Hall of Infinite Doors
This scroll is titled in large, bold faced font "A Moment Of Honesty" with a small subtitle in italics "a rant." It then proceeds as follows, in messy quickly jotted down handwriting.
I will admit right off the bat that I am perhaps a bit inebriated right now otherwise I would never be writing this article. If you are one of those individuals who adamantly believes that any words that a person who has consumed a drop of alcohol utters is ludicrous, I suggest that you stop reading now, and I also have pity on you because while it can lower your inhibitions it cannot create thoughts that would have never otherwise existed.
Anyway, if you are still here, read on. First I want to point out I'm not being melodramatic. If you think I am you are taking this too seriously. My point is, that being at large social gatherings brings me closer to contemplating suicide (not seriously contemplating but pondering the idea) to a much larger degree than anything else. Anyway, no one reads this fucking blog anyway, so I might as well ramble. So basically, in large social gatherings, I'm completely at a loss. There seems to be this hidden list of rules that everyone recieved at least a week prior in the mail except for me. Or more likely these rules are innate and I simply do not have them. I feel like an extra terrestrial visitor landing down and observing another species. If I was autistic it would explain this conundrum but I don't even have that excuse to use. I have tried to adapt and mimic the behaviors of others, but there is still some fundamental rule or set of rules I am missing because it never seems to work.
Anyway, the only time this is really an issue is in the pursuit of the opposite gender. I don't know about where you, the reader, are located, but in the small isolated area I am the only way to initiate romatic dialouge is through a dance party of sorts. This is about as out of my element as I can get. There are no conversations that reveal to two individuals their commonalities and lead them to a romantic bond. Instead, you need to somehow randomly dance with someone and happen to hook up and years later run into each other and laugh about the past and get married. This seems fucking stupid to me.
First of all, I don't really get dancing, I try, but, I'm on a different wavelength than everyone else, so my "dancing" seems to clear the floor. Secondly, dancing is a useless skill. I understand if women are attracted to strength, intelligence, or robust sperm. All contribute to fitness and make logical sense. But, for them to be attracted to people able to fight through awkwardness seems to serve little evolutionary purpose. Basically, the only time i don't remember being miserable at one of these parties is when I got drunk enough to not remember the details, such as my emotions about the event. Once I tried to drink until I didn't feel awkward. Having an ounce of vodka per 5 lb's of body weight is never a good I idea, I know from experience, though I don't remember, but yeah, bad idea.
So essentially, I'm suggesting that, at least in my area, an area supposedly renound for its level of intellectual rigor and achievement, people are immature and the status quo social contract makes no sense. I feel so alienated by it that if it wasn't for a constant stream of DVD's, RTS's, and lovely family that i'd hate to dissapoint, I wouldn't see much of a reason to soldier on.
Each night I go to a big party for the past 18 months has done nothing but remind me of this.
Rant ended.
I will admit right off the bat that I am perhaps a bit inebriated right now otherwise I would never be writing this article. If you are one of those individuals who adamantly believes that any words that a person who has consumed a drop of alcohol utters is ludicrous, I suggest that you stop reading now, and I also have pity on you because while it can lower your inhibitions it cannot create thoughts that would have never otherwise existed.
Anyway, if you are still here, read on. First I want to point out I'm not being melodramatic. If you think I am you are taking this too seriously. My point is, that being at large social gatherings brings me closer to contemplating suicide (not seriously contemplating but pondering the idea) to a much larger degree than anything else. Anyway, no one reads this fucking blog anyway, so I might as well ramble. So basically, in large social gatherings, I'm completely at a loss. There seems to be this hidden list of rules that everyone recieved at least a week prior in the mail except for me. Or more likely these rules are innate and I simply do not have them. I feel like an extra terrestrial visitor landing down and observing another species. If I was autistic it would explain this conundrum but I don't even have that excuse to use. I have tried to adapt and mimic the behaviors of others, but there is still some fundamental rule or set of rules I am missing because it never seems to work.
Anyway, the only time this is really an issue is in the pursuit of the opposite gender. I don't know about where you, the reader, are located, but in the small isolated area I am the only way to initiate romatic dialouge is through a dance party of sorts. This is about as out of my element as I can get. There are no conversations that reveal to two individuals their commonalities and lead them to a romantic bond. Instead, you need to somehow randomly dance with someone and happen to hook up and years later run into each other and laugh about the past and get married. This seems fucking stupid to me.
First of all, I don't really get dancing, I try, but, I'm on a different wavelength than everyone else, so my "dancing" seems to clear the floor. Secondly, dancing is a useless skill. I understand if women are attracted to strength, intelligence, or robust sperm. All contribute to fitness and make logical sense. But, for them to be attracted to people able to fight through awkwardness seems to serve little evolutionary purpose. Basically, the only time i don't remember being miserable at one of these parties is when I got drunk enough to not remember the details, such as my emotions about the event. Once I tried to drink until I didn't feel awkward. Having an ounce of vodka per 5 lb's of body weight is never a good I idea, I know from experience, though I don't remember, but yeah, bad idea.
So essentially, I'm suggesting that, at least in my area, an area supposedly renound for its level of intellectual rigor and achievement, people are immature and the status quo social contract makes no sense. I feel so alienated by it that if it wasn't for a constant stream of DVD's, RTS's, and lovely family that i'd hate to dissapoint, I wouldn't see much of a reason to soldier on.
Each night I go to a big party for the past 18 months has done nothing but remind me of this.
Rant ended.