DMOC

I'm not sure I understand the point of this story? I would suggest that you could try and add some more detail to help out. One last thing, sometimes the choices seem a bit too obvious, and the reader knows it is headed for an ending. Keep writing.

Man, this story is definitely HORRIBLE! You have to describe things!

There's no dialogue.

There's hardly any stories that extend beyond 7 rooms!

You need to put more stuff on the page!

The language is astrochious!

Some choices are pointless.

The plot is incredibly boring.

The endings are really crazy.

The good part? At least someone would laugh at the silly endings. Good job, humorous!

I really couldn't give this story a high rating. You keep saying different tenses (past, present). Also, the thing that really bugs me is the dialogue. You're supposed to make a new paragraph everytime a new person speaks. There are so many people talking in one room, that I find it hard to tell who's doing the talking. Also, there's a possibility of reading over 33 rooms...DON'T make stories THAT long, no one likes that. But otherwise, I guess it's average...

Sorry. I couldnd't give this a high rating. It needs:
Grammar
Spelling
Punctuation
and other stuff like that. The endings are also quick.

This book is pretty good, I would have to say. The one thing that makes this book a little boring to me is the part that the main character is not "You" but "Bradley." I think most people would like that...

I couldn't rate this story high. For one, seven endings come up in 9 pages or less, and one ending comes up in 10. The choices come way to quick, the reader doesn't read much until they have a choice. The good parts? It's humorous and has the potentional to be better.

This book has an excellent start to it! The plot is great. The only thing is that the vampire bite mark endings are getting a bit repetitive...and a lot of rooms are very short. Another thing: this adventure should have you making your own choices, not if Vlad speaks to you or if he runs away...

This adventure isn't particularly the best one, but it's not the worst. I like how well this book is written, and the vampire plot is great. The downside to this, is that so many endings come abruptly. That's not a pretty good idea. If one person only had time to read one story, and picked the "I hope you'll pass next year," he'll be done with the book in 2 pages. It's still pretty good and has some room for improvement. It definitely has the potentional to be a great adventure. I rate it a 7.