A Buff's Tale
You sit in the dark theater, feeling giddy with anticipation. Movie buffs around the world are waiting with baited breath for you to provide your expertise and tell them which movies to see this weekend.
No movie is playing, but the darkness of the theater reminds you of sitting in a theater before the previews start. It's almost showtime. It's time to start your routine. You reach into the virtual archive in your mind and begin pulling movies off the shelves, reciting their names, runtimes, and years from memory.
Oh, God! 1977, 98 minutes.
I.Q. 1994, 100 minutes.
Sleepless In Seattle. 1993, 105 minutes.
Picture Perfect. 1997, 105 minutes.
The Hobbit. 2012, 169 minutes.
Rollergator. 1996, 83 minutes.
Deathrow Gameshow. 1987, 83 minutes.
The lights flash on, nearly blinding you, as the intro theme plays. Showtime.
Tim begins with the intro. "Hi everybody, welcome to On Cinema at the Cinema a r- a web show where I review movies. My guest today is a movie buff. His name is Gregg Turkington"
"Hey guys!" you say, putting all of your love for movies into those two words. "Happy to be back in the seat, reviewing movies and providing exper-"
Tim cuts you off. You never get used to this bullshit. "Today we're going to be reviewing Ghostbusters: Return of Muncher. A ten- tarn- tenacious Muncher returns to Oklahoma after being defeated at the hands of the ghostbusters. This time, he has a plan. But a win- wrinkle occurs when a document ex- e- exonerating Muncher for his past misdeeds is unearthed. So this is a family movie, fun for all ages, including my age. I didn't agree with the message of Muncher being a good man, but I think the movie has a lot of heart and I loved this movie. 5 bags of popcorn and 2 sodas. Gregg?"
"Yeah," you reply, excited to finally share your expert's perspective on this movie. "This movie was great. Muncher, it turns out, was wrongly accused of his past crimes, which reminds me of Con Air from 1997, starring?"
Tim pauses for a long time. Long enough for you to list the entire cast of the movie in your head twice.
"Nic Cage?"
That's the easy answer, but not what you were thinking of. You prod further. "And?"
Tim pauses again. "I don't kno- We don't have time for this. Just give your rating."
"Steve Buscemi! And John Malkovich and John Cusack, two Johns for the price of one. I'm gonna give Ghostbusters: Return of Muncher..."
You pause for effect. You already know the rating, but the audience likes to be tantalized.
What is your rating?
No movie is playing, but the darkness of the theater reminds you of sitting in a theater before the previews start. It's almost showtime. It's time to start your routine. You reach into the virtual archive in your mind and begin pulling movies off the shelves, reciting their names, runtimes, and years from memory.
Oh, God! 1977, 98 minutes.
I.Q. 1994, 100 minutes.
Sleepless In Seattle. 1993, 105 minutes.
Picture Perfect. 1997, 105 minutes.
The Hobbit. 2012, 169 minutes.
Rollergator. 1996, 83 minutes.
Deathrow Gameshow. 1987, 83 minutes.
The lights flash on, nearly blinding you, as the intro theme plays. Showtime.
Tim begins with the intro. "Hi everybody, welcome to On Cinema at the Cinema a r- a web show where I review movies. My guest today is a movie buff. His name is Gregg Turkington"
"Hey guys!" you say, putting all of your love for movies into those two words. "Happy to be back in the seat, reviewing movies and providing exper-"
Tim cuts you off. You never get used to this bullshit. "Today we're going to be reviewing Ghostbusters: Return of Muncher. A ten- tarn- tenacious Muncher returns to Oklahoma after being defeated at the hands of the ghostbusters. This time, he has a plan. But a win- wrinkle occurs when a document ex- e- exonerating Muncher for his past misdeeds is unearthed. So this is a family movie, fun for all ages, including my age. I didn't agree with the message of Muncher being a good man, but I think the movie has a lot of heart and I loved this movie. 5 bags of popcorn and 2 sodas. Gregg?"
"Yeah," you reply, excited to finally share your expert's perspective on this movie. "This movie was great. Muncher, it turns out, was wrongly accused of his past crimes, which reminds me of Con Air from 1997, starring?"
Tim pauses for a long time. Long enough for you to list the entire cast of the movie in your head twice.
"Nic Cage?"
That's the easy answer, but not what you were thinking of. You prod further. "And?"
Tim pauses again. "I don't kno- We don't have time for this. Just give your rating."
"Steve Buscemi! And John Malkovich and John Cusack, two Johns for the price of one. I'm gonna give Ghostbusters: Return of Muncher..."
You pause for effect. You already know the rating, but the audience likes to be tantalized.
What is your rating?