Amonite
Ratings & Comments
But, I Can't Sing
by LadyElle22
Nov 3, 2019
The concept of this is interesting but it's incredibly lazy in execution. Even the "winning" ending (at least the best I could find where everything was resolved and I didn't die or get trapped) literally says "meh" in the text. There are hints of a story but every interesting scene is confusingly written - the writing in general is poor.
I do like the interesting trick of looping back to a certain point after certain failed tries, but then it not just being a restart - your prior actions can still affect some future scenes.
I do like the interesting trick of looping back to a certain point after certain failed tries, but then it not just being a restart - your prior actions can still affect some future scenes.
The rough concept of a pizza delivery boy having to balance his pizza delivery quest against the temptations of curiosity, the laws of the land, and the pressure of time is a fun set-up. The execution fails a little as it strays into the absurd without being 'funny' absurd, and one tends to be punished no matter what choices are made.
The setting was well-developed, although it almost seemed too much to take in at once at times, and I could picture the sights/smells. Both of the two main story-lines were interesting in their own way. I wasn't fond of the main character, or really any of the mains except maybe Itaki, but some of the other side characters were interesting. The boat ride where the sailors sing of the Taipei Valley was my favorite scene from the story and was moving. Most of the choice options ended in death so it felt like a short story that split into two. I liked how one of the plot-lines really subverted expectations and took a turn for the supernatural, and the death scenes and ending scenes played off each other nicely.
This could have potential as a funny take on playing a game where the narrative is self-aware that it is a game. There are a lot of loose-ends which makes it very short, though. I do appreciate the attempt at having a lot of varied dialogue.
The concept is mostly cliche' horror - try to escape a house without being murdered. Everything is summarized and uninteresting. It isn't scary or tense or funny, it's just sort of bland. This is more a plot skeleton than a story.
The setting was well-developed, although it almost seemed too much to take in at once at times, and I could picture the sights/smells. Both of the two main story-lines were interesting in their own way. I wasn't fond of the main character, or really any of the mains except maybe Itaki, but some of the other side characters were interesting. The boat ride where the sailors sing of the Taipei Valley was my favorite scene from the story and was moving. Most of the choice options ended in death so it felt like a short story that split into two. I liked how one of the plot-lines really subverted expectations and took a turn for the supernatural, and the death scenes and ending scenes played off each other nicely.
This reads more like a skeletal plot outline than an actual story. Most pages are a single sentence. There is no reason to care about any character, spelling errors (e.g. night instead of knight) make it confusing, the plot is forced by death to be pretty linear. The setting isn't developed, and there is no tension at all.
It could have potential if these summaries were turned into an actual story, as a princess fighting to save her kingdom from trolls with the aid of a mysterious knight is an interesting enough premise. Unfortunately, this current story never goes beyond that premise.
It could have potential if these summaries were turned into an actual story, as a princess fighting to save her kingdom from trolls with the aid of a mysterious knight is an interesting enough premise. Unfortunately, this current story never goes beyond that premise.
It's hard to rate this as a story since it reads like a school project. But it's more detailed than the usual summary of digestion and manages to squeeze in a couple entertaining moments.
This is hilarious, smart, and surprisingly scientific. I love it. I even got to use electrical sensitivity tomography, so what's not to like?
Perhaps this is meant to be a parody of bad games? The basic 'plot' is someone trying to get famous with social media. The problem is that there isn't really any story to it, and the majority of the choices are fake. You click something only to be told two times out of three that it's a bad idea, impossible, no one has time for it, etc. What little writing there is tends to be slang and incomplete sentences. And loose ends crop up quickly, so it's very short.
This is inventive, which I like. It reads a bit like free-form poetry. The execution is a bit shakier. I like the choices that feel like writing the end of a bit of poetry or prose. I'm not a huge fan of the ones which are more 'what happens next' type plotting and sound clunkier.
As the intro warns, it is easy to get stuck in an endless loop. I think this might be more successful if this didn't happen.
It's a bit surreal, which is interesting, but I think it could be better which crisper endings and smoother execution.
As the intro warns, it is easy to get stuck in an endless loop. I think this might be more successful if this didn't happen.
It's a bit surreal, which is interesting, but I think it could be better which crisper endings and smoother execution.
The concept of the story is pretty fun - a teenager obtains a banned device that can transform things. But the science fiction aspect and any potential for interesting hi-jinks is pretty much subverted by the fact the main character doesn't even bother to lock his door before trying it out. The plot is pretty limited and short, accordingly, and is mostly a comedy of errors where things go wrong.
Some of the pages were pretty long considering the story itself only goes on for a few choices. Perhaps separating them out and giving more choices would have allowed more directions for this story to go in.
The oddest part, for me, was how the choices were written themselves. E.g. they were not so much choices the character makes ("you do this") but plot choices ("this happens next".) This took much of the fun out of it since there was no sense of my choices really mattering much and there was usually a spoiler/hint about what would happen if I changed the plot a certain way.
For the most part, it is written well, though some of the juvenile speech is annoying and there is a lot of exposition on the front end about getting the device. (Expanding the plot to obtaining the device might have been fun.)
Some of the pages were pretty long considering the story itself only goes on for a few choices. Perhaps separating them out and giving more choices would have allowed more directions for this story to go in.
The oddest part, for me, was how the choices were written themselves. E.g. they were not so much choices the character makes ("you do this") but plot choices ("this happens next".) This took much of the fun out of it since there was no sense of my choices really mattering much and there was usually a spoiler/hint about what would happen if I changed the plot a certain way.
For the most part, it is written well, though some of the juvenile speech is annoying and there is a lot of exposition on the front end about getting the device. (Expanding the plot to obtaining the device might have been fun.)