Mediocre Moose Maulings!!

You track him down like a beast and find him at the grocery store, buying cow vocal cords and pig ears in the dog toy section. "Hey, Orpheus, what our you buying? A book on how to be a whore? You don't need it! You already are one!"

Orpheus looks over at you, looking confused and slightly hurt.
"Wha?"
"I heard from reliable sources that you have been cheating on me with that floozy Nate!"
"Wait..huh? Zelda we aren't-"
"Don't give me that jazz, clyde. I know your tom foolery. You broke my heart! Now I'll break your girlish beauty!"
You start clawing at Orpheus' face, digging deeper and deeper in. Then as he gurgles out his last breath, you dip your fingers in his blood, and smear it around your lips and eyelids.
"Am I pretty enough for you NOW DADDY?! I'm pretty! I'm a pretty girl daddy!!"
Then you Buy an Archie's comic book and some gum on your way out.

Don't you hate Mondays?