Are we all ready? (No reply.) Good. (Puts the car into gear.) And Eddy?
Eddy:
Yes?
Lori: Let's try to stay in the car this time.
Eddy:
Shut up Lori. (They drive away.)
END SCENE
Interior of Loris car. The sun is setting for the evening. The vehicle is empty. The doors open. Lori gets in and sits behind the wheel, Phill gets in beside her, sitting front passenger. Tim gets in behind Lori, and Eddy sits behind Phill. They each have twenty ounce bottles of various pops. The doors close. Lori starts the car. They begin driving.
Eddy:
I'm telling you Phill, the attendant was completely checking out your ass.
Phill:
No he wasn't, Eddy.
Tim:
Yeah he was, man. (They get onto a freeway onramp.) He was hard-core looking at your ass, all rubbing on his stuff and shit.
Phill:
Shut the fuck up.
Tim:
Dude his eyes were on your ass like flies on horse shit.
Phill:
Which one was it?
Eddy:
The one with the beard.
Lori:
Oh, was that the one asking me about the hunk of man meat I walked in with?
Phill: Fuck you guys. You all suck.
Lori:
And so would you if Gus the gay gas man had his way.
Phill:
The guy was not gay.
Eddy:
Phill-
Phill:
And even if he was, he was not checking out my ass.
Lori:
While I'll admit it's not much to look at, I also have to admit that he was indeed all over your behind.
Tim:
You probably shouldn't have been reaching for the candy bars on the bottom shelf.
Lori:
I guess you are kind of cute in a queer sort of way.
Phill:
Fuck you all. (Silence.)
Eddy:
Is someone's window down?
Tim:
It is hind of windy back here.
Phill:
My window's up.
Tim:
So is mine.
Lori:
It's not my window. (Eddy looks at his own window and then the door.)
Eddy:
I see what the problem is.
Lori:
What's that?
Eddy: My seat belt is stuck in the door.
Tim:
So get it out.
Eddy:
All right. (Opens door to get the seat belt out but falls out as he is pulled out by the vacuum.)
Eddy:
Oh fuck. (He hits the ground on his side, rolling along the highway in a vicious tumble. The car screeches to a halt at about the same time Eddy stops moving. Eddy lays very still. Everyone from the car gets out and runs over to him.)
Lori:
Oh my God. Is he okay. (Phill kneels down beside Eddy.)
Phill:
He's breathing.
Tim:
What a fucking idiot.
Phill:
Are you okay, Eddy? (No reply.)
Tim:
Slap his face. (Phill slaps Eddy in the face. No response issues forth.)
Phill:
Nothing. We're going to have to try splashing him with water.
Tim:
No. You didn't do it right. (Bends over and wails a slap across Eddy's face.)
Eddy:
Unghhh. (Tim slaps him again, harder still.)
Lori:
My God, Tim. Be careful.
Tim:
Please, Lori, I know what I'm doing. (SLAP!!)
Eddy:
Ow! (Eyes open. Again Tims open hand slaps his face.) Fuck! Ow! Dick head, I'm up!
Tim:
I was just making sure. (Tim backs up a few steps while Phill helps Eddy up.)
Phill:
What the hell did you open the door for?
Eddy:
I was getting the seat belt out of the door.
Tim:
That was a dumb idea, Eddy.
Eddy:
It was your fucking idea, Tim!
Tim:
I was joking.
Eddy:
Don't joke like that when I'm tripping. I ate allot of mushrooms and I'm not thinking straight. Fortunately I'm not feeling any pain either.
Phill:
Well you better eat some more, cause you'll be in allot of pain soon.
Eddy:
Good idea. (Fumbles around in his pocket.)
Lori:
Can we get back in the car now? Its still running.
Eddy:
What's the rush?
Lori: It's low on gas. We got five miles to the next exit, and I was sweating over whether we'd make it or not before you fell out of the car.
Phill:
Why didn't you fill the tank up at the station we were at?
Lori:
I didn't think about it.
Eddy:
We stopped at a (Insert name of a gas station). We should have filled the tank up.
Lori:
That's been established. But I didn't think about it.
Tim:
Well what the hell were you thinking about?
Lori: Peeing, getting a drink, and getting back on the road. (They have reached the car and get into their respected places.)
Tim:
You should have thought about gasoline.
Lori:
I know! Damn it!
Phill:
Make sure you stop at the next exit for gas, then.
Lori:
Fuck! I thought we already discussed this!
Eddy:
We did. (Silence.)
Lori:
Are we all ready? (No reply.) Good. (Puts the car into gear.) And Eddy?
Eddy:
Yes?
Lori: Let's try to stay in the car this time.
Eddy:
Shut up Lori. (They drive away.)
END SCENE