NFL Owner

In a move that angers dozens of people worldwide, you sign Fred Phelps to a long-term contract as the figurehead of your franchise. How 'long', exactly? The contract can only be terminated in the event he's caught making love to Billy Bean.

As it turns out, Phelps is killed soon after by an unruly mob. Great, you just wasted millions on a gay-hating picketer. What now?