Sigma Epsilon Chi

"So, Bis... What would you have me do?"

"Well, my family lives in the Torlahn Woods, so whenever I visit home I have to shapeshift into an elf. As you know, the fey races aren't very big on humans, especially when they're tramping about in their homelands."

"Right... but what's the problem? The elves are too proud to have premarital sex, and the sprites and nymphs don't actually have a gender."

"Well...yeah," replied Bis, scratching his head, "But you're... well, that's only the humanoid races in the forest. I'm a dragon. I can shapeshift."

"Right, but I still don't... oh. Ohh. Oh, Bis. You seriously can't keep it in your pants for a few weeks?"

"Don't knock it until you've tried it," he snapped, turning a bright shade of red. "It's not... I don't... anyway, any children I have in the Torlahn Woods are animals, which simplifies things greatly."

"I don't follow."

"They're just animals. Even if the bastards haven't been hunted to death by now, they'll be happy enough for the purposes of the spell."

"So then what's the catch? Why hire me?"

"Well... Thirty years ago, I fucked a Treant. The Treant of Torlahn Woods."

"You had sex with the holy guardian of the elven lands? I... didn't think that was possible."

"Neither did I," replied Bis. "I thought they only got preggers with an heir when they were about to die, but apparently they're not limited to asexual fucking. The elves thought it was a great holy sign to have a treant and its child alive at the same time."

"So, if the elves revere him, what's the problem?"

"The old one died, and the new one is on its last roots. It's miserable. It isn't nearly as healthy as it should be in its old age because it's a half-breed. It's in pain. It wants to die, but it's gonna live for at least another five years."

"And because it's a holy animal to the elves, they insist that it must die of natural causes. Circle of life and all that. Geez, Bis, you don't ask for much, do you?"