Wow, you'll never guess what happened yesterday. I got into this crazy argument with Shirley about horoscopes. Horoscopes, of all things! She and I met for lunch at our favorite little cafe, like we always do the first Tuesday of the month. We were chatting about the usual things: our jobs, our personal lives (inasmuch as we have them), our health. As usual, my pitiful love life became the main topic. I am so sick of being single, and I never pass up an opportunity to moan about this. Normally when I do, my girlfriends just nod and make little murmurs and coos of sympathy, just as I would for them. Shirley started out with the murmur-and-coo routine.... but then, out of the blue, she gave me this really sly look and said, "I wouldn't worry too much about being single if I were you, Paige."

I demanded to know what she meant. Shirley has "pranked" me before and this could potentially be the set-up for an evil scheme. She teased me for a bit, then admitted that today's horoscope said that Capricorns can "expect a positive turn in their intimate circles." And I, she cheekily pointed out, am a Capricorn.

I couldn't believe it. Shirley embraced the New Age movement a few years back and she's done some far-out things since. She went through a tai chi phase, an incense-and-henna phase, a phase where she put these prisms all over her apartment and mooned about positive energy flows. But horoscopes? Come on. Horoscopes are written by the underpaid intern on any given periodical staff. They are utter rubbish, made for suckers, for people who try to convince themselves that there is some Higher Power in their lives, dictating their every move. Irresponsible people, in other words. And that's what I told Shirley.

And she just laughed at me. I mean, it wasn't mean laughter. We're too close for that. But she acted all goofy and profound and said that I just didn't want to admit that some things in this universe fell outside my little bubble. So here's the amusing part. I made a bet with Shirley. I bet that I could take any horoscope prediction and apply it to me, thereby proving that there's nothing beneath the surface of horoscopes. My goal is the complete debunking of this silly, overrated phenomenon. Then we'll see who's giggling!

I feel so silly doing this, but if I don't, she'll never let me live it down. It's going to be a beautiful day. I've gotten up, done my stretching, fed the cat. I'm sitting in the kitchen in my sports bra and yoga pants, having my tea and toast. The paper is spread out on the table before me. I actually had to search to find the horoscope; that's how little attention I pay to it. Nice header, all swoopy comets and stars. Very mystic, if by "mystic" you mean "hackneyed and inane." These predictions are a riot. I guess I should pick one...and see where it takes me. It should be easy to show how any one of these could apply to any person in the right context.